16. Lila
Chapter sixteen
Lila
Matthew leans forward, his arms crossed with his elbows on the table. We’re sitting out on the back patio at Wild Crusts. We finished our meal a while ago and, somehow, we’ve had enough to talk about that we’re just getting to what we do for a living. “My job isn’t too exciting. I work on the family farm.”
“Oh, that’s cool.”
He smiles and, dang, the man has a nice smile, one that feels like a hug from your best friend after a long day. Not necessarily the feeling we are hoping for with a date, but it’s better than the alternatives. Plus, I’m not ready to call it a night, and this is just our first time meeting. Maybe the sparks and butterflies will surface once I get to know him a bit better.
He’s got on light jeans and a white button-up with boots. It’s a good look in general, and Matthew wears it well. He clearly spends time out in the sun, with his tan skin and sun-kissed short brown hair. I guess that makes sense if he works on his family’s farm.
“You must be new around here if you think working on the farm is cool. It’s what most of my classmates are back doing at this point.”
“Oh. You don’t like it?”
“No, I do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great job, and I’m lucky that I enjoy working with my dad and brother. Not every family deals well with passing the baton on to the next generation, but my dad is great and has a really clear process for how and when ownership and leadership will get passed to me and my brother, Chris.”
“That’s…wow. I guess I’ve never put much thought into succession planning for family businesses. It seems like it’s a field of interconnected landmines just waiting to explode.”
“It sure can be. But enough about me. Tell me more about working with Kelsey. How did you end up working for your brother’s girlfriend’s sister? That feels like it might have just as many landmines to navigate as my work does.”
“It’s been great. And, yeah, I met Kelsey last year through Bryn, but it was just normal families meeting stuff. Then, when Kelsey heard I was graduating with my master’s in computer engineering, she suggested I apply for a position she was about to open at KH Security. The job sounded too good to be true, even if my degree isn’t exactly in cybersecurity. Plus, my brother was living out here, and I thought it would be fun to be closer to him again. So I applied, and the rest, I guess, is history.”
“That’s amazing. Kelsey Harper has always slightly terrified me.” He glances over his shoulder as he says it, as though he’s afraid she might pop up behind him. “I mean, she seems really cool, but also like she could kill me with her pinky, ya know?”
“Oh, I know.”
“So tell me about what you do at KH Security.”
I give Matt a rundown of my job as a project and account manager at a cybersecurity firm. My days are a whirlwind of timelines, coordination, and constant communication. I’m the go-between for clients and our technical teams, ensuring that everyone is on the same page. I juggle multiple projects at once, setting deadlines, tracking progress, and troubleshooting any issues that arise along the way. There is definitely a point in there where I get overly detailed about the work Kelsey and I are doing as she considers expanding from cyber to cyber and personal security. I tell him about the proposal I’ve been putting together for Kelsey to submit to a potential client, but I leave out how confused I am about the specifics I’m supposed to be including, not wanting to admit that I’m failing at the first major task Kelsey has assigned me.
Realizing I’ve been talking about the proposal for way too long, I switch the conversation back to him.
Matt tells me more about going to college out of state, trying everything to escape the small-town life, but then graduating and knowing there is nowhere else he’d rather be than in Wild Bluffs.
He’s a super nice guy, and I’m having a great time hanging out with him, but it feels really…platonic. There’s no tingling when he looks at me or a flutter in my stomach when his hand gets closer to mine on the table. Nothing like the buzz I feel when I’m around JT—and that will be the last time tonight I make any comparisons between the two, I promise myself.
Matt glances at the shadows in the corner of the patio before setting down his beer and looking at me with the most serious expression he’s worn all night. “Look, Lila, I should’ve told you this before, but I’m not looking to date anyone.”
“Oh,” I say, because what else do you say to a statement like that?
“Aunt Janice keeps setting me up on dates, and I’ve found that if I agree a couple of times a year, she actually tones it down a little. And I am excited to meet you. I’m just—”
“Oh, it’s okay!” I say, a little too loudly. I don’t understand what I did to make this go south so quickly, but I most certainly will not be causing a scene about it.
“No. It’s really not okay.” He pulls his hand through his hair, causing the pieces on top to stand on end. “Look, the truth is that I’m in love with another woman, and…well, let’s just say she doesn’t love me back. I keep going on dates, mostly to get my aunt and family off my back, but also because I’m hoping that I’ll suddenly stop feeling this way, but…all they end up doing is making me want her so much more.”
Damn. I now want to know everything about this woman and how she managed to ensnare this kind, handsome man so thoroughly. Is it rude to ask him for some tips?
“That…sucks?” I ask it as a question, though I’m unsure if it’s actually a bad thing. I would give anything to be loved like Matt loves this mystery woman.
“It’s my fault. And now, everyone keeps telling me to move on, but I just can’t. And you seem like an awesome person, and I really hope we can be friends, but I just don’t want to lead you on.”
“That’s totally okay. I’m actually very jealous of her, if that’s not too weird to say.” He just laughs, so I keep going. “I’ve had this life plan, which, as lame as all my friends tell me it is, has always included being married and in love by this age. Not some trad wife situation, though, more power to them, but just in a healthy relationship where we love and support each other. I hate I’m so very single. I’m not willing to settle for some jerk who isn’t worth my time, but I don’t feel like it’s too hard to ask to find someone who loves me like you love your mystery woman.”
His smile is so sad that I want to hug him. Instead, I pat his arm a couple of times.
“You don’t want someone like me, Lila. Trust me. I’m the jerk who isn’t worth your time.” We’re both lost in our thoughts for a moment, listening to the babbling of the river as it runs past the side of the patio.
“But, hey,” Matt says, breaking the silence. “Want to come to the high school football scrimmage with me next Friday? A couple of the coaches are single. I may not be boyfriend material, but I make one hell of a good wingman.”
“That sounds surprisingly fun,” I say, pulling out my wallet to leave some cash for the bill.
“I’ve got it. It’s the least I can do.”
“Well, thanks,” I say as we both stand to leave.
As we pass the bar inside, I realize I know the three women whose backs are to me.
“Mind if I go say hello real quick?” I ask Matthew, and we say a quick goodbye, promising to touch base about the football scrimmage before Friday.
“What are you three doing here?” I ask as Becca, Izzy, and Kelsey turn around.
Izzy scans me from head to toe, but apparently, my outfit passes inspection, because when she meets my eyes, she’s wearing a pleased smile. “We’re here to spy on your dinner, obviously.”
I laugh but slowly let it fade away when I realize neither of them is laughing with me.
“Why does it feel like you’re not joking?”
“We learned with Bryn and Jameson that it’s best if we’re just here for the start of it. Otherwise, our phones start blowing up, and then by the time we arrive, there aren’t any good seats left, and we’ve already missed the action,” Izzy says.
“Et tu, Kelsey?” I joke.
“Thing One and Thing Two invited me along. To be clear, I’m here for the pizza. I couldn’t care less about you and Matthew going on a date.”
Then it hits me. “I didn’t tell any of you about this date. How did you know we would be at Wild Crusts?”
All three of them send me looks that say “Really?” but then Becca takes pity on me and answers, “Janice, Izzy. I thought we warned you about the speed at which small-town gossip moves.”
“I guess I’m still trying to wrap my mind around everyone knowing my business.”
“How was the date?” Becca asks as I slide onto the bar stool next to her, suddenly feeling exhausted.
“Well, he’s great. Doesn’t wear women’s underwear or show people his collection of baby teeth, but I don’t think it’s going to work out.”
“Ew,” Becca replies as Izzy just says, “No.”
Kelsey shakes her head slowly before she says, “I clearly should’ve done a psych test on you before I hired you.”
Izzy still has a look of disgust on her face when she says to me, “I’m actually worried about why you would say that. Obviously we wouldn’t let you go out with someone who collects baby teeth.”
I laugh but then climb back off my stool, unable to muster the energy to have this conversation. “I’ll tell you guys about it later. I’m beat.”
And for some reason, I really want to curl up with my book and let myself be embraced by the fictional version of JT.