17. Lila
CHAPTER 17
Lila
It was Friday night and The Rusty Pint was overflowing with customers.
It was all hands-on deck tonight as Willow Vale’s annual carnival commenced that morning and was still going. The rodeo was next weekend which only meant there would be twice as many people here compared to tonight.
The music the band was playing travelled through the bar, welcoming a group of women celebrating a bachelorette as they burst through the doors. They were wearing hot pink outfits with sparkling pink western boots, cut-off shorts, and halter tops to match the boots. And…sparkling tiaras atop their pink cowboy hats.
The locals stared at the rowdy bunch knowing they were clearly not from around here.
The ladies sat themselves in the corner booth, leaving Desi to serve them in her section—thank god for her peppiness and patience—while Jake and I mixed drinks behind the bar. Like Desi, Travis was on the main floor serving customers with an ease that was beyond me .
They must have had tons of nights just like this one on the weekends.
I spotted Finn pop in to drop off more bags of ice before the ice machine ran out completely. Desmond also stopped by, wearing his cowboy hat and signature smile, checking in to see if we needed anything. He and Finn did that a couple of times throughout the afternoon until we finally caught a bit of a breather.
Pulling my cellphone out of my pocket, I checked the time and my messages.
“Checking in on Mom again?” Travis asked from behind me, making me jump. How was it that such a tall man could be so quiet?
I blew out a breath. “I just hope Desmond doesn’t load River up on too much sugar. My kid doesn’t have a limit to the number of sweets he’ll eat in a day.”
Desmond and Amelia asked me if they could take River around the festival today so that he could have a change of pace. While I was glad they wanted to take time out of their day to spend it with him at the carnival, I wouldn’t be surprised if I showed up to find River decked out in chaps and a cowboy hat of his own.
Travis sidled up to me by the bar, surveying the room with a satisfied look on his face. “I’d say he knows better but…it’s Dad. He’ll spoil anyone rotten if given the chance That’s including his grown ass kids. Mom too—deep down she’s a bigger softy than he is.”
My phone started buzzing in my hand and I glanced down only to frown when another unknown number appeared on the screen. It’d been ringing all day, and every time I blocked one, another number would start calling a few hours later. I knew who it was, but I was tired . Tired of getting these calls and tired of reading all the scathing texts that threatened me in some way.
I just wanted it to stop.
How can I make her stop? How can I make her understand?
“Telemarketer?” Travis asked when I just stared at the phone until the call went to voicemail.
“No.” I sighed, tucking my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.
“Why the long face then?” he asked but kept his focus on the people coming and going from The Rusty Pint. I’d been avoiding him for a few days now since the whole kitchen incident and neither of us had tried to talk about what we almost did.
That was a good thing. I didn’t want to know what Travis had to say about that or if he regretted almost kissing me. Because that was what we were about to do, right?
I bit the inside of my cheek before saying, “Irene’s been calling me.”
Travis’s head snapped in my direction, his face grim.
“What does she want now?”
I gave him a wry smile. “What do you think?”
“Did you?” I knew what he was asking.
“I didn’t, and even if I did, I wouldn’t give her a single penny when I can barely survive as it is. Not that she’d care about any of that.” I couldn’t hide the frustration in my voice if I tried. Travis noticed it too.
“It’s not your responsibility to help her, Delilah. It never has been,” he murmured, turning to face me fully. Staring me down again. Unravelling me. Pulling me in. Making the bustling world around us along with the twang of the guitar playing a rendition of a Waylon Jennings song, disappear among the warm lights casting a glow in the room .
“I know that, but it doesn’t make it easy. She’s still my mother, isn’t she?” I finally said, breathing the words out.
His eyes shuttered and for a second, I thought I saw sadness flash across them. I watched with bated breath as his lips parted to speak when two hands with bright pink manicured nails slapped the counter, startling me out of my bones. Travis didn’t even flinch. He only looked incredibly annoyed as he slowly tore his eyes away from me before directing a flat look toward the beautiful woman who came in with the pink cowgirl group taking shots, leaning over the counter with a bright smile.
He greeted her. “Amanda.”
“Travis, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I thought you were partaking in the roping like the other guys. You could have at least called me so we could meet up here if you were working.” Amanda pouted, twirling a long strand of her hair with her fingers, playing with the ends that looked to have been styled into loose curls. Her cheeks were tinged pink, and her eyes were surrounded by pink and blue glitter. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Travis said something I didn’t catch because I was too stunned by the fact that he leaned a little closer, meeting her halfway as he gave her his undivided attention. I was vaguely aware that he was lecturing her on bringing her friends from the city into town to cause trouble. All I could focus on was the way he was talking to her. As if he’d known her for a long time.
Amanda giggled, bright and airy, as she reached a finger out and ran it down his chest, tracing patterns across his black t-shirt.
My throat dried, nearly choking me. Travis wasn’t flirting back or smiling, but he wasn’t shying away from her touch either. Almost as if he was used to the way she ran her hand over his chest. As if she’d done it a dozen times. And she’d admitted that she was looking for him.
Because they were together? Dating?
Why do you care? It’s not like you’re together.
“Can we get another round of shots at the table? Then I promise we’ll be out of your hair before any of us decide we want to take you home for the night.” Amanda winks and my lip curled.
“If that’s a promise you’re intending to keep, then fine. Drinks are on me.” He said dryly before he tapped the counter and turned around, going to the shelves and reaching for the tequila bottle when he spotted me standing there like a deer caught in headlights.
I tried to blink away the jumbled-up emotions I was currently feeling before he could decipher what they meant. There was also this bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me feel sick.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I gingerly turned away, giving him my back as I hurried to Saul just as he waved me over, and got him and his buddies a couple of beers. Behind me, I could hear Amanda’s airy laugh at whatever Travis must have said. It was as if he suddenly became the funniest man to walk the earth.
Yeah, right.
“Funny, my ass,” I grumbled as I popped the cap off a beer bottle, making it bounce across the counter.
“What’d you say, Lila girl?” Saul asked me, his bald head shimmering beneath the light shining down on him. Based on the confused look he was giving me I was relieved he hadn’t heard what I’d said.
“N-nothing!” I said before turning around in time to spot Jake coming around the corner. “Switch with me?” I asked—okay, demanded —startling him with my sudden outburst. Desi appeared next with a tub of clean glasses, frowning at me curiously.
Jake arched a brow. “Uh…sure? But?—”
“Thanks.” I swiped the tray from his hand and hurried out onto the floor to wait on tables. I ignored Travis and Amanda as I shouldered my way around him.
“Lila? You okay?” Desi asked as she followed me, stopping me with a hand on my shoulder.
“Yep! Great, I’m so great,” I rambled with a smile plastered on my face.
Desi cringed. “Yeah…you have to work on your poker face, babe.”
If only she knew how hard I was trying to do just that.
The bitter feeling in my chest only amplified the longer my shift went on. Putting distance between me and Travis did little to brighten my mood, which only bothered me more. I couldn’t even bring myself to genuinely smile at Wren when she came in to hang out with her brother at the pool table.
Every time I wandered back to get drinks, I found Amanda sitting on one of the stools, watching Travis work with this eager glint in her sparkly eyes. He wasn’t even paying attention to her. Why was I so upset?
Because you’re jealous, you fool.
The hours ticked by, and I’d done an amazing job of avoiding the bar where Travis and Jake busied themselves slinging drinks while I helped Desi with the remaining tables.
By the time the last of the stragglers finally left, I blew out a sigh of relief.
“Good job tonight.” Desi patted my back, already gathering up empty beer bottles and baskets of leftover fries. “You really held your own, I was impressed.”
“That I managed to not have a meltdown?” I teased, wiping down tables as I went. “You have a talent when it comes to waiting on customers. I don’t know how you’re not tired.” My cheeks hurt from the polite forced smiles I gave tipsy customers all night long. Desi didn’t bat an eyelash the entire time and then she even joined the band to sing her heart out. That only resulted in attracting more people into The Pint. And she did it all with a big smile. “You really love it here, don’t you?”
Desi paused before she could reach for the half empty pitcher of lukewarm beer and plop it onto her tray. She turned her emerald eyes on me and answered wistfully, “I do. This place gives me something to look forward to on a bad day, y’know? I used to have jobs I absolutely despised, like the local market next to the diner, remember that? God, I hated that place. The manager was a sour old gasbag too and never let me do anything other than stand behind the checkout counter until someone finally walked in to buy a couple of apples or a gallon of milk. I quit after two weeks and haven’t been back since.”
I grinned. “I remember it went down a bit differently. You threatened the old gasbag and got fired.”
“I take offense that you think I would do something without being provoked first! It was his fault for not letting me take a break to pee. He tried to take my rights. I said he was either going to let me go to the bathroom or I’d pluck the remaining five strands of hair off that bowling ball he considered a head.” Desi’s slow grin was wicked, and I loved every bit of her sassy take-no-bullshit attitude. She used to get into arguments with Irene for me, and for that I’d love her forever. Even if it didn’t change the way my mother treated me, I always had Desi watching my back.
“Anyway, I feel at home here. You ever get that feeling? That you’re exactly where you’ve always needed to be and it’s as easy as breathing? Not perfect by any means, but it’s enough to make you smile and get out the door to start a new day.”
I instantly thought about River, a tiny little bundle wrapped up in the blankie I’d bought for him in the hospital’s gift shop. The same one he still loved.
Before him, my dream had always been to go to college. But it was short lived. I couldn’t complain, though. Every time I looked into River’s eyes, I felt it in my bones that my love for that little boy surpassed all the hardships I’d experienced. His bright smile made me breathe a little easier every day.
River was mine, even if he wasn’t my son.
He was my purpose.
A gift I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Together, along with Jake, we made quick work of cleaning tables, stacking chairs, and sweeping crumpled up napkins off the dark wood floors.
Manny finished wiping down his kitchen until it was spotless before taking off with a grunt of a farewell, only to be followed by a chattering Jake. I really didn’t understand how they all had so much energy. I was sure once I got home, I’d only have energy to tuck River in for bed, shower, and pass out wherever I could lay down.
“We should be all set here. I just have to count the register and restock a few bottles behind the bar,” Desi said.
“I’ll do the restocking, you just focus on the register,” I volunteered, tugging on the strings of the apron wrapped around my waist and rolling it up to tuck it under the counter .
“I love you forever!” Desi called as she tossed a set of keys my way to unlock the stockroom, already busying herself with counting money behind the register.
I wandered down the hall, making sure not to eye Travis’s office door, which was luckily closed. With any luck, he was long gone, and I wouldn’t have to worry about avoiding him. I didn’t want to wonder if he was going to see Amanda tonight after all the hints she threw his way that suggested she would very much like for that to happen.
“You’re being ridiculous,” I muttered to myself.
Of course, Travis would meet someone. If it wasn’t Amanda, then it would have been someone else. I had no right to be jealous of anyone. I chose to break things off between us in the first place.
With a groan of frustration, I tugged on one of the keys to unlock the stockroom when I paused, finding the door already open.
Frowning I stepped in just in time to hear the clanging of metal.
“Son of a bitch,” I heard Travis mutter inside. I froze when I spotted him kneeling beside the line of beer kegs.
“Are you okay?” I asked, against my better judgment.
Travis’s head whipped up. He must not have heard me come in. I noticed it was a lot cooler in the stockroom than it was by the bar. Probably to keep the kegs and alcohol from getting too warm. It gave me an involuntary shiver. It definitely had nothing to do with the way Travis’s eyes trailed down my body, as if he was searching for something.
He sighed. “Yeah, my hand got caught between the kegs. What are you still doing here?”
“I just came to restock a few bottles up front.” I waved an awkward hand toward the metal shelving units to my left.
Finally, Travis said a terse, “Okay,” before I heard kegs being moved around again. We worked in silence while I picked out a few bottles I noticed weren’t on the shelves out front, setting them aside to take. I needed one more bottle I couldn’t find on the lower shelves, and I sighed when I spotted it at the very top of the shelves.
I swore this bar was made for tall people only. I needed a stool for just about everything. I looked around for one of the step stools but found none. I went up on my tiptoes, but I could barely touch the shelf.
Giving up, I was just about to make my way to the front where Desi kept a step stool behind the bar, when a hand landed on my shoulder before gently moving me aside.
“Which bottle did you need?” Travis asked. If he’d been watching me, he must have seen me struggle enough to decide to step in. It was only when he looked down with a waiting expression that I realized I hadn’t answered him.
“The bourbon whiskey,” I murmured.
Without any trouble at all, he reached over and plucked the bottle with rich amber liquid inside before handing it over.
“Anything else?”
I shook my head, practically hugging the bottle to my chest after taking it from him. With a nod he turned and went back to changing out another keg.
This time I watched him as he bent down to lift one of the empty kegs to set aside, giving me the perfect view of the way the muscles on his back stretched the fabric of his black shirt. The veins on his forearms were visible where he’d rolled the sleeves up his arms, sun kissed from hours of working under the blistering sun on the ranch.
Did other women see what was under his shirt like I had four years ago? There was no doubt in my mind that he’d changed in the last four years, but I couldn’t stop wondering just how much.
“She seems nice,” I practically blurted.
What are you doing?!
Travis’s hand froze before he could lift the last of the empty kegs to set aside. My heart started hammering in my chest as he slowly turned to look over his shoulder.
“What?” He sounded confused.
I shrugged, turning to place the bottle of bourbon whiskey on the shelf along with the rest of the bottles.
“Amanda. She seems nice. I saw you guys talking earlier. Looks like you’re both close.” I had no idea why I was saying these things. Why I even cared that Travis seemed to like her. Amanda was beautiful, a real head turner with her long, tanned legs and blonde hair. Not that I cared. Not that I had a right to care in the first place. Did that stop me from asking what I was about to ask? Nope. “How long have you been together?”
This time Travis straightened to his full height. All six-foot-three of him towered over me as he took two steps my way. I took a step back only for him to take another, gradually closing the distance between us.
“W-what are you doing?” I stammered as I felt my back hit the shelves behind me, the cold metal seeping through my shirt and making the bottles rattle on impact.
Travis stared me down and, if looks could kill, I’d be a pile of bones at his feet. He didn’t tear his eyes away from me as he braced his hands on either side of my hips, his fingers fitting between the wire shelves and closing around them until his knuckles turned bone white. My heart was in my throat now as the scent of spices surrounded me. The most intoxicating scent I secretly loved so much.
“Why do you care?” he drawled .
“What? I-I don’t.” Standing this close to him, I could see the stubble on his chin and sharp line of his jaw. The scar on his lip, the bottom one a little fuller than the top. Why was he so close? “I was just curious.”
He was so attractive even if he was glaring at me right now, and I found myself gripping the shelf to keep myself from leaning forward.
“Why are you curious, Delilah?” There was an edge in his voice that told me he did not like this conversation one bit.
I stared at his lips as I breathed out, “Why are you upset? Is it so weird for me to ask if you’re seeing someone? You’re free to do that, you know. See other people. I’m sure you’ve done it before. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you moved on after four years, Travis.”
“Moved on…” Travis’s jaw clenched hard enough I was surprised he didn’t crack a tooth. “Is that what you’ve been doing these four years when you’re not taking care of River? Did you move on with someone else?”
My eyes flicked up to match his scowl with one of my own. “You know I don’t have time for that. I barely have time for myself.”
“That’s not an answer, Delilah. Have you moved on since you broke up with me?”
Since I broke up with him.
Something hot and angry slithered its way up my chest. I should have known he wouldn’t forgive and forget as easily as he said he would. There’s no way anyone could forgive being broken up with without feeling some sort of resentment.
“If I did, it’s none of your business. We aren’t together anymore. Just like you seeing some beautiful tall blonde who can’t seem to keep her hands off you in public is none of my business. ”
Travis blinked before a smile—unrestrained and full of something akin to relief—spread across his lips. He ran a hand over his face, and I spotted a glint in his eyes.
I frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because what I’m hearing is that you’re jealous.”
“I-I am not jealous.” My words only seemed to make his amusement grow, which started to annoy me. “Stop that! I’m not jealous, Travis.”
“Then why are you so interested if I’m dating Amanda? You were the one who pointed out that she couldn’t keep her hands off me.”
“Like I said, it’s none of my business. I don’t care. I have to get back to work.” I placed a hand on his chest, determined to shove him away from me and make my escape. Travis placed his rough callused hand over mine, trapping it to his chest.
“I care,” he said, his tone serious now.
“Why? Why do you care what I think?” My traitorous cheeks warmed, and I knew there was a blush spreading across them now. I couldn’t lose myself in him. I refused to let that happen again. Goose bumps invaded my skin as his thumb pressed into the center of my palm, dragging down to my wrist.
“Why do you think?” He almost sounded pained when he said the words. "I care, damn it. I care about you to the point where I can’t think about anything or anyone else. You want to know the truth? Yeah, after you ended things, I did try to move on from you. I tried my fucking best, and it was all for nothing.” His laugh sounded bitter all while my heart ached to hear his words. “You want to know why?”
I shook my head, not wanting to know more about what he’d done or who he’d been with. I had no right to be hurt by this. It was to be expected. It was what I wanted. Because I couldn’t give him what he deserved in the first place.
Travis ignored me and continued anyway. “Because no one could erase you from me. No one could make me forget the way I felt when you touched me for the first time. No one could retrace the way your eyes took me in every time you saw me. They sure as hell couldn’t make me as happy as you did. Even now, there hasn’t been a single person who has ever made me feel the way you did, and I regret ever trying—fooling myself into thinking that was a possibility in the first place. You want to know why I care? I can’t seem to stop. I don’t want to stop. Because you and me? We’re like a string that’ll never unravel. We were always meant to find each other. Don’t you get that?”
My breath caught in my lungs at his words. His earth-shattering words that struck my heart with the weight of his own.
He looked down to my hand resting against his chest before looking at me again. “Heart’s beating fast again.”
I didn’t know if he was referring to mine or his because they were both equally pounding. There was no use in hiding. I shut my eyes tight enough that I saw stars. “I—I can’t help it.”
“I know. I know you can’t,” he whispered.
My voice came out weak, but I needed to get away from him. I needed to say something to break this connection between us even if it physically pained me. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
Travis’s bright eyes turned a shade of midnight blue. My words seemed to have had the result I wanted because he slowly dropped my hand.
“I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”
I froze in place. His honesty and the frustration in his gaze…they made it impossible to look away from the angry man before me who I’d hurt more than I could have imagined. All because I was a broken mess.
“You have no idea how badly you wrecked me four years ago, do you?”
My breath caught in my throat as his hands captured my face in a gentle yet firm grip.
“And you’re angry about that, right?” I breathed.
“I’m furious. Livid ,” he confessed without an ounce of anger behind his words. “Want to know the worst part?” He breathed his next words against my lips. He was so close that all he needed to do was lean in just a fraction and our worlds would collide. I felt crazed and voltaic, his nearness making every inch of my body react to him in quick bursts of shocks. Feeding a fire inside me I couldn’t have stifled if I tried. “I love every second of it. There isn’t a single thing about you that I’m not crazy about. I’ve tried to forget you and I can’t, so I’m reduced to live in this mess we created together. All because you’re too afraid to admit that you haven’t stopped thinking about me too.”
“Travis.” My eyes fluttered closed, anticipating his lips on mine. Wanting to feel his lips more than I’d ever wanted anything.
“Please,” he begged on a helpless chuckle. “Admit it. Put me out of my misery.”
I struggled to find my voice. To tell him that I wanted to admit my feelings for him more than anything, while at the same time I was scared to open myself up to him. He seemed to see the battle waging in my head because before I could come up with a single word to say to him, he leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead. It was a soft kiss that ended all too soon as he pulled away. I watched him run a hand through his hair before blowing out a breath. When he looked at me, I was surprised to find nothing but understanding on his face.
A tenderness in his eyes that felt like a gut punch, only made worse when he spoke again.
“I won’t push you. When you’re ready to finally talk to me about what’s going on in that head of yours, I’ll be here.”
I watched him turn and walk out of the stockroom. Leaving me with the weight of his words anchoring themselves deep in my heart.