20. Lila
CHAPTER 20
Lila
From the moment my eyes opened the next morning, there was an awful throbbing in my head.
Today, River woke up at five in the morning and decided to pose as my personal alarm clock by leaping on top of me to really make sure I was awake. After I realized I wasn’t being attacked by an intruder, it was safe to say I wasn’t going to fall asleep again.
When I suggested River try to get some sleep, he said, “I can’t! Desmond said every cowboy wakes up early to get started on the ranch and I want to be a cowboy.”
As much as I loved the man, I swore I was going to kill Desmond for interrupting my sleep. The more time River spent on the ranch, the more he told me how badly he wanted to become a ranch hand like Finn and the guys working on Silver Hill. After trying to convince him to sleep a little longer and failing miserably, I finally gave up and got out of bed.
Together we had a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and chocolate chip pancakes—because it wouldn’t be breakfast without chocolate chip pancakes. After eating and taking some ibuprofen to try and help with my headache, we left the apartment.
Today was my day off and that meant I was dedicating all my time to River. I’d been feeling bad about not spending more than a couple of hours with him at a time since I started working, but once I saved up enough money again, maybe I’d try to cut back on my hours.
I drove us downtown so that we could check out the bookstore—which was open for once—and the coffee shop so that I could secure a hot cup of coffee. Since Willow Vale started to grow and people from the city decided to move to our small town, the shop was one of those places that catered solely to the tourists who wanted a “cowboy” feel to their morning coffee. Not that I was complaining since they made great coffee.
I sipped from my to-go cup as we drove around town to the nearest park overlooking the creek that ran across the empty expanse of land. Rolling the windows down to enjoy the warmer than usual weather at eight in the morning, River sang along to Dolly Parton when she came on the radio.
Spending the day with River like this, the way we used to when our grandfather was still alive, always felt right. It put my worries to the wayside while I prioritized being with him. Making sure he was having fun as all kids his age should.
Only today, I couldn’t find it in me to match River’s energy when he begged me to chase him around the park when my head kept hurting.
After a bit I suggested we go meet up with Desi for an early lunch. It wasn’t cold out this far into June but for some reason I felt chilled to the bone. My oversized green hoodie was doing very little to keep me warm.
I was on to my third cup of coffee at Sally’s Diner when Desi started interrogating me. The moment we walked into the diner, my best friend was sitting in a pink booth with her arms crossed and a pointed look.
“I’m waiting,” she said.
I sighed. “What do you know?”
“Enough that Finn and Wren saw you getting mauled by Travis in the break room. Which by the way, I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about until today.”
“Desi!” I looked to River who was too concentrated coloring to pay attention to us. That didn’t mean he doesn’t have ears.
“If it makes you feel any better, I was going to tell you about it today.”
Given Desi’s narrowed green eyes, I knew her questioning was only happening because she was peeved that I hadn’t told her first. It’s not like I could have kept this all to myself when I could barely get any sleep without thinking about Travis. The kiss we shared that I could still feel searing my lips hours later.
There wasn’t much I kept from Desi, which is why I knew she could pick up on anything going on in my life from a mile away.
Desi nodded, satisfied. “Noted. I’ll consider forgiving you. Now tell me about the good stuff.”
“Okay, it was pretty...great.”
“I would assume so, given the way you’re blushing right now.”
She laughed when I shifted my attention to River as I helped him color in one of the letters of the alphabet in the coloring book Desi brought for him. He smiled up at me briefly before asking innocently. “What does mauled mean?”
I would have found him carefully pronouncing the word adorable, were I not shooting Desi a look.
“It’s what’s going to happen to Aunt Desi if she doesn’t stop giving me a hard time. Tell her to leave me alone, please?”
“Don’t bully Lila, Aunt Desi. That’s not nice.” River puffed up his chest and gave Desi a mini scowl that gave Travis a run for his money. I was starting to wonder how much time they were spending together on the ranch for my little brother to develop his own scowl.
The mere mention of Travis made my heart clench in my chest. After we had left the break room last night, we went to help behind the bar when a large group of people came in. We were so busy for the rest of the night, there hadn’t been a chance to talk. We didn’t say much to each other with his siblings and Desi’s watchful eyes, but he did tell me to text him when I got home, which made me happy. Ever since then, he’d constantly been on my mind. Not that he’d ever left it in the first place.
Desi gave him a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry, kid. I won’t do it again.”
“You promise?” River arched a questioning brow this time. He was adorable.
“I cross my heart and hope to die, that’s how much I promise never to bully your sister. Is that good enough for you?” she asked sincerely.
River nodded, satisfied with her promise, then he went back to coloring.
“That was low,” Desi hissed at me, trying not to let her lips curl into a grin.
I smiled and immediately winced when a sharp ache rang through my head.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’ve just had a killer headache all morning. I’ll be okay after I take some more ibuprofen. ”
“Or maybe you need some sleep? You’re looking a little tired,” she said.
When our food was brought to our table, we ate in comfortable silence until Desi couldn’t take it anymore. Going back to my kiss with Travis, she asked, “So what does this mean for you two? Are you back together?”
“We...didn’t really talk about it.”
“Well, would you want to get back together if he asked you?” She asked before taking a sip from her mug.
“I would. I do want that. I guess we’re just taking it day by day now, and we’ll see what happens.” I said, rubbing my hand over my face. “God, what are we doing?”
That kiss had rocked my world and turned it upside down.
Travis hadn’t just kissed me. He’d lit a match of desire I had only felt with one man my whole life— with him —and I never wanted to smother the flickering flame in my heart. I was trying so hard to convince myself that he’d moved on with someone else. Like Amanda.
I would have if he hadn’t said all those words the other night.
Because no one could erase you from me.
I’d surrendered fighting what I felt for him the second he framed my face in his hands and crushed his lips onto mine.
“I’m not really sure if you’re asking in the hypothetical sense or in the literal one. But I’d say you’re both doing what you’ve been wanting for a long time. Finally. And guess what, babe?” Desi leaned forward as if she was about to reveal a secret I was eager to hear. She said gently, “There’s no one standing in your way to stop you. So why not enjoy it?”
The next day I was barely able to function at work.
My headache lasted two whole days, making it nearly impossible to get any sleep.
My entire body had started to ache halfway through my shift, and I felt like a zombie as I handed Saul his second beer of the night.
“You okay there, Lila?” Saul asked me, running a hand over his long beard.
I don’t remember answering him with a coherent response. Only a mush of words strung together. I couldn’t muster so much as a smile because my head wouldn’t stop throbbing.
I was about to pour myself my fourth cup of coffee of the day when I felt two hands land atop my shoulders.
“You drink any more of that stuff, and you’ll be jumping off the walls,” Travis said behind me as he tugged me away from the coffee machine on the counter. “You’re done for today.”
“You don’t understand, I need it,” I practically whined, reaching a hand toward the mug as I got manhandled away from the only thing keeping me alive. Speaking only made the constant pounding in my head worse, but I still said, “I have to pour myself a cup of ambition so that I can survive.”
“You are not quoting Dolly to me right now,” he scoffed, clearly not entertained by me—or Dolly, for that matter. Which was unforgivable if you ask me.
“I just need to take something for this headache. I’ll be fine,” I tried to convince him.
“I think you and I both know that’s a lie. Come on, grab your things. It’s a slow enough night that Jake can manage on his own until I get back.”
“I can drive,” I said as I followed his gruff order to get my tote bag. I went through the motions of gathering my stuff from the break room when a sudden chill ran down my spine, seeping into my bones.
I shivered as I waved goodbye to Manny, who eyed me like I was riddled with the plague as he told me to feel better. He said it in a sweet, yet oddly chastising way, but it was the thought that counted. I was fishing my keys out of my bag when I spotted Travis waiting for me in the hall, scowling at me like I kicked his puppy.
He was wearing a black t-shirt beneath a black Carhartt zip-up, hands in the pockets of his jeans while he leaned against the wall. It was ridiculous how good he always looked without trying. Here I was, feeling like I might keel over at any moment—though, I’d never admit it—and he was…well, hot. My headache had nothing on wanting to feel his lips on mine again though.
“All right, let’s go,” he said before plucking my keys out of my hand and slipping them back into my bag. “We’ll take my truck.”
I frowned. “What? But I need it to get back to my apartment, do you expect me to hike back to town?”
“You must be feeling pretty awful if you can’t rationalize why driving that hunk of metal in the middle of the night with your eyes practically half closed is a bad idea.”
I felt like a little kid being chastised, moping because they got grounded as I followed him out of the bar. A cold gust of wind swept over me the second we stepped onto the sidewalk, and I shivered once again.
Travis cursed before he shrugged his zip-up off and draped it over my shoulders, momentarily stunning me.
“Don’t argue with me, Delilah. Take the damn sweater,” he said, knowing exactly what I was about to say.
I didn’t have it in me to fight him. Instead, I wrapped it around my shoulders and relaxed into the sweater. It was warm and smelled like him. It was more comforting than it should have been. Still, I hid a smile beneath the collar when I zipped it all the way up.
We walked side by side, waving whenever we passed someone heading toward the bar. Our hands brushed slightly every now and then, sending a spark from my fingertips to my heart. At first, I thought it was by accident since we were walking so close to each other.
Then, his large hand gently took a hold of mine.
If Travis was affected, he didn’t show it. Just kept on walking until we rounded the corner of the building.
“I’ll drive you to the ranch and drop you two off at your apartment. I promise the Bronco will still be in the same parking spot tomorrow.”
Travis opened the passenger door, waiting for me to get in. The things he did for me, as small as they were, made me feel all warm inside. Cared for. Unfortunately, him being a gentleman didn’t make me feel any better at the moment.
He eyed the way I kept my arms wrapped around my waist and shook his head. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? You look awful.”
“Gee, thanks. You’re always so sweet to me.” I patted his chest in passing as I climbed into his truck.
He muttered something about being stubborn before he closed the door. The second Travis hopped in and started the ignition, he put the heat on full blast—for me, I realized.
“Thanks,” I said, tucking my chin and lips under the collar of the jacket, hating that I couldn’t warm up even with the pleasant flow of heat warming the cab. It was warm enough outside that we didn’t need the heat at all. Maybe I was coming down with something after all.
We drove down the streets with the sound of Fleetwood Mac playing softly through the speakers. I smiled when I recognized the song.
As if he heard my thoughts, he asked, “‘Landslide’ still one of your favorites?”
“You remembered.”
He glanced at me briefly. “Of course I did. You played it every time we got in my truck. One whole summer you only played Fleetwood Mac, it drove me crazy.”
I gasped. “You said you loved them!”
“No, I said I loved you enough to listen to them for three months straight. You just thought that meant I loved them. To this day, I have all the lyrics of ‘Dreams’ permanently engraved in my brain.” He chuckled. “They grew on me after that, though.”
I blinked, looking to him and catching sight of his profile just as the headlights of an oncoming car drove past us. The lights briefly caressed his sharp features in the most perfect way.
He’d loved me enough to listen to my favorite band.
He’d loved me.
Past tense.
We’d never said those words to each other when we were younger. But I’d always loved Travis. How could I not? He was the single most remarkable person I’d ever met. Kind despite always looking annoyed. Patient and mature in a way that most guys weren’t. Selfless when it came to looking out for others—for me—and he’d never once complained. Not really.
I reached over and ran the back of my fingers down his arm, needing to touch him. It was a hesitant, searching touch. One that spoke volumes about how vulnerable I felt in this moment because of his words.
When we came to a stop at the light, he looked over. His eyes softened when they found mine, my vision blurred with tears I couldn’t explain. It was probably because I felt as awful as I looked. Or the fact that I hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past two days.
All I knew was that I felt too overwhelmed when it came to him. I wasn’t sure that would ever change.
“Come here, darlin’,” he said as if he knew exactly what I wanted without asking. That I needed him even if I couldn’t bring myself to ask. It was too hard for me to do that. To allow myself to rely on anyone. It scared me to risk my heart to disappointment and hurt again. But with Travis, it felt ok to at least try.
I scooted to the middle seat until I was tucked close to his side. He wrapped his arm around me as he drove the truck out of town and onto the highway. Holding me close.
“I did too, you know,” I murmured as I rested my head on his shoulder, finding it hard to keep my eyes open now.
I did love you too.
Travis stiffened but then his hand started to rub up and down my arm until I finally felt warm. Comfortable in our nearness until I felt all my worries melt away.
I started dozing off when I heard his deep voice say, “Yeah, I do.”