Chapter Fifteen
Was it bad that Elle wanted to forgo her celebration dinner with her friends to be with Jeremy?
Undoubtedly, yes, on two levels.
One, it wasn’t fair to her friends. They’d insisted on treating her to this special “met your deadline” dinner, so she couldn’t just opt out as if it was just a normal girls’ night out.
And two, ditching them to be with Jeremy meant more than her body was involved. That crossed lines and broke rules, not only his, but also hers…and yet, she couldn’t stop thinking about him and the dark, forlorn look in his eyes.
She’d much rather see him angry, frustrated, hungry, or satisfied. Yeah, definitely the last one.
But what she’d seen in his amazing blue eyes was pain and guilt and an attempt at distancing himself from her.
Let him, her self-protecting side urged. It’s safer for him and you that way.
But was it the right way?
God, she didn’t know. She was so confused.
Her gaze kept wandering over to him, hoping he or fate would give her a sign as to which route to follow. But all she saw was his rigid spine, his unsmiling face, and his friends talking without him joining the conversation.
Her chest was too tight to tighten any more, so now her stomach was knotting.
“So, what are your plans for book two?” Sophia asked, regaining Elle’s attention.
She blinked and forced her mind to get with it. “I already have most of it fleshed out, and even some dialogue written for a few scenes, so I’ll probably get started on it in a day or two.”
“Don’t you need to give your brain a chance to regroup?” Jenna asked, digging into her fried mozzarella sticks appetizer.
No appetizer for Elle tonight. Heck, by the time she’d returned to their table, she’d lost her appetite. But since she’d needed to order something, she’d gone with just a main dish of chicken parmesan, knowing that half of it would more than likely be going home with her.
She nodded at Jenna. “Yes, hence the day or two break.”
The woman smiled, and the warmth in her blue eyes often reminded her of her brother. “I think that’s amazing.”
“You ever think of writing a play?” Phoebe asked, pouring dressing on her salad.
Elle shook her head. “No. I like writing in third person and giving the reader a glimpse of what’s going on in my characters’ heads. Playwriting and screenwriting are a different machine.”
Phoebe smiled. “Yes, the only time we know what the character is thinking is when we either assume it or the director tells us our motivation.”
“Well, I’m motivated to order more of these jalapeno poppers,” Faith said, flagging down their server.
Elle sipped her wine that the women had also insisted was mandatory tonight. Thankfully, it was okay to limit herself to one glass without censor since half of them drove and the one glass rule was automatically employed.
By the time her food came, they were discussing the upcoming summer and the activities they looked forward to doing.
Most of them involved the lake that was barely visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows now that the sun had almost set.
Elle had regained a little bit of her appetite, thanks to her friends keeping the conversation light and her involved.
“So, Phoebe, have you decided what play to do for the kids’ summer workshop?” Jenna asked, cutting into her fish that their server had just dropped off, along with the rest of the main courses.
Elle had really enjoyed last year’s production of Grease. There was a lot of young, local talent showcased, and she looked forward to going to whatever the kids did this summer.
That probably should’ve sent a red flag waving in her head, but it didn’t. Just because she wasn’t going to be in the Poconos forever, didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy herself while she was.
Just like her time with Jeremy.
Her gaze drifted to him again, and the knot in her stomach twisted. His spine was stiff and gaze was downcast as he stared at the drink he twisted on the bar.
That appetite she’d regained instantly disappeared. And when he rose to his feet and his eyes met hers, her heart caught in her chest. They were dull and expressionless, and his jaw was tight as he held her gaze for a beat, then he gave her a slight nod before walking out the door.
She set her fork down and dragged in a breath, completely at a loss as to what to do. Today and tomorrow were his on-duty days, which he’d pretty much deemed “no contact” days, unless, like today, they bumped into each other.
This rule had worked well for them both over the past month, although, Elle had to admit she wasn’t opposed to seeing him more than once or twice a week. Granted, her writing had derailed some of their projected time last week. Maybe that was driving her need to spend time with him tonight…
Nah, she automatically vetoed that thought. This need was different. It was born out of a desire to help him, not have him.
That was bad, right?
“You want to go to him, don’t you, Elle?” Faith asked, a knowing look in her eyes.
It was on the tip of her lips to deny it, but she didn’t. “Yeah, but I don’t think he wants company tonight. He pretty much told me that.”
Jenna sighed. “I wish my brother wasn’t so stoic.
I mean, I know after our dad died, he felt he was supposed to step up and take on protection duty, as well as outdoor and mechanical chores for Mom and I.
That was fine when we all lived together, but now that the three of us have separate homes, I think it’s too much.
Of course, I’ve told him that, often, but he just shakes his head, insists he’s fine, and I’m wrong. ”
Elle nodded. That sounded like Jeremy.
Faith snorted. “Typical male.”
The other women agreed.
“Although, Ryder lets me do things,” Sophia said, with a dreamy look entering her eyes. “Of course, we had to have a talk.”
“So did Ethan and I,” Phoebe claimed. “But it’s in their DNA. Their first reaction is to be the provider-protector.”
“Yes.” Sophia smiled. “So I told Ryder I don’t want to take that role away from him. I like that he is those things, but I made sure that he recognizes that I’m more than capable of pulling my weight around the house and in our relationship.”
“Sounds amazing,” Jenna muttered.
Again, Faith snorted. “You two just happened to marry the exceptions to the rule. Ethan and Ryder might be alpha, but they aren’t arrogant.”
Now Sophia and Phoebe snorted in unison.
“We never said they weren’t arrogant,” Phoebe shook her head.
“That’s for sure,” Sophia agreed. “You just need to recognize which battles are worth pursuing and which ones weren’t worth the fight. It isn’t healthy to constantly challenge them. And once you stop, they stop.”
“Yes,” Phoebe nodded. “And when that happens, it’s pretty amazing.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Faith scoffed.
Jenna sighed. “Me, either.”
All eyes turned to Elle. She lifted a brow. “What?”
“How do you handle my brother?” Jenna asked.
“Yeah, Jeremy definitely qualifies as alpha and arrogant, yet you two seem to have a good relationship.” Faith stared expectantly at her.
Relationship?
She frowned. “We don’t have a relationship. It’s more of a mutual understanding.”
They had no claims on one another.
“So, you’d be okay if he left to be with a stacked brunette tonight?” Faith asked.
Elle’s heart lurched. “What do you mean?”
Did he have another a woman on call besides her?
“I mean, are you okay with sharing him?”
Shoot. Maybe he did.
She blinked, having never thought about it. “No…yeah…I don’t know.”
But Elle did know. The thought of him getting naked with another woman and doing and saying all the amazing things he did and said to her, sent a sharp, stabbing pain through her chest.
“He doesn’t have another woman, Elle,” Jenna said. “So get that out of your head.”
As the pain lessened, she inhaled a clear, deep breath.
“By the way you turned pale and seemed to have a tough time breathing, I’d say you definitely aren’t okay with sharing my brother.”
But that wasn’t a good thing.
She frowned. “It doesn’t really matter though, since we both agreed we didn’t want a relationship.”
All her friends smiled.
Except for Phoebe. She chuckled. “Doesn’t work that way. Trust me, I know.”
“The both of you may not have wanted one,” Sophia said, tilting her head, “but you two are definitely in one.”
A relationship?
Nah. All they did was have sex.
That’s not true, her mind interjected. A few times, they’d gone out to dinner beforehand.
Another time, they’d walked around the lake.
They had even gone to a drive-in and actually watched the movie before going back to her place to make out.
One time, Jeremy had surprised her by taking her to a shooting range.
A smile tugged at her lips. Poor guy had thought he was being helpful with her research, but she already knew how to shoot and had a permit to carry.
Warmth spread through her body at the memory of how his gaze had smoldered at her revelation, and how she’d emptied her magazine on target.
That time, they hadn’t made it to her cabin.
No, Jeremy had pulled onto a deserted road, parked behind a bunch of trees, and they’d exposed just the essential parts before they combusted in his back seat.
Then there was last week. The cute man had shown up with a basketball, and using the hoop attached to the side of the cabin, taught her how to shoot baskets using some very hot kisses as incentive to improve her aim.
Elle was a fast learner, especially with the kind of motivation he provided.
Even though they had sex every time they saw one another, it hadn’t been all they were doing.
Oh, wow…
Elle slumped back in her chair and blinked. Maybe they did sort of have a relationship, after all.
“Pretty sure she just got a clue,” Faith said with a grin.
“Doesn’t mean it’s good,” she felt obliged to point out. “I’m not staying, and he doesn’t want me to.”
Jenna leaned forward. “Are you sure he doesn’t?”
She nodded, but now that the seed of doubt was planted, Elle wasn’t so sure.
“Either way, you two will work it out,” Sophia said, sounding so confident, Elle almost believed the woman. “Lea and Ben managed a long-distance relationship, and so did Ryder and I.”
“And Ethan and I,” Phoebe added. “If there’s a will, there’s a way.”
And wasn’t that just it? A will. What if it led to a will and testament?
What if it didn’t? her mind countered.
She blew out a breath and shook her head, too confused to worry about any of it at the moment. The image of Jeremy leaving with that dull, expressionless gaze flashed through her head, and her heart squeezed again.
None of that mattered right now. What mattered was Jeremy. Although today was amazing for her, it had been horrible for him.
She pushed her chair back and rose to her feet.
“You going after him?” Faith asked.
Although Elle had never been to his house, she knew where it was because he’d once pointed out the gorgeous mid-century ranch to her on their way to her cabin.
She nodded. “Not sure he’ll let me in, but I’ve got to try.”
“He will,” Jenna said, her eyes a little misty. “He cares about you, Elle.”
Well, shit. She didn’t need to hear that.
Caring was danger zone stuff. Wasn’t that why she was seeking him out? Because she cared?
Damn her astute mind.
Elle hesitated for a second, until she noted a Styrofoam container where her half-eaten meal had once been. When had the server done that?
She hadn’t asked for it, yet it was right there.
Was it fate? Or just an efficient server?
Deciding to take it as the former, she grabbed her leftovers, thanked her friends for the meal, then headed for the exit before logic set in and she got cold feet.