Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
MAVERICK
S omething was wrong. Other than the fact that Emory had fallen into a lake and almost died. When I’d arrived, she’d just been floating at the bottom of the shallow water, staring at the glassy rocks, eyes wide open, bubbles escaping her mouth. Like she was in a trance.
We sat by the lake, our backs turned to it, and she shivered, her tunic and trousers still soaked, staring at the ground. I couldn’t get her to tell me what she’d seen. Her eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks blotchy. And she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
The wind blew again, dust swirling up and sticking to her cheeks, smudging them with black.
“I wish I had sky elemental powers right about now,” she said. “I’d command this wind to stop.”
A memory surfaced, one of Annalee. We’d been sitting in the courtyard of our home, Annalee telling me her latest dream about the Wilds.
“I almost fell off a cliff chasing that pesky rabbit,” she’d told me. “But in the Wilds, everything is always listening. Including the wind. ”
She’d said that all she had to do was whisper, and the wind listened, keeping her from falling over that cliff.
“My sister taught me a trick.” I eyed Emory. “Might as well try it.” I cupped my hands around my mouth, then whispered, “Calm.”
The wind instantly settled around us, no longer blowing, the dust falling to the ground.
Emory’s eyes widened. “That’s quite a trick.”
“Annalee has no idea how many times her stories have helped us in this strange, strange world.”
Emory swallowed, the brief light in her eyes dimming again.
When I’d first come upon her, lifeless in the water, I’d feared the worst. I’d thought she was dead, and I knew in that moment, I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t live without this woman. Not since the day she came into my life. I couldn’t live without her sarcasm, her taunting, her courage, her ferocity. She made me better, more.
She was everything, and I needed to tell her. I couldn’t wait any longer. If the Wilds had taught me anything, it was that the next day was not guaranteed.
So I would lay my heart bare before this woman and hope that she felt the same way. Except... I knew she felt the same way I did. It was obvious from the way she looked at me, eyes shining and full of happiness. The way she opened up to me about her past. It was in the way she touched me and kissed me, like she needed me as much I did her.
I wasn’t afraid she didn’t return my feelings. I was afraid she’d run from them.
I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight to me. She buried her head in the crook of my arm.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” I said gently, “but if you need to...”
She shook her head, nose rubbing against my chest.
I pressed a light kiss to her wet hair. “Hey, can I talk to you about something that’s been on my mind?”
She sniffled and nodded, scooting out of my hold.
“This probably isn’t the best time to do this,” I started.
“Do what?” She wrinkled her nose.
I licked my lips. “It’s just that we’re always in danger. Every single fucking day here could be our last. We’ve almost died about a hundred times since we got here. You almost just died.”
She swallowed.
“When I saw you in that water, and I thought you were dead, I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.”
“Maverick,” she started, but I held up a hand.
“Just let me get this out, and then you can say whatever you need to.” I took a deep breath. “The thing is, we belong together, Emory.”
She sucked in a sharp breath.
“We always have. You’re my person. You get me in a way no one does. With you it’s okay that I obsess over my work, that all I want to talk about is nerdy history things, as Driscoll would say.”
Her lips ticked up at the corner.
“No one has ever made me feel the way that you do. I loved you before you had a name. Before you had a face.”
At that, her expression went slack, so I forged on.
“I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but I want to be your future. A bright future full of happiness and love and really good sex.”
She still said nothing, which only made me ramble on more.
“I know this isn’t the traditional way marriages are proposed. I don’t have any family heirlooms to present to you. I don’t have a wedding bracelet. I have nothing but my promise to love you until my dying day.”
I wished Annalee were here. She’d absolutely love this moment, the spontaneity and whimsy of it all. Mostly she’d just love Emory.
“You asked what I saw in that lake,” Emory said slowly, gaze trailing up to meet mine. “I think I need to tell you.”
“That’s not quite the answer I expected,” I said, voice teasing, but she didn’t return my smile. My stomach sank.
She took a deep breath. “I saw my future.” She waved a hand in explanation. “El mentioned a lake that foretells your future. She said to not look into it, and I tried not to. I tried to resist, but it drew me in anyway.” Her voice trembled, and I reached for her, but she scooted backward, drawing her knees up to her chest.
Her hair was still plastered to her head, rivulets of water trailing down her cheeks .
“What did you see?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know.
“I saw you.”
My heart swelled but immediately deflated at the sound of her voice, at the sadness in her gaze. Whatever she saw didn’t sound good.
“I saw you and me. Married.”
I let out a laugh. “That sounds perfect given I’m proposing a marriage to you right now. That’s what you saw? Our future together? Emory, you don’t know how long I’ve dreamed of that. With you?—”
“Stop!”
The force of her words took me aback.
Tears filled her eyes again. “I saw a marriage in which I was trapped. You were teaching at the academy, professor to adoring students, and I was just your wife. Once again, I was just somebody’s wife.”
“No.” I shook my head. That couldn’t be. I wouldn’t do that to her. “I don’t want to trap you. I want you to be free, Emory. You know that. Your passion and dedication to being a historian is what I love most about you.”
“You say that now, but you have no idea how things will change once we’re married. You’re going to need someone to run your household. You’re going to need someone to support you in your career.”
“I’ve gotten this far in life by myself.” I spread out my arms. “I don’t need anything.”
Except you. I didn’t say those words out loud. Not when she was already retreating.
“You know the worst part about that vision?” Emory asked, ignoring what I’d said.
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “What?”
“I could see how I’d become a shell of myself again, just like I was in my marriage to Gregory. You remember that day in the highlands? After I got Spirit Sky’s mask?”
I nodded, feeling numb, afraid if I opened my mouth, every single emotion and feeling would pour out, and then I’d lose Emory for good. This scared her, but I didn’t really believe it was because she thought I’d trap her. She had to know I never would. Something else was holding her back. I just didn’t know what .
She played with the frazzled end of her tunic. “We were laying side by side, and you wanted to see my face.”
I remembered. It was the day I realized I didn’t just want to spend one day a year with her. I wanted to spend every spirits-damned day with her.
“It scared me at the time.” She reached over and grabbed my hand, the brush of her fingers shooting sparks through me like it did every time we touched. “Because I realized I had feelings for you. And I was a married woman.”
My jaw locked. “You never betrayed your husband. You did nothing wrong.”
“No.” Her eyes were so bright, so full of anguish. “That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t feel guilty for falling in... for falling for you.” She slipped her hand from mine and straightened. “You made me feel seen in a way no one ever had, and I will always be grateful for you. But that day I realized how trapped I truly was. I couldn’t reveal my face or name to you because doing so would jeopardize my horrible, pathetic life.”
I hated that she ever had to go through that. Part of me grateful Annalee escaped the Academy of Ladies, even if it meant coming here. That fate would’ve suffocated her. Whereas Emory found a way to carve out a piece of this world for her, I wasn’t so sure Annalee would’ve been able to do the same.
“I ran away from you in the highlands,” Emory continued, “and I vowed that if I ever got free of my husband, I would never, ever put myself in a situation like that again.”
My heart twisted. “And you truly think that’s what I would do? Trap you?”
“I saw it,” she said, voice barely a whisper. “Please don’t make me say it, Maverick.”
“Say what?” I rubbed my jaw just as a ribbon of green twisted throughout the purple sky.
“Don’t make me say no to you.”
I gave a stiff nod, and she stood, water still dripping from the ends of her hair. “I’m going back to camp. It’s been a long day, and I need some sleep. ”
I met her gaze but said nothing, too numb to speak, to feel. She padded past me without looking back.
I didn’t dare look at the lake, but whatever she’d seen, it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
Then again... Doubt filled me, a voice whispering that I’d done it time and time again. I’d put work before those who mattered most. I’d done it to Annalee. I’d left her in a horrible situation for a job. I’d neglected relationships, kept others at bay, all for the sake of my career. So who was to say I wouldn’t do it again in the future? Maybe Emory was right to say no. Maybe I wasn’t what she needed after all. Maybe I truly had to let her go.
And that was the most painful realization of all.