Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
DIXIE
I smile ear to ear as I watch the once heifer's nursing their calves, some are jumping around in the full wildflower fields, others are curled up not too far from their moms as they snooze in the mid-afternoon sun.
“It's something right?”
“Yeah,” I breathe as two younger cowboys sit in the distance, watching. My eyes scan to them before Riggs notices.
“They watch the cows, make sure they don't get into any trouble... they even sing to them of a night,” and a smirk pulls at my lips, thinking that he is pulling my leg but when he doesn't falter, when his lips don't turn up into that boyish grin we all know, I realise that he is being serious.
“What do they sing?” I find myself asking as my eyes pull away from the two cowboys and watch as a young calf leaps through the flowers.
“A little bit of Dean Martin, some Kenny Rogers, bit of Dolly Parton...” and I side eye him and he bursts into laughter. “I have no idea what they sing, Dixie, why don't you trot yourself over there and ask them?” he smirks, eyes glistening in the high noon sun, and I shake my head from side to side.
“Not overly interested... just thought I would ask the question seeing as you were the one that mentioned they sing.”
He scoffs a laugh, sitting relaxed on the back of his horse, shoulders rolled back as he slouches slightly, reins loose in his glove covered hands.
“I can see why you like doing this,” I say quietly as I lift my eyes from him and back out to the stunning views in front of me.
“Yeah, it's peaceful, kind of takes you away from the bullshit of everyday life...” he sighs heavily, “don't get me wrong, it isn't all rainbows and butterflies. This job is hard going too. It has its perks... but it also comes with its downfalls.”
“I can imagine, but isn't that the same with every job?”
“I suppose so,” I hear his deep intake of breath as Travis moves forward slightly, hooves hitting the ground softly. “But I wouldn't want any other job than this,” he smiles at me.
“Not even when Aspen left?”
And he looks at me, head tilting slightly.
“I had my own dreams, but once she left I kind of just fell into this. My dad made it pretty clear I wasn't to leave... made it clear that he wanted me to run this place so my dreams kind of fell on the back burner as such. Everything sort of fell into place and life just continued as normal, whether she was in my life or not.”
Sadness swarms my chest.
“Look at you now though,” I breathe out, trying to change the subject slightly. “You got the girl and the dream job.”
He laughs softly, letting his head fall forward, shaking it from side to side, his worn cowboy hat firmly on his head.
“I am certainly living my dream, but not sure if it's the dream job. But I definitely got the dream girl and that's all I care about,” he smiles a wide toothy grin at me. He averts his gaze behind him when he hears the cries of one of the heifers and I watch as his brows furrow into a scowl, jaw a little tighter than normal. He nods his head for me to follow, kicking his horse on with a click of the tongue. I nudge Betsy on and trot behind Riggs as we continue down the fields and towards the two cowboys that are sitting watch over the new moms and their babies.
“Boys,” Riggs grunts as he slows Travis down and I slow just as I approach.
“Boss,” the young boys nod at Riggs then move their attention towards me.
“Eyes on me.”
I know they're probably only looking at me because they're wondering who I am and what the fuck I am doing here. I question myself daily.
“Everything been okay?” He asks, Travis circling around before Riggs pulls him to a halt again. Betsy just stands and I loosen the reins slightly.
“Yeah, we lost two calves this morning,” the older one of the two says quietly and I hear Riggs tut before whispering fuck under his breath. But by the way he acted when he heard the heifer, he already knew this.
“We tried everything, the vet took too long to get here,” his lips roll into a thin line as he stares down Riggs.
“Where are the heifers now?” Riggs averts his gaze, looking over the field for the crying heifers. It doesn't take him long to notice them in the field again. “Why didn't you call?” he snaps, opening his rein and turning Travis towards the back of the field. He shakes his head in a disapproving manner as he kicks Travis into a canter and I stay put, my eyes volleying between the boys who I am still trying to work out if they made an honest mistake or were just too stupid and reckless to care.
The younger one looks guilt ridden, the eldest can't hold my gaze for more than three seconds max before looking away.
“Did you fuck up?” I ask as Betsy starts to get antsy beneath me, my eyes searching for Riggs and the younger one shuffles uncomfortably in the saddle of his horse. “Shit,” I groan as I kick Betsy on and she finds her gallop as my hands move up her neck, my body leaning down, and my heart is thrashing in my chest.
I finally catch up with Riggs and he is seething.
“What can I do to help?” I ask, feeling like a spare part as Betsy circles around.
“Just try and keep the herd away from these two,” he nods his head and anxiety swarms my stomach. How the hell am I meant to do that. I turn Betsy around and trot towards the cows, and they move down towards the two cowboys. I wave my hand in the air, whistling and they gallop up.
“Keep the herd away, can you do that?” I ask a little more condescending than I wanted too, but I heard the urgency in Riggs voice and for some reason, I didn't want to disappoint him.
Pulling on Betsy's rein, I open it up and move towards Riggs who is reaching for his rope.
“Stay close,” he says softly as he loops the rope and begins to swing it above his head, “we're going to rope the heifers and lead them back to the ranch.”
I nod, swallowing the nerves down and the cows must sense what is coming because they begin to move, calling out for their lost calves and my heart aches heavily in my chest. Riggs moves along the side of them, throwing his rope and catching one of them just as he slows his horse down and pulls the cow towards him.
I watch in awe, somewhat mesmerised with what I am witnessing. Glancing over my shoulder, I see the two young cowboys herding the cows further down the field and relief swarms me.
“Hold onto her,” Riggs orders as he trots over to me, pulling the cow behind him.
“What?”
“You heard me, hold onto her... don't let her escape,” he passes me the rope that is wrapped around the cow’s neck, and I look up at Riggs. “Can you do that for me Dixie?” he asks, clearly out of breath, hand resting on his thigh as he waits for my answer.
I nod, fingers tightening around the rope like my life depended on it.
Riggs returns my nod and kicks on his horse down the field as he goes to hunt down the other heifer.
The cow pulls against me, and I panic. Moving Betsy forward, I begin to lead her down the fence line as I wait for Riggs to catch up with me, and I feel relieved when I see him trotting over the hill with the missing heifer as he slows and begins to walk beside me.
“Ready to get these girls home?” He asks, tilting his cowboy hat towards me.
“Sure thing, boss.” I beam as we make our way back towards the ranch in a comfortable silence.
Once we're back, Hudson greets us as he walks out of the bunkhouse.
“All okay?” Riggs asks, but Hudson's eyes move to the two heifers behind us. Riggs follows his gaze, hands resting on the horn of the saddle before he is back turned towards his cowboy.
“Lost their calves,” he answers the unspoken question.
Hudson gives a solemn nod, then takes another step towards Riggs.
“Bulls are good, all health checked and hopefully we will get another good breed from them.”
“Good,” Riggs grunts.
“What do you want me to do with the girls?” he rubs Travis' neck, giving him a soft pat as he waits for Riggs to answer.
“Call around, see if we have any calves that need moms, if not... well…”
“Not a problem,” Hudson bobs his head in a knowing nod as Riggs begins to move forward, leading his cow into the pasture, I follow his lead as Hudson steps aside and watches us.
“Where will they go if they don't get a calf?” I ask.
“Slaughterhouse maybe, might keep them for another breeding cycle... but I'm not sure.”
“Why?”
He laughs softly, “Why the slaughterhouse or why the breeding?”
“Why aren't you sure?” Riggs jumps down from his horse, tying him to the metal railing then leads his cow into the pasture and through the metal gate.
I follow suit.
“They've both lost a calf before this, just not sure if it's worth the heartache and the money to keep breeding if their calves don't survive.”
I roll my lips. I mean, it makes sense.
I say nothing. Because honestly, my heart hurts a little more today than usual. Sucking in my bottom lip, I try and ignore the tremble and the way my eyes are stinging and clouding.
I know it's because I want to cry. I just don't want to.
And yes, the reason I want to cry is because of the cows.
I. Am. Wrecked.
Every muscle in my body aches.
Riggs hits the trim of my hat as my heavy legs carry me across the dusty trail. “You done good today, kid,” he smiles as he unlocks his truck. “See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah?” I smile feeling all proud of myself.
“Yeah, Dixie... you're a cowgirl now,” he winks at me just as he climbs into his truck and shuts the door, and just for that moment, I feel like I am doing what I should have all along.
Walking through the front door, it's just past four p.m.
The house is quiet, but the smell that surrounds me has my stomach rumbling. I hadn't eaten today. We had been so busy down the fields; lunch was the last thing to enter my mind.
“Hey,” I call out as I sit on the small bench by the front door in the lobby and take my boots off, sighing in relief at how amazing it felt.
“In here darling,” Orla calls out and I float across to where she is cooking over the stove. Looking over her shoulder, her cheeks are rosy, eyes glistening. “Did you have a good day?”
I can barely nod. “So tired though,” I half laugh as I look at the empty highchair then back to Orla.
“She's with Tripp, they've been inseparable,” and my heart swarms deep inside my chest.
“How's Pacey?”
“He is doing okay,” I watch as her face falters for just a moment, “but he is a strong boy. He'll be up and about in no time causing havoc around the ranch like he does,” and my lips curl at the corners.
“That's good to hear.”
She hums, “Jorge is still down there, won't leave his side. I'm going to take dinner up to both of them.”
“They'll appreciate that,” I let my eyes drift for just a moment.
“Dinner will be done in about an hour. Chicken in a white wine sauce, potatoes and all the veg,” and my stomach rumbles loud in appreciation, my boobs aching. “Has my son not fed you today?” she spins, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Honestly, we have been so busy, even if we did sort lunch, we wouldn't have had a chance to eat it,” I half laugh. Last thing I want is for her to call Riggs out and snap the already thin line between us. He has only just started warming up to me, I don't want him to pull away now.
“Okay,” she gives a knowing nod before she turns around and continues cooking.
Forcing my weighted legs to move I walk out of the kitchen and turn left as I walk out of the double archway and down towards Tripp's room. I have missed Lainey immensely. I have missed Tripp an immeasurable amount. My two favorite people.
My steps falter when I can hear a soft lullaby coming from his room. Standing still, it takes me a moment to realise he is singing Neon Star - Morgan Wallen . Walking quietly, careful not to draw attention to myself, I peek my head around the door frame and listen. He is resting in the armchair that sits in the corner of his makeshift bedroom. His head is drooped, eyes cast down on my daughter. Her wide blue eyes are glued to him, corners of her mouth lifting into a smile as she babbles at him.
I'm not watching them long when I am caught. Tripp's eyes light up, his lips pursing into a wide toothy grin as he continues to sing.
“And look who is home Lainey,” he sings in a similar tune as he delicately lifts her up, turning her so she can see me. Her little feet resting on his thighs, one on each and I worry about his cast. His hands tuck under her arms softly and when her big, beautiful eyes land on me, she squeals, her smile growing as she begins to jump up and down with excitement on Tripp’s lap.
“Hey baby,” I coo, walking in and scooping her from Tripp’s arms as I hold her close, my cheek on hers before I kiss her for what feels like a million times. “God I missed you,” I whisper into the top of her head as I hold her close to me, eyes fluttered shut for just a moment before they find Tripp's. “Missed you too,” I croak and his eyes glisten with a shimmer of blue.
“Not as much as I missed you,” he sighs, as if the words lay heavy on his chest.
Stepping closer to him, I lean down slowly and place a soft kiss on his lips. Whilst holding Lainey against my chest, her grabby hands trying to get inside my shirt.
“The day went so slow, but somehow the hours slipped away.”
“Welcome to parenthood,” I smirk as I stand and bounce Lainey in my arms but she fights to get towards my boobs.
“She's an angel,” he breaks his gaze from mine before he is watching Lainey, small creases in his forehead appear as his brows crinkle whilst he studies her. “Honestly, she has been a dream.”
Smiling, I drop my head as I look at my daughter and a wave of unconditional love blankets me.
“She ate well, drunk her bottle and napped for a few hours. Mom was back before she was due her next one, so she took over,” his eyes move to me. “Kind of hated that she did to be honest,” and I laugh softly.
“Well, I have to work tomorrow so,” I nibble the inside of my cheek and his face lights up.
“I'll watch her,” he shuffles forward, and I let my gaze linger on his handsome face a little longer. Small wrinkles either side of his eyes, probably from squinting at the sun a little too much. They're a beautiful dark brown, flecks of honey drizzled through and in some lights, they look almost black. Golden skin that has a constant glow. Soft dark stubble brushes across his chin, jaw and upper lip. Full pink lips that I am always so desperate to kiss. His hair caramel brown, messy and long on top, short around the sides. My eyes fixate on the small scar above his eye from when Riggs hit him with a horseshoe, and suddenly, I am desperate to trace my fingers over the small indent in his imperfect skin.
A shallow hiss has me pulling from my dreamy gaze, his eyes are slammed shut, teeth gritted as he tries to move.
Popping Lainey in her crib, she starts to cry because I put her down. I move quickly to where he is, crouching down on my knees.
“What do you need?” I ask him, eyes volleying back and forth.
“Just…” he grits, “help...” sigh, “me move.” His voice comes out more as a beg and I nod. Unsure what he wants me to do. Pushing to my feet, he reaches out for me, and I grip under his arm as I pull him closer to the edge of the seat.
“Do you want to get up or…?” I ask what seems like a stupid question.
He chokes out a cry as I try and pull him to his feet.
“Slowly,” I whisper, trying my best to hold his weight against my frame as he hobbles forward, my legs moving back.
“I am struggling,” he whispers, vulnerability written all over his face.
“You're doing so well handsome,” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood but I can see the pain behind his eyes. We keep slowly moving until he is next to his chair, his trembling hand moving to grab the arm rest. His grip around my hand tightens and he slowly moves to lower himself into his seat. I don't let him go, and even though my body is screaming with the way my muscles are being stretched, I help him until I know he is safe.
His head falls back softly, and if I wasn't looking at him, I would have missed it. A glisten streaks his cheek and my heart aches.
Lainey's soft cries soon turn into full on wails.
“Thank you,” he can't even look at me, his eyes are still closed.
“No need to thank me,” I whisper as I turn on my heel, but his fingers curling around my wrist has me looking over my shoulder at him.
“Honestly Dixie...”
I smile at him, and I feel myself getting choked up as I look at the man before me, soul broken and wounded.
“It's no problem,” I nod, slowly pulling away from him and walking towards Lainey's crib. Bending slowly, I pick her up and cradle her as I unbutton my shirt with one hand and let her latch on. Turning to walk from the room, my steps falter and I realise I haven't asked him about physio. What a bitch, my inner thoughts lash against my skin, burning me with their marks.
“How did you get on today?” and I hate myself for not asking sooner.
“Good, hard work... but good,” a twitch of his lips causes one side to lift into a lopsided smile.
“That's good, baby steps right?”
“Yeah, she thinks I'll be on crutches in the next week or so, then cast comes off in four.”
“You'll do it, I have every faith,” I mutter and begin to walk as Lainey's whines turn into sobs. His fingers brush across my forearm as I pass him, causing my breath to catch in the back of my throat.
“Stay with me tonight,” his voice comes out more of a beg than a question.
“I have to be up early,” I whisper, my eyes dusting over Lainey as she suckles.
“So, please, stay with me,” his eyes burn through to my soul showing me just how vulnerable he is. “The nightmares don't plague me when you're next to me,” he rasps, voice thick and cracking, “you're my dreamcatcher, Dixie. Please.”
His fingertips brush slowly up and down my already sensitive skin, causing it to erupt into goosebumps.
“Always,” I just about manage to croak out and he curls his fingers around my delicate wrist, bringing it to his lips as he places soft, wet kisses along the inside.
“I love you Dixie.”
“I love you,” I choke before slipping my arm from his soft grasp and walking out of his room to settle Lainey.
Guilt buries itself inside my heaving chest as Lucian's words ring around my ears.
“We're leaving in four weeks, I suggest you get yourself packed up.”
“Who said I am leaving?”
“We have a show...”
“There is no we. I am not leaving. I don't want to leave with you.”
“Who said you had a choice?” he reaches out and grabs the top of my arm, squeezing tightly as he drags me to my feet.
“I left you, I gave you all I had and told you it was over,” I try and pull my arm from his grip but he just tightens it.
“If you do not do as I say, I will take the Rivera Family out one by fucking one and make you watch as I sink a bullet between their eyes. And I mean it Dixie, I want to know everything those bastard boys are up to in regards to the gold mines, that's my golden ticket, and if you play along, it'll be yours too.”
Two weeks had already passed in the blink of an eye, and Lucian is not a patient man. He knows where I am, no doubt he has his beady eyes on me at all times, but I am not ready to fight him yet.
He wants information out of me, wants me to run right back to him and Wallen and feed him everything I have heard, but there is nothing. Two out of the three Rivera brothers were down, Austin turned himself in for a crime he didn't commit.
Worst of all, I knew everything.
I was part of this sick plan, but I didn't want to be.
But once they threatened Lainey, I was their prisoner. Bound to them so fucking tightly that even though I wanted to, I would never escape.
Death would be the only way out of this.
But I couldn't leave Lainey.
Shaking my head from side to side, I ignore my thoughts.
I was going to fix this, I needed o.
I loved Tripp.
Always have. Always will.
I will not let Wallen or Lucian get to them. I would sacrifice myself ten times over for them. For him.
The sound of my bedroom door opening has me jumping and trying to cover myself as I still nurse Lainey.
“Only me sweet,” Orla's soft voice fills the room and I smile, relieved that it wasn't Jorge or Riggs.
She walks into the small room, unfolding the travel crib that was downstairs in Tripp's room.
“Thought you would need this up here,” she smiles softly as she places it on the hardwood floor before putting it up.
“Thank you,” I whisper as my eyes lock on Lainey who is milk drunk and dozing.
“Don't thank me sweet girl,” she sighs as if my words are wasted on her.
“I do need to thank you,” and I feel the familiar burn crawling up my throat as tears threaten to fall. “You took me and Lainey in for a few nights and we're still here nearly a month on,” I sniffle as I stroke Lainey's soft brown hair, her fingers curled around my pendant.
“You're family Dixie, you and little Lainey make all of our days so much brighter,” she tilts her head to the side.
I choke out a sob and hate that I have let the tears fall.
“You're helping around the ranch, you and Tripp are well... whatever you are,” she smirks, “and I know how hard it must be for you to be back here again, back where your memories are not happy ones.” She steps towards me, slowly sitting next to me on my bed.
I nod.
“But we're all glad you're back,” she wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into her for a cuddle.
“I'm glad to be back,” and I kind of wish it was a lie, but it's not. I was terrified of coming back here, but now I am... I can't imagine being anywhere else.
“Good, our sweet girl,” she whispers into my hair as she kisses me like my mom used to and my heart breaks, slowly shattering into a million tiny pieces inside my hollow chest. “Now, go get cleaned up. You stink and dinner will be done in twenty,” she whispers, and I can see the smirk pulling at her painted red lips.
I sniffle, laughing softly as I stand with a snoozing Lainey, kissing her forehead and lingering for just a moment before I lay her down with her comforter.
“Night baby,” I whisper, my fingers dusting through her hair.
“I'll take the monitor down, see you shortly,” Orla says as she picks the monitor up and walks out of the door, not looking back.
The smile quickly slips from my lips and the anxiety rips through me, but I push it down and head for the shower.
Not tonight Dixie... not tonight.