Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
OLLIE
I’m dead on my feet when I get back to my place in the late afternoon.
For some reason, I thought it would be a great idea to walk home in the freezing cold after the double shift I pulled at the convenience store.
The cold air that hit me in the face all the way over was not ideal but I needed to walk off the excess energy that has been plaguing me for days.
It’s like all the soreness and exhaustion of the first few days after the heat were replaced with this jittery feeling that never quiets down—not unless I’m so tired I’m falling asleep.
I’ve never been more thankful for the mild heat that greets me when I step into my small apartment. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the central heating had broken down once again.
I lock the door behind me and for a moment, I just stand there with my back against the door, with my three layers of clothing, and do nothing but stare unseeingly at the way the last pale light of the day slips through the flimsy curtains on my windows, bathing every surface it touches in grays and whites.
It’s only when I realize everything is dark around me that I move to take off my shoes and the extra clothing.
Changing into a pair of sweats and a warm sweater, I heat the dinner I had already prepared and shuffle my way to the couch, completely sinking into the worn cushion.
Spotting my favorite soft blanket, I wrap it around me before I turn on the TV and start picking on my food.
A day like all others. Perfectly normal.
The last word gets stuck in my throat, a lump that refuses to leave no matter how many times I swallow.
I was supposed to be back to normal by now.
I do everything exactly as I am supposed to; I went back to work the second I felt better, working as many extra hours as possible to make up for the days I missed, I clean my apartment, I eat, I keep myself busy.
But then why don’t I feel anything close to normal?
That’s what he told me.
Ethan.
God, even thinking about his name pierces me with a longing so sharp it steals my breath, a yearning so deep it’s impossible to tell where it ends.
Is it just my body that was supposed to be fine after a few days?
What about the rest of me?
Is my heart ever going to go back to normal?
Every day is the same. I will hear someone laughing in a rich, deep voice and I will swivel around, my heart in my throat, thinking it’s him.
Snow flurries will be falling from the sky and I will tilt my face up and let them land softly on my skin, thinking I’m on his mountain.
I will bury my nose into my pillow, wishing with all my might that I could find his warmth, his scent.
My appetite long gone, I set my plate down on the coffee table, pulling the blanket tighter around me.
The light from the TV catches on the screen of the new mobile phone I had to buy after the old one got lost the day Ethan found me.
At this point, I think I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been tempted to pick it up and call him just to hear his voice.
Just to let that deep timbre take me back to those days in the cabin. To the last time I felt happy.
I shake my head at myself, my fingers fisting the material of the blanket tightly to stop myself from doing anything stupid. Like reaching for it and placing that call.
And God, do I want to. I want to so much that I can feel my fingers tingling, but I can’t do it. He said to call him if I ever needed anything, but the only thing I need is him.
My gaze falls on what’s currently playing on the local news channel, and I frown at the familiar images on the screen of the same mountain trails I can’t stop thinking about.
Scrambling for the remote, I turn up the volume just as the screen is flooded by videos of a landslide that apparently happened two days ago. Several trails were buried under a mixture of snow, rocks, and debris, no casualties, a few injured, the reporter drones on.
Fear like nothing I’ve ever felt before stabs my heart, the blood draining from my face with every passing second.
I feel as if I’m underwater, watching the reporter talk but hearing nothing, my ears ringing, my throat closing from lack of oxygen.
My head fills with static noise, leaving only one glaring thought.
That I’m overreacting. That I’m being fucking stupid.
That, of course, Ethan is alright. He’s strong, and clever, and knows what he’s doing. Plus, he might not even have been there when this happened.
I refuse to believe anything different. He’s alright.
He has to be.
I’m grabbing my phone before I can talk myself out of it.
I don’t care what he’s going to think. All I care about is that he’s there to pick up the phone.
It rings and rings and rings to the point where I think he won’t pick up, my pulse jumping frantically with every ring that goes unanswered.
But then, “Hello?”
My eyes slide shut in relief at that rough, gentle voice that wraps around me in a way that no blanket ever has.
“Ethan?” I whisper, knowing that as long as he’s on the other end of that line, everything is going to be okay.
***
ETHAN
“Ethan?”
Everything inside me stills at the sound of my name in that sweet, soft voice.
“Ollie,” I breathe into the phone, every ache in my body forgotten upon hearing him. “Is something wrong? Are you okay?”
He releases a choked-out sound that’s part-laugh, part-sob that makes me want to climb off this bed and into my truck to get to him.
“That’s what I wanted to ask you, Ethan. I just found out about the landslide on the news and I was worried sick. Please tell me you were safe when it happened.”
I can hear how genuinely distressed he is and warring emotions rage inside me.
The last thing I would want in this world is for Ollie to be under any sort of stress. He should be nothing but happy and carefree and never have to worry about anything, including me.
But I would be a liar if I said that his concern doesn’t satisfy the raw need of the beast inside me that aches for the kind of comfort and care that can only come from its mate.
From him.
Sighing, I sink back into the pillows. “Not… exactly.”
A sharp intake of breath.
“What do you mean not exactly?”
“Well, I was on one of my standard patrols when it happened, but I managed to evade the worst and just got banged up a bit.” A little more than a bit but I don’t want him to worry too much, especially since the hospital patched me up fine and I didn’t even get a concussion. “Everything’s fine.”
“Fine?” He says the word calmly but his tone sends a shiver through me. “How can everything be fine, Ethan? You had a fucking mountain come down on you,” he spits out in a display of anger I’ve never heard from him before. Anger for me.
“You cursed,” I point out like an idiot, still stunned by Ollie’s brief outburst. “I’ve never heard you curse before.”
“Well, the situation fucking warrants it.”
Jesus, I must have lost it completely because for some reason, hearing him so riled up has my heart somersaulting with happiness.
Maybe I did hit my head more than I thought.
“I’m okay, Ollie, I promise. They found me really quickly and I didn’t even stay overnight at the hospital. It was just a bunch of scrapes and bruises.”
He exhales hard and I’d give anything to see him right now and run my knuckles up and down his cheeks that would be, no doubt, flushed red.
“Are you sure?” His voice is small, a faint tremble travelling through the line.
“I’m sure. Please, don’t worry about me.” I can’t bear the thought of you being upset, even if it’s for me.
“How can I not, Ethan? All I can think about is you, alone up there with no one to take care of you.” God, if he doesn’t stop saying things like that, I really am going to get in my truck and drive all the way over to him. Pain be damned.
“Tell me how you’ve been, Ollie,” I say instead, hoping the yearning I hear in my own voice isn’t as obvious as I think it is.
A sigh reaches me and I pick up on soft rustling sounds, as if he’s making himself comfortable and I imagine him just like that—snuggled under a blanket, clasping his phone, exasperated look in his eyes.
“Are you trying to distract me?”
I chuckle lightly. “A little. But I also really want to know.”
“I’ve been okay,” he murmurs softly. “It took me a few days to feel like I could be out among people again but eventually all traces of the heat were gone. There’s nothing left.”
Fuck, I should be glad to hear this, but then what does it say about me that I also want him sore and tired, with that blissed-out and goofy expression he gets right after I’ve made him feel good?
I really am an animal. It’s a good thing he can’t tell what I’m thinking.
“Work has been brutal but fine. At least they were all very understanding when I explained the reason I missed so many days of work. But I—” he pauses, clearing his throat. “I quit my bar serving job. I just couldn’t go back there.”
“You did good, swee—Ollie.” Great. Now I’m almost letting endearments slip out after five minutes of speaking to him.
“I’ve also been crocheting more,” he says and I can almost see the smile stretching his lips.
“You have? What have you been working on?”
“A blanket.” He laughs and my heart soars. “It seemed fitting since I’m always cold and all.”
“I don’t remember you being cold while you were here.” The words come out low and deep, from a place inside me that keeps reliving those moments over and over again.
He lets out a breathless chuckle that makes my body tighten.
“Yeah, well, I had someone to warm me up all the time. So now I’m back to finding other ways.”
“Maybe one day you could show me what you’ve made so far,” I dare to say, the phone call making me brave enough to let some of my burning desire to see him again slip out.
The incident with the landslide might have derailed my plans to visit him, but that doesn’t mean that my intentions have changed. Not in the least.
I hold my breath in anticipation, waiting for his answer.
“Yeah,” he whispers and I could howl in pure happiness. “Maybe. Now rest, Ethan. You need it. And I need you to be okay.”
I will be whatever he wants me to be.
“Alright. Goodnight, Ollie.”
“Goodnight, Ethan.”
And for the first time in more than two weeks, I sleep through the whole night.