Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
ETHAN
I’m pretty sure this Christmas market idea is going to kill me.
No, it’s not the Christmas market idea that’s going to kill me, but the sweet as fuck guy walking with his hand in mine, who’s bundled up to his damn eyes and who hasn’t stopped glowing since we got here.
When he opened his door and I saw him all soft and flushed in his thick sweater and jeans, I thought I would drop to my knees before him from the overwhelming sense of relief and rightness that filled every part of me.
The need to touch him, to always be touching him in some form or manner, never leaves me.
Threading my fingers with his, brushing a knuckle against his cheek, holding his waist protectively is the only way I can reassure myself that he’s actually here with me, that he won’t disappear into thin air the moment I let go of him.
And the way he looked so vulnerable before he smiled so beautifully while we were sitting on that bench…
My hand tightens instinctively around his, which makes him glance up at me.
“Did you find anything you like?”
We’re standing in front of a booth that sells handmade Christmas ornaments, which are exactly what I was supposed to be browsing instead of staring at him.
Which he figures out immediately when he sees me just blinking owlishly at him.
He buries his grin in his scarf and I’ve never wanted to kiss someone more.
“I’m glad my severely compromised attention span amuses you, Ollie.”
“Then it’s best if you don’t touch anything here. Imagine the mess if you picked up one of these and it slipped out of your hands and fell on the ground. At least they’re not eggs,” he says easily.
I narrow my eyes at him. “That only happened once.”
“But it did happen.”
“Because you were walking around with just my shirt on. How was I supposed to make sure the eggs landed in the pan?”
His lips pinch to stop himself from laughing.
“Okay, that was then. Now what’s your excuse?”
His green eyes are twinkling and I can’t help leaning close, so close that I’m whispering the words so only he can hear them.
“Ollie, I don’t need you half-naked to be distracted. You just have to be breathing around me.”
His lips part in surprise and I have to suppress a groan.
Jesus, I could eat him whole.
“Now, how about you tell me if you found something you like?” I smirk, tapping on his jaw to close his mouth.
He nods and clears his throat.
“Honestly, everything looks wonderful, but I don’t know if they can be of any use to me. I’ve never decorated for Christmas and I’m always working anyway.”
He says that so matter-of-factly that for a moment, what he says doesn’t fully hit me.
But it makes sense. He told me he’s always been on his own with no family and always trying to make ends meet, so yeah it makes sense that he’s never celebrated or decorated for Christmas before. He might not even want to at this point.
“Do you want to? Decorate, I mean.”
He looks at me and the flash of longing I see there makes my heart squeeze in my chest.
“I thought about it, once or twice. But between the money I’d have to spend and the space I definitely don’t have, I never did. It’s okay though,” he says with a soft smile. “I watch enough Christmas movies to make up for it.”
And I would believe him in a heartbeat when he says it’s okay, but the small catch in his voice and the wistfulness in his expression tell me a completely different story.
I want to know everything about him, every single detail of his life, everything he has been through and felt.
I want to know everything so I can take away all the loneliness that clouds his eyes, all the sadness that has plagued his thoughts and dreams until there’s nothing left but bottomless happiness, warmth and hope inside him.
Until he knows with no doubt whatsoever that he will never have to feel alone again because I’ll make sure of it. If he lets me.
I don’t say anything of all this to him but just smile, wrapping my arm around his waist and pulling him in to brush a kiss on his temple.
“I understand,” I mumble against his skin. “Want to go continue our walk around?”
He nods eagerly, his earlier mood giving way to happy excitement once again.
And that’s what we do. We walk through booths with hand-painted mugs and colorful trinkets.
We stop at a vendor who sells Christmas-themed sweaters and Ollie laughs when I try on one with a reindeer on.
We sway for a bit to the sounds of a small band playing carols, the smell of sugar everywhere around us, and I wish this day would never end.
It’s only when my skin prickles at the bottom of my nape that I go rigid.
Because I know this feeling well, you never forget it once you’ve spent years shadowing others for their protection, and it takes everything in me not to snap around and seek whoever it is that’s watching me. Or watching us.
Not wanting to alarm Ollie, I simply pull him in closer, making sure I’m covering him as much as possible, and I glance casually behind me, looking for any sign of the source.
Of course, that’s a fucking impossible thing to do with so many people around us, and soon the feeling of being watched disappears, even if the tension never leaves me.
Who the fuck was that?
I know it wasn’t one of Devon’s men, since I’d let him know I’d be with Ollie today and he’d be okay with me.
Could it have been that piece of shit that tormented him in the past?
It’s not unlikely; lying low, lulling Ollie into a false sense of security and get to him just when he thinks he’s safe.
Nothing will happen to him, the vow spreads through me like palpable electricity under my skin. No one will hurt him ever again.
“Is everything alright, Ethan?” his soft voice breaks through the red mist that’s taken over my mind, his eyes tilting up wide and clear. And I immediately melt for him.
“Yes, sweetheart. Everything’s alright.” I’ll make sure of it.
***
The ride back is too short. Too soon.
Not seeing Ollie had somehow made me believe that I could eventually do this, that I could stay away.
That I’d stop feeling like there was a hole in my chest since the moment I let him walk away.
But seeing him again, remembering what it feels like to gaze into his bright, green eyes and see his smile, to have his intoxicating, night-flower scent cling to my skin, to watch him tease me and open up even if it embarrasses him in the next second, has brought everything I’d buried from our days together screaming back.
I don’t want just hours or days with him.
I want to keep him. I want him to know that he doesn’t have to do everything on his own anymore. That he can be himself, as shy or playful as he wants and I will want it all.
I will want him just the way he is.
He has been humming a Christmas tune for the past five minutes with a smile on his face. I’m not sure he even realizes he’s doing it and I’m happy just listening to him.
He only stops when we arrive to his place and we have to exit the truck. I could say that I only walk him to his front door because I want to make sure he gets in safe, but that’s not the only reason.
I just want a few more precious minutes with him.
Ollie reaches his door and unlocks it while I wait a few steps back.
“Hey, Ethan?” he says softly, turning around.
“Yeah.”
His gaze is steady. Sure.
“Was this a date?”
His question pours molten heat in my veins.
“It could be.”
He nods slowly and, fuck me, wets his bottom lip while he takes one step towards me, and then another, making every muscle in my body tighten to stay rooted where I am.
“And how is a date supposed to end?”
He’s so close, his words are nothing but a harsh whisper. I lean in, halting just shy of his lips.
“However you want it to.”
And even though I can see the heat simmering in his green gaze, my breath still freezes in my lungs when he bridges the final inch and presses his lips against mine.
Brush after brush chips away all my control, and when he sighs against me, it’s like a dam breaking.
I pry his lips open and slip inside, taking him deep, owning every inch of his hot mouth in slow, hungry pulls, until he’s pouring all his moans into me, until his hands are fisting my hair and he’s arching towards me, struggling to get closer even through all our layers of clothing.
God, God, God, this sweet creature. He lives under my skin.
I’m powerless not to grip the back of his thighs and pick him up until his legs are wrapped around me and he’s gasping in my mouth.
Before I know it, I’m taking us inside his apartment and the door is shutting, Ollie’s back hitting the hard surface.
My mind is buzzing as I pin him with my hips, all thoughts vanishing but the feel of him in my arms.
“I missed you so much, Ethan,” he whispers in the space between us, his hands still pulling on my hair, not letting me move an inch from him.
Keeping me exactly where I’m supposed to be.
“Fuck, I missed you too, baby. You’ve no idea how much,” I rasp harshly against his skin, bending my head to kiss him down his neck under his scarf, to mouth his jumping pulse. “Tell me what you want, Ollie.”
He swallows and I can’t resist sucking on that bobbing throat, relishing on the whimper that escapes him.
“I want you to stay. Stay with me, Ethan.” His grip on my hair tightens, pulling my head back, and our eyes meet and lock. “Remind me what it feels like to be wanted by you.”
The sound that rips out of me is barely human as my hips stutter forward and my groin grinds against his.
Ollie’s eyes flutter, his breath coming out in pants, his cheeks irresistibly flushed.
“I need you naked, sweetheart,” I mumble hoarsely, nuzzling his scent. “I need to see you, feel you.”
“Let me down,” he chokes out, even as he arches his body and rubs himself all over me.
“Oh God, that feels so good.” His eyes roll back, his head thumping against the door and I take full advantage, licking and sucking on his skin, the urge to mark him, to etch myself on him, pushing me to the edge of my sanity.