Chapter 36
Kipp
Being around Hattie was easy. We always had plenty to talk about, and she was interested in my job, which I loved.
I could talk about tracking and poaching as much as I wanted, and she listened.
It was probably because she was filing away all the tidbits for future podcasts, but I didn’t mind.
I’d noticed that was how she was with everything — a seeker of all knowledge; it didn’t matter what it was. Hattie wanted to know it all.
Steam curled around us as I leaned back against the smooth lip of the hot tub. The night air carried the scent of pine and faint woodsmoke. Now the world had quieted to the steady hum of the jets and the hush of water sliding over skin.
Hattie sat curled against me with her knees drawn close, her hair pinned in a loose twist that kept falling against her cheek.
The steam turned the escaping strands into soft curls that clung to her neck.
She tilted her face toward the night sky as if the stars were telling her something private.
Fish had collapsed nearby on the deck, snoring with the kind of peaceful abandon only a dog could manage.
I watched her for a moment. She had a way of falling into silence that settled everything around her.
When she lowered her gaze to me, the corner of her mouth shifted into a quiet smile, as though she could feel my eyes lingering on her.
She’d come out in that tiny bikini that had my mind going to dirty places, and when she’d molded her body to mine, there was no way I could resist. Every time we were together, I fell further and further for her, like my heart was on its way down a ravine with no parachute and no way back.
Now her little bikini lay on the deck forgotten, and Hattie was stark naked next to me, and I was already thinking of round two.
“You look like you’re thinking very hard,” she said.
“Every once in a while, it happens.” I caught the small splash she kicked toward me and let myself sink deeper into the heat. “Earlier, you asked me to tell you more about the Holts and me. I guess this is as good a time as any.”
Her expression softened. She rested her chin on her arms, giving me her full attention. Hattie never listened the way most people did. She held still, offering nothing but space and patience. It always made me want to give her more than I intended.
“I showed up angry,” I said. “Their house was nothing like what I was used to. After my father died, I’d lived on my own for almost three weeks until they caught up to me and hauled me into family services.”
The water rippled around my hand as I skimmed my fingers across the surface.
“Their house was tidy and clean. I’d already been forced to take a bath and get cleaned up before I was taken there, and I was spitting mad.
” Hattie didn’t laugh. She’d been watching me solemnly.
“Maggie showed me the chore list. It was just me, East, and Lo Lo when I got there. Easton was the oldest, and Lo Lo was just five, but she was in charge.” Just the memory of it made emotion well up in me.
I’d been so unsure about everything, but Lo Lo knew what she was about.
“Lo Lo told me at breakfast the next morning that it was my job as her new big brother to help her feed the chickens and carry the feed pail because she was too little. I can tell you right now that she didn’t need any help at all, and East walked with us the whole time, watching to make sure I did exactly what I was supposed to.
Then, after each time, Lo Lo would hand me a star to put on the chart and congratulate me for being a good big brother. ”
Hattie laughed, the sound warm and easy. “Hilarious.”
“At first, I thought they were messing with me. Took me a while to figure out they were just treating me like one of them. Lo Lo was making sure I knew that I was her brother, and East was there to make sure I wasn’t a serial killer in the making or something.
” I let out a long breath. “By the time I realized there was no going back, I didn’t know what to make of it.
They had dinner at the table for fuck sake.
With napkins.” I remembered the confusion I’d felt when Maggie had asked us to set the table.
“You turned out all right,” she said softly.
“I had help.” I held her gaze through the steam. “A whole lot of it.”
Something flickered in her expression. A shadow, familiar and worn. It had followed her from the moment she arrived in town, and I knew it belonged to someone she carried with her.
“You mentioned your sister,” I said quietly. “Your parents. You don’t have to talk about anything. But if you want to, I’m here. There’s so much I want to know about you.”
She drew in a breath that trembled before she steadied it. The steam moved between us like a veil, then drifted aside as she spoke.
“Jane,” she said. “My twin. She had a way of making everyone fall in love with her. Jane was super creative and expressive. She drew people like a magnet. That sounds corny, but it was totally true.”
“She sounds amazing, but a lot like you.” I watched her as she struggled for words. She didn’t see herself clearly if she didn’t think she was any of those things.
“Not like Jane. Everyone loved her. There was this energy about her. She could draw anything, sculpt, throw clay.” Her eyes closed, and tears leaked out under the lids that she squeezed tight. “God, I miss her.”
“Hattie,” I murmured, shifting closer to draw her into my arms.
“She struggled,” she said. “In ways I didn’t notice.
She was married to this asshole, Nolan, who I never liked, but for some reason, Jane married him after about six months, even after I warned her.
He had a lot of money and wined and dined her.
He talked about getting her work into galleries and stuff.
” She scoffed, wiping angrily at her tears.
“He was a liar. She’d have bruises that she’d lie about, and he would try to keep her from coming out to lunch or working with people she’d worked with forever.
Jane got this great job teaching sculpture at a college, but she had to cut down to three nights a week because he was such an ass.
Then she was just gone.” Her hands tightened around her knees.
“The world kept moving after that. Mine didn’t. ”
I shifted closer, the water lifting between us. “That wasn’t your fault.”
“There are days when I almost believe that,” she whispered. “I should have tried harder to get her away from him. She was my other half. Some days I miss her so much.” She sniffled and turned into me, circling her arms around me as she heaved a soft sigh. “You know what my friend Syd said today?”
“What?” Smoothing my fingers along her spine, I enjoyed the feel of her against me, but I hurt for her all the same.
Sorry wasn’t enough to fix the fact that her sister was gone.
That was an empty word. Hattie’s grief had lasted for years and was a wound that hadn’t healed.
She had no answers, and that almost seemed worse than knowing.
“She said she’d be excited to be an aunt.” I didn’t pause, but my heart leapt. “I was mad for a minute.”
“Explain it to me.” I had a good idea about why, but I wanted to hear it from her.
There was a huge degree of excitement at the thought of a baby.
My siblings would be terrified or horrified, in equal parts, right now at the trajectory and speed of what was happening with Hattie and me.
Then they’d be all-in. “Tell me why, Hattie.” I encouraged again as she bit her lip a little, trailing a hand down my chest and bending towards my lips.
“Maybe I want to move on to other things,” she murmured, sliding back over to straddle me again.
It isn’t that I’m not all in, but I wanted to finish this conversation. “Tell me why first.” It seemed important. “Then I’m all about moving on.”
“Jane should have been here. If I am,” she said hurriedly, looking at me as if I were about to explode. “That’s stupid, right? Syd will be great, but I don’t even know. And anyway, we would still have so many things to figure out. Maybe you don’t …” she stopped herself.
“Hey,” I moved my hands down to her hips, steadying her against me.
“Listen to me, Trouble. It isn’t stupid at all.
Of course, you’d want your sister here if it were possible.
I’m sorry that it isn’t. But if you are pregnant, then I’m excited.
We’d raise the baby together. I’d hope that you’d stay here, but if you didn’t want to, we’d work it out. Whatever you need, okay?” I meant it.
The Holts had given me the foundation of a family, and I loved my brothers and sisters, but I wanted my own.
The idea of Hattie and a baby was so tantalizing that I could barely contain the glee that I felt at the thought of it.
It was probably unhinged thinking about her being pregnant when we barely knew each other, but I’d be happy.
Everything would work itself out. I just knew it.
My lips brushed hers again, soft at first, to check in with her. I wanted her to know that she wasn’t some itch I needed to scratch. She was worth so much more than that. Maybe our attraction had been hot and instant, but I think even then I’d known that it was so much more than that.
Her hand cupped my jaw and pulled me closer. The kiss deepened, slow and hungry, as the water rocked gently against the sides of the tub. I wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her against me.