Lucille
Chapter
One
She will sacrifice her life to keep you breathing. And I will not lose my cordistella in service to the likes of you.
Ronen’s words sluiced through my blood like a shock of cold water. The damp air clawing into my bones, the musty mold scent, and the grimy stone of Hell’s dungeon faded away as I stared at Aspen.
My ears rang.
My heart thundered.
My lungs failed to find air.
A sharp ache speared through our connection. It added to the unbearable weight already on my chest. I didn’t need his pain. Or his guilt. I was already drowning.
Still, my fingers twitched, itching to soothe him. I didn’t know if that was because of the compelling urge from our guardian bond or because, for whatever reason, I didn’t hate him.
I wanted to.
That foreign feeling, that urgency, was what pushed my body to break and collapse during training. It constantly wanted more from me. It forced me to focus on how to save him instead of my mom. Even after he manipulated me. Even after he used me and broke me. I chose him over her.
I should hate him. Blame him.
But I chose to use the last of my mother’s energy to save us from Lilith. To save everyone but my mom. I killed her. Me. For both of them.
I turned away from Aspen and finally faced Ronen.
His sword hung limp by his side, his face drawn and weary.
The shadows that had swarmed his infuriated gaze were absent, as if sucked away by his damning confession.
He stepped forward, raising his hand toward my cheek.
I jerked back, bumping into Aspen and stiffening.
My mind warred with the familiar comfort of his heat and heartache.
Ronen’s lips tightened, and his knuckles whitened as he clenched the hilt of his sword.
I didn’t know if he was upset by my rejection or the fact that I hadn’t moved away from Aspen.
But I was paralyzed, caught between the two males I was bonded to—the two males I killed my mom for.
Tremors vibrated through my legs, and knots twisted in my stomach.
I lifted my forlorn gaze over Ronen’s shoulder and through the dark cell bars to Alexei and MJ.
They waited quietly in my deafening silence, their expressions solemn.
Neither one seemed surprised by Ronen’s words.
If they were, I imagined the only surprise was the fact that I was Aspen’s guardian.
As for being Ronen’s cordistella—they knew.
Their words from days ago finally made sense.
I wish I could fault them for withholding the truth.
But as Alexei said, “It wasn’t his answer to give. ”
“How long?” I whispered, training my eyes back on Ronen.
He tensed, and I knew before he even spoke.
“Since the day I saved you from Michael and tasted your blood. That’s when the cordistella bond snapped into place.”
“But I never felt your emotions. And the tingles…” I trailed off, thinking back. Sometimes I had felt vibrations when I touched his skin, but I always thought that was a result of how powerful he was.
Based on the slight tightening of his jaw, I was wrong.
“I’ve been blocking everything from you.”
So he punished and berated me for not telling him the truth about Aspen after I begged for his help, only to admit he’d hidden our bond from me for two months.
“The council told me I’d never have a cordistella. I didn’t know what to do, Lucille.”
That was his excuse for acting like I was the scum of the earth?
Heavenly Hell, I remembered sneaking my mother’s forbidden books to read all about the cordistella bond.
I imagined what it’d be like to find someone who was created by the heavens to be half my soul.
The wholeness, tingles, emotional exchange, and mind-to-mind connection thrilled me.
More so, after the abuse my mother and I suffered under my stepfather Michael’s hands, the fact that my cordistella couldn’t hurt me stirred a profound longing in me.
“You’re a fucking hypocrite,” I breathed, swiping at my stupid tears.
“You hid the bond from her?” Aspen asked in disbelief. He almost sounded outraged for me. But that couldn’t be. That would be as confusing as the way my body both leaned into his heat and jolted away, rejecting his touch.
Shadows eclipsed Ronen’s eyes as he shot a glare at Aspen. “As if you have any ground to stand on with all you’ve done,” he bit out, death-gripping his sword. “And the secrets you still hide.”
Aspen tensed behind me, the hostility in the room balancing on the edge of a well-sharpened blade.
“Would you like me to tell her—”
“Stop!” I cried, clutching my throbbing head. “I can’t take anything else. Not today.”
The confessions. The bonds. The posturing, heated males. It was all too much.
“Lucille,” they said simultaneously. Aspen touched my hand, and Ronen grazed my chin. Their tingling touches shocked me with the truth and sent a wave of vicious heat coursing through my body. I ripped away from them.
“This day isn’t about you two!” I screamed. “I don’t care that I’m your cordistella!” I spat at Ronen, watching him flinch. “Or your guardian and whatever manipulative secrets you continue to keep from me,” I shot at Aspen, feeling his guilt deepen.
At least I wished I didn’t. I wished they both meant nothing to me. It hurt. Every reveal was a slice. Every memory, a stab. Until I was a throbbing, bleeding mess clawing toward a breath of air, only for the memory of my mother’s energy infusing my body to suck it away.
“My mom is dead! She’s dead.” My hysterics bounced off the dungeon’s dull walls. “I killed her!” For you two, I almost added. “And today is her funeral,” I finished in a whisper, aching with my words. I couldn’t believe this was real, that the person who loved me the most was gone.
My knees buckled. They both reached for me. Before they could play tug-of-war, Alexei and MJ luscelered between them. Alexei caught me, cradling me to his chest, while MJ blocked Ronen and Aspen’s advances.
“I think you two have done enough,” MJ warned.
Alexei nodded. “I’m taking our beautiful girl to rest. MJ will be staying to make sure you two don’t rip each other’s throats out.”
That diffused the tension minutely. Aspen’s concerned acceptance hummed through me, warm and gentle.
He wouldn’t hurt Ronen. But he wasn’t the one I was worried about—not when I could still feel the bitter hatred he held toward himself and a suffocating regret.
He no longer had the Hell Rune to numb him from the consequences of what he’d done under its influence.
All those females he had captured and helped Lilith drain and kill.
All his lies. I could feel how it ate at him.
And if given the chance, I had a sinking feeling he might egg Ronen on to put him out of his misery.
“Don’t kill him,” I whispered to Ronen as Alexei turned us.
“I won’t,” they both replied, one softly, the other grating with a definite undertone of for now.
Alexei walked us down the long line of cells. The damp, cool air slithered across my cheeks and snaked down the back of my neck. It would’ve chilled me. Or maybe it did. My fingers looked cold, all white and lifeless, like the air leeched away my warmth and my grief leeched away my ability to care.
At the last cell, near the stairs, a voice murmured, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
I raised my gaze to a female with long black hair and a pale complexion. The shadows of her cell hid the details of her face. For a heartbeat, Lilith’s face flickered to mind, and I froze.
“Anya, I’d spend more time staring at your walls than eavesdropping,” Alexei said dryly, angling me away from her view.
“Who says I need to eavesdrop, brute,” she snapped, her words losing their bite beneath her somber tone.
Alexei carried me away from the prisoner and the quiet group at our backs. When he opened the door at the top of the stairs, MJ’s sharp voice echoed through the hall.
“Out of all the times you could’ve admitted to your bond, you picked the most fucked-up one. Nice job.”
Alexei groaned and picked up his pace. “I’m sorry, beautiful.”
Words failed me as I gazed out the gothic windows we passed. Sheets of snow slammed against the glass panes, rattling them with concerning force.
Maybe they’d break. Maybe the glass would slice me apart and my outsides would match my insides. But they didn’t. Eventually, we arrived at my door, and something cool pressed into my palm. Rune bumped into my hand again, this time licking it.
“Ronen sent her,” Alexei explained. Not that he had to—I could tell by her dimming eyes that Ronen had a hand in her appearance.
He knew I needed her. He knew she comforted me. Unlike him, I couldn’t hide and block everything that related to our cordistella bond.
“Keep him out, or you’re not coming in,” I warned Rune. As much as I needed her, I didn’t need him spying on my every breath. He might be aware of my every emotion, but that was out of my control.
I didn’t want him.
I didn’t want Aspen.
Alexei walked through my red-and-white sitting area and pointed out the steaming food a maid had left on my coffee table.
It looked like gritty, sandpaper mush waiting to happen.
When I didn’t comment, he carried me into my bedroom, passing the crackling fire that warmed the area but left my body untouched.
All I wanted was to go to sleep and wake in our cozy mountain home, having never met Aspen, with no desire for adventure or answers, spending my mornings with my overprotective, chicken-loving mom, and accepting that was enough.
“The king will let us know when it’s time for her funeral. Until then, rest.” He tucked the red comforter around me, and a fresh wave of tears tumbled down my face. It shouldn’t be Alexei tucking me in or coming to my defense. It should be Oliver.
I wished he’d wake up.
“Alexei.”
He stopped near my door, turning back with gentle blue eyes.
“Can you check on Oli for me? And keep Ronen away from my room?”
He nodded. “Whatever you need, beautiful.”
What I needed was to turn back time. But no one could help me do that.