Chapter Eighteen #2
“Of course,” she says as soon as I’m finished explaining the very loose plan that my team came up with. “Whatever you need. I actually brought something that would be perfect for me to wear. But do you think it’ll work?”
“I have no idea, honestly. I don’t think it would hurt to talk to them. Some of them may think we just get off on our dynamic.”
“Nice office,” Halle says over her shoulder with a playful grin as she drags her hand along my desk.
It was her first time visiting the building where my company, Wilder Architectural Group, is located, and hearing her praise something I built with my bare hands is making me want to lock the door and take her against it.
I’m leaning against the wall, one foot crossed over the other, watching as she takes it all in.
She trails her finger along my diploma hanging on the wall before taking a seat in my chair behind my desk.
We have a meeting with my board members at nine, and I don’t really know what to expect.
My lawyer, the head of my public relations, and the head of my human resources are all planning to be in the room, and while they’re there to support me, I hate that it’s come to this.
That they’re making me feel like my relationship is wrong and that I need to have it approved.
I understood that it wasn’t conventional, but the implication that I may be removed as CEO for misconduct stemming from a relationship I’ve had long before this company was even considered feels ridiculous and unjust. I meant what I said when I told Halle I’d walk away from this before I’d walk away from her.
Halle’s hands cup my cheeks, and when I focus on her sweet face, she wears a worried expression. “You were zoning out.”
“Sorry, just thinking about this.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes. If they’re going to be assholes about it, it’s better that I know now.”
A knock on the door interrupts us, and rather than waiting for my response, my lawyer, Steven, enters, followed by Lola, Jack, and my human resources manager, Annie.
“We’re going to head in soon. We just want to make sure you’re doing okay,” Annie says to Halle with a warm smile. “Did anyone ask if you’d like some water or tea?”
Good. Regardless of what happens today, I’ll fire the fuck out of anyone who isn’t kind to her.
This is what I expect from Annie, though. She’s the perfect human resources manager—polite and formal, with a hint of warmth that makes you feel comfortable.
“Yes, someone offered me some water.” Halle points at the sparkling water that my assistant brought her to calm her nerves. Halle has never liked to eat or drink when she’s nervous or anxious, so I knew she wouldn’t want more than that.
“Wonderful, and Mr. Wilder briefed you on everything?” Annie follows up.
“Yes, we went over the deck you sent over last night.” She nods again, and despite the nerves I know to be coursing through her, her voice sounds strong and confident.
We didn’t rehearse or have a script, but we did use some of the commentary they suggested.
But at the end of the day, no one can tell the story of Halle and me better than us, and we are just going with the painful truth.
Ten minutes later, we are following the four of them out of the room and into the one where we hold meetings for large groups.
It’s on the other side of the floor, in a massive room with a large mahogany table in the center, surrounded by thirty leather chairs.
One entire wall is windows with a spectacular view of the city and the Space Needle.
Five people are currently in the room and stand to greet us when we enter, then take their seats.
Halle and I take a seat on the other side, while my team takes various other seats.
“I want to thank you all for meeting with us today. I understand that this may not be what you want to be doing on a Friday morning, but I appreciate the time nonetheless.” I clasp my hands on the table in front of me as I prepare to start.
“First things first, this is Halle St. John. I met her for the first time when I was four years old, and her father fell in love with my mother. At one point, for a very short period, they were married, but he was tragically killed about a year into their marriage. At that point, Halle became an orphan because her mother died during childbirth, making my mother the closest mother figure she had. By the time her father died, Halle and I were already very close, and the thought of separating us wasn’t ideal, so my mother became her legal guardian.
While this may not sway your opinion one way or another, she did not legally adopt her.
” I clear my throat before continuing. “If you’ve seen any of the interviews that I gave at the start of my career, I did mention that Halle and I were present when my stepfather was killed during an armed robbery.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how traumatic that would be for a four- and five-year-old. ”
At this point, one board member, Jeanette, an older Black woman, softens her gaze and unfolds her arms. I was under the impression that everyone was privy to my past, but she seems stunned by my revelation.
“I had to make the 911 call, all while the vision of my stepfather dead on the floor from a gunshot wound was burrowing its way into my psyche for the rest of my life.” I avoid letting myself think too much about that day and the visuals that have stayed with me since, but the dead bodies flash through my brain like it’s happening again in real time.
Halle struggles to recall them because she was so young, but I was just on the cusp of being able to retain memories, and with the nightmares that followed in those months, I’m able to picture everything about that scene—the way the bodies lay, where each victim was shot, and all of the blood.
So much fucking blood.
Halle’s hand rests over mine, and she gives it a gentle squeeze, and I realize that I’ve gone quiet.
I swallow hard, continuing. “My stepfather’s death was senseless.
The deaths of the two other victims who lost their lives that day were senseless.
It was all a tragedy, and the man responsible is currently in North Carolina serving multiple life sentences without the possibility of parole.
But I’m not here to convince you that what we went through was tragic.
I’d hope you could come to that conclusion on your own.
What I’m here to explain is how my relationship with Halle was set into motion that day.
Yes, we were trauma-bonded. I am not denying that.
That much is obvious, and several therapists have confirmed it, both in childhood and adolescence.
You can’t go through something like that and not be connected to that person.
She’s the only person in the world who understood what I went through and vice versa.
” I drag my finger over Halle’s hand that is still resting atop mine.
At this point, three of the five people on the other side of the table seem distraught by what I’ve disclosed.
Jeanette now has tears in her eyes that she’s dabbing with a tissue every few moments.
One man is taking notes, and the other seems more uncomfortable than anything.
I don’t blame him. I’m uncomfortable as well.
“We became extremely codependent. There were times when Halle would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and I’d be there to comfort her.
There were times when I was paralyzed by fear just going into grocery stores, and the only thing that got me through it was holding her hand as we walked through the aisles.
All of it was innocent. Two kids just trying to navigate very adult things.
” I look at her because we agreed that we should both talk, and I was ready for her to take over if she was comfortable.
“As you could imagine,” Halle states, “as we got older, our relationship transformed. We were still codependent, but it was very different. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone. I knew he’d look out for me and protect me from anything, and yes, feelings started to form on both sides.
But contrary to what people may believe, it didn’t feel like I was falling for my stepbrother.
It felt like I was falling for this person who was there on the worst day of my life and every day since.
The person who knew every single thing about me and never once looked at me with judgment.
He understood me, and I understood him because we’d gone through this experience together.
I don’t know how to explain it other than it just happened.
It was something bigger than anything we could control.
And not to sound cliché, but I do feel like he’s my soulmate.
The person who knew me better than anyone, and when you’re living in a world without the two people who brought you into it, you cling to that familiarity.
That feeling that someone gets you. As we got older, we tried to end things, but we didn’t know how to break the bond we had.
But we did try. He moved out here and tried to put distance between us.
But we always found our way back to each other.
It was as if the harder we tried to break apart, the more the universe tried to force us together.
” She shrugs. “Almost like we were magnets.” She looks over at me, and I can almost hear her thoughts.
How was that?
So fucking good, baby. I’m so proud of you. So proud to call you mine. I hope she can read in my eyes before I turn back toward the board members.
“I know how this looks, believe me.” I continue. “But this is not just a forbidden affair. This is my life. Our life, for the past twenty years. And respectfully, there’s nothing that you all could say or do to me that would make me give her up.”