24. Chloe
Twenty-Four
Chloe
When I snap in place, I find myself in a small bathroom. Directly in front of me is a mirror and sink.
I can sense the presence of the others below me, close together at first, then moving and spreading out.
“Chloe!” Asher roars, the power of his voice vibrating through the house’s wooden skeleton.
He’s both angry and afraid. His emotions finally pulsing through our bond once more as he searches for me.
I want to reassure him, to let him know I haven’t gone far, but I’m too fucked up to figure out how.
Stumbling forward, I grab the knobs of the sink and twist both on, causing water to blast out of the faucet. I need to get Isaac’s blood off me before I do what my body is urging me to do.
I don’t want to eat my friend.
My stomach cramps again when I shove my hands under the water.
Mouth filling with saliva and fangs stabbing into my lip, I squeeze my eyes shut.
Even the diluted red swirling down the drain is a temptation. I can imagine myself plugging the sink and slurping it up like a cat lapping up milk.
Rubbing my hands together, I scrub at the blood coating my skin. Doing my best to not think about how it feels thicker than the water.
Or how it probably tastes like honey.
A sweet, delicious honey that will make the hunger go away.
One lick, a voice purrs inside my head. Just one lick …
Shaking my head, I scrub harder at my hands, nearly taking off my own skin.
When it feels like my hands are finally clean, I open my eyes and see blood still dripping down my arms.
“Fuck,” I groan and look away, my eyes catching the mirror as I struggle to work my arms under the short faucet.
A face I don’t recognize stares back at me.
Complexion smooth and flawless, the woman in the mirror is as unearthly and beautiful as Asher.
Eyes the color of a dark rain clouds, her mass of silky blonde curls is wild around her head, giving the impression that she just went through some shit.
When I frown, she frowns back.
Startled, I watch her eyes widen with my own surprise. Then I lift my hand.
Her hand drips the same bloody water.
She’s me , I realize.
My reflection smiles a wicked smile and her gray eyes flash to red.
Do it, Chloe, she urges. One lick. No one will know.
Her hand lifts to her mouth and she licks and sucks the bloody water from her fingers with a look of utter delight.
It will be our dirty little secret.
Shoving away from the sink, I stumble toward the door. Around me, the world spins, and a red haze creeps into my vision.
You’re starving , my inner monster screams inside my head, you need to eat or you’ll die!
My hand wraps around the door handle but before I can twist it my entire body seizes up in a cramp.
Red swirls into black.
Take a rest , she purrs next, I’ll take care of it .
Darkness pulls at me, trying to wrap me up in its loving arms, tempting me with the option to no longer be again.
All I have to do is let go and the other side of me will take care of everything.
Close your eyes and let me do the driving. You probably don’t want to see this…
Another full-body cramp locks up my muscles, wringing a cry of pain out of me when I resist.
Everything will be alright. Trust me.
The handle is ripped out of my hand and the door flies open.
“Chloe,” Asher exhales as if he’s been holding his breath.
Eyes bright with emotion, he storms forward and sweeps me up into his arms, lifting me off my feet.
Confused and thinking the darkness is holding me, I shove my palms against his hard shoulders and arch away. Fighting him.
I try to vanish, but I’m stuck, his arms flexing around me and keeping me trapped.
Asher slams me up against the wall, pinning my hips with his hips.
“Calm, my love, and let me help you,” he says, his voice full of tenderness.
Shaking my head back and forth, I twist and thrash, trying to slip out of his hold. “Don’t touch me! Let me go! ” I demand.
Everywhere he’s touching me hurts. Every inch of my skin is sensitive and sore, as if I’m one giant bruise.
He frowns, his brow furrowing with concern. “No. You need to eat.”
Hearing him speak the same words as the voice inside my head makes me scream again. Adrenaline surges through me and I shove hard at his shoulders, causing him to stagger back a couple of steps.
“I don’t want to eat!” I snarl.
I don’t want blood.
I never want to see another drop of blood again.
“Goddammit,” Asher growls and grabs my hands, his fingers squeezing around my wrists.
Slamming my hands above my head, he stretches me out against the wall and stares into my eyes.
I glare back, his face and everything around him awash in red.
“If you don’t eat soon, I won’t be able to stop you from going into a full-blown frenzy,” Asher says slowly, trying to talk some sense into me.
Bucking my hips, I try to rip my hands from his grasp. “I don’t care!”
Whatever a frenzy is means nothing to me.
The only thing I care about is escaping him. I need to get out of this house. I need… fresh air or something.
I need to clear my head.
I need the fucking voice in my head to shut up.
Even now, with Asher pushing me against the wall, she whispers. Tempting me to let go. Tempting me to give her control.
We’ll make the Order pay , she promises. Every priest, every nun, every parishioner will pay for what they’ve done with their flesh.
“You will,” Asher warns and crushes me against the wall. “You’ll care when you wake up on top of a pile of bodies.”
We’ll flood the churches with their blood.
I shake my head some more, wishing the red would go away. And the hunger… God, I wish the hunger would fuck off.
“Men, women, children, babies… You’ll eat whatever you can get your hands on,” Asher goes on.
“I won’t,” I deny.
I’m not going to eat. I’m not going to be a monster. I can’t do this. I can’t be this anymore.
Not after what I did to Isaac.
“You will, and you won’t stop once you’re full. You’ll keep going. You’ll keep killing and eating until you’re exhausted,” Asher says with certainty.
Dipping his head closer, his eyes bore into my eyes. “Or someone stops you.”
“Then stop me,” I hiss in challenge, meeting his hard stare. The red keeping me from getting lost in his green.
I have no idea what I’m daring him to do. I just want all of this to stop… the hunger, the voice, the agony. I just want to feel… human again. I’m done with this vampire shit.
Asher stares at me, weighing something in his head. “I will, have no doubt of that.”
His hesitation, his lack of action, only further infuriates me. Filling me with the need to push him. To punish him.
After all, isn’t this all his fault? I wouldn’t be crazed with hunger if it wasn’t for him.
“You’re all talk!” I sneer and let my contempt for him flow freely through our bond.
As if you could truly stop me, I mock. As if you could bring yourself to hurt me. You’re completely powerless when it comes to me.
Straightening my index finger, I twirl it around, drawing his gaze upwards. I have you wrapped around my finger.
A low growl builds in Asher’s throat and his eyes are blazing with heat when they meet mine again.
I let the fire in his eyes feed mine, stoking my anger higher.
Then his next words almost steal all the wind from my sails. “More than you’ll ever know.”
A pang of hurt, of regret, manages to slip through the wall of my fury.
Before I can completely come to terms with the conflicting emotion, Asher is pushing his wrist against my mouth. “Drink, Chloe, before you say something you’ll truly regret.”
Like a defiant toddler, I turn my face away and say, “No!”
Has he not listened this entire time?
Does he not get it?
I can’t. I won’t.
I don’t want to be a monster anymore.
Clenching his jaw, he grits out, “You must.”
I shake my head back and forth, refusing.
He pushes his wrist against my mouth so hard my lips cut against my fangs. “Don’t make me force you!”
With a simple command, he could force me to drink from him against my will. But he doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to resort to forcing me with everything.
He wants me to be willing .
Otherwise, I’ll grow to resent him. Resent the power and control he has over me.
One day, I may even hate him.
It’s a fear he keeps buried deep but it’s leaking out of him now as he struggles with his own emotions.
The strongest part of him wants to conquer me, to use his strength to put me in my place, but the other parts of him are worried that it could harm our future together.
Only his fear of my hatred keeps him from giving into his darker urges.
If I wasn’t nearly crazed, the taste of my own blood making my hunger grow stronger, I’d probably be touched. Maybe even moved.
But I’m not.
I’m only more pissed off.
Testing Asher’s grip on my hands, I try to drop my weight to free myself. His fingers tighten, holding me in place.
Putting my faith in his strength, I swiftly bring my knees up and plant my feet on his thighs.
Kicking out, I break his grip and shove him away. “No!”
The crack of his spine connecting with the sink sends a delicious shiver through my body. I want to hurt him more, but I also want to escape.
Torn between the two urges, I waste a few precious seconds before I bolt for the door.
Asher pounces on me when I cross the threshold, grabbing me by the ankle.
Then he yanks my feet out from under me.
I slam down to the floor, nearly face-planting. Throwing my hands down at the last second, I manage to avoid kissing the wood with my chin.
Looking back, I see him crouching behind me. His face is a mask of deadly calm, but I swear I can see his own anger radiating off him in translucent waves.
Snarling over my shoulder, I kick my leg, trying to shake him off.
His fingers only tighten.
“I know it’s as Ambrose said,” he says, some of his composure starting to crack. “You’re newly turned and your emotions are heightened.”
Jerking his arm, he tugs me toward him, dragging me across the floor. “And being hungry certainly isn’t helping…”
Shoving up, I flip myself over and slam my other foot into his chest.
Asher lets out a grunt, but he continues to reel me in, dragging me closer.
“I shouldn’t take any of this personally,” he huffs as he grabs my other leg when I try to kick him again.
Having both legs now, he gives a hard jerk, sliding my ass across the floorboards, and grabs me by the knees. “But I am.”
The red in front of my eyes is so thick now I can barely see through it. I can barely see Asher’s face as he positions himself above me, forcing my legs to spread and make room for him.
I force myself to wait for the perfect moment to strike, knowing he’s expecting it. He’s poised and ready for me to lash out with my hands so he can grab them.
I’m determined to not give him that satisfaction.
Hands squeezing around my knees, Asher watches me, considering his next move. Probably wondering why I’ve done nothing to push him off me.
“Do you accept defeat?” he asks, obviously trying to bait me into making a mistake.
When I simply stare at him, he acts, catching me by surprise. Instead of going for my hands, he goes straight for my neck. Grabbing me by the throat, he tries to keep me pinned to the floor while he lifts his other hand to his mouth.
Before his fangs rip into his skin, I make my move. Thighs squeezing around his waist, I roll to the side, taking him down.
Once he’s on his back, I shove up by jamming my knee into his groin and scramble away.
I hear him growl in pain as I spring up and get my feet under me.
Still unable to vanish, either from the hunger or because he’s done something to stop me, I make a run for the door. Knowing if I could focus my will, I’d be long gone by now.
Before I can make it more than a couple of steps, Asher is stopping me again. This time he uses his entire body to take me down to the floor.
Crumbling under his weight, I scream in frustration.
We roll around in a ball of hissing fangs. Him working to subdue me while I do my best to hurt him without making him bleed.
I have to think about every punch, every kick. Holding myself back.
Under no such limitations, he quickly overpowers me. Capturing my hands, he traps my legs beneath his and sinks his fangs into my neck.
Biting down on me like he’s a wild animal asserting his dominance.
The second his fangs pierce my skin a hot flash of pleasure shoots down to my core. Even starving, my traitorous pussy wants him.
It infuriates me so much, my reaction to him and being overpowered, I release a hair-splitting screech.
Letting some of his humor flow through the bond, Asher’s chest rumbles against me, and he sucks in a hard pull, filling his mouth with my blood.
Another hot flash of want flows through me, threatening to turn my rage into desire.
Panting beneath him, I desperately shove at him, willing to rip my own throat open if it will get him off me, but he only sucks harder.
I’m starving… he knows I’m starving… yet the fucker is drinking from me.
And turning me on while he does it.
This is madness. Utter fucking madness.
What does he hope to gain?
Is he going to truly kill me? Is this what he meant when he said he’d stop me?
Fear clawing up my throat, my inner demon begs to take over.
Give us control , she pleads, before he kills us .
No , I shout back at her. Never . I’d rather die .
At least I’d be free then. Free from her, from him, from this hunger that’s becoming all-consuming.
Give us control, she demands, or we’ll take it!
Asher pulls on my neck, taking more of my blood.
Instead of feeling a jolt of want, all the muscles in my body spasm in a powerful cramp that causes my lungs to freeze behind my ribs.
Oblivious to my discomfort or simply not caring, Asher sucks again, and black starts to eat up the red.
Realizing I fear the darkness and loss of control more than I fear anything else, I beg Asher to, “Stop.”
Ignoring me, he sucks again, drawing another mouthful.
“Stop, please ,” I whimper, the chill of the darkness slithering into my veins.
Finally hearing me, Asher pauses with his lips still clamped onto my throat. Are you ready to drink from me?
Squeezing my eyes shut against the burn of tears, I ask myself that question, and can only answer, “No.”
Asher sighs inside my head as if he’s disappointed and his fangs sink deeper into my flesh. Then I’m not ready to stop.
He sucks in another mouthful, slowly but surely draining me.
“Please, have mercy,” tumbles out of my mouth as my muscles lock up and refuse to relax.
They’re stuck, straining and quivering in a mixture of pleasure and pain against his powerful body.
This is mercy, my love , he answers. If you want me to stop all you need to do is drink from me.
My eyes flutter open when skin brushes softly against my lips.
He doesn’t push, he doesn’t try to force. Asher simply offers me the vein in his wrist. Giving me the choice now.
The tip of my tongue aches with the need to push past my lips, to taste his skin.
Grinding my teeth together, I accidentally bite it, filling my mouth with blood like an idiot.
Tortured now by both the blood in my mouth and Asher drinking from neck, I writhe beneath him.
Asher, please , I beg. At my limit.
Pushing my emotions through the bond, I urge him to feel me. To understand me. To know my confliction. I don’t want to do this.
I don’t want to be a slave to these new monstrous instincts. I want my control back.
Humming, Asher rubs his wrist against my lips before he sucks in yet another mouthful of my life’s essence. If you want your control back, you need to drink .
I know he felt everything I pushed at him. Felt it and dismissed it.
A burst of rage surges through me. How dare he dismiss me.
How dare he force this on me.
He has no right.
Everything I’ve suffered, I’ve suffered because of him .
Unable to stop myself, I buck my hips up and snap. I hate you!
Asher stills above me.
I hate what you’ve done to me! I seethe.
Sliding his fangs out of my neck, he pushes up and rises above my face.
“You hate me?” he asks, his voice unusually soft.
Too far gone in my fury, I fail to recognize the danger. “Yes!”
I buck my hips again. I hate that you stole my life from me.
Gathering up every little drop of rage I’m feeling, I slam it through the bond. I hate that I’m bound to you for eternity!
Asher’s nostrils flare and anger washes over his features.
Then his jaw clenches and his grip loosens.
Eyes darkening with determination, he grits out, “Prove it.”
I scoff at him.
What the hell? Has he not felt everything I’ve shoved at him? What more is there to prove?
When I only stare at him in disbelief, his lips stretch into a condescending smile. “I don’t believe you.”
I thought I couldn’t possibly get any angrier, but those four little words fill me with so much rage the world in front of my eyes becomes a screen of solid crimson.
Acting without thinking, no longer in complete control of my actions, somehow I end up on top of him.
The little voice inside my head encouraging me to hurt him , to punish him .
Make him pay for every sin he’s committed against us.
My claws slash across his bare chest, slicing his skin open.
Asher laughs.
He laughs.
Further enraged , I slash my claws again in the opposite direction, leaving him with crisscrossing stripes.
“Yes, that’s it, kitten,” he says in encouragement. “Show me those cute little claws!”
Growling, I sink my nails into the flesh beneath his pecs and drag them down to his hips.
His skin splits open and blood pours forth, the smell saturating the air.
My hunger rises up, threatening to overcome my rage, as I stare transfixed at the two rivers of red.
I can easily imagine dragging my tongue along the bumps of his abs, licking up every drop.
“Is that all you’ve got?” Asher taunts, utterly relaxed beneath me.
Jerking my attention up, I glare at his face.
He grins back at me. “You’re so beautiful when you’re angry.”
Snarling, I finally give into my hunger and strike, going straight for his throat.
My fangs sink deep into his neck and his blood gushes into my mouth.
It’s so fucking sweet, so fucking delicious, my eyes want to roll into the back of my head.
“ Yes ,” Asher groans, his arms coming around me and yanking me closer. “Drink from me, my love. Take all that you want.”
My hands push on his shoulders and my thighs tighten around his waist, pinning him beneath me and holding him in place so he can’t get away.
Starved, I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to. I’m an animal operating on pure instinct. Desperate to quench the thirst.
With each mouthful, I feel the chill in my veins fading. With each gulping swallow, a bit of my sanity returns.
Embracing me lovingly in his arms, Asher pets my hair and whispers sweet words of encouragement.
Telling me to take more and more.
Telling me I can have all of him.
There is nothing he’d deny me.
His words begin to fill my head, chasing away my inner demon.
Until he’s all that’s left.
Gradually the red haze melts away and a new hunger begins to form.
I become aware of the way I’m straddling him. My breasts pressing hard against his bloody chest.
Still a creature acting on urges, I shift my hips, wanting the erection stabbing my thigh rubbing against my clit.
Sensing my thoughts changing direction, Asher’s palm strokes down my back before he grabs my ass and squeezes.
More encouragement to take what I want from him.
At least that’s the way my brain processes it.
Moving with each squeeze of his hand, I rub myself against him. Dragging my clit along the stiff length trapped inside his pants.
Each stroke is like striking a spark, igniting a fire in my core.
With his blood now pumping headily through my veins, my pussy throbs to life. Soaked and aching with emptiness.
I want him inside me as I feed. I want to feel whole again.
The moment the thought flares into existence, Asher growls and flips me over to my back.
Afraid he’ll push me off, I cling to him as he reaches between us and fumbles with his pants.
My fear proves to be unfounded. A mere second later he’s thrusting into me, filling me up with his thickness.
Your wish is my command , he says huskily inside my head.
The very same words he spoke when he stripped me of my innocence.
Drawing his hips back, he drives back into me. His pace brutal and relentless. Whatever you want of me, you shall have it.
My lips clamp down on his neck and my hips rise up to meet his. My body eager to shatter the wall the hunger built between us.
If that means being your villain, then so be it.
Our skin claps together.
There is no grace or thought to our movements.
Just raw animal desire directing our purpose—to be one again.
You can blame me for the things that you do, for your very nature, Asher growls inside my head. But remember, my angel, I’m not the one who marked you. I only unlocked your potential and claimed what is rightfully mine.
Harder and harder, he pounds into me. The crown of his cock slamming into the entrance of my womb. There’s a bite of pain, but I welcome it. I welcome the sharp edges of his hips bruising my thighs.
I welcome his aggression, feeling as if I deserve the treatment.
If you want to blame someone for what you’ve become, blame your Creator! Ask Him why we are what we are. Ask Him why He bound us together.
There’s something extremely cathartic about accepting his violent need as punishment. I crave his anger. I crave his passion.
Because he’s right.
I’ve wrongly blamed him for things he had no control over. If anyone deserves blame, it’s me. I’m the one who put him through hell. Time and time again.
I don’t deserve the credit! Dropping his chin, Asher unleashes the power only I can handle. His cock driving into me with supernatural speed.
But be sure, if I had the power, if I had the choice, I would have marked you myself. I would have bound you to me for all of eternity.
Mouth finding my shoulder, he sinks his fangs in deep.
For you are mine, and you are perfect! he roars as we both reach our peak.
The bond between us blasts open, our emotions and sensations flowing freely.
There are no secrets, no resentments. No questions.
Only mutual pleasure and acceptance.
Finally releasing my own bite, I moan into his ear, lost in the intensity of feeling him come as I come.
There is nothing like it, and I’ll probably always be amazed by it.
Feeling him pour his very soul into me while my pussy greedily squeezes and milks the cum from his cock will forever be mind-blowing.
Jerking and twitching on top of me, Asher bites down harder, wishing he could somehow physically brand me. If there’s one thing he wants that he’ll never have it’s to place a mark of his choosing upon me.
When the last twitch and flutter finally passes through our limbs, he slides his fangs out of my shoulder and rolls onto his side, taking me with him.
Panting hard, he says, “From now on, whenever you feel hunger, you feed from me. I don’t care if I’m sleeping or dying, you bite me and drink. Do you understand?”
My blood still buzzing, I automatically nod my head.
Growling, Asher grabs me by the chin and forces me to look at him. “I mean it, Chloe. Whenever you hunger, come to me. I will be your nourishment.”
A sharp, tingling sensation spreads over me, the force behind his words sinking deep beneath my flesh.
“Okay,” I breathe out.
Satisfied with my answer, Asher finally begins to relax. His fingers loosen around my chin and his thumb strokes against my cheek.
“Good. I will feed enough for the both of us.”
I can’t have you running around, starving, when you could be carrying my child at this very second.
“What?” I blink at him, trying to untangle the thought from what he spoke out loud.
Asher arches a brow. “I said I will eat enough for the both of us.”
His face the picture of innocence, I convince myself I must have heard him wrong.
Nodding, I ache to sink down, to relax and rest against him, but his grip suddenly tightens around my chin.
Stiffening with tension once more, Asher stares hard at me. “Do you still hate me?”
I don’t need the bond to tell me such a thought truly worries him. Not only did I discover it earlier in my rage, I see it in his eyes and the tight set of his jaw.
Searching inside myself, I look for the hate I felt only a few moments ago and can’t find it. Not a single trace.
I know there was truth in my words when I spoke them, simply amplified by the state I was in.
For so long, he was the cause of all my troubles. The cause of my misery. Before he found me, how could I not blame him for the kind of life I had to live?
It was all a lie, though. One of many the Order fed me.
One I happily allowed myself to use as a crutch.
It’s always easier to be the victim, isn’t it? To blame others for your troubles.
But he had no choice in this. No more choice than I had.
Recognizing that, how can I possibly hate him?
“No,” I say vehemently, and would shake my head if he wasn’t gripping my chin so hard.
Unconvinced, Asher continues to stare at me, his doubt evident. “Are you sure?”
Making me second-guess myself, I frown and search through my feelings for him again. There’s no hate. No animosity. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m still uneasy and struggling with accepting that I’m a vampire bound for eternity to another vampire.
Never did I let myself think of what it would be like to be turned. The mere thought too terrifying for contemplation. I truly longed for the promise of Heaven. The promise of everlasting joy and freedom from every burden.
I don’t hate, Asher. No, I absolutely do not hate him, but knowing he’s a killer…
That I’m a killer…
It’s a lot to swallow.
Throat tightening and tears stinging my eyes, I say, “I’m sure.”
Gaze filling with concern, Asher frowns, and I sense him probing at our bond.
I open myself to him, letting him feel what I’m feeling, only hoping to clear his doubt.
Discovering what is truly bothering me, Asher sighs and releases my chin. Pulling me into his chest, he hugs me tight to him. “My love, you cannot spend the rest of eternity racked with guilt for existing. Trust me, I’ve seen it before. You’ll go mad.”
When I only hug him tighter, he nuzzles the top of my head. “Everything kills to live. Everything . Even those that only eat plants… they are still killing for their sustenance.”
Closing my eyes, I nod. “I know that, it’s just easier when you don’t have to do it yourself. When you can go to the store and buy your food in clean packages.”
“Indeed,” Asher agrees then he chuckles. “I suppose until you can overcome this, I will be your willing clean package.”
I smile, both grateful and in awe that he’s willing to do that for me.
Then what he said earlier, when he was standing behind Isaac, replays inside my head.
The things I’m willing to do for you…
At once, my mood crashes.
No longer crazed with hunger, my actions come back to haunt me.
Filling me with a deep sense of shame.
I wasn’t in my right mind, but that’s no excuse...
Eating to live is one thing but murdering another in anger is completely different.
“I didn’t kill Isaac to eat,” I whisper, nearly choking on his name.
I can still see the look of love and betrayal in his eyes…
A look that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my immortal life.
Asher chuckles again, his chest vibrating against my breasts. “If I recall correctly that honor is all mine. He was still breathing when I snapped his neck.”
When I open my mouth to argue that point, Asher’s lips crash into mine. Be at ease, my sweet little angel, and know you did him no harm. In fact, you did him a kindness.
How so? I ask, unable to understand how anyone could mistake what I did as a kindness.
It certainly wasn’t my intention at the time.
Asher deepens the kiss . You spared him from suffering the full force of my wrath.
Anticipating my reluctance to accept that, Asher swamps my head with images of all the things he wanted to do to Isaac before I interfered with his plans.
By the time the last picture fades away, I’m shaking in his arms. Not only deeply disturbed by the depth of his depravity but amazed by the strength behind his need to get vengeance on my behalf.
So you see… you did him a kindness , he growls, his voice inside my head rough and husky with repressed violence.
After what he showed me, I can only agree and let go of my guilt.
It would have been far crueler to let Isaac live through what Asher had in store for him.
Far, far crueler.
Finally melting in Asher’s arms and returning his kiss with the same passion he’s showing me, I’m not sure who the bigger monster is.
Asher for what he had planned…
Or me for loving him for it.