32. Lila
Chapter thirty-two
Lila
“Hey, Pip, before you go, can I talk to you for a minute?” JT asks as I brush my teeth in the bathroom. To be fair, I’m sure we do need to talk. I mean, his best friend who is also my brother just caught us naked in bed together. Thank goodness all we were doing was sleeping. I’m a little confused by JT’s reaction to it all. I was sure he was going to chalk it up to a one-night stand, head back to California, and just call it quits, but then he went and said he was staying even if it wasn’t here at the house with us. I’m not really sure how to handle it, and Elise is not texting me back. That girl really needs to get her work-life balance figured out.
Jameson insisted he is the one who will be driving me to work today, and I didn’t put up a fight, even though spending the drive with my angry brother feels like a real downgrade from my carpool time with JT. But it’ll be good to have it out with my brother in the safe confines of a vehicle. Neither of us can walk away, and no eye contact is required.
I spit in the sink and rinse out my brush before giving JT my full attention. He’s standing in the doorway, his fingers grabbing the top of the frame as he casually leans into my space. The sun is lighting up his golden surfer curls from behind, and he looks like an angel straight out of Malibu. He’s just Ken. Though he’s a ten here. “What’s up, Pretty Boy?” I ask, reverting to my nickname for him from before we got together. I know “Pipsqueak” has become a term of endearment, but this feels like it’s just enough to put up a minor wall in case he’s here to end things with me.
He seems to understand, and his body tenses as a sad smile tugs at the right side of his face. Instead of answering, he drops his arms, taking the two steps to reach me, and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my head, whispering, “It’s going to be okay.” I’m not sure what exactly he’s referring to, but I want to believe him, so I melt into his hug.
After a moment, he lets go of my waist, grabbing hold of my hand instead. Looking me in the eyes, he says, “I wanted to talk to you about this last night, but I got a bit distracted.” His eyes gleam in boyish delight at the memory of last night before turning serious again. “I’ve been thinking, and I, um…”—his eyes briefly dart away from mine—“was wondering if maybe you’d want to have this be more than just a roommates-with-benefits situation.”
I tense. I’m not sure if I believe him. This feels like him trying to make it seem better in the eyes of my brother.
“Is this because of Jameo?” I ask.
“No.” He shakes his head before saying it again, more firmly this time. “No, Lila. It really isn’t. I fully planned on asking you this last night. I think I want to try this—a real relationship—with you. One with no end date.”
My heart is about to jump its excited ass out of my chest, and I can’t keep the smile from my face, even as I seek further reassurance. “Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to be drinking alone in a bar years from now thinking about what I could’ve done to keep you.”
“What?” I ask, trying to make sense of that last part.
“Not important right now.”
I cross my arms, and he lets out a breath of a laugh. “I’ll tell you the story another time, but for now, before you leave for work, I need you to know that I don’t want this to end in a week or two weeks, and I especially don’t want it to end now just because your brother isn’t happy about it.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
“I know. And I’ll talk to him too. But this isn’t about Jameson. This is about us. Can you please tell me you’re willing to give this a try with me? Or do I have to beg?”
Uncertainty is evident in every line of his body. How does this man not understand just how far I’ve fallen for him in an unreasonably short amount of time?
“Of course,” I say before rising on my toes to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Of course I want to try this with you.”
I give him another long kiss before I head out of the bathroom, giving my hips an extra little swish just for him. The deep chuckle he releases lets me know he saw it.
“Ready?” I ask my brother as I slide my feet into the tan leather mules I left by the door last night. Instead of JT’s golf shoes sitting next to them, there is a pair of men’s loafers. I guess things have already started to change, whether we like it or not.
“Yep. Bryn is going to come in too. She’s going to hang out with her sisters.”
“Oh. Okay. Great.” I force a positive tone, but the last thing I need is an audience for the argument Jameo and I are about to get into. I like Bryn and all, but she’s not my sibling, so I’m going to feel the need to be on my best behavior, which is not what I was hoping for from the car talk. I was looking forward to yelling some things at the jackass who thinks he has any say over whom I do or do not sleep with.
I grab my bag and go to climb into the back of Bryn’s black car.
“Oh, no. I’ll sit in the back,” Bryn says, sliding past me through the door I just opened.
“It’s…it’s your car,” I say.
Jameo climbs into the driver’s seat and raises an eyebrow at me, as if to say “Are you getting in?”
I climb into the front, and Jameson pulls out of the driveway, heading toward town.
“Okay, well, I’m going to listen to music back here. Very loud music. So loud, in fact, my watch will likely yell at me and tell me it’s too loud, but I’m going to keep it that loud. The whole time. Plus, I’m tired, so I will have my eyes closed,” Bryn says from the back, and I laugh, glad Bryn is such an easy person.
“What are you even doing home?” I ask Jameson. He isn’t supposed to be around for another two weeks, and I had big plans for those two weeks.
“The meetings Bryn was supposed to be at this week changed, and I figured with all the drama with the hailstorm and everything, we should come home. Plus, Bryn’s going to stay here while I’m gone for the tournament this week so she can get shit done at work. She’s worried about falling behind, since she’ll be helping the team get ready for the tournament and event next week.”
“It does sound like a really cool event. I’m glad I get to go.”
“You’re…right. I forgot JT mentioned you were going with him. At the time, I thought you were just a convenient date.”
“I was just a convenient date at the time.”
“Are you sure you’re more than that now?” Jameo asks, and I guess the kid gloves are coming off.
“He said he wanted to date me this morning, so…yeah.”
“This morning, huh?”
“Yep,” I say, popping the final ‘p’ sound.
“Tough timing on his part.”
“He claims you getting home had nothing to do with it.”
“Sure.”
“Jameo!” I’m annoyed now. JT is his best friend. “What the hell? You’re the one who’s best friends with the guy. Do you think it’s just because you got home?”
“Honestly, Lila, I don’t know what to think. I haven’t seen JT with anyone who he even remotely pretended to be more than friends or fuckbuddies with since college.” He pounds his hand on the steering wheel. “This is why guys shouldn’t date their friends’ sisters! I know way too much about how he treats women for me to want you to be with him.”
“What does that mean? How does he treat them?!”
“Like they’re temporary! He has a girl in every city. They all know he’s just interested in them for the weekend, and as soon as he leaves, they don’t mean anything to him again.”
“Don’t act like you weren’t exactly the same way until you met Bryn.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Oh really?” I ask, a biting tone in my voice at his lie.
“Okay, fine. I was for a little bit there. But it wasn’t who I am . I was going through some shit. You know that. But I had long-term girlfriends before. Hell, even my shortest relationship is longer than JT’s longest.”
“Well, you changed when you met Bryn. Who’s to say JT won’t change for me?”
I watch as he tries to figure out how to answer the question, and I’m impressed by how much thought he is giving it.
“You’re most certainly worth changing for, Lila. But JT has serious mental blocks in that department. His parents’ relationship is the weirdest thing to ever witness. It’s”—he runs his left hand through his hair—“fucked up.”
“Yeah, well, it’s also fucked up that you’re sitting here basically saying your best friend isn’t good enough for me to date.”
“I don’t think anyone is good enough to date you.”
“Okay, Dad.”
“If JT were trying this with anyone else, I would one hundred percent be cheering him on and offering any and all support I could to help him figure it out. But you’re the one person in this world I side with over JT. And from your side of the equation, dating JT is risky. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Do you really think JT would hurt me?”
“Physically? No. Certainly not. Emotionally? I mean, yeah. I think there is a good chance. He has before, right?”
I raise a questioning eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”
“I”—he sighs deeply—“I never told you about this, but that first Thanksgiving you were home from college, I heard you talking on the phone about what happened at the party we were all at the night before. It’s why I tried not to give you or JT too much shit about the way you act toward each other.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And I know how bad it hurt you. I mean, I may have missed it this time, but it was impossible to miss the crush you had on him as a kid. And I heard how crushed you were when you were talking about him leaving you and never coming back after he kissed you. I mean, I get it from his point of view—you were 18—but I also heard the devastation in your voice. I wanted to break his face and tell him he made the right decision. How do you know he won’t do the same thing this time?”
“I don’t. I don’t know that. But I also know the crush I had on him when I was 18 is nothing like how I feel about him now. He’s a good guy. And, to be fair to him, I was 18. He kissed me to save me from some guy who wouldn’t stop hitting on me, and then, when I wanted there to be more, he left. I’m not saying it was the right thing to do, but there wasn’t a right way for him to break my heart at the time. It was going to be crushed no matter what he did. Plus, I was so embarrassed that not only did he feel like he had to defend me with fricken Wes but then he had to explain to me that it wasn’t real. The weakness, the imperfection he saw in me, is something I try to avoid at all costs. Him seeing it? It’s fueled my rage and need to point out every flaw in him since that day.”
“I get it, Lila, I do. But it’s not just that. I’m worried he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. It’s hard work for anyone, but it’s really fucking hard when you’re a professional athlete. We travel all the time . We leave tomorrow for yet another tournament.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I say, an unintended venom lacing my voice. “I’ve watched you go through it. I helped you go through it.”
“I don’t know what to think, Lila. I thought you guys were likely to murder each other when you found out you were living together. I don’t understand how it goes from that to…whatever you are.”
“Dating. We’re dating.”
We pull onto Main Street, and Jameson sighs, clearly as frustrated with our conversation as I am.
I decide to extend the olive branch. “Look, I’m really sorry you walked in on us together this morning. That was not intentional. But we’ve only been together for a couple of weeks, and we didn’t know that it was going to turn into something—and before you say anything, no one knows if it’s going to be something when you’re just a day or two in.”
“I did.” His eyes flit back to Bryn, and I know that jerk has her music off and is listening to us because her eyes light up like a kid who just heard the ice cream truck’s song.
“Gross.”
“Just be careful, okay?”
“And don’t come crying to you when he hurts me. I got it,” I say.
He parks and turns to look at me, a deep furrow between his brows. “No. And if he hurts you, I will be there for you—whenever or wherever you need me. And you can cry as much as you want.”
I lean across the console and hug my big brother. “You’re the best. And you have good taste in friends. Don’t forget that.”
I climb out but lean my head back in before heading into the office. “And you’d better go apologize to him for being a child this morning.”