Twenty-One
ZAK
It’s very strange being here without Owen. I’m all too aware that this is his home, even though he wants me to share it with him. Everywhere I look around me feels foreign except… not entirely. I’ve been here before. Owen’s fucked me against the windows and I’ve covered them with my release.
My cheeks heat just remembering that incident. My cock remembers it all too well and chubs at the memory. Even my ass clenches, searching for his cock.
I spend the first few hours continuously wandering around the condo. Looking in drawers and just poking about. There was a part of me that thought the need to run away wouldn’t be so strong because I truly do want Owen in a way I’m entirely unfamiliar with.
But the silence around me, knowing that everything in this condo costs more money than I’ll see in my entire lifetime, really makes me feel like I don’t belong here.
Like I’m an intruder in his life. When the food he ordered showed up and it was all this raw meat, fresh vegetables, uncooked pasta, I nearly had a panic attack.
I can’t cook. No one has ever taught me! What am I going to do with all these things that he bought for me? They’re going to spoil!
I called Gravity in a panic and he told me to put all the meat in the freezer.
It’ll be fine until Owen gets back. I can eat vegetables raw, can’t I?
Yeah, probably. Some of them. By the time he’s calmed me down and I hung up my new phone, I’m putting the groceries away as best I can when my phone pings.
Owen sent me another text message that said he also ordered ready-made meals. All I had to do was heat them up.
Microwaves tend to make me uneasy, but they are a much better solution than me trying to navigate the stove or oven. I’d likely burn down the entire condo. The relief that washed through me left me breathless and I sagged on the floor.
Yesterday, I called Edgar to complain about it.
I told him I wanted to complain but really, I needed someone to tell me I was wrong but also tell me if I was right.
Gravity wouldn’t do that. Neither would Clarinda.
They’d both tell me to stay put and be with the man who wants me.
My feelings were coming from a place of insecurity, not because I didn’t belong here.
Edgar would listen first and then decide. I felt a little better when I got off the phone with him because he definitely disagreed with me. “Stay there, honey pot. It’s right where you belong,” he said.
I remind myself of his words often when I’m feeling particularly out of place.
Owen calls me and texts me all the time. Texts are weird to me and I prefer the phone calls. I want to hear his voice. I’m more convinced that this is real and he actually wants me when I can hear his voice. Texts are so… emotionless.
It took me twenty-four hours to realize that maybe it was the emptiness of my days that was going to drive me mad and convince myself to leave the building. What did I normally do all day? Struggle to find something to eat? Walk around the city, going from one friend’s home to another.
After turning on the television, I learned to navigate all the apps until I can turn on streaming.
I’ve created a ShareIt account and followed Toby Eads hockey channel so I can see something hockey related without it feeling so…
overwhelming. I’ve even tried Owen’s laptop, but I have no idea what I’m even looking for as far as a GED is concerned.
How am I supposed to know which website is telling me the truth?
As I wander around the condo this morning, the white key card on the fridge catches my attention. Owen told me it would let me into the common areas and I could check them out. Okay, that should take up some time. I can also check the mail. He told me I should do that.
Using this as an excuse to get dressed as if I were to meet someone, I go back to the bedroom and pull on some of my new clothes. They feel weird and look a little strange when I see them in the mirror. Instantly, my mind flags at least three things I’d change.
Shaking my head, I turn toward Owen’s part of the closet. Would he be upset if I wore one of his hoodies again? Chewing the inside of my lip, I decide to chance it and tug a green one off the hanger and pull it over my head. This one is a little smaller than the ones I’d worn before. Snugger.
Dressed, I grab the key card and head out of the condo.
At the elevators, I realize I’m not entirely sure where to go.
So I head down to the lobby and meander down the halls.
I find a building directory of common areas, which feels like a huge win.
I study it for a minute and then make my way around to see them all.
The weight room has a handful of guys in there.
I look around before backing out, hopefully unnoticed.
I think they could all snap me in half. There’s a large common area with a big kitchen, tons of seating and some game tables.
It leads to an outdoor patio with an outdoor kitchen, what I think is fake turf, and some poles. Maybe for a net?
There’s an indoor pool on the opposite side of the building and a small spa with a jacuzzi and a steam room. The heat of the place is almost enough to make me stay there.
The second floor has a bunch of different meeting rooms. Not just with big conference tables, but some are set up with couches instead. One has a dozen or more reclining chairs all facing inward.
The basement has two theaters and a racquetball court. There are also some areas that open with my card that I’m not sure what they are used for. One looks like an empty space. Nothing there at all, and because it is in the basement, it feels a little creepy.
I head to the top of the building next where the sky view is. It’s one large space with different sections of the room split apart by furniture. The entire roof is surrounded by glass, giving you unobstructed views from all sides of the building.
On three sides, there’s an expansive rooftop deck. Though I’m sure it’s windy as fuck and probably freezing, I grip my key card tightly and push the door open. Yep, freezing. Even from a distance, I can feel the heat of one of the tall lamps though and head for it.
Hunkering down within its umbrella of warmth, I look out at the city.
I’ve never seen New York from this angle.
It’s gray and dank today, but the city feels so alive.
Not just the people moving through it and the constant noise that only barely reaches me way up here, but there’s something else.
An undertone that feels like a heartbeat.
It’s beautiful.
I stay here for quite some time and wish that Owen was here, wrapped around me, and admiring the city with me. The thought makes me smile. Then I think that Clarinda would love this view. Oh! I could take a picture for her. I have that capability now!
Except that I’m not entirely used to my phone, so I forgot to bring it with me.
Clarinda lives closer to Owen than she does Gravity and Edgar now.
The guys are far enough away that I would have to convince myself to take transportation of some kind to get to them.
I have cash left from the escort job I took for Gravity that serendipitously was a date with Owen.
I’m always careful with money and that was the most I’ve ever had at one time.
But I can’t use cash with his ride app.
Anyway, I decide I can bundle up and head over to Clarinda’s new place. I’ve only been there a couple times and I want to make sure she’s settled in. I think that the subway just down the street will take me there without having to change lines.
So that’s what I do.
* * *
I step up to the booth next to the gate that blocks Owen’s condo from randos trying to get in, and look up at the window.
The man inside the booth very obviously looks at me and then turns away.
Rude. I remain where I am because I need him to open the gate.
There isn’t a residential security code for the gate since it’s manned 24/7.
When he makes it clear he has every intention of ignoring me, I knock on the window.
The guy is an ass. I can see it already. “This is private property. No squatters.”
I hate his voice. The nastiness dripping in it nearly makes me scowl, but that’s not going to solve anything and he’s currently the one in my way right now.
I’ve dealt with people like him my entire life.
Those who think they’re better than you just because of their station in life being above yours.
“I live here,” I say, the words still feeling foreign in my mouth.
“ID?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t have one. Owen explained the situation to the office. My name is Zak Ashland. I live in 1033.”
“No ID, no entrance.” He taps the sign that says just that. I can already tell he feels quite vindicated telling me no. Turning me away. I bet he gets off on doing so. He thinks he’s even in the right to do so since it is a rule.
“I know that’s the rule. I just spoke to the guy who was here before you when I left, and he assured me that my name was on the list and my situation was a special exception.”
“No ID, no entrance. No exceptions.” He shuts the glass window with a snap, a smirk, and gives me his back.
Frustration makes tears fill my eyes. For a minute, I stand there. Wanting to throw a fit. Wanting to scream at him. I want to make a scene until someone tells me I can slap him.
Instead, I hear the little voice in my head reminding me I don’t belong here. I’m never going to belong here. Just because I’m wearing Owen’s New York Lights jacket and have the key to the building in the pocket of my brand-new jeans, doesn’t mean that I have any business being here.
I’m an imposter.
I want to curl up on myself and give into the voices I’ve been trying to ignore since Owen brought me home.