Chapter 20
Chat
Dysfunction Junction
Kipp
I need everyone to know that I found a spider the size of a small country in the bathroom this morning, and I handled it with extreme grace and dignity. I relocated it to a more suitable habitat.
Kippers, I have a small fern with your name on it if you want something living in your bathroom that won't traumatize you.
Kipp
A plant cannot protect me from what I saw this morning.
Wade
You know, they say if you see one spider, there are approximately…
Kipp
WADE
Wade
Just saying.
Chloe
Fun fact: spiders are incredibly beneficial to the ecosystem, and most household species are completely harmless.
Kipp
Lo Lo, I love you, but I need you to never say that again
Phiny
I once found one in my mixing bowl, and I just moved on with my life. You should do the same. Aren’t you park ranger adjacent? Shouldn’t you be able to handle a spider?
East
You made muffins the morning you found the spider. With the same bowl.
Phiny
The muffins were fine. Why wouldn’t I use the same bowl? I swear there is something wrong with you guys. Afraid of spiders and raccoons.
Phiny
It wasn't IN the bowl when I made them. Probably.
Probably is doing a lot of work in that sentence
Kipp
I've eaten your food for years.
Phiny
And you've never complained once.
Wade
This family is feral.
Kipp
Anyway. The spider is gone. I’m fine. I just need acknowledgment that it was large.
For what it's worth, I believe you about the spider.
Kipp
Thank you, Sage. You're my favorite.
Wade
You said I was your favorite yesterday.
Kipp
Yesterday, you didn't know about the spider.