Chapter 31
EDWIN
We took turns in babysitting James around the clock.
Since his huge outburst and then his insistence on the pair of us playing with him while I fed from him, followed by his subsequent bout of tears that had lasted until he passed out from crying, his mood had shifted yet again.
He didn’t seem unhappy or depressed so much as totally switched off from everything.
He became little more than a doll to dress, wash, and feed.
He was terrifyingly docile now, blank eyes and silent acquiescence as we kept him with us while we worked, grateful when he engaged enough to respond to the simplest of questions.
During the daylight hours when James was awake, Trace parked him on a garden chair while he worked, carefully moving the chair and James to whatever part of the garden he was currently nurturing.
As soon as night fell or when they needed to eat, he’d either take James into his carriage or bring him to Bluebell where I’d take over.
He stared numbly at the television if I switched it on, stood under the shower daily while I hovered, watching him in case he slid to the bottom of the cubicle like that first night when I’d thought he was taking longer than usual and found him sitting fully clothed under an ice-cold spray.
Trace had concocted a potion in a hurry which we fed to James to prevent him getting sick, after I’d bundled him up in blankets and rocked him, my heart screaming with frustration that my stupid vampire body produced no heat.
While I slept, James seemed content, possibly comforted, by sleeping next to me, so my passing notion to put him back in his room never materialised into action.
Trace decided he would give James space and slept in his own bedroom.
I hated it and he did too, but even though we were now exchanging little more than daily kisses and occasional full-body hugs, I didn’t mind.
What I felt for Trace was no longer simply about sexual gratification, although God knew I was still gagging to be ploughed until I couldn’t recall my own name.
But I finally understood I loved Trace as much as I loved James.
The realisation damn near brought me to my knees.
I was Edwin Marsh, vampire, manwhore, and eternally free spirit.
How the hell did I fall in love with not one, but two blokes?
And more confusingly, how did these two guys apparently love me back? I wasn’t that special.
In fact, I wasn’t special at all. I have an appealing physical appearance, because vampires can see their reflections just fine thank you, and I’m not entirely without common sense.
But I’m brash, mouthy, and given the chance, totally oversexed.
It doesn’t exactly scream ‘dream boyfriend’ does it?
I often wonder how Baxter puts up with me.
And more than that, actively seeks out my company, especially when she’s so good at calling me out on my shit.
Which she does, frequently and without mercy.
It’s probably because we don’t want to bump uglies.
Okay, it’s almost certainly because I’ve never felt remotely inclined to get into her knickers, or vice versa.
Shudder. Women can be beautiful but I’ve never wanted to get naked with one.
So yeah, I was in lurve. And it was awful.
I had one man I barely touched and the other I was currently too scared to touch.
I flip-flopped between constantly checking they were both still here — waking from sleep being a moment I now dreaded — and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that they seemed to want and even need me.
It felt as if we were existing in some strange kind of limbo, but in reality it was only a week before one evening, Baxter sent me a text:
Boss man incoming, probably within the hour.
I dialled her number. “The fuck kind of notice is that, you dickhead? How long have you known? Where is he?”
“Christ, petal, keep your hair on. And don’t shout, he’s upstairs unpacking. He turned up five minutes ago. I’m as surprised as you are.”
I checked the time. “Bax, babe, it’s only barely dusk. Care to inform me exactly how our lord and master achieved this travel miracle? Please don’t tell me you’ve had a coffin delivered in full view of the neighbours? I don’t have the energy to deal with a summer funeral, even a fake one.”
Her giggle carried over the line. “He upgraded to a Council 4x4. The ones with the vamp-proof blackout windows and the screen for the back seats. Oh, and an Obscura Sack. I think he got envious of Gethin’s kit and demanded one for himself.”
I considered this for a moment. The invention of a lightweight, light-impervious magical ‘sleeping bag’ had only positive implications for any vampire wishing or needing to travel unrestricted by the sun’s position in the sky, although it was form-fitting and smelled of the magic that was part of its construction, something I personally wasn’t keen to experience for more than the two-minute trial I’d had of one.
“It makes sense. It always takes Dalziel longer to try new tech than the rest of us. I swear the man was born suspicious. Who drove him down, Eleanor?”
“Nope. Isher. Dalziel says he’s useless as a substitute PA when he’s liable to fry electronics, but he trusts his driving and he’s pleasant company.” Baxter sniffed. “Damned with faint praise, but the fella seems nice enough. He can certainly do some fancy magic.”
“And he’s easy on the eyes.”
“Yeah, he’s that too,” she sighed, a tad wistfully if I was reading her right. “I’m getting zero vibes from him that he likes women though. Aren’t the Fae supposed to be easy-osey about gender and sexuality?”
“I guess?” I hedged, although in truth I’d never given it much consideration. “Maybe you’re not his type, babe. Which is totally his loss.”
“Anyway,” she said briskly, confirming I’d poked a sore spot, “expect Dalziel sooner rather than later. He’s on a mission to help young James.”
“He’s…Oh. That’s why he’s come?” I realised I’d snapped to attention knowing my sire was in town without questioning the why.
“Eddie, he loves you, but you ain’t that special. Of course he’s come to see James. I told you I had someone in mind, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did.” It was my turn to sigh. “This is one of those ‘Edwin doesn’t need to know’ situations, isn’t it?”
“Not my story to tell, bruv, but yes.” At least she sounded regretful I wasn’t in on the secret. “He’s got some deeply-buried shit, Ed. Don’t take it personally if he don’t blurt it out to everyone.”
I murmured a denial that I was in any way bothered, then said goodbye and went to find the others.
Trace rested lean arms on his spade and eyed me thoughtfully as I relayed what Baxter had told me, including that Dalziel appeared to be the provider of the therapy we’d requested.
He indicated a dozing James in the garden recliner I’d had delivered. “Do you think it’ll help?”
I raised my palms skywards. “Don’t have a clue. But we have to try something. He’s totally shut down.” My sigh felt like it had been dredged up from my toes. “I feel so fucking guilty we had that threesome.”
“Don’t,” he snapped. I stared at him wide eyed.
He shook his head, then shoved thumb and index finger into his eyeballs and rubbed hard.
He raised his head and his expression was contrite.
“I should not have said that. Or not in that way. Let me start again. You shouldn’t feel guilty for participating in something with a grown man who encouraged you every step of the way.
Remember, Eddie, I was there too. James wanted it.
He really wanted it. Which now I think might have been a last-ditch attempt by his brain to convince him he wasn’t in need of help.
The fact it didn’t work isn’t your fault, or mine, or his.
” He held out a hand. I took it, and he dragged me to him until there was no space between us.
“We can’t afford to fight. We need to be here for James.
Besides,” he gave a surprised huff as if he had shocked himself with his thoughts, “I can’t bear to see you hurt.
The fact I might be responsible for that pains me. ”
I cupped his face with my free hand. “Overreaction much, love? We snap when we’re worried or stuff is out of our control.
I get it.” To show him he was forgiven, I kissed him, slowly and thoroughly.
I finally released him with a last smacker on the end of his crooked nose.
“Let’s tell James Dalziel is on his way. ”
It took a while before I thought James had even heard. His brow furrowed, and he stared across to the yew arch Isher had made. “Can he fix me?”
Oh, sweetheart. I yearned to say yes, but I knew better than to promise him anything.
I chanced a hand on his knee from my position in a crouch next to the recliner.
“We don’t know that for sure, but he wouldn’t have come all this way if he didn’t have something pertinent to say. Will you listen to him?”
It took forever before James nodded. “Okay.” It had to be enough for now.
I was terrified we’d push him to the point he’d stop communicating altogether.
I moved my fingers to gently rest on top of his hand where it lay on his thigh.
“He’s on his way over. Do you want to meet him inside or out here? ”
Dalziel arrived not long after sundown proper.
Trace had showered and grabbed some dinner.
I’d persuaded James to consume a bowl of soup and some toast. His appetite wasn’t terrible if you could coax him to start eating.
Dalziel hugged me briefly, extended a hand and a warm smile to Trace, then came into the lounge.
James was in the armchair, legs tucked underneath him, head resting on an oversized cushion I’d bought him several weeks ago.
His gaze was vacant, but sharpened as Dalziel approached.