Chapter 10 #2
“Well, if no one gets their pelvis fractured, I should be fine,” I sniped, then regretted taking my irritation out on my friend. I was eternally grateful Davis had stuck with me through my darkest moments, even if he was pushing me now.
Davis just continued steadily, “Do you ever hear from Zachary?”
“No. We fell out of touch pretty quick.” Guilt heated my face.
I hadn’t made the effort I should’ve. Back then, I thought maybe I reminded Zachary of things he didn’t want to think about.
He’d refused to take a penny of assistance from me, although I was sure insurance hadn’t covered everything.
I’d stopped calling, stopped looking at his socials. “I don’t even know where he moved to.”
“He’s in Tucson. Works in a car dealership. Walking okay, though he uses a cane on bad days. Married, and they had a little girl last year. She’s got his same red hair in the pictures he posted.”
“Oh.” Relief and shame washed through me. I hadn’t ruined Zachary’s life. I should’ve stayed in touch. “I wish I’d known.”
“I figure you could’ve, if you’d wanted to.” Davis eyed me from the tractor seat. “Not saying you need to talk to him, but he’s moved on. It’s time you did too.”
That was easier said than done. The thud of the bull’s head hitting Copper’s thigh, her panicked whinny as she went over, Zachary’s scream and then his groans of pain— they all lived in my head. But maybe I hadn’t tried as hard as I should to get past the helplessness and the guilt.
My best friend didn’t push me any harder, just stepped on the gas and we kept on with the feedings, but something tight and painful eased inside me, knowing Zachary was okay.
True to Davis’s word, at dinnertime, he passed me a lasagna and told Austin and me to go have an early night. John seemed about to complain, but he shut up when Davis glared at him.
Austin glanced at me as we crossed the farmyard. “Why does Davis want to get rid of us? Is he giving us an early start on a night of hot sex before I have to go?”
“Yeah, about that. We should talk.”
The dogs came bounding through the snow as we reached the cabin. Austin bent to pet them, talking gentle nonsense. Patch snuffled at the door and whined, asking to go in.
“You spoiled them the two days we had them,” I teased. “They know you’re a soft touch.” I unlocked the door, blocking the dogs with my foot. “Go up to the house. Davis is another soft touch. He’ll feed you.”
Patch tilted his head, turned, and trotted toward the house. Ramble hesitated, then galloped off in the older dog’s wake.
“Smart pups,” Austin noted. “That lasagna smells awesome.”
“We should eat while it’s hot.” I led the way inside and ignored the elephant in the room throughout getting our winter things off and dishing out the food.
We were both hungry, so there was only a quarter of the lasagna left by the time Austin said, “So, what are we doing here?”
“Huh?”
“All by our lonesome with a private catered meal. I don’t think Davis did that so I could suck you off under the table. Though I’m willing.” Austin flashed a resolve-crumbling grin.
I couldn’t help the little tug in my groin at that image. “What happened to the innocent guy I took to my bed a week ago?”
“You taught him to love blow jobs, and he wasn’t that innocent to begin with.” Austin ran his sock-clad foot up my shin. “You want?”
Fuck yes, I wanted. I could lose myself in his lush mouth and push off my worries. Unfortunately, I’d vowed to do the responsible thing. I straightened my shoulders. “We should talk.”
Austin scrunched up his nose. “Kiss of death.”
I closed my eyes for a second. “You’re leaving tomorrow. Barring a miracle where Kendrick decides the ranch needs you now.”
“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’m not holding my breath.”
“Right.” I really wanted to believe in miracles, but you can’t ranch without being a realist. “If Kendrick says no, what will you do?”
“Head to town. Look for work.”
“In San Francisco?”
“Maybe not that far.” Austin rubbed his mouth. “I like the idea but it’s expensive there, everyone says so. Depending on how many hours Mr. Bowen credits me with, I might have the money for one month’s rent, but not a security deposit. One of the smaller towns along the way might be cheaper.”
And closer. I didn’t want to say that out loud, in case staying nearby didn’t matter to Austin. “I could loan you that deposit. I have some money saved.” I hadn’t had much to spend my paycheck on the last few years. Come on, let me help.
All the playfulness bled out of Austin. He raised his chin and regarded me critically. “I want to make it on my own. That’s important to me.”
It almost killed you. But I had no room to tell a guy his past shouldn’t affect his present. “What kind of work?”
“Don’t know. Ranching’s what I know best, but I worked fast food, and did chores like mowing the lawn for the neighbors. I’ll look for retail, probably, since that’s what’s hiring at this time of year.”
“I can’t imagine you standing behind a cash register.”
Austin’s crooked smile turned wry. “I’ve done a lot of things I couldn’t imagine this past week. Some of them were excellent.”
I let out a snort. “I can pretty much guarantee working retail isn’t excellent.”
“No shit, but if I can get through till March on my own two feet, I can come back here then. I can sign on as seasonal ranch hand feeling like I’ve earned the right.”
I told him, “I took a quick look at the local jobs postings. No one’s looking for ranch help, though, not nearby. The farm stuff down in the flatlands is all backbreaking fieldwork, minimum wage and long hours, shit they can only get immigrants to do.”
Austin sighed. “Better than starving, but I’d like to save some money, if I can. I don’t want to be down to digging for change under the seats again.”
“I’ll always be here.” I leaned toward Austin, my hands locked together so I didn’t reach for him. “Tell me you know that, if you get down to spare change.”
“I know.” Only he didn’t quite meet my eyes. “Do you want the rest of that lasagna?”
“No.” The thought of him leaving was a ball of lead in my stomach.
Austin got to his feet and cleared the table, washing the plates and putting Davis’s container in the fridge. I should’ve helped, but I watched him instead, memorizing the angle of his jaw and the shape of his hands, the easy way he moved.
When he was done, he came back and stood behind my chair, resting his hands on my shoulders. I rubbed my cheek against his forearm.
“We finished the day early for once,” he murmured. “Gonna come to bed?”
“Sure.” I twisted my neck to look up at him. “You want to fuck me this time?”
“Is that what you want?”
I hesitated because yes, but also no. I wanted everything we could have together with his departure crashing down on us.
I urgently wanted to know what he’d feel like inside me, to guide his earnest eagerness, his first time topping.
At the same time, I desperately wanted to take care of him tonight.
“You know what?” Austin stepped back. “I really want you to fuck me. I want to still feel it when I drive away tomorrow.”
“That’s less romantic than it sounds.” I’d had days when Miguel had fucked me hard enough the saddle was uncomfortable. I didn’t regret our wilder moments at the time, but the aftermath wasn’t exactly fun.
“Who said romantic? I’m just looking for real.” Austin tilted his chin toward the bedroom. “Come on.”
I hurried after him so I reached him beside the bed, before he had time to unbutton his shirt. “Let me.”
Austin quirked a smile and dropped his hands.
A bleak look in his eyes and lines of tension in his shoulders belied his matter-of-fact attitude.
I fisted his shirt collar and pulled him into a deep kiss.
I couldn’t fix tomorrow and the separation bearing down on us, but I could make sure Austin knew how much I wanted him tonight.
When I was done kissing Austin, I unwrapped him bit by bit, shirt and T-shirt, jeans and longjohns, socks and boxer-briefs.
Inch after inch of smooth skin appeared, golden at his wrists and neck, pale below the belt, where a narrow trail of dark hair began at his navel and led downward.
I stroked a finger along that line till I reached the nest of dark curls where his cock was beginning to chub up.
He caught my wrist, raised my hand to his mouth, and nipped my thumb. “Give me a minute in the john?”
“Of course.”
While Austin was gone, I stripped the bed down to the bottom sheet and laid a towel over it.
No sleeping in a wet spot tonight. I set condoms and lube on the nightstand, and tissues as well, fetched a glass of water from the kitchen.
It hadn’t escaped my notice that he swallowed like a dream but didn’t really like the taste.
“Uh, no rose petals and mood music?”
I turned to see Austin standing in the doorway, gorgeously naked. He waved at the nightstand.
I muttered, “I like to be prepared.”
“I’ve noticed.” He strolled over and dropped onto the bed on his back, one leg raised, a hand playing idly with his dick. “So. How do you want me?”
Here? Forever? I glanced away. “Give me just a second.”
In the bathroom, I pissed, washed up a bit, and stared at myself in the mirror.
Thirty-three years old, with lines coming beside my eyes and mouth, skin coarse from years of wind and sun, a nose that dominated my wide, thin mouth.
I was no one’s prize. Austin would realize that, once he spent more time out in the world.
Which made me selfish to want to keep him.
I stripped fast and headed back to the bedroom with my clothes in hand. Austin smiled as I fumbled the door shut behind me, and he could’ve sold Arizona beachfront with that smile. He reached for me, propped up on one elbow. “C’mere.”
I went to him, of course. I put Austin on his back and blew him till he thrashed and cursed and came down my throat.
Then I rolled him over, pulled him up on his knees, and rimmed him, the sour hints of sweat only driving my overwhelming need.
He was rock hard by the time I lubed him and thrust inside, begging by the time I pulled out and got him flat on his back, knees to his chest, before pushing in again.
Every touch, every sound, echoed through me.
I wanted to make Austin fly harder than ever in his life, and yet make this last forever.
Last time, last time. I refused to let the pain of that truth derail me.
With every skill I could command, I angled each stroke into his tight ass to hit just right, listening to his grunts and curses, watching his jaw drop open and sweat bead his forehead.
He rolled his head, moaning as I fucked him, but his gaze returned to mine again and again, blown pupils darkening those bright blue eyes.
I stared back, trying to say everything I wouldn’t put into words. You deserve all the pleasure. You’re special. Don’t forget me.
Austin blew apart under me at last, no hands, shooting cum onto his chest and neck.
I watched pleasure overtake him, until the arched lines of his neck softened and he let go of the sheets.
Then I eased out, whipped off the condom, and added my jizz to his in a convulsion of pleasure.
I wanted to bite him, mark him, rub my cum into his skin.
Instead, I kissed the insides of his thighs, guided his legs to the bed, and lay down beside him.
Austin mumbled incoherently as I wiped him clean, sipped some of the water myself, and fumbled at the foot of the bed for the covers.
He sat up, reached for me, and kissed me, before stumbling off to the john.
I figured he might put his underwear and base layer back on for warmth when he returned, but he crawled under the covers beside me naked.
“Want some sweats?” I asked him.
“Nah. You can keep me warm.” He turned his back to me, pushing his ass against my soft dick.
I wrapped my arms around him, added a leg across his thighs for good measure, and pulled him close.
“Mm,” Austin murmured. “Just like that.”
From the way his body slumped and relaxed, he fell asleep within minutes.
I lay awake a long time as a cold ache grew inside me, imagining what life would be like without him.