Chapter 27
twenty-seven
. . .
Rachel
My throat was so tight I couldn't get words out. I took a deep breath. "Don't you see, Ronan? It's impossible. This is me. This is my other job. And I need it to survive." I looked pointedly at his taped hand. "We're both in dire straits when it comes to just basic survival."
He walked toward me, and it took all my willpower not to jump into his arms and beg him to carry me straight out of the bar. "I'll figure a way. I'll work three jobs if I have to. I can take care of you and Jack."
"And my mom. I come with an entourage." My eyes were still bleary He reached up and wiped a stray tear with his thumb.
I closed my eyes and held my breath as his finger dragged along my cheek.
What the hell was it about the man that he could cause such a profound physical reaction with just the edge of his thumb? I looked down. "Your hand?"
"Just a broken finger. I'll be back on the job in three weeks. I'll find another job to do at night, in a warehouse or something. Then you can quit this one."
Ronan's words made me bristle. He sensed he'd said the wrong thing, but I spoke before he could defend himself. "This job earns me triple what I make at the diner. I'm not giving it up until some major shift happens in my life. Besides, I like to dance."
He raked his fingers through his thick hair.
I could feel heat and tension coming off him in waves.
"I can't stand the idea of other men seeing you naked.
I know I have no right to an opinion on it, but I can tell you that opinion is strong.
" I sucked in a startled breath as he reached for my hand and brought his face closer.
"Ray, I don't want to lose you." He held his breath, waiting to see if I would pull away.
Instead, I moved closer. I sucked in another breath and held it with anticipation as he lowered his mouth to mine.
The door opened, in measured slowness at first, until Evan spotted us. Then it flew open the rest of the way, smacking into a rack of costumes hanging behind the door. Evan's jaw was set hard. His gaze went straight to me. Could this night get any worse?
"Rachel, everything all right?" I didn't like the proprietorial way he spoke to me as if he already owned me. His expression hardened as he looked at Ronan. "Let go of her hand."
"Uh yeah, just as soon as you take your polished loafers out of here." The heated tension swirling around Ronan earlier had intensified. I had no doubt that Ronan could leave a man like Evan whimpering in a pile of flesh and bones.
"It's all right, Evan," I said urgently.
"I'm not leaving until he goes," Evan said.
A dry laugh shot from Ronan's mouth. "Is that right?"
Evan stretched up, trying to look bigger.
I yanked free of Ronan's hand. "Both of you, get the fuck out. Take your rooster strutting somewhere else."
A big shadow fell over the room. Oscar's face was round like the moon and his fists were big as boulders. "Who do I throw out first?"
Evan looked askance at Oscar as if asking "how dare you talk to me that way?"
Oscar's predatory gaze fell on Ronan. "I think because you're closest to Rachel, I'll start with you." He lumbered toward us.
Ronan held up his injured hand. "You think you're tough enough, Bigfoot? Never mind." He looked at me, and the hurt I'd seen earlier had been replaced with something cold and unfamiliar. My tears had dried, but inside, I trembled with despair. I knew this was the end for us.
"I wouldn't make you rich, baby, but I sure as hell would have turned this whole fucking world upside down to make you happy."
He walked up to Oscar. "You seem like a good guy, and since you protect Rachel in this dive, I've got no beef with you. Take care of her."
His words, all of them, struck me like shards of glass.
I ached with the notion of never seeing him again, but I knew it was for the best. I was tiring of the constant struggle.
I'd tried to be independent and strong, but life kept throwing things at me to break that resolve.
I looked at Evan. He looked flustered and upset about the whole incident, but I didn't have any energy to put toward easing his discomfort.
If this had ended his affection for me, then I'd just move on.
If not, then I was seriously considering the stability he offered.
And seeing Ronan had assured me that making decisions with my heart only led to pain.
Oscar gave Evan a fatherly scowl.
"I just need two minutes with her," Evan said.
Oscar looked at me for approval. I nodded. The bouncer held up two fingers as he walked out to remind Evan about the two-minute rule. Something told me Evan didn't get told two minutes often because he rolled his eyes … after Oscar passed by.
"Who was that?" Evan asked.
"That was Oscar, the bouncer," I answered.
"Rachel, you know who I mean. Was that the guy you were dating? Looks like a loser. You shouldn't have anything to do with him."
I'd been ready to tell him that I was leaning toward our agreement, but his sudden bossy attitude made me reconsider. At least for now.
"He's not a loser. I've got to get out on the floor, Evan. Can you please leave so I can change?"
He stayed in the room. "You're mad."
I sat down at the vanity with a plunk. "I'm tired and I'm working and—" My voice broke, and it occurred to me that I was far more upset about the whole scene with Ronan than the follow-up rooster scuffle with Evan.
Evan took my shaky tone as an invite to offer comfort.
He put his hand on my shoulder. No reaction.
Not like the major earthquake that shook me when Ronan merely dragged his thumb through a tear on my cheek.
Maybe that was all right. It would be so much easier to keep my head about me if the relationship didn't include a major dose of passion.
I could avoid heartbreak, something I was experiencing in waves as the harsh reality that I'd never see Ronan again sank in.
"You're upset. Why don't you take the rest of the night off? I could take you out for some drinks."
His hand came off my shoulder naturally as I spun around to face him. "I have to work, Evan. I need every penny I'm earning these days. Please, let me get ready, so I can get back to work."
Evan brushed my face with his finger. This time it was an apples-to-apples comparison, and I felt nothing. "I'll help you get your feet under you and then you can leave this place for good."
I peered up at him. "What if I decide to stay here even if I agree to the house and our companionship?" I had no other word for it, but it made him flinch. I wasn't sure if it was the main question about staying at the club or the coldness of the word companionship, but he looked hurt.
"There'd be no reason for you to give up your nights with Jack or me when I'm at the house. I told you I'll take care of you."
Again, it all sounded pretty damn perfect except the part where I had to ignore my heart. But then the last few minutes with Ronan had assured me my heart was not to be trusted with decision making.
I produced a smile even if I wasn't feeling it on the inside. "I know Oscar is timing that two minutes. And I really do have to get out on the floor."
Evan nodded. He walked to the door and stopped. "Tell me I'm not a fool for still holding out hope that you'll say yes."
I gazed at him in the mirror. "You're not a fool. Just need a little more time."
He walked out, and I released a sigh that I was certain was the sound of my heart releasing all the air out of it at once.