Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Cheyenne
After the morning tours, I headed into the stable, bracing myself before seeing Rhett. Beth had offered to let him know lunch was ready, but I wanted to do it myself. It felt important for me to face him. After today, the ice would be broken and we could simply be two coworkers who rarely had to see each other. My job primarily kept me out on the land with the tourists who wanted a taste of cowboy life in Wyoming. I knew that Travis would keep Rhett busy with grunt work in the stables.
But, today, I needed to prove to myself that I could be around him without Travis’s protection.
When I stepped into the barn and saw him, my face flushed with heat as memories flooded me. This was the place where he’d first whispered those sweet words of love into my ear. The place where he’d given me my first kiss and I’d given him my heart. It all rushed back in a way I hadn’t prepared for. I had to remind myself that the Rhett I was seeing in front of me wasn’t the same boy I’d fallen in love with. He was a man now, a man I barely even knew.
He was caught up in his work and didn’t even notice me. I stared, unable to stop from appreciating how incredible he looked in those tight jeans with his low-hanging buckle and a black button-down shirt tucked into his belt. His rippling forearms glistened with sweat, and his long dark hair kept falling over one eye.
Then he looked at me with those dark eyes that could still hold my gaze across a room. I could barely breathe, feeling like my heart might shatter all over again.
Our love had been childish, but it had been real. Seeing him again, all this time later, I wanted to weep for the years that had been stolen from us—and for the future years we’d never have. Because even though Rhett Hawkins was still the only man who could make my breath catch like that, it didn’t matter. He’d ruined any chance of a future together.
Not that he wanted one anyway.
He gulped down a bottle of water, then gave me an angry stare. “Checking my work? Wasn’t aware that you’re now the co-captain around here.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Actually, you’ve done a very nice job. Didn’t know you still had it in you.”
“Mucking out stalls isn’t exactly rocket science,” he grumbled, grabbing the manure fork and moving to the next one.
“That’s true. But there’s a difference between someone who does a fast and dirty job just to get it done and someone who actually tries to make the space as comfortable for the horses as possible.” I walked down and looked at another one of the stalls before glancing back at him. “I didn’t realize you still cared about them so much.”
“Of course I care. It’s my family’s legacy.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “And yet, you left.”
“And yet, I’m here.”
He was. I respected it. Appreciated it. And hated him for giving me another reason to admire him.
“You need something?” His tone was clipped.
“I’m here to tell you that lunch is ready. It’s out on the back lawn.”
He jabbed the fork into the ground and leaned on it, giving me a wary look. “Who all is invited?”
“Everyone,” I said, wanting to make clear that this wasn’t a special invitation. “It’s something we do for the guests. Part of the whole ranch experience.”
He frowned. “That’s new.”
“Not really. They’ve been doing it for a couple of years now.”
“They didn’t do it when I was here. Back then, the focus was on the cattle, not on city folk who want to come out here and pretend to be cowboys.”
I shrugged. “We’ve expanded our offerings. The tourism side of things has become a bigger player for the ranch financially than it used to be. Honestly, it’s probably saved them.”
“I see.” He stared at me for a moment. “Guess I’ll clean up and come get some food.”
“Okay.” I’d known he would. Even so, I felt a mild flutter of panic. Every moment I was with him felt like pouring salt into an unhealed wound.
“Hey, um.” He cleared his throat awkwardly, taking off his black cowboy hat and raking his hair back behind his ears. “Are you and Travis…”
I wanted to say something sarcastic. Wanted to be angry he’d asked at all, about Travis and Sam, when he didn’t have the right to know a thing about my love life. But something about the agony on his face made me unable to do it.
“No,” I said quietly, shaking my head. “He’s like a big brother to me, the way Claire is still like a sister. They’ve always looked out for me.”
It was more than that. When Rhett had left, they’d both insisted on still being my family. I’d tried to pull away, but they refused to let me. They respected the fact that I needed distance from the family as a whole. But they kept checking on me, letting me know Rhett’s absence didn’t change our friendships. It was something I would always be grateful for, no matter how hard it had been at first.
“Okay. I know I don’t really have the right to ask,” he said, the agony on his face deepening.
“Then why did you?” I regretted the question as soon as I asked it. There wasn’t an answer he could give that wouldn’t hurt. But we’d never had any sense of closure. One day, we’d been together; the next, he was gone. And we’d never spoken again. Maybe if we got some of it out, it wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.
Maybe someday he’d even tell me why I hadn’t been enough for him.
“This is hard,” he admitted. “Nobody told me you worked here. Honestly, if I’d known, I wouldn’t have come back.”
That stung.
“So why did you come back, Rhett? Why now, after all this time?”
“My dad’s hurt. I had some free time, and I really want to help my family out,” he said, those eyes piercing me. “But like I said, I didn’t know they’d hired you. It’s weird, being around you. If you and Travis were together, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“I don’t belong to you anymore.” The words came out in a whisper.
“I know.”
Part of me wanted him to say he wished I still did, that he wished things were different. That he regretted leaving. But he didn’t say a word.
I left Rhett in the barn and headed toward the outdoor buffet, grateful to put some space between us. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath as I reminded myself that this was the worst of it. I’d faced him and I’d survived.
This was the most painful it would be. Every future interaction would get a little easier, and it was temporary. Walker’s full recovery would take time, but I knew he’d be back in the saddle the moment he got the all clear from the doctor. Six weeks tops, I imagined.
Six weeks was still a long time to have to see Rhett every working day.
Beth saw me walking and waved me over to where she was sitting perched on one of the square hay bales we kept for people to sit on. She’d already shed her cowboy hat, and her light-brown hair was pulled back in a gold clip, with loose tendrils framing her delicate face. As comfortable as she was on the back of a horse, she didn’t quite fit the cowgirl persona the way Claire did. Beth seemed to belong to another time and place altogether. When she wasn’t working, she had her head stuck in a book or would curl up somewhere with a notebook, scribbling down story ideas. She was a responsible, reliable member of the family who never shirked the work, but I secretly wondered how much longer we’d have her as part of the operation before she found her own path.
I motioned to her, letting her know I’d join her as soon as I grabbed a plate, then jumped in line to load up on Naomi’s incredible cooking. Today’s menu was chili and homemade cornbread, two things I’d never bother making myself but made my mouth water when it was Naomi cooking them. She’d grown up in the South, and her sweet Southern cornbread was practically a dessert. The guests always went nuts over it. They also went nuts over her. Naomi insisted on serving the guests herself, and I swore it was half the magic of the experience. She took the time to get to know every guest personally, remembered their food preferences, and always had a kind smile for everyone.
Today, she stood behind the buffet, her auburn hair looking almost golden in the bright sun. Her gorgeous skin was bare except for the tinted moisturizer she swore by and the pink lip balm she always had in her pocket. She was a woman who still looked ten years younger than her age, despite being what she called “a low-maintenance girlie.” I thought it had something to do with her spirit. The good ones always seemed to age more gracefully than anyone else.
“Smells amazing,” I said, smiling at her as she dished me up a large helping.
“Thank you.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I didn’t expect to see you here today. You know we understand if you’d rather…”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. With me working here now, it was bound to happen sooner or later, wasn’t it?”
She nodded slowly. “Have you two talked yet?”
I knew what she meant. She wanted to know if we’d had any real conversation—if he’d apologized or even given an explanation. I gave her a tight smile. “We interacted briefly. It’s fine, Naomi. I promise. It won’t affect my work.”
She gave me a sympathetic look. “It’s not your work I’m worried about, honey. I love my son with all my heart, but…”
I swallowed hard. “It was a long time ago.”
“You let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.”
She shot me a knowing look.
“I promise.” I gave her a quick nod and headed over to Beth, blinking back the tears that had been threatening to spill all day.
Despite the emotions of the past twenty-four hours, I wasn’t normally the type to cry. I’d shed countless tears the week Rhett had left, then none until the day my grandmother died. I’d sobbed at her funeral, but I’d never had time for tears since. There was too much work to be done. Who had time to cry for something that couldn’t be changed?
But with Rhett back, my emotions felt like a swirling dark storm, threatening to let loose if I gave them leave. That was the dangerous thing about him. He’d always been able to reach a part of my heart that no one else could. It was what had made me love him before—and what made him so difficult to be around now.
I sat down on the spot Beth had saved for me and spoke first, before she had the chance to question me the way Naomi had. “Great work today,” I said, giving her a smile that almost felt genuine. “I think everyone loved the tour.”
She searched my eyes, then let out a little breath and returned my smile. “The kids were adorable.”
“They were,” I said, laughing as my eyes sought out the two little boys on the other side of the yard with their parents.
They’d both been so excited about being cowboys that they’d arrived for their ride in the most adorable cowboy boots, leather chaps, and matching red cowboy hats. The youngest one was a natural. He was comfortable in the saddle and spent the whole ride singing cowboy songs at the top of his lungs. The older one was terrified. Beth rode beside him, coaching him the whole time, but he gripped the saddle horn with both hands and never relaxed. When we finally got back to the ranch, he jumped off the horse and kissed the ground dramatically.
Beth’s eyes went dreamy. “I’d love to have at least five kids someday.”
“You’re good with them,” I commented. It was true, and it was the reason I greatly preferred having her partner with me on the trail instead of Jonathan. Beth was a natural at making the kids feel safe and keeping them in line. Jonathan was practically a kid himself and got annoyed at staying in the back with the young ones.
“Yeah.” She made a face. “If only I could find a decent man.”
I grinned. “Did your date with Pete not go well?”
“He’s sweet,” she said, sighing. “But we had absolutely nothing to talk about. All the man wants to do is talk horses and feed and farming.”
“I’m guessing you get enough of that around here,” I said, shooting her a sympathetic smile.
“Exactly. Besides, it’s clear enough that all he’s looking for is a wife. It felt more like a job interview than a date.” She rolled her eyes.
“But aren’t you looking for a husband?” Her attitude surprised me, since it was no secret that she had dreams of being a wife and mother.
She toyed with the button on her shirt, looking away. “Yes, but…I want more than that, too. I don’t want to get married for the sake of getting married. I want love. Soulmate kind of love. I want to meet that one person who turns my whole world upside down, who makes me see everything differently… Someone I know I’ll want to wake up beside every single morning for the rest of my life. And I want him to feel the same about me. Not just marry me because it’s convenient and I’ll make a decent ranch wife.” She glanced at me, flushing. “I suppose someone as practical as you probably thinks that’s silly.”
“No,” I said, my heart aching as I thought of how I’d once felt that way about Rhett. Like I’d found my other half, the one person who made the whole world make sense. How, after years of feeling alone in the world, he’d made me feel like I would never be alone again.
Until he left and I was worse off than I’d been before loving him.
Still, I knew what that kind of love felt like. And while it hadn’t worked out for me, I hoped it would for her.
“I hope you find someone who turns your world upside down,” I said quietly. “But only in the best ways.”
Her face changed and she bit her lip, giving me a nervous look.
“Rhett?” I asked. Not that I needed to. I could practically feel the energy change with him near.
She nodded. “He came.”
“It’s fine.” I had a feeling I was going to be repeating those words a million times today, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand, I felt lucky to be cared for by this family that meant so much to me. On the other hand, their concern kept bringing my attention to the issue instead of giving me the distraction I needed. The last thing I wanted was to waste any more emotional energy on Rhett Hawkins.
“Looks like Mom is lecturing him,” she whispered with a little giggle.
I smiled, despite the ache in my heart. “I have a feeling he’s going to get a lot of that if he hangs around.”
Beth turned to me, giving me a piercing look. “Will you leave us if he does? Honestly, Cheyenne, I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
I waved her off. “Let’s get real. He’s not going to hang around long. And if he does? It will be fine.”
It had to be. Because I couldn’t let him take anything else from me.