Chapter Thirty-Two
Amy spent the next few months getting her home decorated and ready for her newborn. She’d frequently stop whatever she was doing and rub her belly, astonished how it protruded farther from her body each new day she woke up. She was elated at the thought of being a mother soon.
Her relationship with Lucas was going well, but there was also something missing. They made love insatiably, and when they were in bed together, she felt cherished, like the most beautiful woman in the world.
When she was in his arms, everything was perfect. He still hadn’t said the magic words she desperately wanted to hear, but she did feel loved by him. Maybe he just wouldn’t be able to tell her he was in love with her.
She had to fight herself daily not to shout the words out to him. Each time they made love, she’d say them in her head over and over again.
“I love you, Lucas. I love you.”
How she wished she had the confidence to tell him how she felt. She was afraid he’d think her too clingy if she told him, and then he’d pull away from her.
She didn’t know if she could survive if he didn’t want her anymore. She’d begun to imagine the “happily ever after life”
she’d read about in so many romance novels. She’d always thought it was only possible in fiction, but there she was, living it in her own ongoing novel.
Amy was lost in her thoughts as she attempted to read a book out by the pool. Her stomach was getting so much larger, as she was in the thick of her third trimester. She kept waiting for Lucas to become repulsed with her body, but he seemed to think the changes were sexy, if his body’s reaction was any indication.
Even on the rare nights they didn’t make love, she could feel the evidence he wanted her pressed into the softness of her backside.
“Hello, sexy,”
Lucas said as he sat down and nuzzled her neck.
“How are you feeling today?”
He continued up her neck with an open-mouthed kiss that had her pulse skyrocketing.
“I’m great,”
she purred.
“Want me to take you upstairs and show you?”
she pleaded, as his kisses were already turning her body into a puddle of need.
He chuckled and pulled her into his lap, where he sealed their mouths together in a deep kiss. By the time they pulled apart for much-needed air, she could feel the evidence of his arousal, and she was ready for him.
He slid her skirt up and took her right there on the lounge with her sitting atop him. She came fast and hard and then collapsed in his arms.
“Now that was a great hello,”
he whispered as he continued to stroke her back.
“Dinner’s ready,”
they heard a voice call from inside the house.
Lucas quickly covered Amy, having forgotten their maid could’ve walked out at any moment. He forgot the rest of the world existed when she was wrapped in his arms.
He didn’t like to lose control that way, and he sat uncomfortably while his body tried to return to normal.
“I’m sorry,”
he said a bit sheepishly.
“I was just coming out to say hello, but you make me go a little crazy.”
She laid her hand on his face while looking into his eyes.
“Don’t be sorry. I wanted you just as badly, and no one caught us,”
she said, sounding a bit defensive.
“I want to make love to you as much as possible, before our child takes up all the room, and you won’t be able to reach me anymore,”
she said self-consciously.
He looked deep into her eyes and spoke honestly.
“You’re beautiful, Amy, and your body changing with our child growing inside of you only enhances that beauty. I want you all the time, and that won’t ever change.”
He continued caressing her as he spoke.
They sat together for a while longer until hunger finally had them getting up and going into the kitchen, where they shared a pleasantly quiet dinner. They retired early to bed and made love again. As she reached her peak, she quietly whispered, “I love you,”
not being able to hold it back any longer.
She felt him stiffen at her words and feared she’d somehow broken the rules of their marriage. He said nothing, but he didn’t push her away. She lay in his arms, feeling desolate, and wanting him to repeat the words to her.
She felt like he loved her, but maybe she was wrong. Silent tears fell down her cheeks until she finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion.
Lucas remained motionless while holding Amy as he waited for her breathing to even out, assuring him she was finally asleep. She loves me, he thought in awe. He’d seen the signs of her attachment and felt she was falling in love, but he was so afraid to open himself.
There’d been too many women who’d spoken those same words, not because they loved him, but because they loved his money, his power, and all he could give them.
He knew deep down that Amy wasn’t one of those women, but she already had him wrapped around her fingers. To give her his love seemed like he’d be giving up the last piece of himself. He wasn’t ready to do that yet. He had to have something left, he tried to reason.
He knew his father would be disappointed in the way he was behaving, but he’d been scorched in the past. When he was younger, he’d fallen in love, only to find the girl with his college roommate.
Wherever there was someone who wanted to use him, there was also another person who despised him for being born with the proverbial silver spoon. What frustrated him the most was that these people didn’t even try to know him. They just saw dollar signs, not the man beneath. It tended to harden a person.
He fell asleep, for the first time having a restless night with his wife. Guilt ate at him, but he pushed it back in the recesses of his mind until it no longer affected him.
Lucas eventually gave up on sleep when he woke for the fifth time, and got out of bed. He stood beside Amy for a while, gazing down at the innocence on her face. There was no way a person could act that well. Each day he spent with her, he started to trust a little bit more. His walls were slowly starting to crumble.