Chapter 7
Kipp
Emergency. Wade sent me a picture of a raccoon in the station break room, and he’s standing on his chair.
Wade
I am not. And anyway. Raccoons freak me out. THEY HAVE HANDS. TINY HUMAN HANDS.
Sage
This is the man who carries a gun for a living. Raccoons are adorable.
Lo Lo
Kipp, you're literally a wildlife professional. Help him. Go catch it. Sage wants one anyway.
Kipp
This picture is going in the Christmas card rotation. And no … Wade can save himself. I’m busy.
Wade, just open a window and shoo it out with a broom.
Wade
SHOO IT??? You shoo flies, East. This thing could file taxes. It tried to bite me. You’re in town. Come help me.
Can’t do it. I’m busy. You’re on your own.
Phiny
I'm adding "afraid of trash pandas" to Wade's dating profile.
Wade
Update: It stole my sandwich. It was a really good one too. Turkey club. Fuck.
Kipp
That’s just sad, man.
Sage
Your dignity cost you a turkey club?
Wade
You guys suck.