8. Lila
CHAPTER 8
Lila
“Did you make up your mind yet, buddy?” I stood in the juice aisle in the grocery store, staring at the dozens of varied juice box flavors while River tried to pick which one he wanted. He pointed at one then another while he made his choice from his seat in the cart. Almost always changing his mind before making me reach for a different one.
“Hmm, maybe that one.”
He did the same thing two more times, all while smiling brightly at me which made it impossible to do anything other than smile back. I was such a sucker for him, and he knew it.
When he finally picked the juice he wanted, I practically shot out of the aisle after that, not wanting to give him a reason to pick out another flavor. I was pressed for time now that my first shift was tonight, and I had to drive to the ranch to drop River off with Amelia. I spoke to her over the phone after doing a lot of debating until I finally caved. What I expected to be a short conversation turned into an hour-long session of catching up and answering questions about River.
When I offered to pay Amelia after she told me to drop him off around four, she said it wasn’t necessary .
I’d find a way to pay her, one way or another.
I wasn’t going to make her watch my kid without doing something for her in return. It just didn’t sit right with me.
I suppose I had my mother to thank for my inability to accept help without feeling some form of guilt. Irene didn’t teach me many things growing up, which left me to fend for myself. Growing up, I became independent rather quickly and didn’t ask for much, learning that it was easier to put faith in yourself than it was to be disappointed when someone couldn’t be there for you.
I wouldn’t start depending on someone now without at least making it up to them in some way. If Amelia was as stubborn as I remembered she was— and I did —then I had to get creative.
I pushed the cart forward, thinking about stopping by the coffee shop to get some muffins for her when River tugged on my sleeve to get my attention.
“Lila.”
“River.” I pushed the cart back down one of the aisles when I remembered to get a few snacks for him tonight.
“I love you,” he said, his little hand finding one of my curls and twisting the strands with his finger.
I smiled down at him. “I love you too.”
“This much?” He showed me a little space between his thumb and forefinger, placing it between one of his eyes as he squinted.
I hummed, pretending to think it over. River waited patiently for me to answer with a slight frown. Finally, I said, “I think I love you more than that.”
“This much?” This time he held both his hands about an inch apart.
“More than that. ”
“This much!” His hands were splayed wide as he stretched his arms out on either side of him.
I chuckled which made him smile. We reached the end of the aisle when I said, “Way more than that.” I pushed the cart and, in focusing solely on River, I didn’t notice there was a shopper approaching us to our right. Our carts collided hard, and River let out an excited giggle when he got jostled.
Something clattered to the floor and I heard someone curse under his breath. “Damn it.”
Oh no .
I knew that voice. I’d heard that exact muttering of curses under his breath yesterday.
I winced.
Please, no.
River and I looked to see Travis bending down to pick up his cellphone from the floor. When I caught a glimpse at the screen, it was my turn to curse under my breath. His phone was completely shattered, some of the shards of plastic crumbling to the tiled floor when he turned it over with a resigned sigh.
Universe, why do you hate me? Can’t you give me one teensy break? Is that too much to ask?
“I am so sorry!” I blurted out.
Travis’s annoyed expression vanished the moment he noticed me. His eyes went wide when they found me grimacing at the sight of his broken phone.
“Delilah…” He tucked his shattered phone in the pocket of his dark blue jeans. He cleared his throat. “It’s fine. I, uh, needed a new phone anyway. That one was giving me all sorts of trouble.”
I didn’t believe that for one second.
“I’ll pay for it. God, I can’t believe I hit you again in less than, what, three days? I’m so sorry.” I could already feel my cheeks burning with every word I blurted out.
“Really, it’s fine. I’m not even mad about it. At least this time no bodily harm was done.” He chuckled, his laugh was deep and gravelly making butterflies dance around in my stomach.
I rubbed a hand over my face. “Really, I’d feel a lot better if I just paid for it.”
“Delilah.” Travis placed a hand on my shoulder right before giving me a gentle squeeze to get my attention again. I looked up hesitantly to find him grinning at me. “Do I look mad?”
“No, you don’t. Which I don’t get,” I muttered. “Usually you have a big crease between your eyebrows every time I see you.”
“You sure know how to flatter a guy you physically assaulted twice in a week.” Travis snorted before he released my shoulder, although he placed his hand over my olive-green Henley. Our skin hadn’t made any contact whatsoever and I still felt goose bumps invade my skin.
“Hi,” River chirped between us. “Who are you?”
Travis’s attention went to River, and he flashed my brother a big smile. One that nearly stole my breath away.
“Hey, I’m Travis. What’s your name?”
“My name is…” River looked to me first as he started to get shy again. I nodded with as much encouragement as I could muster given who was standing before me. “River. I’m River.”
Travis murmured, “River.”
My hand tugged on the hem of my shirt as my own curiosity got the best of me and I chanced a glance at his face. There was a genuine smile there as he talked to River without any awkwardness. I blinked to make sure I was seeing that right. Travis never smiled. Even back in high school, he rarely smiled at people unless it was aimed at his family and even then, it was a small thing at best, there and gone.
I couldn’t help but watch the way they interacted with each other. Most people my age always talked to River like he was a baby, or not at all. It was why I always made it a point to talk to River about our feelings, explaining why we feel certain emotions the way that we do and how to go about handling them. With patience and kindness. By communicating with one another. He wasn’t going to be a kid forever, and I needed to establish the emotional tools he’ll need when he’s grown up.
I shouldn’t have been surprised that Travis was the complete opposite of the people who didn’t know how to interact with a child. He wasn’t like most people. Not to me, at least.
Travis stopped an arm’s length away from me, still smiling at River. “How old are you, River?”
River held up his fingers. “Four!”
Eventually, Travis’s gaze shifted toward me. “I heard my mom offered to watch River tonight. Do you still remember how to get to the ranch?”
“I do,” I answered.
“That’s good…”
Was it? The way he was staring at me made me wonder if he truly meant what he just said. His words were one thing, but his gaze said a whole other thing. It was as if he was holding back. Not allowing himself to say what he truly felt. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to stick around to find out what that was.
“Say bye to Travis, we have to go now,” I said, waiting only long enough for River to wave goodbye before I added, “ If you’re sure about me not paying for your phone, then we’ll be heading off. See you later.”
“Delilah—”
I was practically running down the aisle by the time I heard him say my name. I’m not sure what was wrong with me only that being this close to him again was sparking all kinds of emotions in me that I wasn’t ready for. The strange familiarity between us blurred by this awkwardness I didn’t like.
And I didn’t know how to clear any of it up.
I wasn’t sure that was possible at this rate.
Checking out at the register never went by so slowly. After paying for the groceries, I hurried out of the store.
The sun had begun to settle over the trees across the main road, painting the Bronco parked close to the entrance in a light hue of orange. Wasting no time, I tossed our groceries into the back before settling River into his seat. Buckling him in, I closed his door hopped in next to get the Bronco started. But not for long because the familiar roar of the engine was followed by a stutter and a dry hacking sound before the engine died on me.
“Come on. Don’t do this to me.” I just took it to the mechanic for an oil change and everything looked fine according to them. I turned the keys one more time, only to have the same thing happen again.
Groaning, I slumped in my seat. Then I let out an incredulous chuckle that probably bordered on manic.
Someone’s luck could not be this bad.
Turning the key one more time, tears stung the back of my eyes when the same unfortunate events occurred with the engine. Gripping the steering wheel, I rested my forehead against it. “I can’t believe you died on me. ”
“Is Beth not working?” River asked from behind me, referring to the Bronco he named for us a while ago.
“No, she’s not.” I sighed then said under my breath, “You lazy cow.”
I started debating heading back into the store to ask someone if they could give me a jump start when a tap at the window startled me.
Travis stood next to my truck with an arched brow, a bag of groceries in one hand and keys in the other. Given the opened door and groceries in the passenger side I spotted from here, the black Chevy behind him had to belong to Travis. Because, somehow, I’d managed to park next to the only other vehicle on this side of the parking lot.
“Need some help?” he asked from the other side of the window.
I was officially convinced in this moment, that the universe really did have it out for me.