Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
CASH
I n the days that followed, Wilder avoided them all like his livelihood depended on it. Cash caught Mary-Beth the following morning and asked what happened, and hearing that Wilder had stayed long enough to fall asleep there stole his breath. For a moment, he’d felt comfortable there. And then Lain had returned, and he’d skittered back into his shell so thoroughly that even Cash couldn’t penetrate it now. Wilder didn’t come out of his room until after the ranch hands were finished with breakfast. He overheard from others that Wilder took his meals alone, helped out in the horse barn doing whatever he could manage, and then hid in his room in the evenings. If Cash knocked, he didn’t answer, even if the light was on.
He caught glimpses of Wilder between work as the days bled into weeks. He went from two crutches and no weight on his right leg to one crutch and limping to, finally, no crutches at all. Cash missed him like a limb, and for the first time in his life, he wanted to toss the ranch’s endless work aside and go after what he wanted. The day to day work meant nothing when Wilder was hurting, and he was hurting. Whatever progress he’d made had been erased. He was back to being the outcast, and Cash didn’t know whether he’d chosen it this time or felt forced into it.
“Much more curve to your spine, you’ll roll up like an armadillo, boss,” Clyde said, stopping beside him. “And if you stare any harder, you’ll burn a hole in the side of his face.”
Wilder was at the horse paddock, sharing an apple with Blaze. He had to know Cash was there, but he hadn’t once looked his direction.
Cash straightened his back and shot Clyde a halfhearted glare.
“Trouble in paradise?” Clyde asked.
“I have no idea. He’s pulled away hard. Not just from me, from everything. And I thought he knew…”
“Knew what?”
“How I felt about him. What I wanted. I thought we were on the same page.”
“You didn’t see what happened when Lain saw him leaving the house that day, did you?”
“No. I had offered to take care of Persimmon so Lain could go check on Mary-Beth. He doesn’t like leaving her alone now that she’s nearing the end of the pregnancy.”
“He asked Annalise and Mary-Beth if they were okay. Looked like he might as well have punched Wilder right in the jaw. He might not have meant it that way, but Wilder took it personally.”
“Shit.” That explained why Wilder wanted to get away so quickly. Cash couldn’t say whether Lain had meant to imply that Wilder had been a danger to them. He wanted to think the best of Lain, but Lain’s feelings for his brother were complicated.
“I can’t say whether he actually meant it that way. I don’t reckon anybody but Lain knows how Lain feels about Wilder.”
“Right. He’s been tight-lipped about it. They both have. Stubborn bastards.” He rolled his eyes, and Clyde chortled.
“The hands are going out tonight,” Clyde said. “Looks like Wilder’s finally out of the leg brace. Why don’t you bully him into coming along? A night away from the ranch might do him some good. He’s been cooped up since the accident.”
Cash winced. “He might not be willing to go.”
“That’s why I said bully him.”
Cash laughed. “You really think I can make that man do anything he doesn’t want to?”
“I think he’s the horse, and you’re the whisperer. You’ve earned his trust, so if you coax him to jump the hurdle, by God, he’ll jump the hurdle.”
“Jesus, Clyde.” His face heated.
“Just consider it. I think a couple of beers might do you both some good.”
That was probably true. Cash hadn’t gone out for a decent beer since Wilder arrived at the ranch.
“We’re going to Roddy’s,” Clyde added to sweeten the pot.
Cash groaned. Roddy’s had the best hot pretzels and cheese dip. They had good burgers, too. Hell, the whole damn menu was a smorgasbord of the best bar food in the county. If anything could convince Wilder to come out with them, it would be that.
“I’ll ask him,” he agreed.
“Great. If he turns you down, I’ll buy your beer for the night.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Cash drawled.
“That is confidence. I’m confident I won’t be paying a dime. Go on now. Don’t let him get away.”
Wilder was headed toward the horse barn, so with a sigh, Cash started after him. By the time he caught up with him, Wilder was inside the tack room. They were the only ones here. Wilder was haloed in the watery afternoon sunshine streaming in through the window behind him, dust motes dancing in the light like glitter. He struck a pretty picture, his jeans hugging his long legs and his cowboy hat framing his head, which was bowed as he considered the halters before him—until he noticed Cash. He turned expectantly, his brows rising, and Cash’s words got caught in his throat.
It had been weeks since they’d been alone. Cash had never thought of himself as a weak man, but he had zero resolve when it came to Wilder. He blindly pushed the door shut behind him and marched right into him, grabbing Wilder by the face and crushing their mouths together.
Wilder uttered a noise of surprise, swallowed by Cash’s hungry mouth, but he didn’t push him away. His arms banded around Cash’s middle, their hats knocking and falling from their heads as they tilted for better access to each other. Cash kissed until his lips felt swollen and sensitive, until his cock was a steel rod behind his zipper and Wilder was a panting mess, leaning on Cash like he needed him to stay upright.
Finally, when he had Wilder pinned against the worktable and the distance between them was well and truly gone, he parted from him. Breathing each other’s air, their lips damp and their bodies hot, Cash smiled, and Wilder smiled back, lopsided and guilty .
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Cash accused, albeit with no heat behind it.
The corners of Wilder’s kiss-bruised mouth tightened with regret. “Yeah. I have.”
“I told you not to.”
“I know. I avoid or I fight. There’s not much in-between.” He sighed. “I’m working on it.”
“You don’t have to avoid me .”
“You work for him,” Wilder said softly. “It complicates things.”
“Not to me.” He’d move heaven and earth to keep Wilder by his side, even if Lain had a problem with it. He loved Blackwood Ranch, but at the end of the day, it was a job. There were no guarantees he’d be here for the rest of his life, and there was too much potential between him and Wilder for him to give it up easily. Jobs came and went. The kind of passion he felt in his heart for Wilder didn’t come around very often.
“You’re not seriously telling me you’d choose me over your job, right?” Wilder asked, leaning back as though to see him more clearly.
“I’m… not saying I wouldn’t,” Cash hedged. He had a feeling grand declarations would send Wilder back into his shell again.
Wilder frowned. “Wait, what?”
Cash chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. You have me. That’s what matters.”
Wilder relaxed, so Cash considered it a win.
“Clyde says the boys are going out to Roddy’s tonight.”
“I’m unfamiliar,” Wilder said, shaking his head. Roddy’s hadn’t been in Roselake when Cash arrived here seven years ago, so of course Wilder wouldn’t know what it was.
“It’s a bar.”
Wilder opened his mouth, and Cash rushed to continue before he could refuse already.
“They have the best bar food in the county. Fresh, hot pretzels with this amazing cheddar cheese dip. Burgers that drip with every bite. Seasoned fries. Their very own branded sodas and beers.”
Wilder’s eyes went heavy-lidded as he spoke. “When did you figure out the way past my armor was through my stomach?”
“Around Twinkies, I think.”
Wilder laughed.
“They have sample platters where you can get some of all of it,” Cash added, leaning in and brushing their mouths together. “Sample drink trays, too. You don’t have to drink alcohol, if you don’t want. You can sample the sodas. I just think getting away from the ranch for an evening might do you some good. Time for a reminder there are no bars on your window?”
Wilder’s face softened, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Cash’s neck. “Yeah, that might be nice.” He sighed, the breath ghosting across Cash’s lips. A line appeared between his brows. “How do you always manage to crawl back in?”
“Just determined,” Cash replied. “Don’t push me away again.”
“Whenever I try, it doesn’t seem to stick.”
“Good. I like you too much to let you go.”
“Goddammit, I’m glad.” Wilder’s eyes were bright with mirth, and all felt right with the world again.
“Kiss me again,” Cash said. “I’ve missed this.”
“If you insist.”
Clyde was the night’s designated driver, and since he drove a pickup that couldn’t fit them all, some of them had to pile into the bed of the truck. In the past, Cash would have bullied his way into the passenger seat, but tonight he wanted to sit wherever Wilder did. This was Wilder’s first night out, and Cash wanted to make sure he enjoyed it.
He looked askance at Wilder while Darryl and Billy took to rock-paper-scissors for shotgun.
“Are you kidding?” Wilder said, casting him a grin and grabbing onto the tailgate. “I want to ride in the back.”
Cash grinned, following him in. They settled with their backs to the cab. Clyde had a nice rubber mat in the truck bed. Wilder sat in the corner, resting an arm on the edge, with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. Cash did the same, nudging Wilder’s boot with his own and earning himself a smile for his trouble.
Darryl climbed into the back next, settling near the wheel-well. Wayne joined them, too, which meant Billy, Art, and Tommy would be in the cab with Clyde.
“It’s gonna get cold once the sun goes down,” Clyde said, tossing a couple of blankets into the bed with them. “Asses stay on the rubber once we start moving. I ain’t getting arrested for killing one of y’all on the way home if your drunk ass tries to stand up and falls out on the highway.”
Wilder sputtered out a laugh.
Cash leaned in, pointing at Wayne, who looked appropriately shamed. “This one got real drunk one night and stood up here in the truck bed right as Clyde put it in drive?—”
“I had to piss,” Wayne said defensively.
“—and when the truck moved he toppled over the tailgate. Busted his head open and needed a few stitches, but otherwise, he lived to dumbass another day.”
Wilder wheezed, a sound so ugly and genuine that Cash and Darryl laughed and even Wayne reluctantly grinned.
“I’ll be sure I stop to piss before I get in the truck,” Wayne said magnanimously.
“For all our sakes, please do,” Cash said.
The engine rumbled to life, and it didn’t lurch into motion until Cash gave the back window a tap to let him know they were ready.
As always, Cash watched Wilder. His gaze darted over the landscape like it was brand new, following the dust with wonder as it flew up behind the truck and holding his hands out to feel the air blowing past.
Cash hoped this night was exactly what he needed. A reminder of all the good things he could have now that he was free, if only he’d reach out for them. The world stretched out around them, endless with potential. The only bars holding Wilder back were the ones in his own mind, and he already held the key.