Chapter 16
The door closes behind Addie, and I flop back on the bed with a groan, throwing an arm over my eyes. What the hell just happened?
One minute we can’t keep our hands off each other and we have mind-blowing sex, and the next she's bolting like I’m diseased. I replay our conversation in my head, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong.
She asked me if I was going to date other women. I said no. She acted like she was cool with it if I did. And then she gave me that Emma chick's number and pretty much told me to go for it.
But she wasn't cool with it, not really. I could see it in her eyes, the way her smile didn't quite reach them when she was playing casual. It was like she was testing me, waiting to see if I'd jump at the chance to get with someone else.
Doesn't she know she's ruined me for other women? No one else even compares.
But maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm coming on too strong, scaring her off with the intensity of my unspoken feelings. She agreed to one more hookup without much of a fight––really like she just wanted me to be quiet, and then she couldn't get away from me fast enough.
My body shudders with my racing thoughts. I can't lose her. I can't let this be the end of us before we even have a chance to start. But what the hell do I do now?
Our next time needs to be mind-blowing.
I need a game plan, a way to show her that I'm in this for real without just saying it outright because that’s going to freak her out. I know her and she will not handle that well.
I have a gut feeling that she doesn’t want to ruin our current friendship, but hell, it’s too late for that now. She's not just some practice doll to me. I can’t ever go back to the way things were. I have to make sure that it never does.
I groan again, dragging my hands down my face. I'm so far out of my depth here. I've never had to fight for a girl before. But Addie's not just any girl, and I'll be damned if I let her slip through my fingers.
First things first, I need reinforcements. I grab my phone and shoot a text to the boys.
Ryan: Emergency bro meeting before the game tomorrow. I need help.
Andrew: See, China Wall. Those bricks are loosening.
Chase: Sounds like Ryan needs an intervention
Ryan: Fuck off Andrew.
Colton: Brother’s got it bad (sheep emoji)
Ryan: I don’t know why I say anything
Chase: We’re already going to be together tomorrow like one big happy family
Andrew: Yeah, no announcement needed, so we have to give you shit
I’m done looking at my phone.
I toss and turn all night, my mind racing with worst-case scenarios.
By the time my morning alarm goes off, I'm a jittery mess. My bag is packed, I went for a run, and I ate a large breakfast. I need to figure out how to seriously win her because I feel like I’m losing here.
All the shit I’ve heard growing up about women being confusing is starting to dawn true now.
This is the most complicated situation I’ve ever been in, and my heart is heavily invested.
I think it’s safe to say that I’m madly in love with her.
The guys take one look at me and descend like vultures.
“Damn, Wilder, you look like shit,” Colton says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Trouble with the girlfriend?”
I scowl at him. “Addie and I aren't together, dumbass.”
Colton corrects himself. “Fake girlfriend, man. You know what I mean.”
“But you want to be,” Chase chimes in, waggling his eyebrows. “And from the looks of it, that's not going so well, eh?”
I shake my head, making my way onto the bus. “Nope, it’s not. But I don't know if I can talk about it now.”
“Too bad,” Andrew says, walking behind me. “We’re all here now for this little meeting you called, so spill. What's going on with you and your 'not-girlfriend'?”
I sigh, fiddling with my bag. “Things are awkward. Ever since we started hooking up, it's like we don't know how to act around each other anymore.”
“Well, yeah,” Colton says. “That's what happens when you start banging your best friend, man.”
I glare at him. “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
Chase leans forward, his expression curious. “So, what happened to bring on this little crisis? Is it just awkward or, did you two have a fight or something?”
“No, not exactly.” I blow out a breath. “She, uh, she gave me some other chick's number last night. Told me I should call her.”
Their jaws drop in unison. “She what?” Andrew demands.
I shrug helplessly. “This Emma girl came into the sports bar where Addie works, and I guess she recognized her from a pic I posted of us a while back. Asked Addie to pass along her digits.”
“And Addie actually did it?” Colton asks. “What the fuck, man?”
I scrub a hand over my face. “She said she didn't want to hold me back or whatever. That if I wanted to date other people, she was cool with it.”
“Bullshit,” Chase says flatly. “That girl is ass over teakettle for you, Wilder. No way she wants you getting with someone else.”
“I don’t know,” I mutter.
They all groan. “Dude, are you blind?” Andrew asks. “Addie's been looking at you like you hung the moon for years. And now that you're finally hooking up, she's probably freaking out about catching feelings.”
“Yeah, you're in a minefield, bro,” Colton agrees. “We told you that you have to be extra careful with this friends-with-benefits shit. One wrong move and kaboom.”
I drop my head into my hands with a muttered curse. They're right. I've been so focused on not scaring Addie off with my own feelings that I didn't stop to consider she might be struggling with hers too.
“So what the hell do I do?” I ask, my voice muffled. “She's already trying to cut this thing off and I'm not ready for that.”
“Of course, she's trying to cut it off,” Andrew says, exasperated. “She loves you back, man. But she probably thinks you just see her as a convenience lay.”
My head snaps up. “That's not––”
“We know that,” Chase cuts in. “But does she?”
I open my mouth to argue...and then close it again.
Because fuck , are they right? Baddie did mention that I don’t need any pointers in bed.
She said I’m perfect and asking her to agree to one more time makes me sound like a desperate asshole.
She clearly wants to cut things off, but I can’t. I need a fucking master plan.
I've been so careful not to push, not to let on how crazy I am about her. But what if that's exactly the wrong approach? What if Addie needs me to make a move, to show her this is more than just sex to me?
“Shit,” I mutter. “Okay, so I need a master plan, boys. A grand gesture or something. How do I convince her I'm serious about this? About her?”
The guys exchange looks, smirks spreading over their faces. “Oh, we've got some ideas,” Colton says, rubbing his hands together. “First things first—how's your dirty talk game?”
I choke on air. “Uh, what?”
“You know, your pillow patter! Do you rev her engine with that filthy mouth or what?”
My face flames. “I mean, I'm not a monk. But I don't get like, super graphic or anything.”
Colton tsks. “Well, there's your first problem, my dude. Chicks dig that raunchy shit. You gotta tell her how good she feels, how much you love sinking into her tight little––”
“Okay, Christ sakes, Colt. That's enough!” I snap.
He cackles. “What's the matter, Wilder? Too shy to tell Addie all the dirty things you want to do to her? Because I guarantee she wants to hear them.”
I squirm, uncomfortable. It's not like I'm a prude. But the thought of saying that stuff out loud makes me want to die a little. I'm more of an "actions speak louder than words" kind of guy.
“I don't know,” I hedge. “What if she freezes up or gets embarrassed? I don't want to make her uncomfortable.”
Andrew rolls his eyes. “Dude, you've just gotta ask her if she likes it. Basic sex etiquette. You've never checked in with a chick you're railing to make sure she's feeling it?”
“Um.” I cough. “Not in so many words, no.”
They burst out laughing and my cheeks burn.
“Sorry for wanting to respect who I’m in bed with.”
“You can respect her and still cop a feel,” Colton says.
Shit, I could’ve just come to the team about my vanilla sex situation and this shit with Addison wouldn’t be all the way in left field right now.
Colton continues, “Seriously though, you've got to grab this bull by the horns, bro. Take control of the situation or you're gonna get bucked right out of the saddle, if you know what I'm saying. And then you’re done. It’s done for.”
“I literally never know what you're saying,” I deadpan. “Ever at all. Your metaphors are atrocious. Your jam is not my jam.”
“The point,” Chase cuts in, “is that you need to make a move. Show Addie that you're not in this for a quick roll in the hay. You want the whole kit and caboodle.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Okay, one, never say 'roll in the hay' again. And two, 'kit and caboodle'? Really? What is it with this weird ass commentary? Where do you guys come up with these things?”
He shrugs. “I heard it on some old-timey show my grandma watches. Seemed to fit.”
“You're all insane,” I mutter. But my mind is already racing ahead, plotting my next steps. I need to put myself out there and make it clear to Addie that my feelings run deeper than just friendship. Dirty talk is not the best advice. I glance at Colton––mother fucker.
I'm still trying to nail down the details of my master plan when the coaches stroll onto the bus. I glance at the guys to get them to be quiet because my dad thinks it’s official with Addison.
If he hears that something is going on with her and I, I will never hear the end of it.
If we win or lose this next game, my father will chew me up and spit me out.
So, I push all thoughts of Addie and our complicated situation aside and stare out the bus window while we start the drive.
I can't help but wonder what she's doing. If she's thinking about me. About us.
I pull out my phone and shoot her a quick text before I can lose my nerve.