Chapter One – Brock
“Daddy, when will you be home?”
My eyes closed, and I pulled in a slow, deep breath. I was positive the crack in the middle of my chest was the sound of my heart breaking in two. Yet again.
“I’ll be home tomorrow, buddy. I know I’ve been gone a couple of weeks. I had some things I had to do for work.”
“That swucks.”
“Blayze Brock Shaw!” I heard my mother shout.
I forced myself not to laugh and could only imagine the look on my mother’s face as my five-year-old son cursed. The result of being around my older brother, Ty, most likely.
“Blayze, you know better than to say a bad word,” I scolded. “That’s no way a gentleman talks.”
“But Uncle Ty and Uncle Tanner say that word all the time, Daddy. Why can’t I say it? You said so yerself; I’m a big boy.”
Sighing, I pushed my fingers through my damp hair. “You are a big boy; you’re right. But you’re still not allowed to say bad words. Now, you apologize to Grams before she washes your mouth out with soap.”
“Again? I’m outta here, Daddy!” my son exclaimed.
I heard the phone drop and the sounds of his retreating cowboy boots taking him far away from my mother.
“Brock, that boy of yours is going to drive me to drinking.”
“What did he mean, again, Mama?”
“He got himself a mouth full of Ivory soap a few days ago when he told Lacy Monroe to go suck it. Of course, he throws a W in the word suck and has to make it sound all cute.”
This time, I did laugh.
“Brock Shaw, it is not funny.”
“I’m sorry. I really am, Mama. You have to admit though, it’s pretty funny, and I’m sure he’s heard you say it about Lacy a time or two.”
When she replied, I heard the smile in her voice, and I ached to be home. Stella Shaw was the type of woman who would do anything for anyone, but piss her off, and my mama could be a bear.
“Well, I’ve never said it to her face. And, yes, it was a bit funny. Especially when that uptight woman tried calling me out in front of the entire PTA last night about you not being around to raise your own child. I’m pretty sure Blayze meant to tell that woman to suck it.”
Ouch. That hurts.
“Y’all still feuding?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. Hell, I don’t know. The woman talked bad about my son. That type of thing doesn’t go unpunished, friend or no friend. She crossed a line when she insulted you.”
“Mama, that was five years ago. You about done punishing her?”
“Ha! Hardly.”
Rolling my eyes, I cleared my throat. “Well, I guess I’d better get me some sleep. I never seem to have a good draw in Tacoma.”
“Brock?”
My breath stalled in my throat. I hated this part of our daily conversation.
It was when I heard the fear in my mother’s voice even though she tried desperately not to show it.
The uncertainty that me following my dreams as a professional bull rider might not be the wisest thing anymore.
Especially because I was the only parent my son had left.
“I know, Mama.”
“I know you know, but I’m gonna say it anyway. Be careful and do your thing, but remember who is really in charge.”
I nodded even though I knew she couldn’t see me and replied, “Yes, ma’am. May I say good night to Blayze?”
My mother called out my son’s name, and it didn’t take long for him to get back on the line.
“Daddy, I’m gonna rope me a calf tomorrow.”
The drop in my stomach nearly made me sick.
“Blayze, I was gonna show you that when I came home on Monday.”
“Yeah, I know, but Uncle Ty said that he could show me ’cause you’re busy.”
My hand balled into a fist, and I counted to ten. I was going to kick my brother’s ass. Just because he couldn’t be on the circuit with me, he had to make sure I was just as miserable as him. The only problem was, he was using my son to do it.
“I’m not too busy to show you how to rope, buddy. I’ll teach you when I get home. I promise.”
“Okay, Daddy, I’ll wait for you! I wove you and kick that bull’s A-S-S tomorrow!”
Grinning, I answered him, “I will, buddy. I love you, too. Now, don’t give Grams a hard time, you hear me?”
“Yes, sir. I pwomise to be good.”
“That’s my big boy.”
“Bye, Daddy!”
“See ya later, buddy.”
The line went dead, and I stood there, in the middle of my hotel room, staring down at my phone. The emptiness in my heart was hard to ignore. Glancing down to my watch, I counted down the hours until I was going to be able to climb onto the back of a bull and feel something again.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there until I heard the knock on my hotel door. I made my way over and answered it.
Shit.
Dirk Littlewood, my best friend since first grade, stood in front of me, his arm wrapped around a bleach-blonde’s shoulders. “Look who I found.”
My eyes wandered over the blonde. She looked like his type. Fake tits and all. Her mouth was painted with bright red lipstick, and my cock twitched at the sight but only for a second.
Placing my hard stare back on Dirk, I wanted to tell him to take her and have fun with her. That I didn’t want a part of it. He smiled bigger, seeing my internal struggle.
I finally replied, “Who did you find?”
“Brock, this is Kara. Kara, this is Brock Shaw, the current number one bull rider in the world.”
A low growl came from the back of my throat, which caused Dirk to laugh.
Kara licked her lips and let her eyes move down my body. It was then I realized I was standing at the door with nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist.
“Nice to meet you, Brock.”
The way she let my name fall from her lips like a low, slow groan had me pulling in a deep breath and letting it out.
I didn’t hook up with a lot of women when I was out on tour.
I did occasionally though when I needed the release.
Dirk, on the other hand, was with a different woman every night—or so it seemed.
“Same.” It was rude but the best I could do.
Kara’s brows darted up at my short and rather dull reply.
“Kara here is interested in getting to know us better.”
“Is that so?” I asked, taking another look at her.
She nodded.
It was then that Dirk pushed past me, dragging the blonde into my room with him.
“I told her we weren’t into that kind of shit, but before I fucked her, she could have a bit of fun with you.”
A part of me wanted to tell them to leave, but the other part of me wanted her to stay.
It was the dark side that knew, if I threw back a few beers and buried my cock inside this woman’s mouth, I’d be able to forget everything even if only for a bit.
I’d be numb enough to not feel the constant ache of pain and guilt that I carried around in my chest twenty-four hours a day.
Kara pulled her T-shirt over her head, and I got a full view of the tits. Yep, they were fake.
I sighed, deciding I wasn’t in the mood for this. “Not tonight, Dirk.”
He turned and looked at me, one raised brow. “You sure? She’s willing.”
She didn’t hesitate. Dropping down onto her knees, she licked her lips.
In that moment, I hated Dirk. Hated when he did this shit to me. He knew, if I let this woman suck me off, I’d be riddled with guilt afterward. It was his fucked up way of keeping me stuck in the past. Keeping it so that I never forgot what I had taken away from both of us. From him.
I pushed the door to my room open wider. “Have fun with her, Dirk. I’m not interested.”
He smirked and shook his head. “Come on, Kara. Let’s head to my room.”
The woman stood, pulled her shirt back over her head, and smiled as she walked by. “Your loss.”
Somehow, I didn’t believe that.