Chapter 13 Distracted
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
distracted
MARK
“What’s with the long face?” Aiden asks from the rowing machine next to me.
I push off the machine’s footrest with force; my thighs ignite with the effort. It’s been a long week. And more to come.
Being in a glass box among the staff is one thing, but doing it now when I’m already distracted is the worst. I spend too much of my day trying not to think about Alice and pushing down this new frustration that seems to have surfaced in me.
And the message she sent me yesterday didn’t help.
“Nothing,” I lie. “Fuck,” I curse as I pull the handlebar back toward my chest. He was the one who made me stop texting her. Indirectly, at least.
My triceps are on fire after my temper-fuelled last pulls. It pisses me off that the empty space in my chest is still there. That her laugh is still echoing in my head. Why is she so hard to get out of my mind?
It’s how she put it in her message. She’s spun me right the fuck off my axis.
“I’m distracted,” I admit, breathing out hard as I pull back. The heavy flywheel whirs loudly.
With every push and pull, the numbers on the display tick up towards my goal of thirty kilometres.
Breathing intentionally, with long breaths out, I re-centre myself.
I won’t let her permeate everything I do.
Maybe I can shift my attention to work and whatever Horace is up to instead.
Why is he hiring an HR person as an intern?
Not just an HR person, but one who doesn’t even care about Infinio. ‘Just a job’ I believe her words were.
I’ve not talked to him about this decision, but having that colourful, wild-haired woman around isn’t helping my move to the ground floor.
She’s loud, she smells too good, and something about her makes it even harder to stop thinking about Alice.
I swear, their laughs sound similar, but it’s just me losing it.
Okay, I was wrong. It seems I can’t even think about work without Alice infiltrating my thoughts.
Again, I breathe deeply.
Focus.
I press through, hammering past my goal and further.
“Alright, solid channelling of your frustrations there,” Aiden says with a hint of amusement, slowing down after he reaches his kilometre goal shortly after me.
Aiden comes over every Saturday morning for our long rowing session. We’ve kept it up since our university days.
He comes off the rowing machine and wipes the sweat off his forehead. He does it for so long it seems like a poor attempt to hide his deep frown.
“Alright, what is it?” I ask.
“What?”
“I know that face. You have something you want to say.” I push off the machine and stand up. He’s a mountain of a man, wider than I am, but we’re eye to eye.
“Well,” he starts. He wipes his face for the umpteenth time. No one’s that fucking sweaty. I pull the towel down to meet his steel-blue eyes again.
“Talk.”
I grab a protein shake from the fridge in the gym’s kitchenette and offer one to Aiden while I wait for him to open up.
“Your distraction. Is it about that girl? Alice? Did you message her again?”
“No,” I answer. “She messaged me, but you reminded me how off my routine I was because of her. I don’t have time for that.”
“It’s possible to have a relationship and work, you know. You’re only distracted because you’re trying so hard to avoid it.”
“What are you saying?”
“It’ll be less distracting if you just go for it.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Tell me it’s not been pulling at your focus regardless,” he says, folding his massive arms across his broad chest. “Have you stared at your phone? Let your mind wander? Misplaced your frustrations?”
“Maybe,” I grumble. He’s right. As troubling as it is to admit it. “I’ve even started getting flustered by people at work. This girl…” I rub my temples, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Dangerous territory, my friend.”
“Not like that. She’s just annoying.” I swear I saw her dancing behind the glass wall yesterday—a wall that is much too see-through for my liking.
And she talks to everyone.
All the time.
What is she even doing in that role?
“Yeah, I hope that’s not the expression you take to the office,” Aiden says, pointing at my face.
“What? She pisses me off.”
I finish my protein drink but still feel Aiden’s eyes on me.
“If you say so,” he mutters.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
He holds up his hands in defeat.
“Cryo.” I point towards the cryotherapy chamber in the corner. We usually hit it for about a minute at minus forty degrees before we get in the infrared sauna to heat up. It helps to heal the muscles after an intensive workout.
“Or do you want breakfast right away?” I ask when he hesitates. He’s always hungry, and maybe he’ll forget about this conversation.
“Fuck yeah, breakfast, please. I’m starving for Emine’s eggs.”
The muffled tread of our feet on the herringbone parquet floor is the only sound as we enter the living room. The view of Green Park greets us, stretching out towards where Buckingham Palace lurks in the background.
My flat is normally empty and quiet. My private chef, Emine, comes in every morning while I exercise to make me breakfast and leave food in the fridge for the evening. She’s gone before I’m done, and I eat in peace.
But on Saturday mornings Aiden is here, and Emine sticks around to clean up after us. Not because she has to, my cleaner comes in every day too, but I think she enjoys it.
I can hear her clanging around in the kitchen, and Aiden rubs his hands together, humming.
“Mmm, smell that goodness.”
“Good morning,” Emine croons as we enter the grand kitchen and dining room. Her face lights up as she sees Aiden, and he plants a kiss on her cheek.
“Emine, this smells divine!” he says, breathing in hard and sighing.
“Your favourite bean and lentil shakshuka, with sweet potato and kale hash, and harissa yogurt. For dessert; chia pudding with berries.”
“Marry me!” Aiden gives Emine a sideways squeeze, and she giggles.
“Stop it,” she mutters. She’s nearly sixty and happily married, but Aiden makes her blush like a teenage girl.
We sit at the kitchen island and eat in silence, both hungry as hell after the training session. Emine hums a tune while she cleans the pans.
“Right, back to Alice,” Aiden says, putting his cutlery down.
“Why?”
“You don’t know why?” he asks, angling himself towards me.
“Not at all. It’s my life, isn’t it? What’s there to talk about?”
“You have never, as long as I can remember, been preoccupied by a woman. Even when you were with Jody you were laser-focused on work,” he says, referring to my ex-girlfriend and the only relationship I tried to have after kicking off my career.
“It’s probably age-related,” I say. “My body wants me to reproduce, so I’m reacting differently.”
“Can’t you just admit this girl made you feel something?” he says. “Not down there, in here,” he adds, pressing a hand to his heart.
It takes a lot not to take the mickey out of him for being so soft. He’s such a bloody romantic, always has been (despite his own misfortunes in that department).
But I can’t lie to him anymore than I can lie to myself. I rub my neck, struggling to get the words out.
Alice did make me feel something. I can’t put my finger on what, but she lit something in me. Reminded me what it’s like to laugh so hard it hurts, and that I should aspire to be joyful more often.
“Fine, I admit it,” I manage.
“I knew it!” He slaps my back so hard my fork goes flying. Emine doesn’t flinch, just picks it up and hands me a new one. There’s a knowing expression on her face when I look at her.
“Don’t you start,” I say. She puts her hands up and shakes her head, stifling a smirk.
“Now that you’ve told me that, as your best friend, there’s something you need to know about Alice.” Aiden fiddles with his water glass, his tone hesitant.
“Okay,” I say, dragging the word out.
“I was curious, so I looked up all the Alices who were at The Orion that night, and there were three.”
“Go on.”
“Only one of them fits the style you were describing. Did she say what she was doing there as a VVIP?”
“No, I didn’t want to talk about that, so I didn’t bring it up. Neither did she. Why?”
“She’s not a VVIP. Not even a member. She was working there that night.”
I put my fork down. “Working? As what? She was dancing when I saw her.”
“She’s one of the atmosphere models I hired to fill up the place at the start. I let them all stay on. They don’t get to come to The Orion regularly, you know. Let them enjoy.”
“And get it on with the guests?”
“No, that was on her own time. She wasn’t hired to do that, obviously. ”
“What then?”
“She was there to greet people, mingle, get people on the dance floor. That kind of stuff.”
I rub my forehead, letting his words sink in. This explains her extreme excitement about the place. She said she hadn’t been there before. But she’s not a member. Not … like me.
“Why are you frowning, Mark? Does it bother you?”
I look at my friend and the defiance in his eyes.
My friend who was bullied as a child because his mum worked for the other kids’ mums. I know I should tell him it doesn’t bother me. That it doesn’t matter.
“I … I’m not sure.”
“You just said she made you feel something. So it shouldn’t matter.”
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
“I told you, I’ve never seen you so worked up about a girl before. I wasn’t just going to hand you some excuse to give it up, but I also knew I had to tell you.”
Aiden glances up at Emine, who’s been cleaning the same spot for too long. “What do you reckon, Emine?”
She pretends to lock her mouth and throw away the key, moving over to the other side of the kitchen. Wise lady.
“No, it doesn’t matter,” I say. But I don’t admit that if I were ever to settle down, I’d pictured myself with someone like Jody. A career woman who understands my lifestyle. Someone with ambition and intellect to match mine.
I flinch at my own stereotypes. I know nothing about Alice or her ambition.
Maybe Aiden was right earlier. I’m so distracted because I’ve not seen her. If I meet her again, I can get her out of my mind. Confirm it’s just a physical thing. But I wouldn’t want her to find out who I am until I’m certain.
I turn to Aiden, an idea taking shape.
“Aiden, you’re right. I’m going to invite her to Mesmeric Mystique and see how it goes.”
“Really?”
“Yes, you said it’s a sensory experience in the dark, right? Is it private or like a party?”
“It’s a private thing, so it’s good for a date. But, Mark, it’s pitch black. You won’t see her.”
“Correction, she won’t see me.”
Aiden drops his head into his hands with a groan.
“It’s perfect,” I say. “I can find out how I feel about her without her finding out who I am. It’s a win-win.”
He cocks his head and pins me with his famous Aiden steel stare. He does not approve.
“Come on, admit it’s not the worst idea,” I say.
“Why don’t you want her to know who you are?”
“Last time I went on a date, she pretended to be interested in whatever I was saying although I could tell she was just humouring me.”
“Did you talk about property investments again?”
“Oi, that was one time. The point is, dates are all fake and weird. But with Alice, if she doesn’t know who I am, what I look like, what my bank balance says; I can just relax and be me and enjoy the sensory experience.” I shrug and continue my breakfast.
Aiden’s glare relaxes, and he nods.
“Will you tell her you’re aware she’s not a member?”
“No, she doesn’t need to know you looked her up, you creep.”
“Hey, it was strictly in your best interest.”
“You’ll approve her entrance for the night, then?”
“Of course.”
The thought of feeling her skin again, those full thighs under my hands, is one I can’t push away easily. The idea of hearing her laughing and squealing with joy at the various sensory experiences, whatever they might be, makes me feel lightheaded.
“You’re smiling,” Aiden says and chuckles. “So I’m guessing you’re just a wee bit keen, then?”
“It’s just a test.” I put on my grumpy face again. Aiden’s like a dog with a bone.
“Probably best to go tonight, then,” he says.
“Tonight? Doesn’t it run for weeks?”
But why does the idea make my heart race?
“Yes, but better than being distracted even longer, isn’t it?”
I rub my neck.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, do you want to know her name, then? I’m surprised you haven’t asked,” Aiden says with a raised eyebrow.
Her name. He knows it? It makes me feel queasy. Of course I want to know it.
I open my mouth to say that, but something holds me back. I’d have to pretend I didn’t, or reveal that I stepped over her boundaries. She said she wanted to remain Alice for a while.
Aiden cocks his head at me.
“No,” I say, finally. “I don’t want to lie to her. She’ll tell me when she’s ready.”
“Okay, I respect that.”
After Emine and Aiden have gone, I go to shower before it’s time to cram in a few hours of work. I undress, mentally going through the to-do list for the day. But in the corner of my eye is the little black device. My phone.
Shit. I hate that Aiden is right.
I need to find out what Alice is doing tonight, and if she’ll forgive me for ghosting her all week.