Chapter 5
FIVE
ETHAN
It’s been ten minutes since Oliver left to take a shower and my heartbeat hasn’t slowed down, yet.
I could blame it on the last few exhausting days at work but deep down I know that’s not the reason.
I feel on edge, my skin buzzing with electricity as if in preparation for… something.
The moment I saw Oliver this morning is seared into my mind—swallowed up in my clothes, messy dark curls, bright green eyes, cheeks flushed from sleep.
Watching him eat the food I’d made for him and fill his belly made something deep in my chest growl in approval.
And the way he fucking chuckled.
It made me lose all train of thought. Because the sound was hoarse, rusty, as if it’d been so long since he’d laughed that he’d forgotten how to do it.
Jesus, I thought I’d have a heart attack when I saw him spring out of his chair like that, completely sure that he was going to run outside in bare fucking feet.
I don’t think he’s even noticed that there’s already a thin film of snow covering everything outside.
I exhale harshly, letting myself sink into the couch, my eyes briefly closing.
I wish I knew what has him so afraid.
Maybe if he told me I could—
Molten heat runs through my veins as I breathe in the sweetest fucking scent, like flowers blooming in winter mixed with thick, delicious honey.
It’s so sudden the intensity would have made me double over if I wasn’t already sitting down.
It makes my body burn, my cock filling to painful hardness almost immediately in my sweats.
Every muscle tightens, priming to chase, to hunt, to find that scent and take more of it into me until I’m drenched in it, until I drown in it. Until there’s nothing else.
“Ethan?” comes a soft voice from far away and yet, so close.
My eyes snap open and I’m on my feet and across the room in the blink of an eye, managing only barely to halt a few feet away from him.
Oliver. Sweet, freshly showered Oliver who looks mouthwatering with his wet hair, pink lips and long-sleeved T-shirt that hangs off his shoulder baring his skin to my helpless eyes.
Oliver, an omega who’s days, if not hours, away from his heat.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Is this the reason for the pull I’ve been feeling since yesterday? The edginess, the worry, the need to make sure he’s okay?
No, that’s not the only reason, the thought echoes inside me as I look at him standing in front of me.
He’s watching me with big, vulnerable eyes I could fall into and gladly never re-emerge and it takes every smidge of self-control I possess to take several steps backwards, putting as much distance between us as possible.
The hurt that flashes in his gaze is enough to gut me, but I can’t get close to him.
Not when he smells like everything I would ever need to survive.
“I’m sorry, Ethan,” his voice cracks on my name and my nails dig into my palms to the point of pain to hold back from reaching for him, to keep my feet planted where they are.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Oliver. Nothing,” I tell him in a voice that brooks no argument.
His insistence on leaving earlier makes perfect sense now. He didn’t want to be stuck here with me because he knew his heat was coming. But there is no reason for him to feel sorry. This is something that is beyond his control, he shouldn’t have to apologize.
He wraps his arms around himself, just like last night, as if he’s trying to keep himself together, and I have the suspicion that this is not the first time he’s had to do it.
Which makes it so much harder for me to keep my distance and not offer any comfort I can.
His bottom lip trembles when he tries to talk.
“You should have left me in that ravine.”
It’s those awful words, delivered in that small, heart-breaking voice that make something snap in me, that make the edginess quieten and settle, that make my feet move until we’re once again standing in front of each other.
“Never say that again,” I tell him as I peer into his wide, beautiful eyes. “I would do the same thing over and over again.”
I watch as he swallows and finally nods, the ghost of a smile on his lips.
I smile back at him reassuringly. “Everything is going to be okay. We just have to think about what we’re going to do.”
I pause, trying to make my muddled-as-fuck brain work. Jesus, why is it so hard to think?
Probably because all I want to do is nuzzle that spot on his nape where I know his scent will be even stronger and sweeter.
Damn it, Ethan. Fucking focus.
“Is this your first heat?” I manage to ask, every breath I draw making my pulse skyrocket.
Oliver nods, eyes misting under his long dark eyelashes.
Fuck, I hate seeing the uncertainty and fear in his gaze.
“It’s okay, it will all be okay.” At this point I’m just repeating it so that I can believe it myself.
“It just means that it will be a bit more intense.” A lot more intense, but I don’t want to scare him even more.
“Alright, I could probably lock myself outside the cabin so that you won’t be threatened by me.
But riding it out by yourself will hurt like a bitch without the appropriate supplies that I definitely don’t have here.
Maybe I could have someone deliver some things if they could still reach the cabin,” I mumble, mostly to myself.
Because how the fuck am I supposed to have sex toys delivered in a snowstorm?
Screw it. I’ll fucking chain myself in the storage room behind the cabin every time a wave hits if it means he feels safer. But the pain he’ll be in will be debilitating if he goes through it all alone.
I’m too busy thinking and spiraling that I don’t notice the soft touch on my arm.
“You could stay,” he says with such vulnerability that it’s like he has wrapped his hand around my heart and squeezed. My own hand is lifting and cupping his smooth cheek before I even realize what I’m doing, my thumb rubbing his blooming skin.
“No, Oliver. I don’t want you to say this just because you believe you might not have a choice.”
For a moment, for one long moment, he says nothing. Just looks at me with serious eyes and an unwavering gaze that I feel deep inside my chest.
“I do have a choice.” His voice is sure, some fear still bleeding into his words even as he tries to be brave. But it’s fear that is not directed at me. “I feel safe with you. Stay with me, Ethan. If you want to.”
Sweet Jesus, he wants me to stay for his heat, to help him through it. And damn if the fact that he’s worried whether I also have a choice in this doesn’t make me swallow hard against the sudden thickness in my throat.
I take one last step towards him, tilting his chin and wrapping my other arm around his waist, pulling him close enough to feel the warmth that radiates from him.
His breath hitches and it’s like music to my ears.
Because there is no doubt in my head about this.
“You want me to spend your first heat with you?” I ask him, my voice hoarse, pure gravel. You want me to take care of you, fuck you, service all your needs?”
“Yes,” he breathes out, leaning into my hold so beautifully. “But only if you want it too.”
“I want it,” I whisper for his ears only, as if we were the only two people in the world. We might as well be. “You don’t even realize how much.”
The shy smile that curves his lips is enough to send me to my knees.
“I’ll take care of you, sweetheart. I promise.”
I’ll give him anything he needs.