Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Joker hated this. Hated that he had hurt his best friend after worrying him for days. He slowly followed Jack down the walkway leading to their section of private beach. Jack stopped at the end and leaned against the wooden railing, arms crossed over his chest. His best friend was never this quiet.
“I’m sorry you found out that way,” Joker said softly, leaning against the railing across from Jack, the waves crashing against the shore calming him.
“You knew I had the ring. I just didn’t know when it would happen, and tonight, it felt right, so I proposed.
I didn’t know the Boyfriend Collective would be on our doorstep five minutes later.
Fitz saw the ring, assumed I’d told you already, and texted you. ”
Jack sighed. “I know it wasn’t your fault, or his, and I’m happy for you, I really am.
How could I not be? There’s no one more perfect for you than Gio.
It’s just…” He closed his eyes and shook his head.
“With everything that happened, I…” His bottom lip wobbled, and he opened his eyes.
Joker was stunned by the tears in them. “When the doctor told me how bad it was, I thought, ‘This is it. Our luck’s run out. I’m going to lose my best friend.
’ And I know there are no certainties in life, but I figured we weren’t at war anymore, and yet…
” He shook his head again, his lips pressed together in a thin line in an attempt to keep his emotions in check, but a tear escaped anyway. Jack quickly wiped it away.
Joker swallowed hard. “Remember years ago, those photos of me and Fitz sitting together on the beach, talking?”
“What?”
“Before you and Fitz got together.”
“Um, yeah?”
“I never told you what we talked about. We talked about you.”
Jack frowned. “Me?”
“Yeah.” Joker shoved his hands into his pockets.
“It was when everything was changing so fast. Ace and Colton were getting married. Red, Lucky, and even King had fallen in love. I was scared I was losing my family. Fitz was sweet and reassured me that it would never happen. But I could see that Fitz was special, and he would be so good for you.”
“And you got scared you were going to lose me.”
Joker nodded. “Then there was that accident when you were in the hospital, so I get the fear you felt when I got hurt.”
Jack’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you serious right now? I was in a car accident, and yeah, I was banged up, but I was fine. I was able to talk to you right after it happened.” Jack stepped away from the railing. “You were shot and in a fucking coma with a brain injury, Sacha!”
Joker studied his friend. “How much sleep have you had?”
“Are you fucking listening to me?”
“Yes, I’m fucking listening to you,” Joker growled. “How much sleep have you had, Jack?”
Jack growled but fell back against the railing. “I don’t know. The days have all blurred together.”
“Wait a minute…” Joker eyed him. There was no way Fitz would be all happy and perky if he knew what was going on with Jack. “Fitz doesn’t know. Why?”
“How did this conversation become about me?”
“Because you’re the one who looks like shit. Why doesn’t Fitz know?”
“Because I lied.”
Joker stared at his best friend. “What the fuck, Jack?”
“What was I supposed to say to him? ‘No, babe, I’m not okay. Every night, I close my eyes and think about that fucking video of my best friend getting shot and kicked in the head. It replays in my mind over and over, and if I do manage to fall asleep because I’m so fucking tired, I get woken up by nightmares of the doctor telling me he didn’t make it.
’ I told Fitz I was taking naps at the hospital. ”
Joker glared at him. “You promised him you were done with that shit.”
“I know,” Jack snapped. “Do you have any idea what it was like to watch every second of what happened to you? It broke me. So excuse me for fucking falling apart and not going on with my life like it’s all sunshine and fucking rainbows!”
Joker moved away from the rail and grabbed his best friend, pulling him into a hug. At first, Jack tried to back away. “I’m sorry,” Joker whispered.
Jack stilled, and a heartbeat later, he wrapped his arms around Joker and did what he’d probably been holding back for days.
He cried.
Joker closed his eyes and clung to his best friend, the one person who had been there for him from the beginning.
If it hadn’t been for Jack asking his mother if Joker could stay over, which led to him almost always being at Jack’s house, who knew where Joker would have ended up.
He went from having no one to having Jack and a whole army of brothers and their annoyingly loving partners.
He had the kind of life he never let himself wish for as a kid because if his own parents hadn’t wanted him, who else would?
“I owe you so much,” Joker said quietly.
Jack sniffed and pulled away. He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. “You don’t owe me anything. We’re family.” He let out a shuddered breath. “Don’t let Gio watch that footage. Ever.”
Joker nodded, though he knew Gio never would.
All Gio needed was to know that Joker would be okay and by his side.
Why watch something that would only bring him heartache?
Jack was more analytical, and sometimes that meant his brain needed to see something to process it.
Unfortunately, that something had caused him to spiral to the point of sleep deprivation and exhaustion.
“You know he’s gonna be really upset,” Joker said, leaning against the railing next to Jack.
Jack sighed. “I know. But I also knew that if I said anything, he’d start to worry and fuss, and I’ve been so tired that I was afraid I’d say something I didn’t mean and hurt him. I love him so much.”
“I know,” Joker murmured. They stood side by side, not speaking, just listening to the ocean. It was peaceful.
“Remember when you said you were never falling in love because love was for suckers?” Jack’s smile was wicked. “To quote Ace, ‘Oh, how the mighty have fallen.’ In love.”
Joker grunted. “You done?”
“Nope.” Jack turned, his smile wide. “Holy shit, man. You’re getting married!”
Joker felt his face heat up. He opened his mouth to respond when Jack cut him off.
“I swear, if you say it’s not a big deal, I will murder you.”
“Wait, first you’re crying about losing me, and now you’re threatening to kill me?”
Jack glared at Joker.
“Too soon?” Joker smiled widely.
“Yes, way too fucking soon. Especially since I now have to find a way to tell my boyfriend what an asshole I’ve been.” Jack went quiet. “Why tonight?”
Joker was confused. “Why should you tell your boyfriend tonight?”
“No, ass. Why did you propose tonight? How did you know tonight was the right time?”
“Oh. When I woke up in the hospital, I was so out of it. It felt like that day after the ambush, but without the part where I lost my shit. In that moment, all I could feel was this soul-crushing pain. The weight of it all was suffocating. I felt lost, scared, fucking pissed, and so alone.”
“But you weren’t alone. You had us,” Jack said quietly.
“But I didn’t know that at the time, did I?
Not until you all rushed in to stop me from hurting someone.
Before that, I thought I’d lost everything.
Then came the heartache of knowing I’d lost Echo.
” Joker sniffed and cleared his throat. “When I heard that video of me and Chip, of Gio, even before my brain had put the pieces together, the relief I felt inside was instant, like this heavy darkness was gone. I was safe and loved.
“And yeah, remembering Echo wasn’t here hurt all over again, but going from the fear of having lost it all to the realization that, wait, I had it all.
I not only had my family, but also something I never thought I’d have—someone who loves me, all of me, just the way I am, enough to build a life with me.
Then we got home, to our home. Chip and Cookie were waiting for us, and Gio was there to take care of me with that big heart of his, filled with patience and love for me…
I kept trying to figure out what had changed, and then I knew.
And by the way, between Gio and you, I’m officially maxed out on the whole sharing my feelings thing, so you know, it’s all grumpiness from here on out for the rest of our lives. ”
Jack barked out a laugh. “You’re such an ass, and I love you.”
“I love you too. Okay, now I’m really done. We should head back before King puts together a search party. Also, I need to sit down. This recovery is shit. I hate feeling so fucking tired all the time.” They headed for the house.
“It’ll get better. Rest and keep letting Gio love on you.” Jack went quiet for a heartbeat. “So, who’s going to be your best man?”
Joker stopped and turned to him. “Really? Did you really just ask me that? I should have Chip bury you in the sand for asking such a dumbass question.”
“How can I be your best man if I’m buried up to my neck in sand?”
Joker shrugged as he started walking again. “We’ll just have the wedding around you. The altar can be next to your head.”
Jack laughed. “There’s always Ace.”
“That would mean he’d be the one planning my bachelor party, and almost dying once is enough.”
Jack glared at him, and Joker smiled.
“Too soon?”
An evil smile came onto Jack’s face.
“What? What’s that face for?” Joker asked, bracing himself.
“Just remembering that the Boyfriend Collective is active and waiting to smother you with their love.”
“Fuuuuuuck.”
“Plus,” Jack added, looking too smug for his own good. “You still have to talk to Ace.”
“Again, I say fuuuuuuck.” Another heart-to-heart. Joker sighed. A couple of nights ago, Gio had filled him in on how Ace had ended up in a cast.
“I never thought he’d be the one to get triggered,” Jack murmured.
“Really? Mister Anston Sunshine-and-rainbows-nothing-ever-gets-to-me Sharpe?” Joker wasn’t surprised.
He’d known Ace for a long time. He could see through the jokes and antics.
Lucky might be the most dramatic of all of them, but Ace was the most emotional.
He’d just become an expert at hiding behind his smile. “I’ll talk to him.”
Joker wasn’t oblivious. He knew the pain he’d put his brothers through, and he wasn’t the least bit surprised it had opened up old wounds.
Hell, it had opened up some of his own. But they were all in very different places now and better equipped to handle setbacks.
They also had each other and the rest of their family.
Ace would have what he needed. Joker would make sure of it.