5. Lila
CHAPTER 5
Lila
The Rusty Pint was oddly quiet during the day.
There were so many times when I’d driven past the most popular bar in town and it was practically overflowing with people. Live music blasting through the windows and the streets filled to the brim with cars.
Today, however, on a Sunday afternoon, there was only an older man sitting on the far-right side of the bar, nursing a beer. After leaving River with the babysitter for a few hours, I headed to The Rusty Pint for my first official training shift, and my stomach was in absolute knots.
“It should only take an hour to get acquainted with the layout and fill out some paperwork,” Desi said shortly after introducing me to the other bartender on shift. “Jake here will walk you through everything. Who knows, if you do a good job, maybe we’ll keep you around as the only bartender.”
She’s clearly teasing, but Jake, a young man with long blonde hair tied back into a bun, bumped her shoulder. “That’s hurtful, Desi. I thought we had something going here.”
“When you miscount the till for the third night in the row, you’re officially on my shit list,” she shot back, all sass. “Do you have any idea how annoying that is for the person opening the next day? Do you know who happens to open in the mornings? I’ll give you a hint”—she pointed to herself—“it’s very annoying.”
Jake looked at me and shrugged. “She’s just mad because I turned her down last week.”
I grinned.
“You wish, man bun.”
“All right, Lila. Come on around the bar and I’ll walk you through the fun stuff first before you do the paperwork the boss man likes so much.”
It was a struggle not to react to the mention of Travis.
My boss .
I’d worked hard to avoid him for so long, and now I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him. Thinking about how different he was from the boy I’d met years ago. Or the way his eyes burned into me even when I thought he wasn’t looking at me. Setting me on fire.
I tried my best not to think about Travis ever since he hired me the other day. I wasn’t proud to admit, however, that the thought of being so close to him now was keeping me on edge.
Shoving any thought of Travis far, far away from my mind, I focused on Jake.
He explained that between me, him, and Desi manning the bar or running food out to tables, the evenings during the weekdays were slower, with a steady stream of regulars who came in after work or the group of well-seasoned ranchers who liked to gather around the bar to gossip about people in town. I had a feeling I’d be seeing a lot of familiar faces around here.
Jake walked me through the bar, chatting the whole time, which was fine by me since he filled all the awkward silences that were bound to happen with two strangers. Being an introvert, I always found small talk to resemble a long, drawn-out way of pulling someone’s teeth out. Painful and unnecessary.
It was nice to meet someone who had no problem carrying a conversation.
“You’ll rarely have to go into the kitchen since you’ll be receiving orders through the window, but every now and then we might go into the stockroom to pull some bottles,” Jake said as I followed him down the hall to the left and through a door. After showing me where they kept the kegs, whiskey, and other bottles, he led us into the kitchen. “Manny! Say hi to Lila, she’s our newest victim. Try not to scare her off,” Jake hollered, catching the attention of an older man wearing a gray baseball cap. He waved a large hand my way with a nod before he got back to whatever he was doing at the chopping block.
Manny’s voice was gruff as he said over his shoulder, “Don’t be afraid to tell him to shut up, Lila. Otherwise, there’s no stopping Jack.”
“It’s Jake, man. Jake! How many times do I have to remind you? I swear he does it on purpose,” Jake whined before they started bantering back and forth.
I couldn’t help but be amused. I’d barely been here fifteen minutes, and I could see Jake and Manny were pretty content here, just like Desi.
Maybe I would be too. If I could get past the whole Travis situation .
Neither of them seemed to recognize me as Irene North’s daughter like the rest of the locals in town who watched me grow up here. They didn’t treat me like a charity case or someone to steer clear from. Maybe Desi told them not to say anything. Either way, I was relieved. I loved Willow Vale, but it was hard being in a town where everyone knew your whole life story because of your messed up family. Some days I imagined what my life would be like if I left town and started somewhere new. A new home that River and I could call ours without the burden of our mother’s mistakes weighing down on us.
“That’s pretty much all I have for you today. Any questions?” Jake asked as he urged me to walk ahead of him to the steel doors that led back out into the hall.
“I think you covered it. Unless you think there’s anything else I should know,” I said as I pushed the door to my right.
“Oh, that’s?—”
Whatever Jake was about to say was interrupted by the sound of the door hitting something on the other side. Hard . Then I heard a deep muffled curse that could only belong to one voice I still recognized perfectly.
I tensed, turning to Jake with a panicked look at the same time he scratched the back of his head. “The wrong door. Crap…”
This time I followed Jake as he pushed the other door with the “out” sign clearly written atop the frame.
Nice going, Lila.
“Sorry, man, you okay?” Jake asked as he peered around, as if he was scared at what he’d find. Who he’d find, even though I already knew. I looked over Jake’s shoulder and just as I’d expected, Travis was standing in the hallway with a glare aimed directly at Jake as he held a hand over his nose. The moment his eyes found me, they softened a tiny bit.
The intimidating look about him—all six feet and three inches of muscle, too handsome to look at for longer than a few seconds, and that damn scowl on his face—would make someone think better than to mess with him. Not me. I’d seen that look too many times growing up. I’d teased him for it constantly too. We may not have seen each other in a long time—by my own design—but it was good to see there was one thing about him that would never change.
Travis dropped his hand, letting me catch a glimpse of the redness covering the bridge of his nose where the door must have slammed into his face.
Ouch.
“Sorry. That was my fault. Are you okay?” I murmured as I dropped my head to avoid those clear blues that used to make me lose all sense of time.
“Don’t worry about it,” Travis grunted. He sniffed before directing his next words to Jake. “I thought you were banished from the kitchen for knocking Manny’s pizza off the pan last time, Jake.”
The way he moved on so quickly from my apology, as if he were utterly disinterested in my presence, bothered me more than it should have. Which was ridiculous. I shouldn’t care about his indifference. That’s what I wanted after all. But damn, did that sting more than it should have.
Jake shrugged. “I decided I’d brave the trenches for my girl, Lila, here.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and jostled me playfully as he added, “I already got the okay from Manny that he liked her, and she definitely captured my heart. Try not to scare her away, boss. I’m begging you here.”
Travis’s eyes narrowed, and I followed his gaze to Jake’s arm draped over my shoulder. It was there and gone before I could make sense of it. He shot Jake a flat look. “If I’m going to scare anyone away, it’ll be you.”
“Don’t let that permanent sour look on his face intimidate you, Lila. He always looks like that. He’s a pretty nice guy on the inside beneath the bad attitude.” Jake winked at me.
Travis made a grunting sound—unimpressed or out of patience for his employee. Either way, he didn’t look too happy. “Get the bar ready to open, will you? Otherwise, I might have to look for another bartender to replace you.”
Without another word, Jake hustled down the hall and disappeared around the corner, clearly not wanting to tempt his boss into firing him.
Leaving us alone.
“Sorry about that again,” I said awkwardly by waving a hand around his face. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t fire me for nearly breaking your nose.”
“It’s fine.”
If I expected him to crack a smile, I was sorely disappointed. The man didn’t so much as blink as he stared me down. Gone was the Travis who’d asked me questions as if it were his personal mission to figure me out.
Okay, I might have lied about not being intimidated by that look. It just hadn’t ever been directed at me up until now.
Back then it was all secret glances and stolen kisses, not wanting his family or our friends to make a big deal out of us starting a relationship the summer we were both back from college. Not when we were both going our separate ways once the summer was over.
At first, we were just trying things out. It was hard to put a friendship aside when starting something intimate with your best friend. That could have been our first mistake—forgetting what we were to each other. I knew I always cared about Travis, and I was sure he cared about me. We gravitated to one another like moths to a flame—ready to burn at any moment—because we couldn’t seem to stay away from each other.
Those years we were away from each other when he went off to college in Colorado had been hard. I’d missed him a lot. But we never drifted apart. Late night phone calls and texts that ranged from full blown conversations to stupid inside jokes. Then I went off to college next.
It was never the right time for us. I was sure my crush had been one sided when we were in high school, since he’d gone out with a few girls. He was also three years older than me, and I was this scrawny, complicated girl who was always too busy chasing her mother around town to even think about dating anyone.
Until the summer we both came back to Willow Vale.
Then everything changed.
We changed.
That summer had been the best one I’d ever had. Without worrying about Irene, I simply lived for myself. She’d been trying to stay sober for a while and I thought she’d really be able to beat her addiction once and for all. But just like the illusion I’d built up in my head about being happy with Travis, my mother also crushed any hope I had that she’d get better. And just like that, my best summer turned into an absolute nightmare.
Before I could say something stupid like beg him not to fire me, he beat me to it.
“How’s River?”
I blinked up at him, surprised by his question.
“He’s good. Thanks for asking.”
He shifted his gaze my way, no longer scowling as he genuinely asked, “He must be four years old, right? Turning five in January?”
I blinked again.
“You know when his birthday is?”
“He’s your kid, how can I not? That, and Desi always makes it a big deal when she comes in after his birthday parties, showing us pictures she took like a proud aunt.” He sounded casual about it, but there was nothing casual about the way he clearly knew about River. Pushing aside the fact that Desi talked about River to him, I couldn’t help but latch onto two words he’d said.
My kid.
I never hid the fact that I was River’s sister from anyone. It was hard to claim I was his mother when Irene was seen all over town with a belly for nine months. But I did take care of him as if he were my kid. I never wanted to put that label on myself, though; not wanting someone to accidentally mention Irene to River and confuse him.
Still, I loved him like he was mine.
“I just didn’t think you’d care all that much about him. You don’t know him,” I said earnestly.
Any tenderness on his face immediately evaporated at my words.
Travis ran a hand over the scruff on his sharp jawline with a scoff, muttering something I couldn’t quite make out. Not when the movement drew my eyes to the veins on his hand and the long fingers that rubbed his cheek, bringing my attention to the small scar on his top lip.
My cheeks flushed when the distant memory of his lips on mine struck suddenly. The way he’d held me the first night we?—
“What?” I breathed out, startled by my own wandering thoughts.
“I said, whose fault is that?” Travis’s voice took on a rougher cadence, his hard stare told me he’d noticed exactly what I’d been staring at. God, what was wrong with me?
I straightened. “E-excuse me?”
“You heard me.” His blue eyes appeared to grow darker as he walked toward me. I stumbled back a step until my back touched the wall behind me. Still, Travis kept closing the distance between us. “You think that just because you cut me out of your life that I’d suddenly forget all about you? That I’d stop caring about you or wondering how you’re managing to raise a kid on your own?”
He stopped only when he was practically looming over me, his left hand landing on the wall right next to my head. My heart started thundering in my chest. Every inch of my skin was invaded by goose bumps, and he noticed as his eyes raked over my chest and arms. I wore a simple V-neck t-shirt, worn jeans and Chucks. But the way Travis took his time watching me, as if I were a fine piece of art, made it seem as if I were wearing nothing at all.
Travis always had this innate gift to make me feel utterly exposed. Vulnerable. And if there was one thing about me, it was that I hated being vulnerable. It was why I always ran away, trying to put distance between me and anyone who could get too close. For some reason though, Travis was always able to squeeze past the walls I built up around me. Coaxing me to trust him.
To let him in.
As if he knew me inside and out. Saw all the parts of myself I thought I’d hidden well from the world. All my shameful secrets, the things I went through with Irene that I never told anyone. All the guilt I carried with me. All the responsibilities that left me exhausted, ready to break at any moment.
I never got used to how he made me feel, and I didn’t want to start now.
If I was honest with myself, feeling so seen by someone—by him —had also been another reason for me ending things between us. He’d seen too much over the years, all the ugly parts I struggled so hard for so long to hide. Especially from him. But no one had ever chosen me before. Not Irene or even my grandfather when he had to step in and take care of me. And yet, Travis had chosen me from that day all those years ago when I was a scared, lonely kid sitting under a willow tree and he’d trudged right up to me with a scowl on his face just to ask me what my name was.
I struggled to find my words but when I did, they came out as a whisper. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
There was a beat of silence and then…
“You know damn well what I want,” he said, his voice all gravelly.
What he wants...
It couldn’t be what I thought he wanted. It’s been four years. Right?
“Why are you bringing this up now? I thought we were past this. Us. ” The fact that I even had to say it, that he was making me say it, made my face burn.
He scoffed. “The way you so clearly are. Come on, Delilah. Be real with me.”
I looked up at him, feeling like I was toeing a line between running away and having an entire argument with him on my first day of work. All because he couldn’t let things go.
This was all too familiar to me.
Me trying to run away.
Him fighting to understand why.
Us never quite fitting like we did when we were just friends.
I could be frustrated with him for being so willing to confront everything head on. But it was one of the things I liked so much about him, even now. He was blunt, never wasting time when he had something to say. Unlike me.
What was there to say, though?
I let out a heavy sigh. “I-I can’t do this with you, Travis. If this is how things are going to be between us, then maybe I should just go look for another job. Save ourselves from this discomfort.”
I wanted to push him away almost as much as I didn’t want to. I knew deep down that it was for the best. But why did he have to be so stubborn?
It was a stupid question. I knew why.
Because he hadn’t wanted to break up in the first place.
“Hey.” He curled his fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him and I didn’t realize I’d started staring down at my shoes. He whispered, his tone gentle. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this conversation. It’s just that seeing you…it’s messing with my head, Delilah. Don’t quit, okay? I want you here.”
I closed my eyes when the scent of coffee and spice invaded my senses. I had to fight the urge to bolt away from the painfully familiar scent that was purely Travis. Reminding me of how much I’d missed him.
My voice came out weaker than I wanted it to as I said, “I’m sorry too.”
He took a step closer. His warmth pouring over me, shielding me, reminding me of all the pieces of himself that he’d given me that summer. Pieces I clung to on my most sleepless nights.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, voice cracking.
Travis shook his head. “Delilah, I?—”
“Hey, Lila! I forgot to show you one more thing. Come over here then I’ll let you go,” Jake hollered from the bar around the corner.
Travis and I instantly broke away from each other. Luckily, Jake wasn’t standing in the hallway, otherwise he would have been full of questions as to why his boss and new employee were standing so close to each other .
This was a mistake. I had to get out of here, put some distance between us.
“Excuse me,” I said when he still didn’t step away from me. His eyes trained solely on me as if he didn’t give a damn that someone could see us.
With a sigh he dropped his hand from the wall, and I slipped past him. Leaving him behind as I called out to Jake that I was on my way. Before rounding the corner though, I looked over my shoulder to see Travis standing in the same spot I’d left him in, staring down at his hand—the same one that had cupped my cheek for one brief second. Glaring at it as if it had offended him.
Then he was walking toward his office, closing the door behind him.
I should have felt relief.
Instead, I only felt sick with a longing I’d tried to bury in the past a long time ago. Wondering when that heavy feeling will pass this time.