Chapter 24 #2
But her arms…they’d enfolded him with such grace.
That wasn’t him stealing an unwanted kiss.
That was the two of them stealing a kiss that shouldn’t have been, not between two people who weren’t committed to each other and intending to marry.
Wade had made that commitment. Obviously, Abby wasn’t ready to admit she had feelings for him.
“I was a bad man. I shamed myself. I failed God.” He shoved his hands into the back pockets of his pants to keep from reaching for her again, then raised his head to meet her gaze. “My strongest sense of failure, not that long ago, was that I’d never had the guts to kill a man.”
“Killers are weak. There’s no strength in taking a human life. The strength comes in controlling yourself, doing right, even when it’s hard.” Abby’s pretty brow furrowed. At least she was listening.
“Thank you. I agree.”
“Unless they need killing, of course.”
Wade shook his head. He was in love with a savage.
It was hard to get used to. “Before I made my peace with God, I convinced myself that all the worst things in the world were strong—drinking, fighting, lying, killing.” Wade slid his hands out of his pockets and wished he hadn’t because now he didn’t know what to do with them.
He’d never felt this awkward in his life.
“I lived the life of a fool because I was trying to live up to my father’s standards.
He called me weak, and I did terrible things to prove I wasn’t. ”
“Your father is a foolish old man.”
Nodding, Wade said, “I can feel sorry for Pa now, but that’s because I’ve found peace, and I’ve found a source of real strength.
” He raised his eyes to meet hers. “You know, I think it was easier for me, always drunk, obsessed with evil, to find God than it is for my father. I knew I was ruining my life. I knew I needed help. But how does a man like my pa ever admit he needs help? His whole life has been lived on pride and the strength of his will and his back.”
“Well, his back has failed him now.” Abby seemed to have forgotten wanting to kill Wade. He was thankful for that mercy. “Maybe this weakness you speak of has finally come to him. Maybe God’s strength can reveal itself with your father laid so low.”
“I keep hoping. I keep trying to be a light shining in the darkness of his life. But he’s thrown my words back at me so many times, I feel as though I’m casting pearls before swine.”
“You speak in riddles.” Abby shook her head. “Light shining, pearls and pigs…”
Wade smiled. “We got off the subject.”
“What subject is that?”
“The whole reason I was glad we’d have a chance to ride together for a few hours. You say you will refuse to belong to a white man, but then what will you do?” He fell silent. Let her think for a while.
“Gertie has no ties to a man. She has a job. She belongs to no one but herself.”
“So you’ll be getting a job, then? Doing what? You can stay on at our ranch. But if you’re going to stay there and be with me every day, see to my food and wash my clothes, then you might as well… marry me.” He’d said it. Point blank.
Marry me.
His heart started thumping so hard, hopefully, she couldn’t hear it.
“Wade…” Abby fell silent, and she stared at him as if lost for words.
Well, that might be a good sign. “No” had come easily before. “If you can’t say yes, at least say you’ll think about it. We’ll get to know each other. I can help you hunt your deer and skin it for you to make your dresses.”
It wasn’t what Wade wanted, because, though she hadn’t said no, she was far from saying yes. But well he remembered how her clinging arms seemed to shout yes.
“Perhaps—I don’t know. It–it’s true I have no home. And we get on well together.”
“We do.” Wade didn’t mention that she’d pulled a knife on him only moments ago. He could live with an occasional outburst of mayhem if it suited Abby.
Abby stared at him as if trying to look inside his head. What was it she searched for? A warrior’s bravery? The cruelty of some of the white men she’d known? He possessed neither.
She slowly leaned forward, and Wade was so busy worrying about her refusing to even give them a chance, he didn’t realize her intent until her lips brushed against his. He resisted the urge to grab her. She pulled back and gave him a sad smile.
“What is it?”
“I’ve lost everything that mattered to me in my village. I don’t know if I can be comfortable in your world.”
“We don’t have to live in Pa’s house.” He was very close to begging, and that wasn’t showing strength. “We could set up a tepee. They’re kind of cold, but I’d live anywhere with you.”
“Tepees are easier to keep warm than a house. No one could burn enough wood to keep your father’s house comfortable.”
It was the absolute truth that Pa’s house was drafty and the floors were freezing no matter how huge the fire in the three different hearths.
“We could build a snug cabin.” Wade felt such hope that he could barely speak.
She was actually talking about what their lives might be like, where they might live.
“Strong log walls to keep out the winter wind but small enough that a blazing fire will warm us up like toast.”
“I do like kissing you.” She didn’t sound all that happy about it. “It was so with my tribal parents. They were very affectionate with each other. And I remember my white parents kissing too. That is an important thing for a man and wife, isn’t it?”
“Very important, Abby. Vitally important.” Wade brought his hands up to cradle her face. “May I kiss you? Will you give me permission this time?”
Abby didn’t speak.
Wade didn’t move. He’d never felt such closeness to another human being as they stood there, her nose almost touching his as he waited and waited until finally she spoke in the faintest of whispers.
“Yes.”
He cherished her with his lips for long moments. He had never dared hope for so much. Or rather he’d hoped, but he’d never dared believe.
When they drew apart, he watched her with tenderness as the breeze wafted past them.
Aspens quaked and danced. The warmth of the sun shone like a halo off Abby’s beautiful hair.
It was a beginning. She was going to give them a chance.
The kissing needed to end now. It was surely the only proper thing to do.
Then her arms slipped around his neck, and Wade didn’t have a proper thought in his head.