12. Chapter Twelve - Tanner
Tanner
"Man, she hasn't left her room since yesterday," Luca says, sounding like he lost his puppy as he reaches for his coffee. "Millie and Kayla are with her right now, but Millie says Summer seems annoyed, if anything." Another sigh falls from his lips. "When we arrived, she'd been joking about spending the whole holiday in the hotel, but I never thought that would actually happen."
All of us guys are sitting in the dining room, huddled around a round table to catch up, but it quickly turned into trying to figure out how to help Summer.
Adam and Jackson are sitting next to each other, both with their arms crossed over their chests, worry carving deep wrinkles into their foreheads.
They would never admit it, but I know the thought of what if this happened to Zoey must be on their minds ever since the evening Summer was drugged.
The only difference being, that Zoey is halfway across the world right now, all on her own, and we can't look out for her because she's been pushing us away ever since she went to university.
"Give her some time," Adam suggests, his jaw twitching. "It just happened, let her come to terms with it. Maybe she just needs to sleep off some more aftereffects."
"Maybe talking to the girls will also help," Asher adds, making everyone around the table nod.
"That motherfucker really put a damper on this vacation," Luca grumbles, leaning back to cross his arms over his chest as well. "Maybe this was a dumb idea after all."
"Oh, shut up." Asher rolls his eyes, making all of us look at him with wide eyes. "It’s not like you spiked her drink. Don’t let that motherfucker ruin your bachelor-vacation."
Reed jumps into the conversation. "And honestly, I hate to tell you, bro, but you are way too hung up on the what ifs. Could a lot have gone wrong? Hell yes, not trying to argue with you about that. But ultimately, nothing happened apart from a mad headache. She's alright. That’s all that matters."
"I'm just worried,” Luca mutters. “She wasn't doing too great before we came here, and I just feel like this made everything worse, when all I wanted was to take her mind off things."
"You never told me that," Asher hisses, turning his whole torso to glare at Luca. "What's going on with her? Do we need to kick any asses?"
"Ask her yourself," Luca hisses right back and rolls his eyes. "I probably already said too much.”
“You can't just drop a bomb like that and not elaborate," Asher scolds him, and I decide that this is the part where we probably shouldn't be listening in on their conversation anymore.
"I'm going up to my room," I announce, and my brothers nod in acknowledgment, Reed mumbling something about going for a walk.
She wasn't doing great.
I know it's not really one of my concerns, but Luca's sentence continues to gnaw at me throughout the afternoon. Why wasn’t she doing great? She mentioned her life being too chaotic for a relationship, but never really elaborated. Is it that bad?
The hold that Luca's sister has on me is unlike anything that happened to me before. Her image was already ingrained to my brain after the first moment I saw her, exhausted and hiding a yawn behind her hand on that fancy couch in the lobby, surrounded by suitcases. And now, I can't get her out of my head.
I will never be able to forget how out of it she was in my arms, how she didn't want her family to worry, that little glare she shot me when it was announced we'd be calling them anyways.
She's strong. So fucking strong.
Yet it's evident that a part of her, buried deep inside her, doesn't want to be. And now that I've seen that part, it's burned into my brain, every inch of my soul prickling with the need to see it again.
Other women mean nothing in comparison to her. Come to think of it, before Summer, I would've jumped at that girl on our trip to Haarlem. I probably would've found a public restroom to fuck her, or taken her to my hotel room once we returned, and I never would have been in that bar to save her.
But all I could think about in Haarlem was her and how much I wanted to have Summer in my bed again. How badly I wanted to hug her, claim her with a kiss in front of our families, especially once that dickhead started talking to her on the bus.
A happy warmth spreads in my stomach as the realization settles in my mind like snow melting into the ground. It's been forever since I last fell in love.
It's not like I had closed myself off from the possibility. Other women just weren't right for me.
But she is.
So when the time comes to press the button for my floor on the elevator, I don't. Instead, I go straight to hers, my heart fluttering more with each step I walk closer to her room, racing so quickly I’m afraid it will jump out of my chest once I come to a stop in front of her door.
I hear muffled voices from her room, waiting for a moment in an attempt to listen in.
There's no laughter, no girlie giggling or animated voices, just hushed conversation, so I knock.
“Tanner.” Kayla's worried face appears when the door opens and she quickly steps outside, closing the door behind her. "What is it?"
“I was hoping to see Summer," I say with a chuckle. Kayla's eyes dart from the hotel room door to me.
"I don't think that's…"
"That’s not your call, Kayla," I say softly, catching me a heated glare from her.
"What's going on?" Millie's face appears through the open door now as well. "Oh, Tanner!"
Her eyes jump from Kayla to me, likely sensing the tension in the air. The two of them look at each other for a few charged seconds, a whole conversation happening between the two of them without words.
Until Kayla's face suddenly softens and she shakes her head in defeat.
"Come in." Millie grins and opens the door further for Kayla and me to step inside.
Summer is sitting on the couch, her knees pulled to her chest and resting her chin on them, with a blanket draped around her, only glancing up when she hears me enter.
She looks miserable.
Lily is sitting next to her, bags under her eyes and worry written all over her face. But all of that doesn't matter. Because when Summer's eyes meet mine, I see a wave of emotions in her eyes and a silent plea for rescue.
"Why don't you girls go downstairs for a bit?" I suggest. “Spend some time with your boyfriends.” All of their heads whirl around to look at me with glares so intense I feel like I've just become the enemy.
But it doesn't matter.
Because Summer's face softens, the creases on her forehead disappear. She’s clearly pleased with my suggestion.
"In fact, I insist," I find myself saying. “All of your guys are in the dining room. So, as I see it, you're sitting up here worrying. They're sitting down there worrying. And correct me if I'm wrong, but all the worrying doesn't seem to be helping much."
The three girls exchange glances with each other, then look at Summer.
"How can you say that?" Kayla gets in my face. "Fuck yes, we're worrying."
"I'm not saying that's a bad thing." I lift my hands in a defensive gesture. "I'm just saying it's not helping. Take a break, have a little breather, you can continue to worry afterwards."
The room becomes so silent you could hear a pin drop as the girls seem to hold their breath.
"He's right," Summer whispers. "A little harsh, but right. I appreciate your concern." She reaches for Lily’s hand. "I really do. But knowing that it’s fucking up your vacation is not helping. We're still in Europe," she adds with a sharp laugh falling from her lips. "You all should go out, have an amazing time where you can walk about without bodyguards needing to shield you from crazy fans and paparazzi. Trust me, it will make me feel a lot better to know I’m not ruining your vacation."
"Are you sure?" Millie asks, sinking on her knees in front of her. "You know, it's not like hanging out with you sucks or is ruining our time here."
"Yeah, we like hanging out with you," Lily continues and I bite back a grin when Summer's cheeks turn an adorable crimson red.
"I like hanging out with you too," she admits softly. "And I mean, no offense, but it’s a bit much. I need a bit of space and wrap my head around everything that’s happened."
Good. That’s exactly what I figured. I’m pretty sure she just didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but I’m glad she’s voicing what she needs.
"Okay," Millie finally declares and reaches for Lily's hand to pull her up, all of them gathering their bags and whatever they brought, getting ready to leave. As do I, when Summer's voice stops me.
"Tanner, can you stay?"
I freeze, my hand already on the doorknob.
"Have fun, you two," Lily declares with an annoying grin and pushes herself past me, flicking my hand off the door knob and opening it herself instead, then giving me a little wave as she pushes the door close behind Lily.
“Of course.” I take a deep breath as I turn around and force myself to act cool. “But I'm not going to coddle you. Get dressed, we're going for a walk."
She looks at me with wide eyes, not moving a muscle. Then suddenly she bursts into laughter. And holy hell, I didn’t even realize how badly I needed to hear that sound.
"Thank fuck," she finally presses out, all but jumping up from her spot on the couch and letting the covers fall to the ground as she crosses the room with confident steps.
"Really?" I lift my eyebrow, watching her as she pulls clothes out of her suitcase stashed in a corner.
"Yes," she says more firmly, shooting me a look over her shoulder. "Listen, you really weren't wrong with what you said. I love those girls, I really do. But really, I'm just trying to forget this whole thing happened." She waves her hand in the air vaguely as she turns back around. "Is that healthy? Probably not. However, I'm not going to deal with it here anyways. I know I can talk to them if I need to, but the way they're hovering made me feel like I needed to, if that makes sense?”
She gets up, clothes clutched to her chest as she shoots me a grin.
“They planned this whole girl’s day to get my mind off things, watching movies, having a little pajama party. I felt bad about objecting to their plans or sending them away, so thank you for doing it instead."
"You’re welcome?" I answer but it sounds more like a question, because I'm getting whiplash from how quickly her mood changed. One moment she seemed like a woman about to have a mental breakdown, and now she’s suddenly dressed and almost jumping in her spot, ready to leave.
"So, let's go." She turns around to check her windows. "Oh man, no snow."
"I think it's supposed to snow tonight, though," I tell her, snagging her key card as I open the room door for her to walk out ahead of me.
The guys are still sitting at the table when we get down to the lobby, joined by their girlfriends and all of them looking at Summer and me with wide eyes and mouth agape when we walk past them. I give them a little wave for good measure.
"They're going to think I'm some kind of miracle worker," I quip as we walk through the lobby in quick strides, Summer clearly eager to catch fresh air.
A weight falls off my shoulders when I realize she’s actually eager to get out. For a moment there, I was getting worried she just said that placate me.
God knows it's been a depressing few days for her, so I'm glad she seems to be doing alright, all things considered.
"Why?" She looks adorably confused as she glances up at me, eyebrows creased and cheeks turning red from the cold.
"Because I got you to leave your room."
"Really?" she asks sceptically, her eyebrows wandering up her forehead. "I mean, they never even asked me to go outside. They just came over, crowding my room, thinking they'd need to keep me company." A deep sigh falls from her lips. "Which is lovely, and I'm thankful. But they're touching me with kid's gloves, like I'm made out of glass." She grimaces. "And I can't deal with that."
"Can't? Or you won't allow yourself to be vulnerable?" I try to sound nonchalant but gauge her reaction from the corner of my eyes.
Her breath hitches at that suggestion, but she takes a moment to roll it over in her head. And really, that’s more than I expected after she said she’d deal with everything at home.
"Maybe you should've become a shrink instead of a voice actor." Her smile doesn’t seem honest as she shakes her head.
"Maybe." I shrug. “But am I wrong?”
She shoots me a quick glare. "Whatever it is, it's not a topic for here."
"Trust me, you don't want to push it off forever," I point out.
The street lanterns turn on as we round the corner to walk along our canal.
"Adam made us all see a therapist after our parents died. I know I didn't see much of a reason for it back then, thinking ultimately I'd deal with it somehow." I reach for her arm and pull her closer to me as I hear the grating noise of a bike ringing for us to get the fuck out of their way, accompanied by what I assume are Dutch curse words.
"I would've pushed it off forever if it weren't for him. And what can I say, it helped."
"I'm glad it did," she says with a nod. "I'll think about it, okay?"
"That's all anyone can ask for," I assure her. She links her arm with mine, and my breath hitches, my shoulders tensing for a moment before I let myself relax.
We walk next to each other silently, watching as boats pass by us on the canal and people rushing to their destinations.
Another biker trying to get past us makes her let go of my arm and the two of us step aside, and once we resume our walk, I feel her hand reaching for mine, letting her lace her fingers with mine.
I look away and bite my lip to stop my face-splitting grin. Her hand might be cold, but it feels perfect in mine. Like it belongs there.
"You know what I also find fascinating about Amsterdam?" she asks softly, and when I turn my head to look at her, it's to meet her eyes glistening with amusement.
"The fact that nobody here seems to own curtains." She nods to a building on the other side of the water, where a woman is holding her cat like a baby, pacing her window and pressing kisses to her pet’s head.
"My, my." I chuckle and give her hand a squeeze. "Who knew you had a voyeuristic streak?"
"I'd call it general curiosity," she retorts with a shrug, then pulls me to a bench only a few metres away.
"You're going to make a show out of it?" I lift my eyebrow at her, but she shakes her head with a smile playing at her lips. "Good. Because that would be more like stalker territory, don’t you think?"
She giggles and sits down, pulling me along with her.
"You know, I've been thinking," I say after a while, glancing down at her.
"Uh-oh." Her voice is barely audible over the soft splash of waves hitting the canal walls, but her answer still makes me grin. “Sorry. Jokes aside now. Thinking about what?”
"Thinking about how I'd really like to kiss you again," I admit.
She sucks in a breath and turns her head to look at me with wide, surprised eyes that soften once her gaze meets mine. Then she slowly starts to shake her head.
"I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Why?"
She remains silent for one heartbeat. Two.
"Because I will want more," she admits in a whisper, and like on command, my heart starts beating faster. "I have a rule, you know. One and done. Unless it's a relationship."
She’s evading my eyes, so I reach for her chin, pulling her head to face me.
"I'm not one for friends with benefits," she whispers.
"Neither am I," I admit, cupping her face, a smile tugging at my lips when she nudges her cold cheek against my palm, like a cat. "And I don't want anyone but you."
"Are you sure?" She glances at me through her thick eyelashes. "Because I will hold you to that."
"I'm sure." I wipe a strand of her hair away from her face, feeling her eyes scanning every inch of my face, trying to gauge if I’m hones.
"Okay." A small smile plays at her lips when she gives in. "Then you may kiss me."
I bridge the gap between our lips, and as soon as they meet, fireworks go off in my stomach, happiness flowing through me and making me grin into the kiss, the realization settling deep in my soul.
One kiss is not going to be enough.