Chapter 38
Lilac still lived in Grubiit with her adopted son, Tad. When Abaddon destroyed the Swamp Temple, he hadn’t extended that carnage to Lilac’s home on the other side of town. At first, I believed that was because he didn’t know she existed, but now, I wasn’t so sure.
I wasn’t sure about anything at all. Any time I felt certainty, I immediately convinced myself I was falling for another trick, that the truth couldn’t possibly be what I thought it was.
“I’m not moving,” she said softly as she invited me inside. “Sorry about the whispering. He just started a nap, and that boy has been a terror the whole day.”
“I still think it would be safer, but that’s not why I came.”
“What is it that brings you to me in these dark times?”
“You’ve become a grounding force in my life,” I explained. “I come here so I can have a normal conversation with a normal person in a normal setting.”
Lilac looked at me with big pitying eyes.
“Oh, sweetheart, this isn’t normal. If this were a normal moment, I’d still be turning tricks, and you would pay me for the hour.
Whether you finished in my ass or on my face would be up to you.
Sometimes, it seems like you don’t want the extraordinary life you’ve built for yourself. ”
“That’s because I don’t.”
She reached across the table and slapped my arm. “Shame on you. There’s too much suffering out there for you not to enjoy the luxuries you have. It’s a waste.”
“You’re right that I should appreciate it more. I don’t dispute that. Can I give you a hypothetical situation? I want to hear what you would do.”
“Anything you want. You paid for all the hours, after all.”
“Imagine you had everything you ever wanted, but to save your life, you have to give it all up and swear yourself to servitude. Would you accept servitude or not?”
“Who am I serving?”
“The worst person you’ve ever known.”
“And the alternative is to what, die?”
“Could be you died, but really it would be lifetimes of torture.”
Lilac thought. “That little boy in the other room has greatness in him. I don’t know how, but I know he has incredible potential.
It’s in his eyes, I think. I want him to have a good life, so I’m raising him to keep his head down.
Stay out of politics and don’t chase money.
Don’t get into trouble, and don’t attract attention. ”
Imagining that philosophy being applied to my life drove a deep revulsion within me, like I swallowed poison and knew I had to throw it up as soon as possible.
“What does that mean for how you handle the situation I described?” I asked.
“Give up the stuff so I can live. Do the work, keep my head down, try to enjoy life where I can.”
“Just like that?”
“If that's what it takes to survive. That idea isn't new to me. I don't like it, but I understand it.”
“I don't know if just surviving is enough,” I said.
“Enough to what? Find the will to live?”
“Yeah.”
“It's enough for me.”
When I heard those words, I felt a new understanding of myself, of who I was. Just surviving was not enough for me. I didn't want to die, but I preferred that to living in misery. Even if my imprisonment was over and I was no longer actively tortured each day, just existing wasn't enough.
Whatever level of broken Lilac was, I knew I wasn't there with her.
I voiced none of these thoughts to her, by the way. She had a hard enough life. Pointing out that she sounded pitiful would serve no other purpose than cruelty.
I hugged Lilac and kissed her on the head. “Thank you for listening to me. It was a big help.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I have to go. Please think again about moving to Sanctuary. I know! I'm not going to try to convince you again. I just want you to remember it's an option.”
“You're sweet, Byron. I hope you find the answers you're looking for me.”
“Me too.”
My head rested on Ashley's lap while she stroked my hair. She had come to my room to visit and found me ruminating. With little more than a guiding hand, she convinced me to lie like this in bed with her. The Queen looked down at me with concern and pity.
“Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer the quiet? I'm fine with either.”
“I don't know,” I said. “The tides turned on us so quickly.”
“We have a lot of war left.”
“If we’re lucky.”
“We’re still here. No general has won every battle.”
Sighing, I replied, “That’s true.”
“The attacks didn't disrupt the plan,” Ashley added. “You solved the toy supply problem right away. Sanctuary is safe. The tower is still a secret. The losses hurt, but we're still here.”
“He flattened the Temples like they were nothing. Abby’s wards are high-level, better than anything humans can do, and they weren't enough.”
“Your plan was never to fight him head-on for that exact reason.”
“Also true.”
“Stay the course.”
“I'm worried we’ll run out of time.”
Ashley gently ran the back of her hand along my jawline. “Maybe that's what we should be talking about. Where can we save time?”
“The tower,” I replied immediately.
“So we can get to the plane of angeli, giving us a supply of good-aligned levels and virgins for the weapons we need.”
“Yeah. I can solo the tower, I think. If not just me, then Solara and I. That would get us a new boss rush circuit too, since the dungeons aren't safe for us anymore.”
“This is what he wanted, you know,” Ashley said. “The attack was shock and awe. He let us get comfortable, so the hard hit off-balanced us more.”
“It feels like he's toying with me.”
“I don't think he is. You've killed Dungeon Lords and archfiends. He knows you're dangerous, and he's been around long enough to know that you don't keep those fights going.”
“That’s pretty insightful.”
Ashley smiled. “I had a tutor. Studying history means studying a lot of war.”
“I don't think describing it as ‘studying’ gives you the proper credit. A lot of people study history, but you understand it in a deeper way.”
She leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You're going to prove that he was right to be afraid of you.”
We drifted into silence. Ashley absentmindedly ran her nails up and down my chest, a gentle but sharp caress.
“He's so much stronger than me. It wouldn't even be a fight.”
“I don't think his summoning you was just to gloat,” Ashley said. “He tried to present it that way to save face. It's okay to be afraid of someone like that, but it's also clear that something about you has him worried. Don't forget that.”
I nodded and closed my eyes to focus all my attention on how her fingers felt moving over my body. I don't know how long we sat there like that.
“I still think about those days we were on the run,” Ashley began after a time. “I was so scared, but you never wavered. From the moment you appeared in that cell, you were sure of every decision you made.”
“Invia mentioned you two talk about that often.”
Ashley blushed. “She asks me to tell the story sometimes when we're in bed.”
“I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry.”
“I don't mind that, you know. It caught me by surprise, is all. But what I was saying… You talking to me like this means a lot. I like that I get to see every side of who you are. You can be ruthless when you need to be, and then you can be sweet and sensitive.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Ashley’s fingers crawled down my shirt and started to undo my belt. “You don’t have to do anything. Just relax and enjoy it.”
With my pants open, she reached for my sword and pulled it free of my clothing.
I wasn’t hard yet, so she lay it on my body and ran the tips of her fingers up and down its length with the cadence of a pendulum.
Her other hand cradled my head while she looked down on me with pure adoration in her eyes.
“I know how tiring it can be to wear the crown, to always be the one in charge, everyone looking to you for answers,” she said softly. “Right now, you’re not responsible for anything at all. You’re safe here. I’ll take care of you.”
Ashley’s soothing voice lulled my eyelids closed. Every stroke drove a little bit more tension from my body.
Sometimes I felt her fingertips. Sometimes I felt her nails. She might glide up and then back down, continuing on to my balls before returning to the shaft. Or she would reach the head of my cock and circle right where the shaft and the head met.
Sometimes she used just one finger. Sometimes she used several. And it was all slow.
“You deserve this, my King,” Ashley whispered. “You’re so strong, so powerful. I like that I get to enjoy this side of you, the man beneath the armor.”
I felt each of her fingers wrap around my cock like she was demonstrating the perfect grip for a sword, one finger closing on me after the next, pressing me into her soft palm.
She held me just tight enough for my skin to slide up and down with her hand, keeping the same delicate tempo she had used from the start.
“There’s nothing in the worlds that compares to this cock. It’s an honor to feel it harden in my hand, to be the one who summons it, to know that it’s engorged because of what you want to do with me.”
Instead of going all the way up and all the way down, she kept her hand near the top, her grip bouncing gently against the base of my tip.
“The first time you had me… I was so scared. I had seen you hard before, but knowing that you were hard for me was different. When I thought about you stretching me, I couldn’t imagine being able to take it all.
All this dick in my tiny body? I didn’t think it was possible, but I wanted it, even if it hurt, because I wanted to know everything about you, to be so deeply connected to you. ”
She shifted from holding my shaft to stroking the head with all five fingers, angled like she was picking me up as delicately as possible. Every finger tip started just beneath the hood and traced to the top as she lifted her hand.