Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
WILDER
W ilder and Cash didn’t get a chance to be alone for two more days. For better or worse, they spent most of that time in the main house with Annalise. Wilder still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that it was the same house from his childhood. The layout was the same, but that was where the similarities ended. That place had been a prison; this was a home.
They fed her from frozen meals Mary-Beth had made in preparation of exactly this, and they slept on the pull-out sofa in the living room after putting Annalise to bed upstairs.
Annalise’s room was his old room. It was floral and frilly and looked so different it barely reminded him of those old, unhappy days.
Waking up in Cash’s arms in the sun-streaked living room, facing the very spot where he once stabbed his father to death with a kitchen knife, was one of the most surreal experiences of his life. He pondered it for only a moment, and then rolled over to kiss Cash awake. The past was finished; his present was worth savoring.
It was late afternoon when Cash’s cell phone finally rang with Lain’s name flashing on the screen. They’d texted on and off, Lain checking in on Annalise, but a call meant something bigger.
They were sitting outside around the fire pit. Wilder was chopping wood, stacking some and tossing others into the circle of rocks to feed the small fire. Annalise was sitting on the ground with a border collie half in her lap, petting the dog’s soft black ears.
“Hey, Lain,” Cash answered, and Wilder paused with the ax embedded in a thick stump, panting lightly.
Annalise brightened. “Tell Daddy I say hi.”
“Annalise says hi. Yeah, she’s been a total angel. No, I don’t mind at all. Wilder’s been helping me out. Turns out he’s a handy pancake flipper.” Cash winked at him.
That was a damned lie. It was the first time he’d ever flipped pancakes in his life, and his very first one had gone right out of the pan and smeared batter all over the stovetop. Annalise thought it was hilarious. He’d wound up giving that one to the dog.
“Yes, he has,” Cash said. “She’s really bonded with him, I think.”
Wilder ducked his head bashfully. A year ago, he never would have imagined bonding with any kid, much less Lain’s.
Cash paused, listening to Lain talk with occasional noises of affirmation, and finally said, “Good, I’m sure y’all are ready to be home, and Annalise misses you. We’ll be here waiting. And when you get Mary-Beth and the boys settled in—good, that’s what I was gonna say.” His distant gaze was stern, like he could glare at Lain through the phone if he tried hard enough. “All right, we’ll see you soon, then. Drive safe.”
“They’re on their way home?” Annalise asked excitedly.
Wilder ripped the ax from the stump and gripped it with white knuckles. Lain was coming. Soon, they’d have their confrontation.
“They are.” Cash stood, stepping around the crackling fire to pry the ax from Wilder’s hands. “He says he wants to talk to you when he gets them settled in.”
Wilder nodded. It would be over soon. Either they would resolve things, or Wilder and Cash would set out on their own.
Cash’s palm cradled his cheek. “Steady, baby.”
Wilder inhaled deeply. “I know. I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
“Mm-hm.”
Cash hefted the ax. “Why don’t I take over with this and you take a seat for a while?”
Wilder laughed a little hysterically. “Probably a good call.”
“He didn’t sound angry, for what it’s worth. Don’t go into this expecting the worst.”
“Right, yeah.”
Cash gave him a little push, and he went with a dramatic groan to the Adirondack chair and collapsed into it. As he did, movement caught his eye, and he turned his head to see Billy coming out of the bunkhouse common room. Their eyes met, and Billy’s brows descended into a scowl as he took them all in.
Cash noticed him, too, and lifted a hand in greeting. Billy turned away, leaving Cash and Wilder to exchange a look.
That was another thing to deal with later.
Wilder brooded—it was really the only word for it—while they waited for Lain and Mary-Beth’s truck to appear at the end of the driveway. His stomach was in knots. In prison, he learned patience; it took a lot to get under his skin, because rising to every slight meant constantly fighting. There was always someone looking to prove themselves, and being too reactive just turned you into a target.
But here? Here, his armor was gone. Cash had played a big role in peeling it away. It made the good moments phenomenal, but it made the bad times worse, too. He could either feel nothing or he could feel everything. And no matter how bad things got between him and Lain, being with Cash would be worth it.
When the truck appeared at the end of the long driveway, his stomach tossed. He stood, and Annalise jumped to her feet and flung both fists in the air with a cheer.
“They’re home!” she crowed.
Cash laid the ax on the stump and approached Wilder, squeezing his shoulder. “Take a breath, baby.”
Wilder obeyed, sucking down a lungful as the truck ambled past. Annalise raced after it, and Wilder watched from afar as the family was united once again. Lain rushed around the truck to help Mary-Beth out of the passenger seat. She moved slowly, sliding from the truck with one hand pressed protectively over her stomach. She gave Annalise a gentle hug while Lain opened the backseat door, and Wilder squared his shoulders. The nice thing to do would be to offer to help them inside, right?
He was unspeakably grateful when he lurched into motion and Cash stayed right by his side. God help him if this man ever left him, because he wouldn’t be able to function without him.
“Need some help with anything?” Wilder asked.
Lain turned and shot him a tentative smile. “Absolutely. We wound up with a whole lot more leaving than we went in with, I think. I mean, besides the obvious.” He hefted the car seat in hand, where a tiny face was just barely visible beneath a too-large cloth cap and a carefully tucked blanket.
“I’ll grab the bags,” Cash offered.
Lain met Wilder’s eyes and gestured to the truck. “Could you get the other baby?”
Wilder’s heart swelled. “Of course.”
It proved harder than expected when he opened the other side of the backseat and realized he had no idea how to detach the car seat from the base. It was like Fort fucking Knox back there.
“Oh, you just pull up on this yellow latch on the back of the car seat,” Lain explained from across the bench seat, lifting the car seat to show Wilder where it was.
He lifted up, and the car seat came free with a click. The baby within didn’t even flinch as he carefully lifted him out and shut the door.
“Being born really tuckered you guys out, huh?” he said softly as he carried the car seat up the porch steps and into the house.
Cash left the bags by the stairs, and Lain led Wilder to the master bedroom—Dad’s old room. Wilder stopped in the doorway, remembering crumpled bedsheets and the scent of sweat and stale cigarette smoke. Stained carpet, yellowed curtains. Entering this room would’ve gotten him a beating back then.
Now, a farmhouse quilt neatly covered the bed, except for where Mary-Beth had pulled the blankets back to climb in, leaning back against crisp white pillows. A Tiffany lamp glowed warmly on the bedside table beside her, and lacy curtains shielded the room from the worst of the evening sunlight. The polished wood floor gleamed here just like the rest of the house, and the room smelled faintly of vanilla.
Mary-Beth offered him a welcoming smile and then asked Lain, “Did you tell him yet?”
Lain shook his head, his face unreadable.
Near the door, two bassinets sat side by side. Lain set his car seat down beside one and started getting the baby out, so Wilder copied him, moving the handle back and unclipping the harness across his tiny chest.
“Do you know Cash’s middle name, Wilder?” Mary-Beth asked.
“Uhh, no, actually I don’t,” he said distractedly. How did one pick up a baby this small? His hands felt entirely too big and dangerous for something so precious and fragile.
“Cash’s middle name is Michael.”
“Okay?” He lifted the baby, crooning gently as the tiny boy’s legs curled up like a kitten’s. His eyes didn’t open, and Wilder got him into the cradle of his arm and then just—stopped. He should finish the transfer to the bassinet, but the little boy was curled up against his chest, and Wilder swore he’d never seen anything cuter.
“The baby in blue,” Mary-Beth said, drawing Wilder’s attention from the boy’s peaceful face to look at the other twin, in a blue onesie, “we named Robert Lain. And the one in green, the one you’re holding, we named Wilder Michael.”
Wilder, who’d been swaying the baby back and forth ever so carefully, froze. “I’m sorry, come again?”
Mary-Beth smiled patiently. “The little boy in your arms is Wilder Michael Blackwood.”
“What? But… w-why?”
“Because you were there for us when we needed you,” Mary-Beth said. “And because you’re family, and we love you.”
Since when? He wanted to ask, but it didn’t seem fair. His eyes slid to Lain, who softened at whatever he saw in Wilder’s expression.
“Why don’t you lay mini-Wilder down, and we’ll go talk in the kitchen? I believe we’ve got some things to discuss.”
Wilder nodded. It was time. Lain guided him in how best to lay the baby down and then led him from the room. Cash waited for them in the living room with Annalise, who was watching television on the sofa.
Wilder snagged Cash’s wrist and dragged him toward the stairs. “They named one of the babies after us,” he whispered.
Cash blinked. “Wait, what?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what to do with that information. You don’t name a child after someone you hate, right?”
Cash smiled fondly. “No, you don’t. Do you believe me now, that Lain’s not going to fire you?”
“I have no idea. Part of me is too jaded to believe that, I think.”
Cash grabbed his shoulders and guided him into the kitchen, where Lain was pouring coffee grounds into the machine.
“Cash, coffee?” Lain offered.
“Please. I never turn down coffee. What’s this I hear about a baby name?”
Lain shot him a smile. “One of the babies is named Wilder Michael.”
“Aww.” Cash stepped around Wilder to pull Lain into a back-slapping hug. “You didn’t have to do that, Lain, really.”
“We wanted to,” Lain said. “This ranch wouldn’t be what it is today without your help. We owe you a lot for those first few years. Giving you a place to park that camper doesn’t compare to everything you did for us.”
“Ah.” Cash waved a dismissive hand. “It’s all I needed.”
Lain poured coffee and passed out mugs, then sat at the table and gestured for Wilder to sit across from him. Wilder looked at Cash, who glanced pointedly at Lain and then stepped closer, putting a hand on his lower back.
Right, they weren’t hiding anymore.
“Do you want me to stay, or would you rather I go to the living room with Annalise?” Cash asked.
It felt like second nature to lean in, silently asking for a kiss that Cash obligingly gave. “Stay,” he said. “Lain can see her from his seat.”
“Okay.” He took the adjacent seat to Wilder’s left, an equidistant point between the brothers, who faced each other and clutched their coffee mugs like shields.
Lain glanced contemplatively between them. “I had been wondering about you two. How long has it been going on?”
“A few weeks,” Wilder said vaguely. He didn’t know how to put his finger on an exact date when it began, anyway. Cash had been slowly peeling his layers away since the first day they’d met, it seemed like. “We’re, uh, moving in together.”
“Into the tiny foreman’s quarters?” Lain asked. “Or are you… moving?”
“The foreman’s quarters for now,” Wilder said. “The rest… depends, I guess.”
Lain nodded tersely. “I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have let Mary-Beth’s parents treat you that way.”
Wilder sighed. “It’s no worse than anyone else treats me these days, Lain.”
“That doesn’t make it better ,” Lain said. “Anyway, it’s one thing if some stranger in town passes judgment on you. It’s another thing when it’s family. They won’t be welcome here if they act like that again. You have my word.”
“Why?” Wilder asked plainly.
Lain’s head tilted. “Why what?”
“Why are you apologizing? Why are you saying you’ll go to bat for me now? What’s changed? I never… I never got the impression you cared. Not after what I did. So why bother? Your life would be simpler if I left.”
“You’re my brother.”
“Am I?” There it was. There was the anger he’d been missing. The baby’s name had undercut it, but here it was again, and he embraced it like an old friend. “I thought that relationship died with Dad.”
Lain covered his face with his hands.
“Sorry, should I sugarcoat it?”
“No, I just?—”
“I’ll apologize for a lot of things I’ve done, Lain, but not that. I won’t apologize for getting rid of him. He was gonna kill you that night. I heard the medical report in court, okay? Two broken ribs, a fractured cheekbone, half a dozen lacerations across your back?—”
“ Stop ,” Lain hissed. “I don’t need you to list them off. I remember them plenty well.”
“That list is burned into my memory,” Wilder said, albeit softer. “It was the only update I’d been given on you. You never came to my hearing. You never took my calls.”
“I couldn’t,” Lain croaked, eyes swimming with tears.
“Why not?” Wilder demanded.
Lain sniffled. “Because I knew you were gonna be found guilty. I was the one who called 911. I was the reason you were arrested. You didn’t contest the findings, you just claimed self-defense.”
“It was ?—”
“I know , I know. But I knew if I sat there and watched the hearing, I’d have to watch them take you away for good, just like that night when they packed you in the back of that squad car.” He dashed a falling tear away distractedly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that alone. But you… you ruined everything.” The words themselves were harsh, but it wasn’t an accusation. It was a lament. “All of the sudden I was alone. All my life, I’d had you, and suddenly you’d done this horrifying thing and I was all alone.”
Watching his brother cry was a wretched thing. Wilder resisted the urge to reach for him. For eight years, he’d reached, and no one had reached back. “You could’ve contacted me. You could’ve taken my calls. I wasn’t dead, Lain. I was just locked up.”
“I should have,” Lain confessed. “I was scared. Scared the murder had changed you. The look in your eyes when you did it…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I didn’t know you had that kind of cold rage inside you.”
“Didn’t you?” Wilder asked. “Didn’t you hate him as much as I did? Every time he bought another fucking bottle instead of filling the fridge. Every time he slept through morning feedings on the ranch. Every time he wandered off to the bar while we helped each other with our homework at the table. Didn’t you ever just think ‘life would be simpler if he just disappeared’?”
Lain stared long and hard at the table. “Yeah,” he finally said. “I did. I just didn’t have it in me to make it happen.”
Cash nudged Wilder’s hand, reminding him of his coffee, and he took a long, grateful sip. When he set his cup back down, he ran a weary hand through his hair.
“Do you hate me?” he asked. “For what I did? For who I’ve become? For—everything?”
With his brow furrowed, Lain shook his head. “I never hated you.”
“It damn sure felt that way.”
Lain sighed. “I don’t want to make excuses for the way I behaved back then. I was shell-shocked right after, and healing. And then the idea of sitting through the hearing gave me such anxiety. And when you started calling from prison, I knew you’d have questions about why I hadn’t been there. The truth is, I was a coward every step of the way, and I’ll never be able to make up for the ways I’ve let you down.” He paused, giving Wilder a significant look. “But I’d like to try. Wait here a sec.”
He left swiftly, leaving Wilder and Cash looking at each other in confusion.
When he returned, he had two manila folders. He peeked at the inside of one, and then laid one in front of Wilder and one in front of Cash.
“Originally, these were separate, but since you two are moving in together, we can discuss combining them.”
“Combining…” Wilder started as he opened the folder. His eyes scanned the document within. It looked very official, with legal names and everything.
“Well, Blackwood Ranch was never intended to be solely mine,” Lain said. “And I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about being more involved in the business, but at the very least, I figured you were owed a certain amount of compensation for your half of the ranch.”
“My… Oh my God, Lain, is this land ?” he asked as his eyes snagged on the words ‘owned acreage.’
“Yep. I’ve been in the process of buying up some of the land around the ranch to add on to the property, and I decided to earmark some of that for you two.”
“Two hundred acres,” Cash read. “You want to give me two hundred acres of land.”
“Yeah. I mean, I know it’s not much, but?—”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Wilder said, closing the folder. “You said you want to combine these since he and I are together. Combined, that would be twelve hundred acres of ranch land.”
“Oh my God,” Cash said, like he might faint.
“You’re just giving that to us?” Wilder asked.
“Yes. Like I told Cash earlier, this ranch would not be where it is today without his help in the beginning. I was young, I had no idea what I was doing, and Cash was a godsend. He knew how to put up fences. He knew how to herd cattle and tame horses and shoe horses so I didn’t have to pay a farrier. And all he wanted for all that work was a place to live . So I told myself that one day I’d repay him properly. Not with a temporary quarters in a bunkhouse but with a plot of land of his very own. We can keep it as part of Blackwood Ranch, if you’d like, or you can split off and do something entirely your own. I just want you to know, no matter what you do, you’re always welcome here, and from now on, half the ranch’s profit is going to you, Wilder. This place is half yours. It always has been.”
Cash’s eyes were suspiciously bright. “Thank you, Lain. Wilder? What do you think?”
Wilder’s mind raced. They’d made plans to get a place of their very own, with animals and a garden, but Wilder was reluctant to leave Blackwood Ranch now that he’d returned. It was finally starting to feel like home. This was the best of both worlds. They could have their own place and still belong at Blackwood Ranch. They could build a horse barn and keep Blaze and Hexie there. Hell, maybe they could adopt other wild horses like Blaze and give them a safe place to land.
“Can we—uh,” he hesitated at the break in his own voice. “How would you guys feel about Blackwood Ranch having something like a horse sanctuary? We can adopt out the tamer ones and give the unruly ones a home.”
“Horses like Blaze,” Cash guessed, taking Wilder’s hand. “I think that’s a great idea, baby.”
“Yeah?” Wilder breathed. Hope was like a living thing in his chest, burying roots in his sternum and blooming under Cash’s bright smile.
Lain slid their folders back to himself. “I’ll rearrange the tracts of land so the acres are all together. Once you guys ride out to look at it and approve of it, we’ll get it all signed over to both your names. You’re welcome to keep living in the bunkhouse until you get a place built, of course.”
Before he could think better of it, Wilder ventured, “What if we… didn’t?”
“Hm?” Cash asked.
“What if we took your camper out there and lived out of it while the house was being built?”
Cash’s face morphed from thoughtfulness to excitement as he no doubt remembered their fantasies at the motel of living on their own piece of land in that tiny camper.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I think that sounds perfect.”
Wilder couldn’t believe this was happening. One minute he’d felt more alone than ever, and now everything was falling into place. Happiness like this didn’t seem real.
“Can I ask you one thing?” Lain asked.
Wilder nodded.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me you were gay?”
Wilder blew out a breath. “I didn’t really think about it, to be honest. I never felt safe enough to speak such a thing out loud, even if we were somewhere Dad couldn’t possibly overhear. He had a way of finding things out. Hell, he was already getting suspicious. That was why I started dating Rebecca, actually. It was shitty of me to use her like that when I knew she had a thing for me, but in my mind, it was about survival.”
“Don’t even worry about that,” Lain said. “She’s moved on. She’s married with two kids. Her husband’s the only orthodontist in town, and they have one of the nicest houses in Rose County. She’s doing just fine—and if anybody is holding a grudge on her behalf, they need to get over it.”
“Somebody definitely is,” Cash said. “Which is a thing you and I can discuss later.”
“Why, did something happen?”
“Something,” Cash confirmed. “We’ll talk later in your office, okay?”
“Sure. Actually, why don’t we go to my office, anyway? I’ve got a map of the property and a map of the town, so I can show you which new tracts of lands I’ve bought, and you can help me pick out what you guys want.”
Wilder still couldn’t wrap his brain around it. “Are you sure? You really want to just give us this land?”
Lain sat back, looking satisfied. “I really do. It belongs to you anyway, really. I was just borrowing some of it until you could come back for it.”
Cash’s hand landed on Wilder’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s do it.”