Chapter 19
JAMES
“You’ve got it bad, kid,” he said when I turned back to apologise I’d not heard the last thing he said. “Go get your man before he comes over to growl at me.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but Hector laughed and spun me around once more, saying into my ear, “He’s a good guy.
Let yourself believe in him. I’ve never seen him like this.
You can trust he wants you.” Then he evidently saw Edwin and Trace’s linked fingers at the same time I did.
His tone turned protective, unexpected for someone I’d only known for about an hour. “Did you know about this, James?”
I nodded, my heart in my throat. “Yeah, I did. Trace is good people.” I think. More clearly, because this part was definitely true, I said, “I want Edwin to be happy. I can’t give him everything he needs.”
“Hmm.” Hector slid an arm around me, which should have been terrifying from a partial stranger who was also a vampire and built like a tank, but was in fact oddly reassuring. “Like I said, Eddie’s a good guy, but don’t let him sideline you. You’re sweet, James. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I’m not sweet!” I protested, but Hector had already let me go and given me a gentle push towards the other two. I didn’t like the way the floor flexed as I walked, but no matter, I’d deal with that weird detail later.
We met in the middle of the ballroom, Edwin and Trace’s hands still linked, which made a ball of something twist in my gut. I wasn’t sure if it was envy or longing or just plain lust, but it lodged there, heavy, aware, pulsing like a cartoon heart.
“Hey, you.” Edwin reached out to me with his free hand, his cool fingers encircling my nape. I tipped forwards and melted into him instantly, all jealousies forgotten with one touch.
I could smell Trace on him. It was unfamiliar, but also not.
I stayed with my nose buried in his shirt while I tried to work through my thoughts about this new development.
I’d pushed them together, insisted Edwin get laid, which I knew he was gagging for — my hearing was for shit, but even I knew the sounds of a man fucking himself to orgasm in the shower, thank you, my new porn browsing history — so really I should be happy for him.
I glanced up out of screwed-up eyes at Trace, who was standing very still, as if unsure how to act. I heaved a sigh and pulled myself upright. I looked at both of them in turn.
“Did it feel right, the two of you?” The words burned as I said them, but I needed to know.
“It did, love. It felt good.” Edwin glanced at Trace as if for confirmation. Trace gave me a small nod, saying nothing out loud, but his eyes were smiling. Edwin caressed my neck with his thumb. “Are you still okay about this, or do we need to go somewhere and talk some more?”
“I’m okay,” I assured him quickly. I realised I was. Edwin looked relaxed in a way I’d not seen for ages, as if some part of him had been out of alignment and was now reset. It suddenly clicked that this was not just about sex. It never had been, not really. It was about us, all three of us.
“I need a drink,” I exclaimed. Loudly, if the heads that turned my way were any indication.
I removed Edwin’s hand from my neck and took it in my own.
“I really am fine about this, but I can’t do this here.
” I ambled unsteadily to the drinks table and grabbed a lager from an ice bucket, smacking the top off and not caring that it pinged off the table and onto the floor as I kept walking.
I turned in the opposite direction from the stairs, all too soon finding myself at a dead end, with what looked like huge picture windows hidden behind locked shutters and ornate, heavy curtains.
I sighed and leaned against the wall, watching Edwin and Trace slowly approach as I dribbled ice cold beer into my dry mouth.
“Have we royally fucked up?” Edwin’s blue eyes were clouded with apprehension. I took another swig, then wiped the back of my hand across my mouth.
“I don’t think so. No, it’s not that. I’m…
” I wasn’t sure exactly what I was thinking, let alone able to put it into words.
“I want to get drunk and forget I’m such a fucking liability.
” Now I thought about it, I’d sunk a few large vodkas in quick succession while chatting to Hector.
For all my earlier assertion I wasn’t going to drink, my nerves had been crawling with tension thinking about what Edwin had been doing, how he’d looked and sounded when Trace had…
I flung my arm across my face, shielding my eyes.
When the pair of them had fucked like I suggested they should.
“Liability? You’re not a liability. Has someone said something?” Edwin’s tone suggested bewilderment and a degree of anger. I liked him defensive and protective of me. God, I really was a mess.
“James?” Trace, sounding concerned, invaded my space. “What can we do?”
I hadn’t answered Edwin’s question. What was it? “Take me to bed?”
Edwin swooped, the sudden rush of cool air surrounding me forcing me to lower my arm and stare at his worried expression as he grasped me by my shoulders. “We can do that, but are you sure?”
“I don’t think he means to get his freak on,” Trace explained, his eyebrows furrowed.
Edwin relaxed his hold on me from vampire strength ouch to a more bearable firm grasp that still stung. I flexed, and he grimaced apologetically. “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“Bed,” I repeated, now fixated on the idea of a firm mattress and a cool pillow on which to lay my head. “I’m a bit tipsy. Not hurting. Everything is kinda fuzzy.”
I allowed them to hustle me up another flight of stairs to the room Baxter had allocated us the first time we’d stayed over.
Edwin helped me inside, where I kicked my way out of my trainers and tottered over to the bed, still clinging firmly to the bottle of lager.
Edwin wrestled it from me as I made a nosedive onto the pristine sheets.
“I think perhaps you’re a bit more than tipsy,” he remarked, sounding amused. “Trace, give me a hand?”
I cracked open my eyes which had fallen closed again, to see Trace standing hesitantly in the doorway.
“C’m’in and shut the door,” I slurred. Jeez, the walls were blurry.
I’d been throwing back the booze like I had a tolerance for the stuff when the truth was I’d never had the spare cash to get bladdered, and my limit was probably a single measure of anything.
I lay like an amenable rag doll while Edwin removed my clothes and directed Trace to find pyjamas in my overnight bag.
When Trace expressed surprise that said pyjamas were the sort to cover me from neck to ankles, Edwin said with a hint of impatience, “James is slender and gets cold easily. My vampire skin temperature makes that worse. Get some clean socks as well, please, and his hoodie. He always wears one of those too. Keeps his neck warm.”
“He’s so fussy,” I mumbled to the room at large. “Could jus’ use a blanket, y’know.”
“You’re my friend and my shadow,” came the sharp retort, “and I’ll bloody well look after you how I see fit.”
“I like you bossy. You’re not like him. He hurt me.” Oh no, don’t think about him, James. Bad idea.
“Baby, I know he did. I killed him so he can’t ever hurt you again.
I wish I could resurrect him to kill him all over again for what he did to you.
” Edwin hauled me into his arms and I went limp in his embrace, pyjamaed and safe from the outside world, the only sound I needed the slow thump of his undead heart against my cheek.
“D’you call me baby?” I giggled. “’M twenny-three. Not a baby.”
He sighed. “Good lord, you’re pissed as a newt.” He kissed my forehead. “I’m going to get you into bed, then turn off the lights.” He lifted me like a feather, arranged me carefully on the pillows, and pulled up the covers.
“Don’ leave me.” Even in my inebriated state I heard the whine in my voice. I cringed. Liability.
“Nobody’s leaving you, James.” Trace, his hand coming to tentatively close over my wrist. “Eddie’s just gone to brush his teeth.”
“He only lets people he likes call him Eddie.” I frowned. What point was I making here?
“He told me I could. Is that okay with you?”
“’S a grown man. Course it is.” My head aches. “Means he likes you.”
“I like him too.”
“Hmm.” I drifted until Edwin returned. Trace stood up and I frowned again. “Where’s he going?”
“To bed, love. It’s past dawn.”
“Oh.” I was definitely falling asleep. “He can sleep here. Jus’, not on my side, ’kay? That’s for me an’ you, Eddie.”
“You sure?” Edwin switched on a lamp, and the overhead light went off. Only a soft glow remained behind my eyelids.
“Yeah, ’m sure. Y’said he can call you Eddie.” I yawned, then blinked into unconsciousness.
“James… James.” A soft shake on my shoulder had me bolting upright in the dim light. I blinked, then saw Trace perched on my edge of the bed. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“What’s up?” Edwin was out cold, literally, his body the creepy stillness that overtook him when he slept. Every day, it gave me a jolt to realise how different he was from me, and how not-human, whatever I’d said to him earlier. He’s still a man.
Trace shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. Isher has offered to help me rebuild the inside of the wagon and he’s been given the go-ahead to do it magically.
We’re heading off now to make the most of his time down south.
I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. ” His gaze slid across to Edwin. Ahh.
He must have seen where my thoughts were headed.
“Absolutely do not wake him,” he said firmly.
“There’s no emergency. It’s not even really important, but I didn’t want either of you to think I was sneaking off.
It’s just, if I can get some kind of real home set up, it gives me more time to prepare the ground and to move my plants in.
I don’t want to be beholden to that awful Filey any longer than necessary. ”