Chapter 31 #2
“My mom. She was an addict. She didn’t take very good care of me, or remember enough that she should be.
” Lila watched me carefully as I spoke. Listening intently.
“When she died, I was put into foster care. It was me and my plastic bag being shuffled from place to place. There were no attachments until the Holts. I …” My words left me for a minute, but Lila seemed to know what I meant.
“You found love with them. With Maggie and Levi.” Her eyes were soft, liquid in the low lights in the barn.
“I did. With them and my brothers and sisters.” I rubbed my thumb along her knuckles again, savoring the feeling of touching her.
She was so soft, and I loved the way a blush followed along every time my fingers brushed against her.
“I left after Levi’s accident … everything felt like it was coming apart again.
” That feeling had been choking me. The sensation I’d had when I was little had come back tenfold.
The fear that everything could vanish in an instant.
“Like people were leaving.” Her hand gripped mine. “When Grams died, that’s how I felt. Still do, honestly. I’ve felt guilty about it. Like she abandoned me, but that doesn’t really make sense.”
“That’s it exactly.” Relief washed over me.
My siblings had tried to understand, but they didn’t seem to share that same sense of panic I felt when Levi died.
There was that feeling torn between missing him and being angry at him for dying.
Then there was the worry that I might turn around and find someone else in my family that I’d claimed, who would leave me without meaning to.
Anyone could have an accident. Hell, Wade’s job was dangerous.
None of us were prepared when he announced he would pursue a career in law enforcement.
We’d all thought he’d gone a little crazy.
When he was a kid, he was more than a bit of a handful, so being Mr. Law and Order was a new look.
Then Kipp said he was going to be a statie.
Now Maggie was getting older. Life was balanced on a knife’s edge all the time.
“I get it,” she was nodding.
I could tell that she did, and she was suddenly that much more attractive to me. Not only beautiful, but it seemed like she understood.
“Lila,” I murmured, her name tasting like temptation.
Her breath caught, and when her lips parted, it wasn’t words that filled the space between us. It was want.
Her hand found mine, pressing it flat against her cheek. The faint tremble there matched the one in my chest. Slowly, I traced the line of her jaw, feeling the slope of her neck, until my thumb rested at the hollow of her throat where her pulse beat fast beneath my touch.
When I leaned closer, her knees brushed mine, and I had to hold back the desire that overwhelmed me. All day long, there seemed to be this magnetic pull that kept growing. She made me feel crazy, and this thing with someone coming after her? Unacceptable.
“You shouldn’t look at me like that,” she whispered.
“Like what?” My mouth hovered a breath from hers.
“I don’t know.” Her words came almost in a whimper as I edged closer to her, her eyes dilating. “Like you know how everything ends.”
“But I do. So do you,” I whispered. “I’m a sure thing.”
My hand slid to the back of her neck, fingers threading into her hair. She surged up to meet me, and our mouths collided in a kiss that stole the air from my lungs. It wasn’t soft. It was hungry, a reckless release all at once.
She fisted my shirt, dragging me closer, until there was no space left.
My other hand anchored her waist, pulling her against me, solid and certain.
Her lips tasted faintly of the barbecue’s sweetness and the malty aftertaste of beer, all tangled together.
I groaned into her mouth, and she swallowed the sound, answering with a gasp that set my blood roaring.
This wasn’t just heat. I needed her.
In fact, I was desperate.
Her mouth opened beneath mine, sweet and urgent, and the kiss deepened. Every nerve lit up, and all the control I thought I had dissolved like the fire that had gutted her mudroom. Her fingers slid into my hair, tugging with a desperation that made my chest tighten.
“East,” she whispered against my lips, and the sound was enough to ruin me.
I pulled her onto my lap, her thighs straddling me, the blanket bunching beneath us.
She fit there so naturally, as if she had always been meant to.
The soft fabric of her leggings pressed against the rough denim of my jeans, her heat piercing through every barrier.
My hands found her hips, firm and guiding, unable to let go.
Her curves pressed close against me, chest to chest, heartbeat hammering against mine. I traced the curve of her spine, the dip of her waist, the shape of her ribs under my palm. Each place I touched, she trembled, and each tremor fed the hunger that threatened to break me open.
Her tongue tangled with mine, demanding, claiming, until I was groaning into her mouth and she was gasping like the air had grown thin.
My lips left hers only to blaze a path along her jaw, down to the hollow of her throat. Her head tipped back, granting me access, and I tasted her there, all salt and skin. Her pulse thundered against my tongue, and I wanted more.
“Are you wet for me, sugar?”
Her fingers clutched my shoulders, nails biting through cotton, urging me closer. “Maybe,” she breathed, though her hips rolled once, slow and desperate, against me. The friction nearly undid me.
“I’ll bet those panties are drenched.” My hand slid beneath the edge of her hoodie to the bare skin of her belly. The heat of her burned into my palm, and she shivered as if I had touched fire to her skin. “I might really come in my pants this time.”
Her laugh was broken, breathless. “That’s the worst kind of confession.”
“Maybe,” I rasped, dragging my hand lower, fingers skimming where she was already hot and wanting. She gasped, sharp and unguarded, her forehead dropping to mine. “It’s the truth. You’re driving me wild.”
Every part of me screamed to take, to claim, to bury myself in her until there was nothing left between us but the sweat and the heat and the raw truth of what this was.
“Dinner in the barn was supposed to be a nice little first date.” My teeth grazed the soft edge of her earlobe just the way I already knew she liked, and she shuddered. “But I can’t stop thinking about how you taste. How you feel when I slide inside you.”
Her hands framed my face, pulling me back to meet her gaze.
Her eyes were wide, pupils dilated, lips swollen from kissing.
“Then don’t stop,” she whispered. “I want all those things. Because I’ll tell you a little secret.
” Her lips found the shell of my ear, making me shiver as she whispered. “I’m soaking wet. Drenched for you.”
“Is that so? What a good fucking girl.” My mouth found hers again, desperate.
Her hips rocked against me once more, and I felt the heat of her through my jeans.
My hand gripped her thigh tighter, anchoring us both on the edge of something dangerous, and I let my fingers move the top of her leggings just to the edge of her panties.
We kissed until my lungs burned, until her breath came in ragged pulls and my body screamed for release. But when I pressed my forehead to hers, forcing space, the words tore out of me. “I’m not going to be able to let you go.”
A reason I’d been so hesitant to even start a relationship with someone.
That idea that there was a chance I’d fall, but they wouldn’t.
I wasn’t sure my heart could handle that.
The sappy movies that Sage and Chloe always watched showed it the other way around, but I knew deep down that my feelings were the tender ones.
My heart wasn’t made for barbed wire and thorns.
She stilled, her lips parted, chest heaving. Then, softer than I expected, “Maybe I don’t want you to let go. Maybe I couldn’t stand it either, East. Touch me for real.”
The barn seemed to tilt, the ground giving way beneath me as I slid my fingers into her slick heat. “Is this all for me, sugar?” I groaned. “You weren’t kidding. You are drenched.”
Her hands tightened on my shoulders as her hips ground against me.
My thumb circled the swollen, nearly bursting bud, and her eyelids fluttered.
Damn, she was beautiful. Her hair had come loose from the bands she’d put it in earlier.
Wild curls framed her face and touched her flushed cheeks as she chased that high.
God, I could watch this all day on repeat.
Sliding a finger inside her wet heat, I pressed her clit more firmly as her eyelids fluttered and her hips ground against my hand.
“That’s it. Look at you soaking my hand for me. You’re so perfect. Soon I’m going to have you naked, and I’m going to worship every inch of you.” Sucking in the flesh of her neck, I scrubbed my beard against her as I sped up. “Ride my fingers so I can watch. You’re so beautiful, Lila.”
She came in a gush, her cream covering my fingers as she tilted her forehead to mine and opened those beautiful eyes with a relaxed smile. “Hmmm. You weren’t lying. You are pretty good at this stuff.” Her mouth captured mine.
“Yeah?” Pulling her leggings back up, I licked my fingers.
“I’m going to show you pretty good.” Giving her a wink, I tipped her back onto the blanket and kissed her again, slower this time, letting it linger.
Every brush of my hands was an admission of my feelings for her.
Sliding my jeans down and letting my cock free, I rolled on a condom before pushing into her wet heat, groaning as I let myself go, teetering on the edge of giving in completely. “Give it to me again, sugar.”
I could feel her as she fluttered around my cock, those pretty tits of hers heaving as she strained towards heaven. Fuck … I could die happy right here between her thighs. Sliding my hand to her clit I worked her as I stroked in and out until our climax hit.
“Yeah,” she said as we rolled onto our sides. “Pretty good. Three stars.” Her eyes softened as she smooshed my lips together and kissed me hard. “Maybe I’ll keep you.”
My heart fluttered. Damn, I hoped she would. I swallowed hard. “Three?” I winked. “Well, I’m going to have to go for four next time.”