Chapter 39
Eight hours later, I wake up feeling not too shabby.
I take a swig of Vimto and swill it around my mouth to moisten my tongue which is stuck to the top of my mouth.
I make a plan for the day to binge watch a Netflix series and avoid any human interaction.
Taking myself downstairs, I collapse onto the sofa with the remote in hand, and a bag of beef Monster Munch in the other.
It’s midday and Soumia has just left for the airport.
She woke without a hangover, though I noticed she had on a little more eye-makeup than usual.
I’ve not bothered to draw back the curtains.
I find a comfort in the darkness of the room.
I spend the best part of an hour scrolling through Netflix to find something to watch.
I settle on a documentary about a man murdering his wife.
I wonder if it will give me inspiration to finish off Liam swiftly, cleanly, and without getting caught.
Several episodes later and Netflix asks me if I’m still watching, I click continue to confirm I am, but it guilts me to think about how inactive I’ve been so far today.
Despite my best efforts to forget it, the image I’ve been sent replays in my mind, and I’ve broken my promise to Soumia by spending most of the morning looking at it, searching for clues as to why Olly’s gone there.
My hands shake as I lock my phone screen for what must be the fiftieth time today.
One, two, three, four, five. A cup of tea is the remedy I need to remain calm.
I head to the kitchen to switch on the kettle and keep Olly out of my mind, but the Blackpool magnet on the fridge has other ideas.
It pins four passport photos to the fridge door of Olly and I pulling funny faces.
The idea had been his, a memory of our first weekend away together.
A knock at the door distracts me. A splash of semi-skimmed milk misses the cup and hits the kitchen worktop. I make my way to the door expecting to find a delivery man with a parcel addressed to Soumia, filled with more things she doesn’t need but must have.
‘Hello, Callum,’ Liam says. ‘You not going to invite me in?’
He looks like he’s on his way to the gym, grey jogging bottoms and a sports top.
‘I bought you your favourite.’ He offers me a bag of Haribo Sour Mix. I don’t reach to take them. ‘Don’t be like that. Is there a tea on the go?’
I don’t say anything to him. I turn my back and walk to the kitchen, leaving the front door open. He follows. I reach up to the cupboard and pull out a mug and load it with two sugars.
‘I see you’ve not forgotten how I like it.’ Liam sits himself down at the table and leans back into his chair looking like he hasn’t a care in the world. ‘How you doing?’
I’m calm. I don’t meet his eye, and I don’t raise my voice. ‘How do you think I’m doing?’
I fill his mug with hot water, give it a stir, then tap the spoon on the edge of the cup after I’ve poured in the milk.
‘I told you, men like him are always looking for something better. Don’t take it personally.’
I put the tea down in front of him, not quite a slam, but enough for some of the liquid to spill out. I don’t bother cleaning it up.
‘Any chance of a biscuit?’ He asks.
I find myself reaching for the posh biscuits on the top shelf of the cupboard to offer him. I don’t know why I still feel the need to impress him. He takes two wafers with a blue wrapper, unwraps one and puts the other in his pocket for later.
‘At least you know now what he’s really like. He can stop stringing you along. Better than him standing you up again.’ He’s dipping the wafer in his brew.
Olly must have told him he’d stood me up.
‘He said that did he? He didn’t want to see me again?’
I lean against the work surface looking at the floor. I don’t want Liam to be able to look into my eyes and see how I’m feeling.
‘Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s just who you are, you’re not for him.’ He takes a bite of the wafer, his sharp teeth cutting through the centre.
‘And was that what happened between us, I wasn’t for you?’
‘You were so paranoid all the time, you pushed me away like you did with your mum. I only slept with someone else because I love you.’ Liam’s out of his seat now and walking towards me, he puts one hand on my shoulder and rubs it. ‘You know I’d never hurt you.’
‘You did Liam, you did hurt me.’ The croak in my voice gives me away.
Liam pulls me in for a hug, I don’t hug back.
‘Don’t let yourself get upset. It’s all water under the bridge. There’s no point blaming anyone now, at least I came back. I forgive you.’ He takes a step back, places his hands either side of my face, and moves my head so I’m looking at him directly. ‘Come on, you look ugly when you cry.’
I want answers. ‘What happened to the twink you left me for?’
‘I didn’t leave you, babe. You pushed me away.’
‘How many people did you sleep with when we were together?’
He sighs. ‘Not this again, you’re like a stuck record. I came round to make sure you’re alright.’ He pinches my cheek. ‘Come on give me a smile.’
So, I do. It feels familiar to be stood in front of him with his hands on me.
‘That’s better.’ His voice is soft. ‘Not so ugly now.’ He strokes my cheek, then kisses my lips, lingering for just a second. He keeps his face close enough to rub my nose with his. ‘That was always your problem, you know, too sensitive.’
‘Callum.’ Banging at the door startles me enough to step away from Liam. The letter box opens and a voice shouts through it. ‘Callum. Callum it’s Olly. Open the door.’
Liam holds my arm and pulls me back to him as I make a move. ‘Don’t bother, you don’t need him. You’ve seen what he’s like now.’
‘Callum, let me explain. Soumia’s told me what you’ve seen. It’s not what you think.’ Olly’s shouting through the door and banging his fist on the wooden frame.
Liam’s still got hold of my arm. ‘You don’t have to let him in. It’s exactly what you think. He’s not worth it.’
I break free from Liam’s grip and head to the front door. Olly rushes through it into the hallway the second it’s unlatched.
‘Thank god, Callum…’ He notices Liam in the kitchen. ‘You didn’t waste your time.’
Liam puffs out his chest and stands tall. He ignores Olly’s entrance. ‘You can’t blame yourself Callum, it’s not your fault he looked for someone better.
‘You sick bastard.’ Olly launches at Liam punching him square in the jaw, sending Liam backwards onto the floor. ‘Get up.’ He’s ready to charge at Liam like a bull to a red rag. ‘Not so fucking hard now are you, big man. I said get up.’
I’ve closed my eyes. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Liam wipes blood away from his busted lip. ‘Is that what you want Callum, someone who’s capable of violence. You’d never be safe.’
Olly comes to me. He hugs me close, then gently pushes me back to arm’s length so he can talk directly to me. ‘Callum I would never, I would never hurt you.’ He kisses my forehead.
Liam is getting up slowly, first moving to his knees then using the table to pull himself up. ‘Next he’ll say he’d never cheat.’
Olly waves his fist in Liam’s face. ‘One more word from you and I’ll finish you off.’
Eight, nine, ten. Exhale.
I try to pull Olly away from Liam. The breathing has calmed me.
‘Olly, Olly, it’s OK, I’ll handle this.’ Olly stands firm.
I raise my voice. ‘Olly.’ He turns to me.
‘I don’t know what you did last night, but I’m done with all of this.
’ I gesture to the three of us that have become toxic in each other’s company.
Liam is looking through his phone then holds up the photo he sent me last night on his screen. ‘A picture doesn’t lie.’
Olly is back over to Liam in bullet speed, thrusting him up against the back door by his throat. ‘I’ll fucking kill you.’
I’m shouting at the top of my voice and trying to wriggle in between them to stop Olly from doing something he’ll regret. ‘Let him go. Let him go!’
He releases Liam’s throat and lets him fall to the ground. ‘You know what mate, you’re not worth it.’
Liam grins. I recognise it. It’s his face of delight when he’s managed to make me doubt my own truth.
I’m tapping at my wrist, keeping my anxiety at bay. ‘I’d like you both to leave please.’ Neither of them move. ‘Now.’
Olly is the first to respond. ‘Callum, I’m sorry, I’d never hurt you.’
‘Please, go.’
Olly takes me back in his arms, squeezing me tight whilst my arms dangle by my side. ‘Whatever he’s said he’s twisted it.’
‘Can you leave, please?’
Olly walks to the open front door. He turns around to talk but changes his mind, then continues out to the street.
Liam is straightening his clothes.
‘You too, go,’ I say.
. He pulls the extra wafer out of his pocket, unwraps it and throws his litter on the side.
‘You’ve not changed Callum, you’re far too emotional.
You’ll feel differently tomorrow.’ He bites into the wafer like the last ten minutes haven’t happened and walks out through the door which I’m holding open for him.
I close the door behind him and hold my trembling left hand in my right.
OK, Callum, well done. Hold it together. How about that tea.