Chapter 21
Phoenix
I’d never thought much about daycare before. Kids and parenting weren’t something that was a part of my world. But after Elyna told me she was putting Braden in a licensed center; I spent half the night scrolling articles. Separation anxiety. Mom guilt. First-day meltdowns.
What stuck with me was how many single moms said they felt like they were abandoning their kid, even when they knew it was the best thing. That the first week of drop-offs was harder on them than on the baby.
That sounded like Elyna to a T. Strong as hell on the outside but carrying storms no one knew she was carrying.
It made me think of all the times she tried to hide her father’s behavior, and made me wonder what this amazing woman had survived.
Growing up, I remember Dad trying to figure out if her and Luc were okay.
But Elyna was good at putting on a smile and saying everything was good, and Dad wasn’t in a position to push any boundaries when he had five kids of his own to worry about.
Now I planned to get to know Elyna. It felt like we had done things out of order.
I’m guessing it was because we had this underlying attraction going on since we were teenagers.
I wanted to wine and dine her but not in the traditional sense.
She deserved something warmer, something that didn’t scream “seduction.” Instead, I grabbed a still-warm pan of apple crumble from the brewery kitchen that was made with Maple Valley orchard apples.
It was a recipe Eric had perfected. A comfort food that tasted like home.
The brewery didn’t feel the same today without her here, and I had plenty of time on my hands to think while running the place.
With Bean and Luc gone things felt quieter.
We were back into our regular routine around here.
I crossed the driveway and saw the stroller folded against the porch.
A lump formed in my throat as I imagined her walking away from the daycare, forcing her back straight, even though everything inside her wanted to turn around.
I knocked lightly. She answered in sweats and a loose bun, eyes rimmed red though her chin was high.
“Hey,” I said, lifting the foil-covered pan. “Thought you could use this.”
She blinked. “Apple crumble?”
“From the brewery. Orchard apples.” I shrugged. “Figured you could use a homemade dessert.”
Her mouth wobbled before she smiled. “You actually thought this through, didn’t you?”
“Maybe.”
She stepped aside and let me in. What I noticed most was the silence. Braden wasn’t cooing or fussing.
“Did you pick him up already?” I asked and I watched a lazy smile spread her lips.
She blinked and nodded. “They tired him out in daycare. He’s fast asleep,” she said. “Passed out the second we got home,” she added softly. “They said he did great. He played, ate, and napped. By the time I strapped him into the car seat, he was out. He’s been asleep ever since.”
She tried to make it sound light, but her voice cracked in the middle.
I set the crumble down, suddenly glad I’d brought it. “Sounds like it went well.”
“For him, yeah, come in,” she said and I kicked off my boots and followed her inside. She sank onto the futon, hugging a pillow. “For me? I felt like I was abandoning him. I sat in the car for fifteen minutes, trying to convince myself not to run back inside.”
I dropped into the chair across from her. “From what I read last night, that’s normal.”
Her eyes flicked up. “You… read about daycare?”
I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck. “I looked up what moms go through with the first drop-off. Every article said the kid usually adjusts faster than the mom. That it feels like you’re tearing yourself in half, even though you know it’s the right call.”
She stared at me, stunned. “You read about it.”
“Figured if I was going to show up, I should try not to be an idiot about what you’re actually feeling.”
Her hand slid across the cushion until her fingertips brushed mine. “I don’t know what to do with you when you’re like this,” she whispered.
“Get used to it.” My throat was tight. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She went still. “Why now, Phoenix? Why after all this time?”
I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. “Back in high school, I wanted you. You knew it and I knew it,” I started.
Her laugh was sharp, brittle. “You hated me.”
“That’s not exactly true,” I retorted, feeling on edge.
“Come on, Phoenix, after my mom died, I turned into a cruel bitch. I shut off my feelings and wanted to hate the world.”
“You were sad. She was a good mom. I remember her,” I admitted, feeling like I had a pit settle in the middle of my stomach. I didn’t like to dredge up the past but, in our case, I knew it would be a thorn in our behinds if I didn’t.
A lone tear slid down her cheek. “I remember what I did to you. It was so mean,” she confessed.
“You were hurting, Elyna. Anyone could see it and you had a lot to shoulder. School was the one place you could just be a kid,” I said to her because I had given this thought too.
“You’re being too kind to me.” She swiped at the tear.
“Everyone deserves kindness,” I admitted.
“Not from you I don’t,” she said. Her words hurt me because of how broken they sounded.
“You do too,” I said.
“I didn’t mean it,” she blurted. “What I said to you that day. I liked you, Phoenix, but I felt like you were too good for me. I felt like you could see through me, and I didn’t like it.
After I said what I did, I hated myself even more for hurting you.
None of it made sense to me, but I’ve lived with that guilt. ”
“You don’t need to. Trust me, I turned out fine. My ego may have been hurt that day, but I got over it,” I assured.
She let out a strangled laugh. “I’m sure. Look at you. You’re better looking now than you were back then, and I didn’t think that was possible. I watch the ladies reacting to you at the restaurant. I imagine you haven’t had a hard time in that department.”
I gave her a bashful smile. She wasn’t wrong. I’d had my share of female attention but now I wanted something else. I wanted her.
“Right back at you, Elyna. You’re prettier now than you were in high school.”
This time her laugh came out garbled like she didn’t believe. “Now you’re just trying to butter me up.”
“No, I don’t feel the need to do that. I’m being honest. You’ve aged well.”
“You mean all my curves and larger. . .” She looked down at her chest.
“Woman, I love your curves. I sure as hell am not going to complain about that,” I said, and it bought me a real smile that touched her gray eyes, softening them. The way she looked at me now almost had me undone. What was happening to me?
“And I like seeing you with Braden. I’m guessing becoming a mother was a good thing for you.”
“The best,” she replied.
I shook my head. “Seeing you with him…” My voice snagged. I didn’t talk about Mom, not to my brothers, not to anyone. But the words came anyway.
“I watch you with Braden, how you worry about him, how you put him first. And I don’t understand how my mom could just walk away from us. She didn’t cry, didn’t fight, didn’t look back. You tore yourself apart just leaving him at daycare for a few hours, and she… she left us for good.”
Her eyes softened, shimmering with tears.
“It kills me sometimes,” I admitted. “Because when I see you hold him, it makes me realize what we lost. And how lucky Braden is to have you.”
Her hand fully covered mine now, warm and steady. “I’m sorry, Phoenix,” she whispered.
“Don’t be. Just… don’t ever doubt you’re a good mom. Because I see it, every time you look at him.”
She blinked rapidly, then smiled through her tears. “You really are too much sometimes.”
I grinned faintly. “Wait until you taste the crumble. That’ll seal the deal.”
We ended up eating it straight from the pan, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the futon. She laughed when I tried to steal the topping, and for the first time all day, some of the heaviness lifted from her face.
Elyna leaned into me, her head resting against my shoulder. “He’s out for the night,” she murmured.
“Then it’s just us,” I whispered, brushing a kiss into her hair.
Her lips found mine next, soft but searching. The kiss deepened quickly, sweet turning molten, and soon her hands were sliding under my shirt, pulling me closer. I laid her back on the futon, covering her body with mine.
“Tell me this isn’t just heat,” she whispered against my mouth.
“It’s not,” I swore, kissing her again, harder. “It’s always been more.”
The loft stayed quiet but for our mingled breaths.
She removed my shirt with hunger and then spread kisses down my chest. I reached down and pulled off her sweatshirt to see she wasn’t wearing a bra.
I hissed, taking in her breasts, and she smiled from the way I watched her.
I hissed, my body tightening at the sight of her bare breasts. She smiled slow, wicked and knowing because she liked the way I couldn’t tear my eyes off her.
“You like?” she teased, her voice husky.
“Like is an understatement,” I growled.
She leaned over me, brushing her nipples across my chest deliberately, her soft skin making me twitch with need.
I reached up and cupped her breasts, rubbing my thumb across her peaks until she gasped.
Then she surprised me by sliding down my body, kissing lower, scraping her teeth gently over my ribs and down my stomach.
“Elyna…” My voice came out strangled when she tugged at my jeans, freeing me. Her hand wrapped around me, slow and sure, and when her mouth followed I almost lost it. The heat of her lips made me curse and my head snapped back against the futon cushion.
I wasn’t used to her taking control like this.
But I loved it. Her tongue traced my length, her mouth hollowed, and I couldn’t stop the groan that ripped out of me.
My hand went to her hair, not pushing, just grounding myself, because if I didn’t hold on to something, I was going to lose it too fast.
After a few torturous minutes, I yanked her back up, kissing her fiercely, tasting myself on her lips. “Your turn,” I rasped.
She giggled breathlessly, but the sound turned into a moan when I rolled her beneath me, tugging her sweatpants down and tossing them aside. I settled between her thighs, spreading them wide, and lowered my mouth to her.
The first stroke of my tongue had her jerking, hands fisting in my hair. “Phoenix!” she gasped, her hips arching.
I groaned against her, “You taste so damn good.” Her response was a moan that grew louder. I licked and sucked until she was trembling, her thighs clamping around my head. “Phoenix, it’s too much.”
“It isn’t enough,” I said as I flattened my tongue on her bundle of nerves. Her cries broke free, despite her attempt to muffle them against her arm.
“Come for me,” I murmured, flicking her faster. “You’re so swollen and wet for me, Elyna.”
“Yes,” she cried out.
“This is my pussy, Elyna.”
“Yes,” she repeated.
“Yours, Phoenix.”
She shattered, crying out my name, her whole body tensing and then breaking apart in waves. I held on, drinking her down, until she finally sagged against the futon, boneless.
I reached down to where my jeans lay on the floor and grabbed a condom.
I didn’t take my eyes off her as I sheathed my cock.
Then I slid up her body and thrust inside her in one smooth, claiming stroke.
Her sharp gasp tore through the loft. I was hungry for her, hungry to bury my cock deep inside her.
“Yes,” she moaned, wrapping her legs tight around me. “Don’t stop.”
“I wasn’t planning on it,” I ground out, my hips snapping forward, finding a rhythm that had both of us panting.
I caught her wrists and pinned them above her head, my weight holding her in place, forcing her to take every deep thrust. She met me eagerly, moaning my name over and over, her walls gripping me so tight I thought I might lose it.
I bent low, nipping at her jaw, whispering, “You’re mine, Elyna. Always wanted you like this.”
Her eyes found mine, glassy and wild. “Then take me. Don’t hold back.”
That was all I needed. I drove harder, faster, until she was writhing beneath me, crying out as another climax ripped through her.
The sound of her falling apart under me pushed me over the edge.
With a hoarse groan, I spilled into her, holding her as tight as I could, burying myself deep as the world went white around us.
We stayed like that for a long moment, our bodies locked, sweat slicking our skin, the air thick with the scent of sex and apples still lingering from the crumble on the counter. Finally, I eased down beside her, dragging her with me so she lay sprawled across my chest.
Our hearts thundered in sync. Neither of us spoke. We didn’t need to.
For the first time in forever, collapsing together didn’t feel like an ending. It felt like the beginning of something we’d both been running from for years.