22. Thora
THORA
‘ W hat is wrong with you?’ Finn asked as soon as Thora opened the door.
‘What?’ She fluffed up her hair and made an effort to push her shoulders back. ‘What do you mean?’
Barry bounced at Finn’s ankles so he picked the small dog up and made a fuss of him, then followed Thora through to the kitchen. He pulled out a chair at the table and set Barry on the floor.
‘You know what I mean, Thora.’
‘I don’t.’ She folded her arms across her chest and shook her head, watching as Barry went to his bed and found a small toy bone he’d been chewing earlier, then began gnawing on it.
‘Look at the state of you. Your eyes are black. Your face is pale as the snow outside and I’ll bet you barely slept a wink.’ Finn’s brow was furrowed, which showed he was worried because he usually tried to avoid frowning.
Thora looked at her hands and feigned interest in her nails.
It was true; she had barely slept because she’d spent all night tossing and turning.
After she’d left Lucas at the harbour, she’d half expected him to follow her to the village hall but he hadn’t and when she’d been unable to resist turning back to look, he’d disappeared.
And that had hurt. Not that she was playing games with him.
She had meant what she’d said, but a part of her had also hoped he would fight for her this time.
As much as she believed it was for the best if they didn’t carry on, she didn’t want to let go of him.
Every molecule of her being had screamed at her to go back and find him; to tell him she hadn’t meant a word of it and that she loved him and wanted to be with him.
‘Do you want tea?’ she asked as she turned to the kettle, as if the simple act of making tea could spare her from Finn’s scrutiny.
‘Thora!’ Finn’s tone sharpened. ‘It’s Christmas Eve.
You’re supposed to be happy today, or at least trying to be happy.
Please tell me what happened last night.
When you came back to the village hall, you were barely there ten minutes before you left.
Then Lucas returned and I’ve never seen a man so broken. ’
‘What?’ She spun around.
‘Yes. Broken. It looked like someone punched him in the gut and then wrung him out. And that was a complete contrast to how he’d looked when you two sneaked out of the hall together.
And yes, I saw you! I saw you sneaking away together, smiles on your faces like you were sneaking off the same way you did when we were all kids.
But then you came back separately, you cried off with a headache and he sat in a corner all night while his dad chatted to all and sundry.
It was clear he only stayed for his dad’s sake, but the man could barely look at anyone.
What happened? We have to put this right. ’
Finn raked a hand through his hair and drummed his fingers on the table. Thora didn’t think she’d ever seen him so worked up.
‘I just can’t do it, Finn.’
He stood up and came to her, took hold of her arms. ‘Why not?’
‘Because…’ Her bottom lip trembled. ‘I’m absolutely terrified.’
‘Oh love.’ He pulled her into his arms and hugged her.
At first she was stiff, but then she relaxed into his familiarity and she sobbed onto his shoulder.
‘Thora, nothing comes without risk. Do you think I haven’t felt scared that Titus will reject me at some point?
I mean, look at him. He’s gorgeous and I’ve seen how other men and women look at him, but I have to keep my insecurity in check.
When we commit to someone, we have to decide every day to trust them.
I know some days are harder than others, but imagine what we’d be missing out on if we didn’t try. ’
Thora accepted the tissue he produced from somewhere and dried her eyes.
‘I get what you’re saying, but I can’t just extinguish the fear.
Last time I was with Lucas, it was just the two of us, but now I risk the twins and Barry.
To a certain extent, it even puts you and Titus at risk because we have such a big extended family. ’
‘That’s all perfectly understandable, darling, but at the end of the day, this is about you and Lucas. Thora,’ he gazed deep into her eyes, ‘Do you love the man?’
She bit her bottom lip hard, trying to control her emotions. The big question. The one thing in all of this that she couldn’t deny. ‘I love him.’
‘Then what are you doing?’ Finn’s eyes glistened as he stroked her hair back from her face. ‘One life, Thora. One bloody chance on this ball of clay.’
The back door opened, and Rosie and Reggie walked in, bringing with them a gust of chilly air and some snow on their boots. Barry jumped up from his bed and started barking, so Rosie scooped him up and cuddled him. He licked her cheeks, and she giggled. ‘Hello my big Barry. Did you miss me?’
Reggie held up some bags. ‘Just going to take these upstairs.’
‘Nothing like last minute Christmas shopping,’ Finn said to his son. ‘Just like my fiancé, who has also gone shopping today.’
‘Don’t worry, Dad, I gave him good gift advice.’ Rosie winked at Finn and he smiled. ‘And by that I mean both Reggie and Titus.’
‘That’s my girl!’ Finn said. ‘Now, back to your mum.’
‘Oh yes … So what’s the latest?’ Rosie asked as she removed her coat. ‘Put the kettle on, Mum, I’m frozen.’
Reggie reappeared and took a seat at the table. ‘Anything to eat? I’m starving?’
‘Children, please … Can we just focus on your mum and her love life for five minutes?’ Finn asked rubbing a hand over his brow.
‘Yes, of course. Sorry.’ Reggie dipped his head. ‘So what’s happening?’
Thora was about to make tea, but she froze, feeling the weight of her family staring at her. ‘I—I don’t know.’ She gave a small shrug.
‘Well, thank goodness we do.’ Finn clapped his hands. ‘We are going to put this right today. It’s Christmas and I am not having the holidays ruined with sad faces and broken hearts. So, this evening you and Lucas are going to meet at The Garden Café and thrash this out.’
‘Wh — How?’ Thora asked, her heart pounding at the thought.
‘I’ve spoken to Pearl and Ellie and they’re closing early today anyway, so they said we can have the keys.
It’s neutral territory, so you’ll be fine there, and you can talk about what the hell you’re both doing.
I swear that in all my years I have never seen a couple as foolish as you two.
Your breakup years ago was a blessing for me and the twins, as Rosie and Reggie wouldn’t exist without it.
But now it’s time to put all the shizzle behind you and sort it out.
Thora loves Lucas and Lucas loves Thora.
The end!’ Finn dusted his hands off as if loving someone was simply the answer to everything working out well.
Suddenly overwhelmed with dizziness, Thora allowed Rosie and Finn to escort her to a seat at the table.
‘Rosie, make your mum a cuppa and Reggie get her a mince pie. I have a feeling she’s going to need it.’ Finn sat next to Thora while their twins got what Finn had asked for and he took her hand. ‘Thora, darling, I promise you that everything is going to work out just fine.’
She nodded at him, but her stomach was in knots and all she wanted to do was climb the stairs and crawl into bed, then pull the duvet over her head.
To return to her simple existence where angst and romance no longer dwelt.
It seemed that since Lucas had returned to Porthpenny, her life was no longer under her control and the people who loved her were taking charge.
There was a certain sense of relief in that because this emotional rollercoaster was exhausting.
‘OK, I believe you,’ she said when she felt like she could speak again. ‘I have no idea how it will be fine after I told Lucas that it was over for good between us, but if he’s agreed to meet me there, then I have to trust the process.’
She saw Finn and the twins exchange glances, and something occurred to her.
‘Lucas has agreed to meet me there, hasn’t he? Or are you just flying by the seat of your pants here?’
Finn patted her hand. ‘Yes, of course. He’s as keen to meet as you are.
Now drink your tea and get some sugar into you and then go and soak in a bath.
Everything will be fine.’ He pulled his phone from his pocket, then stood up and went to the door to the hall.
‘Just need to message Titus a moment. Rosie and Reggie, keep an eye on your mum and make sure she doesn’t get in the car and drive to Scotland. ’
Thora accepted a mince pie from her son and a mug of tea from her daughter, then she looked up at them both. Guys, you don’t need to stand guard. I wouldn’t run away to Scotland. I was thinking possibly as far as Oxford, but not Scotland. Please don’t worry.’
They stared down at her and she winced. ‘That was a joke.’
‘Sure, Mum.’ Rosie went to the back door and locked it, then pocketed the key. ‘Just in case.’
‘So now I’m a prisoner in my own home?’
‘Not a prisoner, Mum,’ Reggie said, sitting next to her. ‘We’re just keeping you safe until you can sort out your love life. We all want you to be happy because when you’re happy, so are we.’
Thora smiled at her children. ‘I love you so much.’
‘And we love you too.’ Rosie came to Thora and wrapped her arms around her then kissed her head. ‘Better wash this hair today, Mum. Make it nice and shiny for when you make up with Lucas.’
‘Thanks for the tip.’ Thora picked up her tea and sipped it, savouring the comforting heat.
She knew they all had her best interests at heart, she really did, but even so… The thought of meeting Lucas later made her stomach clench. What if he hated her now and just wanted to tell her what a disappointment she was, that he could never trust her after she’d let him go again?
‘Trust in the process, Mum,’ Rosie said as she released her and went to the door. ‘I’m going to run you a bath and then I’m going to help Reggie wrap the gifts he bought. Otherwise, we’ll all end up with the wrong things.’
‘Will not!’ Reggie huffed. ‘I’m not that stupid.’
‘You sure about that?’ Rosie poked her tongue out at him, then darted out of the kitchen.
Reggie glared at the doorway for a minute, then he turned back to Thora and pointed at the mince pie. ‘You going to eat that?’
‘No, love, you have it.’
‘Thanks.’ As he munched on the mince pie and Thora drank her tea, she couldn’t help smiling because whatever happened with Lucas later, she had so much to be grateful for.
She was loved and she loved in return. She had many things in her life that gave her joy, and so reuniting with Lucas, if it happened, would simply be the icing on the Christmas cake.