29. Nora
Nora
When Jimmy’s inane questions and innuendos about my relationship with Theo get too much, I not-so-politely excuse myself and try Elle from my room.
I have no idea what she was up to this weekend, but she and Josh are like a couple of octogenarians when they’re not shooting, so I figure I’m in with a shot.
Sure enough, she answers on the first ring.
‘Whatcha doing?’ I ask.
‘Eating gluten-free tacos that Josh made. Watching This Is Us. I can’t believe it’s the final season.’
‘I know. It’s unthinkable. Hey, any chance Josh knows Justin or Milo?’
‘I can ask him. Does that mean you’re still holding out on my dear cousin? How’s it going out there, anyway?’
Dammit. Now I have to confess the actual reason for my call. ‘Um. About that.’
A sharp intake of breath. ‘You shagged him, didn’t you?’
I sigh. ‘There may have been... penetration, yeah.’
She screams. ‘Oh my God! Oh my God! This is so exciting, Nor! Josh, pause it.’ There’s a scuffling sound. ‘I’m leaving the room so you can tell me everything.’
‘You really don’t want all the details, believe me.’
‘Try me. How many times? When? Where?’
I pinch the bridge of my nose and mentally run through how to give my dear friend enough details to make her happy without betraying Theo’s confidence too much. He may be Mr Casual Sex, but I doubt he wants his cousin knowing everything.
‘Did he pressure you into it?’ she asks before I can go into the specifics. ‘He’s like a dog with a bone, that guy.’
‘No, he didn’t. We had a very heated kiss in the pool yesterday evening, but he didn’t try anything last night.
I had to share a bed with him, though, and I barely slept a wink.
I just really, really fancy him, Elle. So this morning when he came back from his run, I jumped on him, and he dragged me into the shower.
And the rest is history. We haven’t really stopped since. ’
Elle sucks in a breath. ‘This is beyond exciting. Please tell me it was good. Because he definitely acts as though he’s God’s gift to women, so it would be disappointing if he didn’t know what to do with his body parts.’
I take a sip of my champagne. ‘I can confirm that every ounce of your dear cousin’s loathsome self confidence is totally justified.
The guy is ridiculous. Every body part is a master of its craft.
It’s like he’s been to Sex School or something.
Cunnilingus College. Dick doctorate. I have had four orgasms today, Ellery Hart.
Four. Four orgasms is like, a decent month, usually.
Or a really good fortnight. Not a good twelve hours, for fuck’s sake. Oh, and one of them was in the sea.’
‘You had sex in the sea?’ She’s so loud I’m convinced Josh will hear her.
‘Shush. No, but we fooled around, and oh my God, it was hot as hell.’
‘I am gobsmacked. I really am. I don’t know this girl who has orgasms in the sea with a dark and dodgy man. But I really, really like her.’
‘Hey. You told me you and Josh got hot and heavy in the sea on your first date.’
‘We just dry humped. Or wet humped, I suppose. I saved the main event for, like, another few hours. Until he’d bought me dinner.’
I laugh so hard a bit of my champagne sloshes over the rim of the glass. I put the glass down.
‘Nor?’ Elle asks when our laughter has subsided.
‘Are you okay, though? This is a big deal for you. I hope Theo appreciates how big, because I do. I know you don’t randomly have sex with people.
Are you… I don’t want to sound patronising, but are you managing to enjoy it without spiralling?
Or is this giving you second thoughts about everything?
About’—I hear the pause in her voice before she addresses the elephant in the room—‘getting back with Jonathan?’
I smooth my palm down my dress, because this is the singular issue that’s so massive it feels existential. If I allowed myself to think about it, that is. If my brain wasn’t too orgasm-addled to allow myself some perspective.
Because sex with Theo is the best I’ve ever had.
It’s like I’m existing on a different level of consciousness today from what I knew was possible yesterday.
I get it now. What people mean when they talk about game-changing sex.
Life-changing sex.
The kind of sex that makes them prioritise it over everything else. Do crazy shit to get their next fix.
But that’s not me.
At least, it wasn’t me yesterday.
‘Look.’ I stall. Try again. ‘Ugh. I can’t even think straight, okay? I’m—I’m in some kind of orgasm haze. I’m not sure which way is up.’
‘I know, sweetie.’
‘And it’s just happened. It’s all pretty intense.’
‘Is Theo looking after you?’
‘Yeah. He’s been amazing, actually. I mean, clearly the guy’s insatiable. But he’s also been seriously sweet. Affectionate. He won’t let me go.’
‘And… you like that?’
‘I really like it. It’s lovely. But obviously it’s all fake.’
Elle snorts.
‘I don’t mean the chemistry. Clearly that’s real.
But the affection in front of everyone? That’s fake.
We’re playing a part here. And even if it wasn’t all fake, it’s definitely temporary.
He’s with Miles right now, and I’m hoping they’re talking about the opportunity in Manhattan.
Theo’s so fired up about it. He’s been working really hard on it.
‘So however good the sex is, I need to remember it’s just a bubble.
A reprieve. Your cousin is a gorgeous, irresistible distraction.
But he’s got his own plans, and I have mine.
And that includes a happy future with a guy who’s stable and lovely and wants the same things in life as me, and that’s not Theo. That’s Jonathan.’
‘Hmm.’
I sigh. ‘Say it.’
‘It’s okay if it’s neither of them, hon.
Maybe Theo’s been sent to you for a reason.
Maybe he’s the right guy at the right time to help you get over Jonathan and move on, and to show you how much fun is possible when you let yourself go for it.
You don’t need to feel bad about any of that.
You owe Jonathan Holmes sweet fuck all.’
My mind drifts back to this morning. Sitting on the bench in that shower. Shamelessly opening my legs for a guy I hadn’t slept with yet. Trusting him. Going for it. And bloody hell did that trust pay dividends.
Elle’s correct in that Theo’s like some kind of delicious candy that’s been dropped from heaven.
I can’t resist him.
I can’t get enough of him.
I allow myself to acknowledge a thought in my head. A thought I’m so ashamed of that I’ve been pushing it down to the back of my mind since this morning.
The sex I’ve had with Theo so far is better than the best sex I ever had with Jonathan.
There. I’ve said it. Made it real. And it’s true. Because no matter how gorgeous, and intimate, and rewarding, and important sex with Jonathan was, it wasn’t red hot.
And this really was.
It was searing.
The confidence with which he touched me. Like I belonged to him. Like he knew exactly what I needed.
The way he spoke to me.
Every single thing I do, I’ll be doing it for you.
I just want to fucking devour you.
Good girl.
Oh, Jesus. All that—all that set up—was as hot as what he actually did with his body parts. I felt like I was in a porno. And letting Theo take me along for the ride catapulted me into a state of desire the like of which I’d never, ever known.
But this little dalliance will burn itself out, no matter how brightly it’s flaring right now in its infancy. Theo will get bored with proving his point. Of making his mark. And he’ll move on.
And besides. This isn’t about my spending a few blissful days having orgasms left, right, and centre.
It’s about the rest of my life, and it all boils down to one simple truth.
Theo can’t give me what I want. He’s not interested in that. It’s not who he is.
And Jonathan can. He’s everything I’ve always wanted.
‘I know what I want,’ I tell Elle. ‘I just—I’m trying to play it cool here, but my head is spinning.
Why can’t I be that fabulous, liberated girl who has incredibly hot, casual sex with a guy she’s physically compatible with, without obsessing and spiralling?
Honestly, I’m so sick of overthinking everything. I am not going to be that person.
‘I know exactly what I’ve got into with Theo. No one can accuse your cousin of not being up front. We’re two unattached adults having fun, and it’s all the more fun because it’s a temporary hookup. I’m just… broadening my horizons. Okay?’
There’s a weighted pause before Elle responds. ‘Of course, hon. That’s the spirit. Go for it, and have fun. As long as both of you are on the same page, there’s nothing to worry about.’
I nod, even though she can’t see me. ‘Exactly.’