Chapter 31
‘Enough of the diversion tactics. What’s going on, chick?
What’s happened?’ He swatted crumbs away from his woolly green jumper, as if they were flies and not bits of scrumptious dough.
‘I love scones, love cream even more, but I haven’t travelled four hundred bloody miles to talk about them.
’ He smiled. ‘Not complaining about eating them though.’
Silence fell.
‘Look… I’m fine, Dad. Honestly. I was simply…
pleased to see you. And I’m home in just over two weeks for Christmas.
But thanks for the Quality Street chocolates.
December wouldn’t be the same without them.
The flowers are so pretty too, with that gold-sprayed holly added in.
’ Lili got up and pulled down the window blind.
‘How long did the journey take? I wished you’d spoken to me first, I could have put your mind at ease.
’ Feeling tearful once more, she sat down again.
‘Seven hours – but I’d travel seventy, if it meant checking you were okay. And your mum agreed.’
Lili’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline. ‘You bothered telling her you were coming?’
‘No. I rang up to discuss it.’
‘But you two… you keep contact to a minimum.’
‘She wanted to come too but had a shift at work. She said, “Go down straight away, Johnny, and keep me posted. Give Lili my love and tell her I’ll ring her this week.”’
Johnny ? Since the divorce, for Mum, it had been strictly ‘John’.
John wiped his mouth, scrunched up the paper napkin and clenched his fist. ‘Em’s death…
it really affected us too. Maybe you didn’t know that, but it did.
We’d watched that girl grow up, growing ever cheekier by the year.
’ He gave an affectionate but sad smile.
‘Em drowning made us realise what was important – that life was too short to be unkind, to hold on to grudges. God knows we’ve both said a million hurtful things to each other over the years. But we’re trying to stop.’
An uncomfortable sensation spiked in Lili’s chest. She’d never considered how difficult Em’s death must have been for her parents.
‘Guess I would have noticed the change in you and Mum if I’d visited more this year.
’ Her cheeks reddened. ‘Sorry about that. I… I haven’t felt like seeing many people.
But that’s changing now, so you’ve no need to worry. ’
He dropped the napkin and placed his hand over hers.
‘No, I’m sorry. So is your mum. We should have both come down this year and supported you more.
I’ve only visited a few times since you and Em moved in.
’ He picked up the napkin again. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot lately.
The divorce wasn’t only about me and your mum.
And I… I wasn’t there for you properly. I was so self-absorbed, could only see what had happened to me . I should have put you first.’
‘Dad, it’s okay, I?—’
‘That’s the main reason I charged down today. I’m here for you now, love. Always will be. Why are you so upset? I’m here to listen. Here to help if you need it.’
She opened her mouth.
‘No more of that “there’s nothing wrong” nonsense. I may be a bit grey around the edges, but I’m not doolally.’
‘You always did know when I was keeping something from you. Like the time I got a detention and pretended I’d joined the school choir.’
‘Yes, no offence, love, but your singing voice has always sounded like the train brakes squealing at Deansgate station.’
Lili put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands. ‘I… met someone I liked. Really liked.’
‘Oh. A guy?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, Dad, I haven’t been keeping my sexuality from you.’
‘It’s just… you haven’t really ever been… serious about anyone before.’
He asked it as a question. Lili replied with a nod.
‘Your mum and I wondered but never liked to ask. I came across a term on the internet – aromantic – and I get it if?—’
‘Oh my God, Dad! Stop being so embarrassing! I’m straight, okay? And I have had brief romantic relationships, but I prefer to keep things fun and casual and?—’
‘Whoa! Who’s being embarrassing now?’
They looked at each other and laughed.
‘I don’t get involved because… I don’t want to get hurt. Not like, well… People in long-term relationships often suffer badly when there’s a break-up.’ She broke eye contact.
‘It’s okay. I realise, now, how much our divorce affected you. And I’m sorry. So sorry. If there’s any way we could have avoided?—’
‘It’s not only that, Dad. Em fell for this guy last year. She got serious. He really let her down.’ Lili shrugged. ‘It’s safer to keep yourself to yourself.’
‘But that’s life, love. You can’t avoid putting your feelings out there.’
‘I have. All these years I’ve not committed to any relationship and life’s been great.’
John looked puzzled. ‘What about Em?’
‘That was a friendship! Please, Dad. I. Am. Straight!’
Now he rolled his eyes. ‘All I’m saying is, more like friendship, that’s what some marriages turn out to be, once the honeymoon period is over.
How long did you know Em? Since primary school, since you were five?
That’s almost a quarter of a century you were together.
You’ve already had one of the longest relationships ever. ’
‘But that’s different.’
‘I don’t think so. And yes, you got hurt in the end. Terribly. But if you had your time again, would you still choose to become friends with her?’
‘Of course!’
‘Right, and that’s how I feel about your mum.
Despite how things ended, I wouldn’t change a thing.
We had lots of good times. I loved her passionately – some people never know what that feels like.
And we had you… Think of the many great times you had with Em – the nights out, the nights in, the travel, the laughter.
You could have those with a romantic partner.
Sure, getting close, it’s a risk. But I reckon people on their deathbed don’t regret the things they did do, they regret the things they didn’t. ’
Lili looked at his third finger, where his wedding ring had been.
Was he right?
She didn’t regret one second of her time with Em, even though the loss, this last year, had seared her heart.
John helped himself to another scone. ‘This guy… has he got a name?’
‘Dylan.’
John slathered jam, then cream, onto another scone and bit into it, waiting for Lili to explain.
So she told him about the texts mix-up, about their growing friendship, even agreeing to go on the Vegas trip together.
Then about bumping into Jags and him revealing Dylan’s brother Harry was dead, not travelling.
‘He’s been lying to me for over a month, ever since we first met on Halloween.’ The tips of her ears turned pink. ‘That may not seem long to really get to like someone, to be so upset when you find out they aren’t who you thought, but…’
‘When you know, you know,’ her dad said.
‘The first time I set eyes on your mother, I knew I was going to do everything I could to be with her. We were in a pub, one of the busiest in Stockport, but when she caught my eye and smiled, it was as if we were the only two in the whole of the world, let alone that room.’
It had felt like that when Dylan came over to the shop to return the sock.
John rubbed his stomach in a satisfied manner.
‘Weird though… if he had some sort of agenda, wouldn’t it have been more clever, to have been honest about Harry?
There’d have been more common ground, both of you having lost someone close.
Maybe Dylan was having a bad day, and that evening pretending his brother was simply away was his way of dealing with the tragedy. ’
‘But I opened up to him! Told him things about Em that I’ve not told anyone else.’
‘But, love, that was your choice. I’m not approving of this Dylan lying to you, but it could have been his coping mechanism.’
Maybe.
‘Does he seem a decent lad?’
‘Yes. But none of that matters. He lied, like the dicko Em dated.’
‘Language!’
They smiled at each other.
‘She went to that houseboat party because the guy was due to be there, and she wanted to show him she was fine, even though he’d been cheating whilst they were together.’
‘Unexpected, horrible things happen, love,’ he said firmly. ‘That young man’s lies didn’t cause her drowning.’
Later they sat on the sofa, listening to John’s favourite radio station, Smooth. He had one arm around her shoulders as they both sipped hot chocolate and she snuggled up.
‘Thanks for coming, Dad,’ she said. ‘This is nice.’
‘Any time, chick. Let’s see more of each other from now on. And no more trying to fool your old dad on the phone.’
‘Promise. But enough about me. How’s your dating going?’
‘I’ve met someone as well, although it’s only been a couple of months.
She’s called Sal,’ he said. ‘But she lied to me too at first, you know; said she was a supervisor at the supermarket. Turns out she stocks shelves, a job she didn’t feel was impressive enough for a dating profile.
God knows why, any job that pays the bills is great, and she’s an amazing woman, but we’ve talked it through.
’ He took another sip and looked sideways at Lili.
‘Sal’s lies weren’t about her actual feelings.
She wasn’t cheating. What you need to ask yourself is what this Dylan’s lies were really about.
And Christ, I’ve made mistakes in my life, but most people deserve a second chance now and again – apart from the dickos.
’ He chuckled then gave her a sharp look.
‘Not a third chance though. Us Taylors aren’t mugs, right?
But if he means as much to you as I think he does, perhaps you should at least hear this Dylan out. ’
John put his drink on the coffee table, removed his arm and fully faced her. ‘Also, speaking Taylor to Taylor, you’ve a ticket for Vegas. Why on earth would you miss out on a trip like that? Em wouldn’t approve. Go for it, girl!’
He had a point. Em would be mightily pissed off if Lili avoided going on their dream trip because of a bloke.
‘You go to America. See the sights. And remember to get me that pack of cards.’