29. Lila
CHAPTER 29
Lila
The drive back to the ranch was quiet and tense. Our thoughts were on the last few hours.
After we each slipped into Wren’s room to see her and nearly broke down at the sight of all the wires and machines surrounding her, Travis and I left the hospital to come back to the apartment and check on River. He was awake when we walked in, watching a Disney movie with Desi. River also seemed to notice Travis’s mood and he ran up to him with a drawing he’d made. One of the three of us sitting on horses with the mountains behind us.
“For you,” he said. “So that you’re not sad anymore.”
We both had to look away to hide the tears that his innocent gesture brought forth. Travis let out a wet laugh, and I knew if I saw the hurt on his face, I wouldn’t be able to keep it together.
“Thanks, buddy. I love it.”
Travis tried to leave, saying he had to go check up on the ranch and notify the ranch hands that he and Finn wouldn’t be there tomorrow, but River begged him to let us go with him to the ranch too .
A part of me knew he wanted some space to process everything while another didn’t want to leave him. I expected Travis to break down the same way the rest of his family had at some point in the evening, but I knew he was trying to be strong for them. Ever the loyal protector.
I loved him for always being so willing to take care of others. Only right now I was worried about him. He hadn’t said much since seeing Wren and the whole drive through town wasn’t much different.
If I expected him to be angry that River and I were intruding on his space, Travis didn’t show it when we got into the truck. As soon as I sat in the passenger seat, however, Travis’s large hand held mine and he didn’t let go the whole drive to Silver Hill. His thumb caressed the back of my hand in small circles. Such a gentle, calming gesture that didn’t match the storm currently waging in his tired eyes.
I texted Desi once we were in the living room of Travis’s house that we’d made it, and she promised to go see Wren tomorrow with us.
“You guys can take the spare bedroom down the hall,” Travis said to me as he dropped the truck’s keys onto the kitchen counter. I carried River, who was now fast asleep in my arms, to the queen-size bed and laid him down before tucking him in.
By the time I stepped out into the living room, Travis was nowhere to be found. I went upstairs where he’d said his bedroom was, but he wasn’t in there either.
“Trav?” I turned only to spot a sliver of light pouring into the darkened space coming from the bathroom. I slowly pushed the door open and found him hunched over the sink, his head bowed between his shoulders. He’d changed into a black t-shirt and sweatpants. “Travis?”
He didn’t look at me when he said, “You might want to sleep with River tonight in case he wakes up looking for you. I don’t want to keep you up any later than you already have.”
“Travis—”
“I’m going to get you guys a couple of blankets in case it gets too cold in the room.” Without another word he spun on his heel and strode out of the bathroom without sparing me a glance.
Taking a deep breath, I quietly followed him.
Travis was shutting down on me. I could tell. I could see the walls coming up around him. After the day he had, I couldn’t blame him. I also knew he didn’t have to keep trying to be strong. Not with me and not when it was just the two of us. I knew that when he was with others, he assumed the role to take charge, the guy who had everyone’s back. When it was just the two of us, though, he was different. He was vulnerable and gentle. He needed that now even if he didn’t acknowledge it.
I heard him rummaging around in the closet before I stepped inside.
“Travis?” I said as I found him pulling a quilt from one of the shelves overhead. He tensed at the sound of my voice.
“I’ll be there soon,” he said, his words clipped and hoarse. “Just give me a second.”
My heart squeezed painfully in my chest. I was moving before I gave myself a chance to second guess myself. If all the loss in my life had taught me anything, it was that having someone stand by you, even in silence, made a world of a difference. It was always better than being all alone.
Right now, I wanted to give Travis someone to lean on. The same way he always let me lean on him. I wanted to be the person who could take on all his sorrows, all of his fears and frustrations .
“Travis.” My hands slid up his back, my fingertips feeling the way his muscles stiffened.
“Delilah, please—” His voice cracked.
I didn’t use my words this time.
I reached up and caught his face in my hand, urging him to look at me. When he did after a brief second of hesitation, there were tears shining in his eyes. The sight of this man breaking apart before me and still trying to fight it made my soul ache.
“Tell me what you need.”
He released a scoff that ended on a choked sound. It brought tears to my eyes. He took my hands in his and for a moment I thought he’d gently reject my touch. Push me away to keep trying to be strong.
Except he murmured roughly, “Let me hold you. I need to hold you.”
With a nod, I went up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Travis bent down, molding himself around me when he pulled me into a crushing hug. His hands clutched the back of my shirt as his shoulders began to shake and the first tears fell.
I closed my eyes as he finally allowed himself to fall apart.
Knowing I’d be here to catch him.