Chapter Forty-one
West
“When are you heading out?” Colt asks, once my brothers have all left the barn for the night.
I’m taking a little extra time with Blinkin’ Impressive, brushing her down and feeding her more carrots than she has a right to be eating this late.
Her bright palomino coat has already been curried, and she’s probably wondering why the hell I’m taking so long to tuck her in for the night.
The truth is, I don’t want to leave the barn.
I don’t want to leave Miss B. Who knows how long it’ll be before I see her again, and she’s not getting any younger.
“Tomorrow. Assuming I can sleep, that is.”
My brother-in-law takes the bucket of carrots and distributes them around the stable. And, yeah, maybe some horses have to share because I gave my girl too much, but it’s not like they don’t all get spoiled too. “It won’t be the same without you around here.”
I scratch behind her ears and murmur, “It hasn’t been the same since she left.”
Colt scoffs and when I glare at him, he tries hard to hide his smile.
I scowl. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“What?” I say sternly.
“It’s just ... you look different, lighter already.” He grins and shakes his head. “But somehow ... still grumpy as fuck.”
“Yeah, well. I still feel like shit for shirking my responsibilities, but if I don’t do this, I’ll regret it my entire life.”
“You will. I was an idiot. I wasted so many years without your sister trying to be good enough for her. If you let Daisy walk out of your life completely, you’re depriving us of a sister, my baby of a cousin, and you’re depriving Mama and Lemon of another wedding.”
“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” I laugh and shake my head incredulously. “But for now, let’s just keep this between us. If Daisy can’t forgive me, coming back empty handed will break more hearts than just mine.”
“Whatever you say, brother,” Colt claps me on the back and whispers. “I’mma go wash up for dinner. Give you two some alone time.”
I press my forehead to Miss B’s nose. She leans in, nickering softly. “I know, baby girl. I don’t wanna leave you either, but I gotta go get my woman back.”
She chuffs, as if she knows what I’m saying.
Even though horses can’t talk, we still speak the same language, you just have to be quiet enough to hear it.
She stands completely still, her breath syncing to mine, and for a heartbeat we just stay like that, me fighting back tears while she shows me pure trust and love.
I press a kiss to her muzzle and whisper, “You be good for Colt. He’s gonna give you a few extra carrots and an apple or two because he’s a sucker like that.
Milk it for all it’s worth, sweetheart. Daddy will be back .
.. eventually. And you give Wade a nip or two every now and then, just to keep him in line, okay baby? ”
She chuffs impatiently.
“Alright, let’s get you dressed for bed.”
With a final kiss, I place her rug over her and fasten it under the barrel and then I scratch her ears and walk away before I can’t.
I know in my heart following Daisy-Mae is the right thing to do, and after all of these years being saddled to this ranch, believing this was my only future whether I wanted it or not, the idea of leaving rips what’s left of my heart in two.
I hope like hell Daisy is willing to put it back together in Dallas.
***
Dinner at Mama’s was the same as always; too many faces, too much noise, and an endless barrage of my siblings pushing my buttons, but I soak it all in as if I’ll never get the chance again.
I help my brothers with the dishes, hug my sister so tightly as she’s leaving that she complains, and when my siblings have all gone to their homes, I sit in my daddy’s chair beside Mama and watch a hospital soap she’s been following for years.
“You’re doing the right thing, you know?” she says during the commercial break.
I still, my whole body tense as a live wire coiled to snap. “Colt told you.”
She laughs softly. “You told me, you’ve been telling us all for the last week with your moping and your mood.”
“I’m not moody, and I don’t mope.”
“Yes, you do.” She turns to face me with a wistful smile. “You are the spit outta your daddy’s mouth, West. Always have been. It’s why you two butted heads so often.”
I nod and then say with a resigned sigh, “I’m sorry. I know you miss him.”
“It had to have been a lot to put on your shoulders at such a young age. I understand how much you’ve sacrificed for this family, my darling boy.”
“No more than you and Daddy had to face.”
“Yes, but we had each other. And your granddaddy was around long enough to bust William’s balls.”
I laugh, not because my grandaddy was a hard ass who never let up when it came to my father, I’d already heard all of those stories, but it was something to hear my mama use the term, “Balls”.
“You know your sister’s never gonna forgive you for not telling her you’re leaving.”
“I know.”
“So what’s your plan to win back the girl?”
“I don’t know if I have one. Say sorry? Tell her I’m miserable without her.”
“And are you going to stay in Dallas?”
“I gotta go wherever she is, Mama. Wherever they are. After all this time, after resenting this ranch and the part I had to play in taking care of it, I don’t want to leave, but I will for her. I’ll follow her all the way to Paris, France, if I have to.”
“As long as you both bring my grandson back for the holidays, I’ll be happy. So long as you’re happy.”
“When I’m with her, I am.”
“Then you best get your butt home and get some sleep, because you have a long drive ahead of you. And leave me to watch my hottie doctors in peace.”
I laugh and get up, glancing back at Daddy’s chair. “Okay, Mama. I hear you.”
“I love you, West.”
“Love you too, Mama.” I lean down and hug her tightly because I don’t know how long it’ll be before I get the chance to again, and then I head out to my truck and drive across the dirt road leading home. I wind the windows down, and breathe in the scent of the evening dew on the dry meadow.
When I reach my house, I shut off the engine and listen to the shrill cry of cicadas in the long grass and a lonely coyote cry in the quiet night.
This ranch is in my blood, its dirt runs through my veins, and my roots are buried deep within its soil.
I don’t know who I am without them. Now I’m leaving, I think I finally understand it.
I finally realize what my family has fought for all these years and I’m giving that up, but the alternative is losing the one thing that keeps my heart pumping, and what good are roots if the soil is too dry to feed them?
I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Daisy-Mae. “We need to talk.”
She doesn’t answer back. I debate just driving to Dallas right now, but I’m so wound up, I probably wouldn’t even make it halfway across Texas without crashing my truck.