Wilde In His Arms (Dark Horse Dive Bar #4)

1. Chapter One

Chapter one

A ria groaned at the knock on her door at the unforgivably rude hour of 9:43 a.m. Everyone she’d actually answer the door for knew she didn’t get up before noon. Not when her shifts ended at two a.m. or later most nights. Since she hadn’t gone to sleep until four, she burrowed into her pillow, hoping the asshole at her door left, so she could get some more sleep.

The knock came again, this time more insistent and persistent.

She ignored it again, until she heard a gruff voice shout, “Aria! It’s me.”

Yeah, that voice made her belly quiver with anticipation and her heart leap. It made her conjure one dirty thought after the next of what the man who owned that voice could do to her body. And right now, it made her tighten her thighs as heat bloomed between her legs.

“Ar-i-a!” Another round of pounding on her door. This time with a dose of irritation.

Yeah, well she had reason to be upset, too, even if she still desperately wanted him.

Stupid hormones!

She’d texted him sixteen days ago. Sixteen! And heard nothing back.

All of a sudden he can’t wait to see me.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to go days between a text or call. They lived in different states. Worked long hours. But sixteen days. It was the punctuation mark on their long-distance relationship.

If you could call it that anymore.

This past stretch of no communication was the longest, but certainly not the only time they’d gone without speaking for days or even more than a week.

She threw off the covers and sat up, finger-combing her hair away from her face.

Nick had a demanding job with the FBI. He lived in Montana. He traveled for work.

Well, she had a demanding job, too. She lived in Wyoming. Her family and business were here. And because of that, and the fact that Nick’s brother Mason was married to Aria’s sister, Lyric, it meant that Nick came to town to see her when he had time and wanted to visit his brother, too. In the beginning, he found the time to come often. A few times a month. It gave them time to get to know each other in between having the best sex ever. Because they gave in to their desires so easily. And after those mind-blowing moments, they whispered secrets in the dark. She’d never shared so much of herself, or been so desperate to learn everything about someone else.

She stood and headed for the door.

After a bad breakup with her ex—because the asshole cheated on her—she hadn’t wanted anything serious. The spark that ignited between her and Nick when they met was all she thought she needed. Well, that and the fireworks in the bedroom. She loved losing herself in his arms. He wanted her. He treated her like she was the sexiest woman he’d ever seen. Like he needed her to blot out all the bad he saw on the job with the amazing way she made him feel. He made her feel that way, too. Their stolen moments a day here, two days there, were enough.

Until they weren’t even close to what she thought they could have if they truly committed to each other.

She started catching feelings that very first night they snuck off together. Feelings that grew each and every time he showed up and smiled that smile and looked at her like she was his every dream come true. In the beginning, she wanted to believe it was just sex. A bit of fun. But he blew her mind each and every time.

Multiple orgasms do that to a girl.

But there was something more there in the morning-after that first time, when they stood in her open front door and he turned to say goodbye and instead said, “I don’t want this to be a one-time thing, and I can’t make any promises because I don’t live here and my job is crazy-demanding. I don’t want to go, but I can’t stay.”

She’d fallen for his open heart and blatant honesty. “Then I’ll see you when I see you.” She had delivered that line with a sexy smile, letting him know she’d be there when he came back, happy to take him into her arms for however long it lasted.

But now…months later, her sister married to his brother and pregnant, Jax married and expecting a baby, too, and Melody, her baby sister, about to be the next one down the aisle, and she and Nick were still in the same place they always were—always happy to see each other and fall into bed but never any closer. No promises made. No plans for the future.

What the hell were they doing?

What were they to each other? Lovers, yes. Friends? Sorta. They mostly lived in the moment.

And when she opened the door and stared into his tired eyes and handsome face, she knew this was the last time they’d be together like this. Because damn he looked good. But she couldn’t keep doing this to herself. Because every time he left, he took a piece of her with him. Soon, there’d be nothing left of her.

This time had to be goodbye.

Because she still wanted to be a wife and mother. More than that, she wanted a man who loved her like the air he breathed. And while she felt that kind of connection to Nick, he’d never shared his feelings.

Neither had she. She’d done that once and got burned. But he had to know. Right?

Did Nick know she loved him?

Probably not. They didn’t talk about such things.

She knew he cared about her. He couldn’t fake that in bed. He wasn’t using her. He genuinely enjoyed being with her. And she felt the same about him. But being the person who gave him comfort and connection and orgasms didn’t fulfill her desire to be someone’s everything.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Those words burst out of Nick’s mouth the second she opened the door and took in his rumpled thermal long-sleeve shirt, black jeans, scuffed work boots, and the shiny badge at his waist. He wasn’t wearing his gun, but she bet he had it locked up in his car.

And if he was wearing the badge, she bet he was here for work, not necessarily just to see her. Which made this a happy (mostly) coincidence, or something.

She wasn’t really fully awake or thinking clearly with her hormones on a rampage, begging for her to drag him to her bed.

And, oh yeah, why would his being here make her mad?

“Um…good morning.” She scratched her head and wondered if her long, dark hair was as messy as it felt.

Nick stepped close, cupped her cheek in one hand, and kissed her softly. “Morning. You look good enough to eat and I’m so hungry.” Nick looked her up and down, then backed her into her living space above the bar, kicking the door shut, his eyes devouring her from head to toe in her simple black tank top and purple lace-trimmed panties.

He bent his knees, wrapped his arms around her back, lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he kissed her like he would never stop. He walked them to her bed on the other side of the apartment, kneeled on the edge of the bed, then fell forward with her. They hit the mattress with a bounce, Nick making sure he didn’t crush her by taking most of his weight on his forearms as his impressive erection pressed against her soft center. “Fuck. You feel good.” He rubbed his long length against her soft folds, making them both groan with pleasure.

In between kisses she asked, “What are you doing here?”

He kissed her again, his tongue thrusting in her mouth in time to the way he rocked his cock against her. “Last night,” he said between deep, penetrating kisses. Then he lifted his head and looked down at her. “Your sister was kidnapped.”

“What!” Aria gasped, her eyes going wide, as she attempted to jump up and go find her sister, even though she didn’t even know which one.

Nick held her down beneath him. “Melody is fine. I swear it. She’s in the hospital. Just for observation,” he added quickly, kissing her forehead, her cheek. “She’s asleep right now. You can see her in a couple of hours.”

He paused, searching her eyes. “Until then, be here with me?” He kissed her again. “Please.” That really did sound like he was begging. “I need you so much.” He kissed her again, his tongue sliding against hers. “Then I’ll tell you everything.” He dove back in for another kiss as Aria tried to wrap her head around everything he’d just said through the haze of lust and need he made her feel as he trailed kisses down her neck and chest to her breasts, where he sucked her tight nipple into his mouth over her tank.

“Nick. Please.” She wasn’t sure what she was begging for at the moment. More information about her sister, or more of his mouth. Both.

He looked up at her from between her legs. “You and me now. Talk later. I swear she’s safe and okay.”

She gave in the second he tore her panties down her legs, then dove into her pussy with his tongue like a man on a mission. And the only thing he seemed to want was her writhing on the bed. She could get behind that, knowing he’d never lie about her sister’s condition. She sank her fingers into his golden hair, holding him to her as he licked and sucked her clit exactly the way she liked it.

He slid one finger, then two into her wet channel, stroking her as he circled her clit with his tongue, once, twice, and then setting off the orgasm he’d so masterfully built inside her.

And he wasn’t done. He shucked off all his clothes, tossing them to the floor, and she recovered enough to enjoy the show as he revealed every chiseled muscle in his shoulders, arms, chest, and abs. That V leading to his groin always made her mouth water. And his thick, hard cock made her pussy clench, like it couldn’t wait to be wrapped around him.

She didn’t want to give that up.

She didn’t want to give him up.

But he’d made it clear his job came first. He was here now, but she knew he’d be leaving again. So she’d hold on to him and this moment as long as she could.

He pulled her tank over her head, then planted his hands on either side of her shoulders and looked down at her, his eyes filled with appreciation and desire. “God, I’ve missed you.” He gently ran his fingertips down her sternum and between her breasts as he watched his fingertips glide over her skin. “I think about you all the time. You’re a distraction and my every fantasy.”

She gaped at him. “You think about me?”

His head snapped up and his hazel eyes met hers. “Yes. Always.”

Yet he hadn’t texted or called in sixteen days.

He quirked up an eyebrow. “Don’t you think about me?”

She met his gaze and gave him the truth. “I try not to. It makes me sad you’re not here.” Still, she thought about him all the time, which made her sad all the time because he wasn’t here. But she didn’t tell him that.

“Let’s make the most of our time together right now.”

That’s all they’d done for months.

His lips closed over her breast. He licked and sucked her tight nipple, making her moan and arch up, offering his greedy mouth everything he wanted. His hands clamped around her thighs and pushed them wide. “You taste so good.” He planted one hand next to her head as he leaned over her. “But right now I need to be inside you.” He notched the head of his cock at her wet entrance, kissed her softly, and thrust into her to the hilt. “Fuck, you feel so good. Like you were made just for me.”

She felt like he’d been made for her, too. But even his words didn’t make her feel like he'd claimed her, because she already knew he wasn’t staying. All they had was right now.

So she took full advantage, locking her legs around his waist, holding him close with her hands on his back, her nails digging in.

She soaked up every brush of his skin against hers, every breath they shared as they kissed, every stroke of his cock gliding in and out of her tight channel, every sigh and moan, every sultry, needy look they shared. And when the climax hit them both, and for a single moment time stopped as their bodies hit that perfect peak, she knew that nothing would ever be as good, or enough without him.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t deserve more than just these perfect moments they shared.

She loved them.

She loved him .

But she couldn’t keep him.

And she couldn’t keep hurting herself and denying what she really wanted.

Nick nuzzled her neck and kissed her softly behind her ear. “I’ve missed you.”

She still had her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms over his shoulders. She hugged him hard. “I miss you, too.” Every second of the day.

Nick rolled to his side and pulled her with him, so she ended up resting her head on his shoulder as he held her close to his side with one strong arm.

No condom cleanup needed. They’d talked about her having an IUD and them both being tested. Her after she found out her ex had cheated on her. Him at his last physical. They had total trust and faith in each other that they weren’t seeing anyone else while they were seeing each other. Though sometimes she wondered if he did see other people when the silences between them grew so long. But knowing her history, he wouldn’t do that to her. He’d promised after the first night they were together. He told her he saw too many people doing bad things in his job and he’d never hurt her like that when all he had to say was it was over to spare her that betrayal.

“Tell me,” she prompted, demanding the details he’d put on pause.

He held her tighter. “Fox called Mason last night to tell him that someone kidnapped Melody. Most likely for a big ransom. Mason got the police involved and called me for backup, in case we were dealing with someone dangerous.”

Which she translated to someone willing to kill Melody if they didn’t get their money.

Fox owned his own software company and had opened two adult learning centers for people aging out of the foster care system who needed to learn a skill fast so they could get a decent job and support themselves. She knew he had money. But enough to make someone kidnap Melody for a ransom?

“Who kidnapped her?”

“You probably know Brian and Josh from the bar. Fox’s mom used them, and a woman who worked with Fox—Amy, a chef teaching at the center—to kidnap Melody.”

“Oh God.” This had all happened a couple of hours ago.

She leaned up on her elbow and stared down at him, one hundred percent believing her little sister would try to kick some ass if someone got out of line with her.

Nick brushed the hair away from her face and behind her ear. “Don’t worry. We got to her in time. And Fox clocked Josh for touching Melody.” He brushed his fingers through her hair again. “Melody was checked out by a doctor. Mason went home to be with Lyric and fill her in. I came here to see you before I head back to work. I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“And you didn’t want me to find out you were here helping Mason and didn’t come to see me.”

Nick rolled to his side and looked her in the eyes. “I couldn’t wait to see you.” His smile always warmed her heart. Like Mason, he didn’t smile enough.

“How long can you stay?” The hope in her heart died a quick death when Nick checked his watch and frowned.

“My helicopter ride will be at the airport in an hour.” Which meant he needed to leave soon because it was a forty-minute drive.

She fell back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. “I guess you better get going then.”

Nick leaned over her. “Don’t be like that.” He nuzzled his nose against her cheek, trying to coax her back to happy so that when he left everything between them was good.

But it wasn’t.

“Don’t be like what, Nick? Disappointed? Sad? That’s how I feel. You came running when Mason called. And I appreciate it because it was for my sister. I’m sure last night was scary as hell for her and everyone else trying to find her. But for me, you show up acting like you can’t stand not to have me in your arms the second I open the door after you haven’t called or texted in more than two weeks . You’re not even trying anymore to pretend this isn’t just sex. When you’re back home in Montana, I’m out of sight, out of mind.”

Nick stared down at her, his eyes filled with anger and what she hoped was regret to go with the heaping dose of frustration coming off him. “Is that what you think of me? That I’d treat my brother’s wife’s sister like some…booty call. Seriously?”

Brother’s wife’s sister? Not girlfriend. That said a lot.

“Why haven’t you contacted me at all for the past two weeks? What the hell am I supposed to think when I get nothing but silence from you? When our whole…whatever this is we’re doing, revolves around you . Your schedule. Your job. Your availability to see me.”

Nick turned it right back on her. “Why haven’t you contacted me to say you missed me? That you wanted me to come? That you were willing to drive up to see me?”

“Now we’re playing games with each other?” She rolled out of bed, found her tank on the floor, and pulled it on.

Nick sat on the edge of the bed and stared over it at her. “I’m not playing games. I’m asking you why you stewed on this instead of simply calling me.”

She pulled on her panties, crossed her arms under her breasts, and stared at the floor. “Because your silence spoke volumes. And I want more. I deserve more.”

Nick dragged on his boxer briefs, then his jeans, and let out a frustrated breath. “You’re right. You do. I was busy on a new case. One that is taking up a lot of my time. And that’s no excuse.” He put on his socks and shoes. “I just…every time I wanted to reach out, it was late at night and I knew you were working at the bar. I kept telling myself, I’ll call her tomorrow at lunch when she wakes up, but then…”

“You got busy and time got away from us.”

“Yes.”

She pulled on a pair of leggings. “I get that your job is important. Lives are on the line. And yeah, I’m just a bartender.”

He stopped in the middle of putting on his shirt, his arms in both the sleeves in front of him, and turned to pin her in his gaze. “You’re more than that,” he growled.

“Fine. But the thing is, Nick, I have no idea what we are to each other. Whatever this is that we’re doing, isn’t enough. My sisters and brother have found their someone, who will never let them go. I want that, too. But all I am is lonely.”

He pulled on his shirt and adjusted his belt and badge. “I know this isn’t easy. But we have something good here.”

“We have amazing chemistry. What we’ve shared has been more than I’ve ever had with anyone.”

He held his arms out to his sides. “I feel the same way.”

“But I want more.”

His arms dropped.

She poured out everything she’d held inside too long. “I want everything. Marriage, the house, the kids, a dog, and the love of my life by my side. But you’re so dedicated to your job, you think that’s a life. And if you’re happy with that, that’s fine. But for me…I want more.” I want it with you. She couldn’t seem to bring herself to give him that last desperate piece of herself.

Nick’s phone buzzed with a text. He checked it quickly and sighed. “That’s the pilot. He’s running early.”

Meaning they were out of time. He had places to go, people to arrest, others to save. “How is your cousin, Hawk?”

“He’s…the same. He spends too much time alone.” Nick frowned at her. “So do I. That’s why you and I…” He shook his head. “If I don’t leave now, I’m going to be late. And I—”

“Have a meeting,” she finished for him, because he always had a meeting to get to.

Her heart ached. She really wanted to know what all the missing words were in those half sentences. But she knew the drill. “You should try to get some sleep, too. You look tired.”

“Aria.” God, the way he said her name. With regret and longing and something more. A plea.

She wanted to give him everything.

But how could she when he was always walking out the door.

He took two steps toward her. So close, but not touching. “I wasn’t expecting this when I came to see you.” His gaze dropped to the tangled sheets on the bed.

“Yeah. I know. But it’s been coming for a while.” She looked up at him, wanting so desperately to wrap her arms around him and hold him here with her. “As much as I love our time together, I can’t do this anymore.” Her throat closed as she held back a sob. She wasn’t going to fall to pieces. Not now. Not in front of him.

His shoulders slumped. “Don’t say that. Not when I’ve got zero time and I’m walking out the door.”

“That’s an answer in and of itself. You’ve got a helicopter waiting for you, a meeting to get to, bad guys to arrest, people to save. I understand. I really do. But I just can’t keep having sex with you, no matter how good it is, and holding myself back from finding what I really want.”

He took her hand and squeezed it. “We have more than great sex.”

“Do we? Because from where I’m standing, and from how you showed up today and we ended up in bed and now you’re walking out the door, I can’t see that we have anything else.” Tears welled in her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but this broke her heart.

He winced when he saw her tears. “Can we please just hit pause and talk about this when I come back?”

Not exactly a set date or time coming out of his mouth.

“I don’t see what’s going to change, Nick.”

He cupped her face, brushing away a tear with his thumb. “I care about you. You have to believe that.”

“I do. That’s not the issue.”

His phone beeped again. “Fuck. I don’t have time for this.” He released her and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“Exactly.”

His gaze snapped to hers. “That’s not what I meant. I want to stay and fix this.”

“I know. But we can’t deny the truth. And I’m not picking a fight with you. I’m not asking you for anything. I’m simply telling you, I can’t do this anymore. It breaks my heart to watch you walk out the door again and again and nothing changes. I wish I could say I’ll pack up my life here and move to be closer to you, but I can’t do that. Melody is leaving with Fox. Lyric and Layla are pregnant. It’s going to be up to me to keep the bar open.”

Nick put his hand over the back of his neck. “I know.” He checked his watch again. “I don’t want to leave like this.”

“It’s the same way we always say goodbye. I’ll see you around, Nick. It just won’t be like this anymore.”

Nick hooked his hand at the back of her neck, leaned in, and pressed his forehead to hers. “We’re not over. I can’t accept that.”

She didn’t say anything.

Nick gave her a quick kiss and walked toward the door.

She followed him all the way and stood in the doorway as he made his way down the stairs and to his car, opened the door, then turned back to her and just stared at her leaning against the frame, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“We’re not over,” he declared again, then got in his car and drove off, leaving her alone and brokenhearted.

“Yes, we are,” she told the wind, because he was long gone.