Chapter Thirty-nine
West
I slide my hand across the empty pillowcase, hating that the sheets where she use to lay are cold. I haven’t washed them since she left a week ago. I haven’t done much of anything but drink, work, and inhale her scent on her pillow like a fucking addict, as I rub my dick raw.
I miss every inch of her; I miss them both.
It feels like my heart’s been ripped from my chest and somehow, I’m just expected to go on breathing.
I should call her, but it’s all too fucking raw.
I wish I’d known the last time I kissed her, touched her, made love to her, was the last. I would of held onto those minutes forever.
Instead, I’m willing away every second that she isn’t by my side.
Rolling out of bed, I shower and get dressed, and then I make a coffee in the kitchen that no longer feels like home.
I let Ham out of the barn, feed him breakfast, and kick him the ball a couple times, but I think even he knows I’m just going through the motions.
He tilts his head up and bellows, crying for them, and then he repeatedly butts his big nose against my leg, as if he knows them no longer being here is my fault.
When his sadness is too much for me to bear, I leave him in his little pasture and head to my office in the stables by the main house.
I don’t find the peace and quiet I’m looking for.
That’s the thing about ranch life, it’s never fucking peaceful.
Like right now, when I glance up from my laptop to find Wade standing over me.
I jump about three feet in the air, and it’s good to know I still, in fact, have a heart that beats, because mine is racing now.
“Jesus Christ, how long have you been standing there?”
“About as long as you’ve been a fucking idiot.”
I scowl. “Somethin’ you need, Wade?”
“You know, all I ever wanted from the time I was old enough to realize what it meant, was what our mama and daddy had.” Wade takes a seat in the ratty barn chair opposite my desk. He snatches up a stress ball on top of the invoice tray. “I never understood why you didn’t want that.”
Because it fucking destroys you when it falls apart.
“I don’t understand how you let them slip through your stupid, stubborn fingers, brother.” He tosses the ball in the air and catches it, again and again. “Daisy’s the one, and you let her get away.”
“It ain’t that simple.”
“It ain’t? Because from where I’m sitting, it seems pretty fucking simple. If you love her, go after her.”
“I’ve got a ranch to run.”
“And it’ll still be here when you get back.”
“I can’t move to the city, Wade. Ranching is all I know how to do.”
“Then get a new fucking skill set.” My brother pitches the ball at my face. I dodge, but not fast enough. It still manages to hit my shoulder and bounce onto the floor. Asshole. “I thought you were smarter than this.”
I glare, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me explode. “I can’t leave. Okay? I can’t leave all this in the hands of one of you knowing you might fuck it up. I’m trying to spare you, Lemon, and Wyatt the heartache of losing the ranch.”
“Then appoint Colt as ranch manager. He’s reliable, he loves this land, and he’s got the most to lose if it all goes south.”
“This shit with the Thorntons isn’t done.”
“No, it’s not, but that feud has been going a long time, long before you or I were born. It’ll still be there when you get back or when you die—whichever comes first.”
“And if we lose more cattle?”
“I don’t think they’d be stupid enough to try again now that Rhett’s living in the cabin by the creek.”
“Oh, they’ll try.”
“Then we’ll handle it, what we won’t handle is your grumpy ass moping around here without the loves of your life.
” He’s right. I’ve been like a bear with a sore head since they left, and it’s not just Daisy I miss.
It’s too fucking quiet without my son. I’ve already missed days of cries, coos, and chubby little finger grips in my beard.
I nod and shoot up out of my chair. “I gotta go.”
“Yep,” Wade says, propping his boots up on my desk. “Tell her we said ‘hi’.”
I dart out of the stable and jump in my truck, tearing out of the drive. Thirty minutes later, I pull up to Daisy’s house and leave the vehicle running as I sprint up her porch steps, hoping I’m not too late. I pound on the door. “Daisy! Open up.”
Nothing. I move to the window and cup my hands against it, trying to see in. She’d kill me if she knew I was trampling her flower beds. The lights are off and big white sheets cover the furniture.
“She’s not here, boy.”
I turn and meet Miss Mabel’s disappointed gaze.
“I told you not to break her heart.”
“I know. I’m an idiot.”
“Well, finally something we agree on.”
“When did they leave?”
“Two days ago,” she says flatly, as if she’s been waiting for me to show up this whole time. “You best get on the road, Winchester.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“It’s a long drive to Dallas.”
“You don’t happen to have the name of the school she’s attending, do you?”
“I got an address,” she says proudly, puffing out her chest. “Got both her college and Hadley’s home address so I can forward Daisy’s mail on.”
My brow puckers in embarrassment. “Not sure I’ll be welcome there. I think Hadley might just kill me over this lapse in judgement.”
Miss Mabel scoffs. “If the town don’t do it on your way out. You broke a lotta hearts here letting her leave like that.”
“I’m gonna make it right.”
She gives me a resolute nod. “Then I’ll get the address.”