Chapter 26
I pace back and forth across the living room, my phone pressed tightly to my ear as I try to keep the rising panic out of my voice. “She's not home yet, Mav. It's past ten o'clock and she's still gone.”
Chase says, “I don't know, man. She probably just needs some time to process everything.”
I scoff, running a hand through my hair for the hundredth time. “She has nowhere else to go. What if something happened to her? What if she's out there somewhere, hurt or lost or–”
“Hey, hey, slow down,” Chase cuts in, his tone calm. “Let's not jump to worst-case scenarios. Have you tried the coffee shop? Maybe she went there.”
I stop short, feeling like an idiot. Of course. The coffee shop. Why didn't I think of that?
“Fuck, you're right. I should go check–”
“Hold on,” Chase interrupts again. “I think Colt is out right now. I'll shoot him a text and have him swing by Baddie Addie’s. You stay put in case Addie comes home, okay?”
I deflate, sinking down onto the couch cushions. “Okay. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Mav.”
“Anytime, bro. Keep your head up. She'll be back.”
We hang up and I drop my phone onto the coffee table, burying my face in my hands. God, this is all my fault. I knew this would blow up in my face eventually, but I never thought or imagined she'd walk out on me like that.
Then again, maybe I should have seen it coming.
It's not the first time she's run when things got too heavy between us.
I think back to that night after a game, the night we cuddled and I let myself hope, just for a moment, that she might feel something real for me.
She'd bolted then too, leaving me confused and aching in ways I didn't fully understand.
And then, mere weeks later, she was in my arms again. Telling me she loved me, that she'd always loved me. It was everything I'd ever wanted to hear, a dream come true. But now…
Now I'm wondering if I pushed too hard again. If I scared her off with the intensity of my feelings, the desperate depth of my need for her.
I know Addie, know how independent she is. How hard it is for her to let anyone in, to accept help or comfort or love. And here I am, bulldozing through her carefully constructed walls like a goddamn wrecking ball.
I groan, tipping my head back against the couch cushions. I'm an idiot. A well-meaning, hopelessly in-love idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.
My phone buzzes with an incoming text and I lunge for it, hope flaring bright and hot in my chest. But it's just Colton, confirming what I already feared.
Colton: She's not here.
The three little words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind right out of me. If she's not there, then where the hell is she?
Horrible scenarios start playing out in my head like some kind of sadistic highlight reel. Addie lost and alone, crying in her car, too upset to drive. Addie in a hospital bed, broken and bleeding and calling out for me.
I shoot to my feet, unable to sit still a second longer. I start pacing again, spiraling deeper and deeper into my own dark thoughts.
This is all my fucking fault. I knew, I knew hiding the truth from her was a mistake. But I did it anyway, too chickenshit to have an honest conversation with the woman I claim to love more than my own life.
And for what? To spare her pride? To avoid a fight? To keep her from running again, like she did the last time I let my feelings show too clearly?
Selfish. I was so fucking selfish. Putting my own fears and insecurities above her. God, no wonder she can't stand to be around me right now.
I'm halfway to the front door, keys in hand, when I hear it. The soft jingle of a key in the lock, the creak of hinges.
“Addie?” I breathe, hardly daring to believe it.
But there she is, standing in the doorway with red puffy eyes on her beautiful face. My heart cracks right down the middle at the sight.
“Baby,” I murmur, crossing the space between us in three long strides. I wrap her up in my arms, tucking her head under my chin and breathing in the sweet, familiar scent of her. “I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Ads.”
She shakes her head against my chest. “It's okay,” she whispers, her voice raw and ragged. “I understand.”
She takes a shaky step out of my embrace, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, not meeting my eyes. “I just...I need some air.”
I nod, even as my arms ache to reach for her again. I know I'm a big guy. I’m two of her. I take a step back, giving her space, giving her room to breathe. She keeps her gaze on the floor. A heavy silence stretches between us, thick with unspoken words and barely contained emotion.
“I have issues, Ryan,” she says finally, her voice small and painfully vulnerable. “I run away when things get tough. I want to do everything on my own because ever since I was little, I didn't have a choice. Losing my mom…”
Her voice cracks and fresh tears spill down her cheeks. I ball my hands into fists to keep from reaching for her, every cell in my body screaming to comfort her.
“Losing her made me hard,” Addie continues, her words hitching and breaking. “Closed off. And you're the only person I've ever really let in, the only one who's seen past the walls. So, finding out you were hiding something from me...it hurt, Ry. It hurt so much.”
My eyes burn and my throat feels tight, shame and regret rising like bile in the back of my throat. “Addie–”
“But I'm here,” she cuts me off, finally raising her red-rimmed eyes to meet mine. “I came back. Because even though I'm scared, even though everything in me is telling me to run. I don't want to. I don’t want to lose what we have.”
The confession steals my breath. “You won't lose me,” I vow, taking a step towards her. “Ads, you're it for me. You’re my girl.”
She gives me a soft smile, fresh tears tracking down her face.
“I don’t like when people hide things. I don’t think I’ve told you this before but my dad couldn’t tell me about my mom for a few days, so he told me lies, and I thought she was on vacation.
I get really triggered when it comes to any lies or hiding anything, so any sign of that and I’m out. ”
“Shit,” I mutter. “Addie, I’m sorry.”
She nods. “Like I said, I have issues, Ryan, but in my heart, I know you were just trying to help. It wasn’t cool going behind my back. But next time, please, just talk to me. Communicate with me. If we’re going to be together, I’ll give you that respect and I need that same respect back.”
“I promise it won’t ever happen again. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything shady or manipulating, I swear.” That’s the last thing I want her to think of me.
She nods, pulling me in for a hug. “And I'm sorry for running. I don’t mean to. I don't want you to think I'm too damaged or fucked up to love. I'm trying, I promise I'm trying.”
“You’re not any of that, baby, I promise.” I hug her tightly. “A few bumps in the road will never change the way I feel about you. I will never keep things from you or go behind your back again. You deserve so much more than that.”
Her voice is muffled against my chest when she says, “Thank you.”
The sound of my phone ringing cuts through the moment, making both of us jump. I fumble for my back pocket, an apology already forming on my lips. “Shit, sorry. It's probably just the guys checking in.”
Addie takes a small step back, giving me space to fish out my phone. Sure enough, Chase's name is flashing on the screen. I give her a grin before swiping to answer.
“Hey, Chase.”
“Is she home yet?”
I let out a slow breath, my eyes finding Addie's. “Yeah, she's here. We're okay.”
The relief in Chase's sigh is obvious. “Good. That's really good, man. I'm glad.”
“Yeah, me too.” I rub the back of my neck, suddenly feeling awkward. “Listen, thanks for earlier. For talking me down and having Colt check the shop. I owe you one.”
“Nah, you don't owe me shit,” he says easily. “That's what brothers are for. I'm just happy things worked out.”
I don't know what I did to deserve a team, a family, like this, but I thank my lucky stars for them every damn day.
“Thanks, man. Really.”
“Anytime. Now go kiss and make up with your girl. I'll see you at practice tomorrow.”
I chuckle lowly. “Will do. Night, Chase.”
“Night, Ry.”
I end the call and slide my phone back into my pocket, turning to find Addie watching me with a soft, curious expression.
“Did you tell the whole team about our fight?” she asks, but there's no judgment in her voice. Just a hint of surprise and maybe even a little curiosity.
I playfully wince. “Believe it or not, they’re the ones who told me I fucked up by going behind your back with the rent thing. It was my decision to do that, but once I told them, they told me to undo it, so I did. Said I couldn’t do that kind of shit. It’s not right.”
“They were right,” she whispers with a smirk.
“And yeah, I kind of freaked out when you left. I needed some advice. They also called me out on my bullshit back when we first started this whole friends-with-benefits thing. Said I was kidding myself if I thought I could keep my feelings out of it.”
Her eyebrows shoot up, a surprised laugh bubbling out of her. “Oh my god. So, they know everything?”
“Almost. Not everything.” I keep my eyes on her and she’s blushing. “I’m sorry,” she chuckles. “I’m having a hard time imagining a bunch of hockey players sitting around the locker room sharing secrets.”
I shrug. “Hey, it happens. Oh, you know the list I sent you? Yeah, they begged to read my list, but the idea of it was all theirs.”
She looks at me through her lashes. “Ryan!” she laughs. “No way. You’re taking solid advice from them? Maybe I need to cook for them more often. Thank them for keeping you in check.”
I chuckle, loving the hell out of that thought. “They would race over here if you tell them that.”
“I love that they’re your family. They’re good guys.”
Speaking of family. “I talked to my dad. Or I guess I should say my dad had a talk with me.”
“Oh?” She stills. “How did it go?”
I brush a strand of hair off her forehead, letting my fingers linger on her smooth skin. “Really well, actually. He apologized for the way he acted at my party. Said he was projecting his own past hurt onto me and that it wasn't fair.”
“Wow.” Addie blinks rapidly like she's trying to process this unexpected information. “That's really big of him.”
“I thought so too. He also said he was happy for me. For us. That he can see how much you mean to me, and he supports it fully.”
She smiles brightly. “He said that? Really?”
I nod. “He’s glad to see me happy.”
“And you are?”
“What?” I ask confused for a moment.
“Happy? Are you happy?”
I grab her, pulling her body into mine. I stare into her eyes for a few silent beats. “Baby, I’ve never been happier.”
And then we're kissing, slow and sweet and so full of promise it makes my head spin. This woman, god. I’m weak in the knees.
And finally, in all the years we’ve known each other, I'm not afraid to tell her that. To show her with every touch, every word, every breath that I’m completely gone for her.
We've wasted so much time, dancing around our feelings. Hiding behind jokes and bad flirting, fuckbuddies, and somewhat of a fake relationship.
But from now on, I'm all in. No more secrets, no more pretending, and no more avoiding. Just me and her and this crazy, beautiful friendship that evolved into something I didn’t know was possible. I could never imagine it could be this good.
Addison Christina Montgomery, I hope you're ready. Because now that I've got you…I'm never letting you go.
Not for anything. Not for anyone.
You're stuck with me, baby.
For better or worse, for richer or poorer.
In hockey pads and coffee stains.
In vanilla we trust.
Forever and always.
Love, your Wilder Puck
Ryan