Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
WILDER
T he moment Wilder left Cash’s side after that night under the stars, he flew into a very quiet panic.
Lain would fire him if he found out about it, he was certain. There was absolutely no way he’d be okay with Wilder moving in on the man who helped him turn the ranch around.
Good things did not happen to him. His growing feelings for Cash were dangerous. They were a weakness that would be exploited, and when Cash was ripped from him, it would hurt worse than, ‘Lain, wait. Please!’ Worse than sitting in the police station and realizing no one was coming for him. Worse than the slam of prison bars and the sick acceptance of his new, rotten life.
So he distanced himself. He made sure he was in the kitchen early for breakfast and early for dinner. He managed to avoid Cash all day and stayed inside his room that evening, afraid that going out to visit Blaze would mean running into Cash. He couldn’t resist a Cash that was bathed in moonlight.
But the following morning was the big day. They were moving the herd. Not only would it be an all-hands-on-deck situation, but even Lain would be joining them for the ride.
Wilder’s heart stuttered to a stop, and he ducked his head to hide whatever his expression did.
After that, they filed out to the barn to get started. Two part-time grooms were already there, saddling the horses for them. No one had managed to corral Blaze into the barn, so Wilder went out to lead him in by the halter. Blaze snorted, walking agreeably behind him.
“Trust me, I’m not totally happy about it either,” he murmured, and the horse’s golden ears turned toward him.
Lain was already in the barn, securing the saddle to Persimmon. Wilder pointedly avoided looking at him, hooking a wall-tied lead to Blaze’s halter so he could go and grab the saddle without him running off.
“Here.”
Wilder turned at the gruff voice just in time to see Cash sling the saddle pad and saddle onto Blaze’s back. Wilder’s breath caught in his throat as he inhaled leather and coffee and pine. He was taken right back to that night, staring up at the stars as pleasure rocked through him, the weight of Cash’s body peeling away every layer of armor Wilder had spent a lifetime weaving into place.
His lips parted without his permission, his body swaying toward Cash like the man had his own gravitational pull.
Cash’s smile went buttery soft, and he laid a hand on Wilder’s shoulder, his thumb grazing the soft skin of his neck for the barest of moments.
“Can we talk later?” Cash asked.
It took Wilder a moment to find his voice. “I-I don’t know. It’s?—”
A small hand touched the center of his back, and a jolt of lightning went down his spine.
“Hey, babe,” a feminine voice said. “We brought?—”
He turned, panicked, and saw the moment Mary-Beth realized she’d mistaken the wrong Blackwood for her husband. Her smiling eyes fell from his dumbly shocked expression to the tattoo on the side of his neck.
“Oh!” She chuckled, drawing away. Her face colored—turning a similar color to his own, he was sure. “I’m sorry, Wilder, I mistook you for Lain. He has a shirt almost exactly like that.”
Wilder looked down at his own chest, at the pale blue tattersall shirt.
“Here, we brought y’all lunch, since you’ll be out with the herd most of the day. Annalise?” Mary-Beth turned, gesturing for Annalise to come closer.
She was carrying a wicker basket wider than she was, laden with insulated fabric lunchboxes. Mary-Beth picked one off the top of the pile and handed it to Wilder.
“It’s nothing special,” Mary-Beth said, “just a couple of sandwiches and some protein bars to keep your energy up. Did you get plenty of water?”
“I took care of it,” Cash said. “Already filled his saddlebags.”
“Annie, baby, why don’t you go ahead and start handing them out?” Mary-Beth suggested, and Annalise waddled off with the basket to fulfill her new task.
Wilder cleared his throat. He hadn’t said a word since she touched him. “She’s a hard worker.”
“She is. She lives and breathes this ranch. I have a feeling these two will be the same.” She patted her stomach. “Listen, I’d really like to have you over for dinner some night. Not tonight, of course. I’m sure you’ll all be exhausted. Maybe after the herd is moved?”
“Um.” What was he supposed to say? Did Lain know about this? Would he be pissed if Wilder came into the house? He hadn’t set foot in there since—well. Since that night. Since blood and screaming and ‘please, I didn’t get to say goodbye. Please just let me ? —’
Cash gave him a none-too-subtle nudge, jerking him from his spiraling thoughts.
“Uh, sure. Yes, of course, if that’s all right with Lain.”
She gave him a conspiratorial smile. “Usually whatever I want is all right with Lain, so I’m sure he won’t mind.” She winked, and under any other circumstances, he’d like her. It was hard to think much of anything when panic was clawing at his breastbone.
“I better go help Annalise, or y’all will be here all day. But seriously, I hope you like pot roast. Oh, and pie! I’ve been craving an apple pie. Having you over will give me a good excuse to bake one.”
“How could I say no?” Over her shoulder, down the aisle from them, Lain was watching them.
She grinned as she slid away from him. As soon as she turned away, Wilder did the same, his hands flying to the pearl snap buttons of his shirt. Once, he and Lain used to make jokes about how they had the same taste in everything. Clothes, food, music. Lain had even once joked that they’d wind up vying for the same girl, and Wilder had chickened out of telling him the truth.
Cash caught his hands. “Don’t, don’t.”
“Let me go.” This wasn’t his life anymore. They couldn’t still like the same things. He was wrong and he didn’t fit here, and he had to get this shirt off before he flew into a panic. He could just wear the T-shirt underneath, and it’d be fine .
“It looks good on you,” Cash whispered, his gaze as warm as melted chocolate.
Everybody’s attention was on Mary-Beth and Annalise. For now, they were in the clear. But if Lain looked over…
“Please,” Wilder hissed.
“Promise me you’ll leave it.”
“ Why ?” Why did he care?
“I told you. It looks good on you. Maybe I want you distracting me today.”
Wilder was going to fly apart, panic and disgust and low-burning anger now mixing with a hot curl of desire. His shoulders sagged, and he took a half-step closer, nearly bringing them flush. The brim of their hats bumped together.
“Cash,” he breathed. Why couldn’t he keep his distance from this man?
“Don’t let the past decide your future,” Cash whispered. “Or your present.”
His mouth was dry, but the sick mixture of emotion was fading. “Okay.” He was beginning to think he couldn’t deny Cash anything.
Beside them, Blaze chuffed impatiently. Some of the others were mounting up, and Mary-Beth and Annalise were waving at Lain, the first one leaving the barn.
“Time to go,” Cash said.
Yes, it was. Wilder swung up into the saddle as Cash went to Hexie. Blaze was vibrating with the urge to move by the time the other hands had fallen in behind Lain. He and Wilder were the last ones out of the barn, and Blaze blew past Annalise and Mary-Beth so fast he nearly lost his hat.
“Blaze!” he hollered as he drew even with Cash and Hexie. “Don’t be a dick!”
He heard Cash’s surprised bark of laughter as he pulled ahead of him.
Blaze settled into a more manageable pace once he found the middle of the pack, matching the speed of the others. That was lucky; the last thing he needed was for Blaze to burn himself out early in the morning when they still had a whole day of riding ahead of them.
The morning was a brisk one, and Wilder was thankful he hadn’t shed his outer shirt. Fluffy white clouds occasionally shielded them from the golden sunshine, adding to the chill. It would warm up as the sun rose higher, but for now it was brighter than it was warm.
When they reached the herd, the real action began. With whistles and shouts, they turned the herd south toward the ranch and got them moving. The riders fanned out, some flanking the herd’s sides and some riding behind to make sure none of the cattle broke away.
Truthfully, it was exhilarating. It had been a long time since Wilder had done something like this. Riding with a herd, watching for danger, trusting his fellow cowboys to take care of their sections. Blaze was a natural, chasing after any of the cattle that tried to separate from the main herd like it was a personal challenge not to let anything past him. He swooped around them like he had wings, darting around the cattle and guiding them back to the others.
The morning passed without incident. The sun climbed into the sky, warming the air around them, and soon Wilder was rolling up his sleeves and dabbing at the sweat on the back of his neck. Lain rode ahead to open the gate, and while the rest of them helped the herd funnel out of the fence and onto the narrow trail between fields, Wayne rode ahead to get the next gate open. They would pass through the second field and take the herd to the third field, which was closest to the house.
With the herd bottlenecked between the two fences on the trail—which was little more than tire treads worn into the grass—most of the riders hung back, trotting after the stragglers.
There, Wilder felt a presence at his side, and when he glanced over, he found Cash already looking at him, the brim of his hat shading the heat in his gaze. The weight of his attention felt like a physical thing, raking down his body, slipping under the buttons of his shirt to splay on bare skin. His teeth sank into his lower lip, and a pang of heat billowed through him. If Cash kept looking at him like that, keeping his distance would be impossible.
“We’ll stop for lunch in the next field,” Lain announced, and Wilder jerked his attention away from Cash. His twin was riding just ahead of them, and there was no indication that he’d seen their heated looks.
Wilder turned away from Cash completely. If he didn’t look at him, he couldn’t get caught up in the wildfire of his own desire.
He came face to face with Billy, who was scowling at him.
Fuck .