Chapter 46
Henry’s eyes feasted on Alice in the dim light. On her, whole and safe beside him, tucked within his arm.
When he’d learned that she’d been taken from the house, he’d thought he’d lost her.
“Will you take it then? This position?” she asked.
“I do not know that I can.”
“Why not? You are well suited to it, as he said. I cannot pretend I am thrilled that you will continue to work so near danger, but it sounds like no one on this island is particularly safe from that.”
How to say this delicately? “Carruthers offered me the position with an expectation. You heard him. He anticipates that I will be at Windvale.”
He watched her as the realization hit. Her eyes grew wide and color tinted her cheeks.
Hurriedly, he added, “I am certain he does not mean much by it. My refusal to leave your side was rather telling. I don’t mean to imply that you ought to worry for your reputation.”
“I am not worried about my reputation, Henry.”
Music still drifted from the house. His eyes searched hers.
“You could stay,” she murmured. “You and Julia both . . . at least until you have found your footing. You could still work from Windvale.”
His heart dropped. He wanted more than that. Yet his honor would not allow him to ask for it.
“I am not certain that is best. It was hard enough to think I might bring gossip to your door, but danger?”
“Commander Seymour already brought the danger here. You have only been combating it. Allow me to help you, Henry. Let me aid with your debts and give you a place to stay, if nothing else. There are so many of us waiting to help you if you’d only let us.”
He could not help the small chuckle that escaped him. “I know. It only took me six years, but I know it. I should have accepted help long before, but I may not need it now.”
She did not scoff at him. She only furrowed her brows. “I do not understand.”
He swallowed. “I will be paid for my efforts here. Both by the captain who sent me but also possibly by England.”
“And it is enough?”
He nodded solemnly. “It ought to be. But, even still. What if I am destined to ruin it all again? If I had not failed so dismally in my stewardships, imagine how different our future could have been.” It was the nearest he could come to an admission.
The closest to admitting how greatly he wished their futures to intertwine.
Any more and he would be placing unnecessary burdens on her, and he was so entirely done with living his life that way.
Her next words were quiet but carried across the silence with clarity.
“Imagine how different our future could be now.” Her eyes pierced his.
Even with only the light from the house, he could picture their exact shade of brown.
He imagined he’d be picturing them for years to come, hoping they never looked at another man the way she was now looking at him.
“But I fear I may be broken, Alice. I fear I may fall into the same problems as before. I fear this is a failing in myself.”
She watched him with such intensity. “I do not believe it for one minute. I have seen you daily for weeks now, Henry. I have watched you change and grow and stick stubbornly to your honor in the face of everything you were against. You told me once that it was not right of my husband to expect so much of me. It is not right of you to expect so much of yourself. You are human. You are allowed to make mistakes.”
She did not throw his words back at him—she handed them with all the gentleness he’d come to expect of her.
It broke something in Henry. Broke some final bit of resistance he had.
He could not help himself. He allowed his hands to skim her waist, traveling to her back where his palms pressed against her.
“Alice, I love you.” The words slipped from him with such ease.
They’d been on the brink of speech for weeks now. “And I want to marry you.”
She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “But first, give me one last chance to convince you otherwise.”
Her eyes narrowed at him, but he plowed on. “What you say is true. You know more about me than even my closest friends. You have my heart, and will forever—”
“You are not doing a good job convincing me against your suit,” she put in on a whisper.
He placed fingers to her lips, distracted by the soft feel of them.
“I am getting to that point,” he managed.
“If you agree to marry me, I will take this job, but it may make life uncertain for us. There will still be the gossip from London even after I pay off my debts, and our marriage may be tainted by the belief that I was simply a fortune hunter. I know not what will come of Julia’s engagement, but I intend to get her out of it, regardless of how it may affect our reputations. ”
She made a sound, and he shifted his fingers so they trailed along her jawline. She pressed her cheek into his palm, and he barely held back the hope that flared in him.
“If we have children, they will suffer the same taint. And if this job becomes too dangerous for a family, I will need to seek work elsewhere. Not to mention I am recovering from my dependence on drink and may fight that the rest of my life. And I behave terribly when I lose, eat far too much, and cannot sing on key to save my life. Also, Julia says I snore, though she may have been lying.”
A laugh burst from Alice. “Are you done?”
Henry thought a moment. “For now, yes. I may think of more later.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, I—”
“Am perfect.”
“Hardly,” she said on a scoff. “I heard your list. Now you must hear mine.”
He saw the stubborn glint in her eye and knew not to fight her. “Fine, but I will not like it.”
Her lips twitched into a smile. “I may never fully trust anyone but you again. My heart is still broken, not from a love lost but from never being given the chance to love in its entirety, and I may carry those scars for the rest of my life. My needlepoint is my finest quality, which tells you how very dull I am otherwise, and I take ages to get ready every morning. I cannot stand breakfast, and when alone, I do not have the meal made at all. And I worry too much. About everything, nearly all the time.”
“Honestly, Alice, that breakfast thing may break the deal for me,” Henry said, but belied his words by tugging her closer, his lips a breath from hers.
“I will love you all the same, even if I have to breakfast alone the rest of my days.” Her head tilted, and the minor movement was invitation enough.
He pressed a slow, tender kiss to her lips, savoring the feel of her in his arms, of her lips against his.
Was it possible that he may get to repeat this moment countless times for the rest of his life?
“I will sit with you. I just will not eat,” she relented when he pulled back, her words breathless.
Henry brushed aside a stray hair. “Are you worried now? Are you worried with me?”
She shook her head. “It is the only place my mind is ever quiet. With you.” Her hand caught his wrist, as if anchoring herself there. He wanted that always. Wanted to be her safe harbor for the rest of their days. “I love you, Henry.”
The world slowed. Even the light breeze swirling around them seemed to still. “I do not deserve your love.”
She lifted one shoulder. “That must be the beautiful thing about love. It is not deserved; it simply is.”
His hands found her waist. Gads, he loved her. “Then will you marry me? With all my faults?”
Her eyes flicked between both of his. “Yes. One thousand times yes.”
Henry lifted her into the air, spinning until he nearly toppled into a hedgerow and she was breathless with laughter.
Then he kissed her, again and again, ’til neither of them had any air left to their name.