Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
DIXIE
S lowly stepping out of the room that Orla has so kindly let me and Lainey sleep in, I softly close the door. She slept awful last night, and it didn't help that I had only just got her down when Tripp slammed his office door. I get it though, he is not pleased that I am back home after breaking his heart and leaving it bleeding in the dust as I drove away, but I do still care about him. Whether he chooses to believe it or not. It wasn't my plan to wreck my car outside the ranch, but I did.
It also wasn't my plan to stay here, but alas, here I am.
He is raging. I know it, the whole damn house knows it, but I don't think they know exactly why. They just know me as poor little Dixie Walker who lost her mamma and her sister before she skipped town. But they don't know anything. They know nothing about the childhood I had to endure, the way my daddy treated me and my kid sister. I had one job and that was to protect her, and I failed.
But then there was Tripp.
He was the sunshine on my darkest days.
No one knew about us. I didn't even know what we were. We just kind of happened I suppose. We agreed to keep it just between us; we were young and I knew I didn't want to stay here. I needed out of Lovelock Bay and as soon as that scout offered me my golden ticket, I snatched it up.
But that soon dwindled. He was a crook and I have tried to get out, but he has his fingers so deeply pressed into my skin that I can't shake him off, even though I desperately want to.
A few nights of fun with a big boy suit ended up with nine months of sickness and leg cramps but look what I got out of it.
My own ray of Sunshine.
I lost Tripp and was plunged back into the crevices of the darkest parts of my soul, but since Lainey, she has lit my world up in a way like never before. I would give everything for her. My last breath if it meant that she could have just a second longer on this earth. I would sacrifice everything for her.
Everything.
Even come back to the town I was so determined to leave in my past forever.
And the reason I am back?
A funeral.
After the day softly clicks shut, I turn and see Orla standing with fresh towels.
“Go and have a nice hot bath, I’ll listen out for Lainey,” she smiles at me, her eyes kind of watery and my heart swells.
“Are you sure?” I feel like I am taking far too much of her kindness.
“Of course, go and relax. I love having a little bundle in the house and with my three rowdy boys, who knows when I will get a grandchild of my own,” she sighs, but I can see the sadness that blankets her face, her mind elsewhere.
“Thank you, Orla,” I reach out, my hand resting on the top of her arm and her hand covers mine for a brief moment.
I drop it and take the warm towels from her as I tuck myself away in the main bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I let out my held breath. What did I do to deserve someone like Orla?
My heart aches in my chest and I find myself rubbing it out.
I miss my mom. I miss the motherly love that she gave me. Maybe I was seeking that out of Orla, wrapping myself up in a blanket of love. But I knew that blanket would be snatched from me soon enough and I would be back, tossed out and brushing myself down again.
Sighing, I hang the towels on the heated towel rail and peel my tee from my sticky skin. I say my tee, when it’s actually Pacey’s.
The Montana sun is warm which heats up the cabin like a furnace.
Looking around the large bathroom, the floors are covered in an off-white tile. To my left is a his and hers vanity sink unit, a large mirror hanging over it. To my right is the toilet and ahead is a beautiful copper tub with a copper free hanging shower and a glass shower door, the floor slightly slopped so the water can run away, and to the left of the tub where your feet would be facing, is a large window overlooking the rolling green and snow kissed mountains.
Folding the tee up, I place it on the sink unit. My eyes lift from the soft material and catch my reflection in the mirror.
Tired blue eyes, puffy bags and pale skin.
I felt every bit broken, every bit tired and worn out.
I wasn't in control and that didn't help. Everything that has happened over the last twenty-four hours have not been conducted by me. This trip here was made because it needed to be made. I didn't want to come back here.
Being back in the house that I used to get sneaked into, being back in the close proximity of the only man that ever held my heart so delicately, was not because I wanted to be. I ended up here in some weird, twist of fate.
My eyes fall to my stomach, a little saggy and covered in silver stretch marks from my blessing.
I never wanted kids.
Never wanted to ever put them into a position where they could lose me. No child should lose a parent. No child should grow up without their mother.
I never wanted that for my kids.
So, my solution? Don't have them.
It was that simple.
But Lainey happened. She found me.
And I am so glad she did.
My life has never been the same since.
And I mean that in the best way.
Shaking my thoughts from my head, I tiptoe across the tiled bathroom floor and pop my toe into the copper bath. The warmth splinters over my skin and I feel myself instantly relax. I lower myself down and sink beneath the water. My eyes close for just a moment, my fingers curled round the cool roll top of the tub and my heart slows to a steady beat. When I finally open my eyes, I focus on the view in front of me. It was breathtaking. And just for that second, I was somewhere far, far away from my train wreck of a life.
The way the green hills rolled into the distance, the pretty mountains stood tall and proud, the glisten of the winter snow—which over the next couple of months will gradually melt, but only for a moment before it's back, wrapped around the top of them.
No one can see me, my view is completely unrestricted, and I imagine what it must feel like to live somewhere like this, where this is your view. Every corner of this house has a picturesque view wrapped around it. Every part of it is perfect.
I let my eyes close again, and I lose myself in happy memories.
And only then does my heart feel like it's really beating in my chest.
I am dressed in one of the few outfits I shoved into my small suitcase. Bootleg jeans and a white knotted shirt with a gray tank underneath. My chocolate brown hair is in loose waves, tumbling down my back. I walk into the room and see Lainey sitting with Jorge.
My eyes glisten but I blink the unshed tears away before anyone notices.
“Hey,” I hold my hand up then lock my fingers in front of me.
Jorge smiles at me, before he focuses his attention back on Lainey.
Orla rounds the corner and pops a fresh pot of coffee on.
“I hope you didn't mind that I offered to bring her downstairs?” she half asks, and I can hear the cautiousness in her voice.
I was drying my hair when Lainey started fussing, Orla kindly offered to help.
“Of course not,” I smile, sheepishly walking into the kitchen and dragging a stool out to sit on. The whole house is rustic. Typical ranch home. It's beautiful.
“Are you hungry? I am going to be making brisket shortly for dinner, but I have some fresh bread that has not long finished. I was going to make some sandwiches if you are?” She potters around, and only when I watch her do I realise she has been grocery shopping. There are nappies, formula, baby food, purees and snacks for Lainey. As well as some toys and a highchair that is sitting in the box.
“Did you get her all of this?” and I don't know why, but my voice squeaks.
“I did,” Orla turns, “did I overstep?” her face falters for just a moment thinking that she has upset me.
“No, not at all. But please, let me write you a check.”
I go to stand and find my purse, but Jorge clears his throat which gains my attention.
“Please, sit back down,” the softness in his voice makes me feel warm and I swallow the lump that is lodged in my throat back down. “It's our treat, we have the room, we have space and well, the room is yours and Lainey's if you want it?”
I choke on a sob that I am fighting to hold in and reach for a tissue box that is sat in the middle of the woodwork surface. I grab one and dab my eyes.
“You've been so kind,” I sniffle.
“For you Dixie, we would do anything. You deserve a home to feel welcome in, to feel safe in…” Orla's voice is tight as she stands behind Jorge. “I know this is probably a flying visit, but you have a home here, if you want it of course.”
I break eye contact and focus on my hands, fiddling with my tear-soaked tissue. I am not used to people being so kind to me, there was only one that had a kind heart, and it was Orla and Jorge's son.
Inhaling a shaky breath, I lift my head to focus on the two people who have opened their home to me and my daughter.
“My plan was not to stay here...” I pause for a moment and look at Lainey. She is reaching up and grabbing Jorge's nose, he is smiling down at her and my heart warms in my chest. “I have some things I need to sort out, but honestly, I have nowhere else to go... I was going to stay at Sylvia's but...”
I see their silently begging eyes on me.
“I would love to stay here, only if you promise you don't mind?”
Orla claps her hands together and rounds the center island, wrapping her arms around me.
“Thank you so much,” I sniffle as tears prick in my eyes again, “you'll never know how much this means to me.”
“It's the least we can do,” Orla chokes, squeezing me a little tighter.
She breaks away and I stand, swooping a fussing Lainey from Jorge and he sets about unboxing her highchair.
“If there is anything I have missed or she needs, please let us know and we can run back to the store...”
“Actually, there are a few things I would like to grab, would you mind taking us?” I ask, popping Lainey's pacifier into her mouth and bouncing her on my hip.
“Of course, let me pack this away and get the brisket on and I will be good to go.” Orla says and I take that as my cue to leave.
I get Lainey washed and changed before breastfeeding her. I didn't want to say in front of Jorge that I breastfeed and didn't need the formula milk, but I'll bring it with me and tell Orla to refund it.
Lainey's chubby little hands reach up and play with my mom's old necklace, a round golden pendant with two crystal stars sitting alongside the moon. The stars connected by a string, tied off with a dainty heart.
She always said we were the stars, she was the moon. Always there, even when we couldn't see her.
Lainey's wide blue eyes are on me, black long lashes framing them. Her hair dark and curly. I am obsessed with everything about her.
The love of my life.
This is all for her.
Everything I do in this life is for her.
This wasn't what I planned when I came back to Lovelock Bay, but I am eternally grateful to Orla and Jorge. I just hope Tripp is okay with what his parents have offered, but honestly, I am not holding my breath.
Orla is patient whilst I scour the shelves trying to work out what I need. I packed enough for a long weekend, but I needed more clothes just in case this trip isn’t as quick as I planned. I filled my cart with everything me and Lainey needed. Once paid, we loaded it into the back of Orla's truck then headed back to the grocery store.
We agreed to donate the unwanted formula and I grabbed a couple of must needs. Orla pushed the cart, talking to Lainey and soothing her when needed. We loaded the truck back up and Orla pulled out the carpark.
“Shall we pop into town for lunch? We can dump the bags at home with Jorge?” Orla turns to face me, a wide smile on her face.
“I don't mind unloading? But yes, lunch sounds lovely,” and it does, but my stomach knots when I think about how much I have just loaded on my already busting credit card.
“No, don't be silly. Jorge can do it, he doesn't do much on a Saturday, so it won't hurt him,” she winks and a wide grin presses against my lips as I look out the window at the town I grew up in, but feel like I was robbed of, if that even makes sense.
Looking over my shoulder, Lainey is softly snoring in her car seat and my heart races under my skin, but that racing soon turns to dread when I see Tripp's truck parked back on the drive.
“Don't you worry about Tripp,” Orla reads my thoughts and I turn to look at her, brows furrowed. “He comes across grumpy, but he is my sunshine boy. Let me deal with him. You stay in here with Lainey, I won't be a moment,” she smiles sweetly at me and slips out the truck. She is so petite and looks ridiculous driving this big truck, but she somehow suits it.
I crinkle my nose as I squint and look over the pastures, the cows free roaming and the silence that I was enjoying is soon clipped short when I hear the sound of a truck approaching. I lower my head slightly and notice the truck slowing beside me, and there he was, Riggs Rivera. A slow smirk tugs at his lips, his eyes hidden behind tinted aviators and of course, his signature cowboy hat.
I see Aspen peek around him and give me a small wave. I don't remember much about her, just knew she was the up and coming show jumper of Lovelock Bay.
I shrink in my chair and just as Riggs rolls to a stop, a thunderous Tripp storms out the house, Orla running after him.
Shit.
My heart jumps into my throat and I feel sick.
Riggs is out the truck, pushing his hands against Tripp’s chest, trying to knock him back and Aspen is rounding the front of the hood, trying to squeeze between the two brothers.
My hands are over my mouth and guilt consumes me whole.
“Calm the fuck down,” I hear Riggs bellow and Tripp finally seems to calm. Jorge is out on the porch, hands on his hips and Aspen is looking between me and Tripp.
Ground swallow me up, please Lord.
Orla barges past her son, an equally thunderous look painted on her pretty face and Aspen is hot on her heels.
“Aspen, honey, help me with these bags,” Orla says, but I don't miss the tremble in her voice.
“Sure thing,” Aspen chirps, loading herself with the bags and as she passes, she mouths hi .
My cheeks flame.
Riggs walks past and gives a curt nod, a smile on his face the whole time and you just know that he is loving every moment of this.
I look over my shoulder again and look at Lainey. All anxiety hashes out in a moment as I focus on her, but when I turn to face the front, Tripp is standing in front of the truck. His eyes are dark, a scour etched into his face and his fists are balled by his side.
Riggs eventually clasps his shoulder tightly and drags him back into the house, Aspen follows Riggs and presses onto her tiptoes to give him a kiss goodbye before she skips towards the truck.
Orla climbs in the front, Aspen in the back as she quietly closes the door.
“Sorry about that,” Orla dusts herself off an imaginary flint.
“No, Orla, I am sorry. Maybe I should just go to Sylvia's.” I wince.
“Not a chance. This is my home, you're my guest. You're staying.”
“You don't mess with mama Rivera,” Aspen perches herself between the two seat headrests, a wide smile on her face.
“This is Aspen, my Riggs' partner. Aspen…”
“Dixie, yeah I know. You were the topic of conversation over our cup of coffee this morning,” and I wince, shrinking.
“I bet,” I nibble on my nail bed when Orla pulls my hand away.
“Don't you worry about him. He will come around. He just has a lot going on at the moment.” I watch as Aspen sulks back into her chair, Orla's face tightens as she starts the engine.
“Okay,” I mutter. The tension continues to grow for the duration of the journey towards the town and I am grateful to get out the car. I unstrap Lainey's car chair and follow Orla towards a small coffee shop called Sunny's .
The small bell dings above the door and the smell of fresh coffee entices me in further.
“Mrs Rivera, Aspen,” a pretty dark-haired girl says from behind the counter.
“Afternoon Sunny,” Orla smiles as she approaches the counter. “How are you?”
“I can't complain,” she smiles wide, “I have a date tomorrow night, I am super excited.”
“Ooo, who with?” Aspen perches her elbows on the counter, wiggling her brows up and down.
“Just some out of towner,” I see the way Aspen's mouth pops open before spreading into a wide grin. “Conrad has asked a couple of times but I am not so sure…” she trails off, eyes moving towards Aspen.
“I can totally see it,” she says, straightening up, “you and Conrad... what a couple,” Aspen winks and Sunny's cheeks blaze.
Sunny's eyes trail to me and her brows furrow as she waits for my introduction.
“This is Dixie, she is staying here a while up at the Rivera Ranch,” Aspen answers for me, then her eyes fall to my daughter. “And this is beautiful little Lainey” she coos and I wave awkwardly.
“Hi Dixie,” Sunny smiles before turning her attention back to Aspen.
“How's Austin?” she kind of whispers it, leaning close.
“Hiding,” she sighs, her head dropping forward and shaking it from side to side.
“It'll be okay, the whole town is behind him.”
“I hope so.”
“And Pacey? I miss his cheeky smile every morning.”
“He is with Austin. Think he is struggling with it more than he lets on,” Orla nods softly. Sunny just nods back.
“And Tripp? He must be struggling after he lost his badge,” and my ears prick. Badge? Was he Sheriff?
“It's just temporary, conflict of interest and all that,” Orla lets out a heavy sigh but stands a little taller.
“It'll blow over, the funeral is this week isn't it?”
I stiffen.
“Yeah Friday, we're all going to go. Want to show how as a town we're all united. The ranches all stay together, and albeit, Clay had an ulterior motive, he was still one of us.”
Fuck .
“Yeah, we're closed Friday too, he used to come here every day for his breakfast roll and coffee,” Sunny turns to look at Aspen, “as you well know,” a soft giggle leaves her.
Did they used to date?
“It was only once okay, and Tripp told me he came here to order. It was all a set up.” Aspen waves her hand in front of her.
Double fuck .
“Anyway, sorry, I have been chewing your ear off. What can I get you?” Sunny smiles, tapping the screen of her till.
“I'll have an oat cappuccino and a cheese and tomato baguette,” Orla says, reaching into her purse for her wallet. Sunny turns her attention to Aspen.
“Ooo, I'll have an iced latte with caramel syrup and cold foam,” I blink a couple of times, “and I'll have the tuna salad please.”
Then all eyes land on me.
My heart jack hammers.
“Can I just have a white coffee and tuna baguette please?” I fist in for my card, but Orla just shakes her head from side to side as she swipes her card through the reader.
“All done, take a seat and I’ll bring it over,” Sunny smiles as she passes the receipt over to the barista.
“Thank you, Sunny,” Orla says softly, popping a ten dollar note into the tip jar. Orla ushers us over to a window table. We all take our seats and Aspen slips her phone out of her jean pocket and checks her emails.
I am grateful Lainey is still sleeping.
“I need to get her stroller out the trunk of my car.” I say quietly.
“We can stop at Rusty's before we go home,” Orla smiles as she places her sunglasses in her purse.
“Thank you,” my voice is quiet as I turn my attention onto the sidewalks of Lovelock Bay town.
“So, what brings you back home?” Aspen asks, pulling my attention.
“Just some personal things I need to finalize,” I give a soft nod.
“Ah okay, so you're sticking around for a while?”
What is this? Twenty questions?
“A while yeah, thanks to Orla and Jorge. Just until I sort myself out.” I smile at Orla, and she beams.
“Well, I am happy about it. Be nice to have another girl join the gang. It's only me and Harlow and the testosterone is a little much,” Aspen says and Orla laughs.
“Try living with it. Always wanted a girl; I used to dress Pacey up in girl clothes when he was a couple of months old, you know, just to get my fix.”
And now me and Aspen giggle.
“I do feel for you, them Rivera men...” Aspen puffs her cheeks out.
“Tell me about it,” Orla rolls her eyes before laughing.
“What do you do Aspen?” I try and deter the conversation.
“I'm an author,” she sits tall, and I can see the pride beaming out of her.
“What happened to the show jumping?” I don't mean to pry, but it makes me a little sad that she didn't get her dream.
“I had to find a new dream,” and I don't miss the sad smile that graces her lips.
Sunny appears with our drinks, and we thank her. I reach for my coffee and wrap my hands around the warm cup.
“I had a bad accident, and I just lost all my confidence. I never got back on a horse until a few months ago and I have Riggs to thank for that,” her eyes well slightly and I don’t miss the glint to her hazel eyes as tears form. Orla reaches across and places her hand on top of Aspen's. “But here we are, things happen. You just have to decide what you're going to do with it. So, I started writing. I wrote mine and Riggs' love story and I go on tour with my publisher in a few months.”
“Wow,” I mean it. I am in awe. “Congratulations Aspen, that is amazing,” and I see the sparkle in her ring lining my next question up nicely. “When are you getting married?” I ask.
“We have so much to sort out so decided the back end of Summer would be better for us. Only keeping it small, getting married on the ranch.” She turns to look at Orla and gives her a smile. “We're going for a cookout, haybales, live singers; a proper rustic and country wedding. It'll be perfect. I just want to marry the man I have loved for all my life,” and with that, my heart throbs.
“Sounds perfect,” I smile, eyes all watery.
“If you're still here, we would love to have you.” I roll my lips.
“We will see,” I give a shrug of my shoulders, because honestly? Who knows what will happen.