15. Chapter Fifteen - Summer
Summer
My eyes flutter open, and I just know it in my gut. He didn't call.
It's one thing to wake up alone after the guy you spent the night with promised you he wanted more. But it's a whole other thing to get his number from your brother's best friend, give him the benefit of the doubt and gather all your courage to reach out to him, just to get ghosted.
I close my eyes just for one more moment before I reach for my phone. No call. No message. Just like I predicted.
God, if this vacation is showing me one thing, it's that I'm so much more naive than I thought.
Naive enough to think a guy would like to get to know me without ulterior motives, only to get drugged, having to be saved like a damned damsel in distress. Naive enough to think a guy actually wants more just because he says so, just to have him sneak out of my room in the middle of the night.
Well, the joke is on me, I guess.
It’s not like I expected grand love declarations on my phone. A fucking thumbs-up emoji would have been enough. But twenty-four hours without so much as a sign of life, after promising he wanted more? That’s hard to believe.
There’s no more benefit. Just doubt. And I’m worth a simple message within a day.
My eyes start to sting with tears I don’t want to shed for him, and I pinch the bridge of my nose as I take a deep breath to calm my nerves.
I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel so dumb, so endlessly fucking dumb. Finally, I swallow the knot in my throat and get up from bed, white-knuckling my phone as I start pacing my room.
Lily left sometime yesterday too, but according to Kayla, wouldn’t go into specifics either. All she mentioned about the Walker brothers leaving was a family emergency.
Asking Asher for Tanners number was a whole new level of embarrassing, but no matter how, I felt the need to make sure Tanner was alright.
So I spent the day, all but glued to my phone. Even when my parents all but dragged me outside, my fingers were firmly around it in the pocket of my jacket, so I wouldn’t miss a message from Tanner coming through. Only to receive crickets. Complete silence. No reaction whatsoever.
And that’s not working for me. What if this had gotten more serious? Would he still abandon me without a word as soon as anything happens?
God, I feel myself turning bitter. What do I even do now? Do I send him one more message, telling him to fuck off?
No, that would just seem bitter.
Everything inside me wants to lash out, to hurt him worse than he hurt me, to make him regret what he did. But then I lower the arm holding my phone, stopping in my tracks and leaning my forehead against the cool glass of my window wall.
That's not me. I'm not a vicious person, or at least I don't want to be. No matter how tempting it might be.
So with a sigh, I unlock my screen and pull up his contact. Did I mix up any numbers after all? What if I’m wrong?
No, Summer. You’re just grasping at straws. I checked the number at least six times after typing it in, only to give up and copy them from Asher’s phone and send them to mine, for the sole purpose of not mixing anything up.
My jaw tightens as I swipe over my screen and block him. Then I go one step further and delete his number. I won’t let anything tempt me to reach out to him again. I feel ridiculous as is.
It feels like trumpets should start playing, and a stadium of people should start to cheer for me, showering me with congratulations for realizing my self worth. Yet instead, all I get is a heavy sadness weighing down on me.
In the shit show that is my life, he seemed like a ray of hope, something good to come out of everything that’s going on. But I guess I was mistaken.
Taking one more deep breath, I roll my shoulders and lift my chin high.
Fuck him.
I will dig myself out of this shit show. Who needs a ray of hope when there's spite and sheer willpower?
I can't really say I'm in the mood for company, but I'm even less in the mood to explain the reason for missing out on breakfast.
So I drag myself downstairs, where everyone remaining in our little group is already sitting around a table, joking around. All of the Walker brothers have left without a word, and Lily took off late yesterday afternoon.
"Over here, Summer." Luca waves to get my attention and pulls out the chair next to him for me to sit down. "I got you a coffee already."
"Thanks." I force my face into a smile and sit down, taking a deep breath. Thank God it’s no news that I’m grumpy before my first coffee, so I can sit back, nurse my coffee and listen, instead of having to join their conversation.
"Did you hear anything from Lily?" Kayla asks worriedly, and my future sister-in-law shakes her head.
"Nothing important yet. Only a ‘No need to worry, have a great rest of your vacation.’" She shrugs and I do my best to keep a neutral expression.
Yet throughout breakfast, I feel Millie’s eyes on me. God, she’s receptive. I’m doing my best to not let annoyance about Tanner and whatever is going on show, but Millie’s stare is so intense I’m convinced she can look right through my facade.
"So, what are you kids up to today?" my dad finally asks with a worried glance at me, and I hide my face behind my mug, acting like I didn’t hear him. Honestly, I was hoping to stay in and work on some applications, but Millie leans over Luca to grab my hand.
"I think the three of us,” she points at Kayla, me and herself, “should have a little girl's day. I’m seeing all these cute boats on the canals and I really want to go on one."
"Shouldn't you spend some more time with your fiancé?" I ask with an eyebrow wiggle to make my question appear more light-hearted, and she shakes her head.
"I've got the rest of my life to spend with him, after all."
Luca smiles and leans in to give Millie a kiss on her cheek, while all of the parents at the table burst into a collective “Ahww” and Asher grimaces like he's about to puke under the table.
"Aren't you two cute?" Mom asks, eyes sparkling with adoration. I think it's fair to say she's very pleased with Luca's future addition to the family.
"You girls do that. How about you?" Luca plays the question back to our parents, lifting his eyebrow, amused before he adds, "And just let me put it out there, if it's anything involving sex, I don't want to know."
"Don’t worry, son. We wanted to visit Madame Tussauds and the flower market for some souvenirs," Millie’s mom explains, making all of us younglings relax in relief. From what I've heard, my parents went into the sex museum a few days after Tanner and me, and I thank the heavens every day since then that we didn’t run into each other.
It's funny how vacations show you a whole different side of your parents. One you never expected, nor wanted to see.
"Have fun, kids," Kayla says teasingly. "Don't touch any of the sculptures inappropriately. Tristan, make sure to keep her away from Ryan Gosling."
That makes all of us break into laughter. And a little bit of the weight on my shoulders lifts. It might not have been a part of my plan, but hanging out with the Sirens sounds like an alternative I can live with.
God, it's still so surreal that I get to hang out with the Sirens. The Sirens. Like, what do you mean my future sister-in-law and her bestie are world famous? They’re so… normal.
Apart from the fact that even with their faces hidden beyond recognition, thanks to face masks and sunglasses, hair tucked under thick wool beanies, they draw attention.
It's just something about their aura, I think. The confidence that they carry themselves with. The kind of confidence I wish I had.
I’d passed on the viral food spots on my first walk through the city, but when Kayla mentioned how she’d also fallen victim to her social media algorithm, we decided to give a few of them a try after all.
So, our girls' day started by spending way too much money on underwhelming food. It looked so good online, I’m still pouting when we make our way to the boats.
"Come on, let's get an obligatory stroopwafel before we go on one of those little boats," Millie suggests, and both Kayla and I nod eagerly.
"Thank fuck, I can't wait to sit down," I whine, making the two of them chuckle. "I don't know how you do it."
I shake my head at them, impressed. We've been on our feet the majority of the day since most of the viral foods we tried were more like snacks and less ‘let’s sit down to eat’ food and I swear I can already feel blisters forming on my left foot. But the two of them are completely unfazed.
"Oh, this is nothing," Kayla says with a grin. "Try doing that in high heels."
"Oh god." I grimace. "No way in hell. You two must be the equivalent to Wonder Woman."
"I'll take it," Millie jokes. She links her arm with mine as we get into line for the thin caramel waffles.
“Which one would you like?” Kayla asks before ordering for all of us and I kind of feel like I'm out and about with my two sugar mommies. They've insisted on paying for everything, shooting me glares if I even dared to pull out my wallet.
Maybe the status of being Luca’s sister might not be the worst thing after all.
"So," Millie starts as we sit down in the very corner of the boat. It is lined with two-seater benches, so Kayla sits down in front of us sideways to stretch her legs over the seat beside her and can be involved in our conversation. "What's up?"
"What do you mean, what's up?" I lift my eyebrow at her, confused, trying my best to not look like a deer in headlights. Does she know about Tanner and me? Was it that obvious?
"You know." She waves her free hand vaguely, taking a small bite from her waffle. "How are you doing? With what… happened to you and all."
"I think I'm doing all right, all things considered," I say and take a bite of mine as well. My eyes rolling back when the taste of the sweet caramel hits my tongue.
"This is fucking delicious," I say. But the two of them pin me with their stares.
"They are," Millie agrees tentatively, narrowing her eyes at me.
"Are you sure everything's fine though?” Kayla says, clearly knowing what Millie is thinking. I swear, sometimes it’s like the two of them share a brain. “You don't seem very happy."
I take another bite, stealing a few more seconds to come up with an answer. These two are so sweet. A part of me wants to talk about everything that happened, have them bitch about Tanner with me and just do some good old girl gossiping.
But Tanner, is not worth another thought. Much less another word.
I'll act like everything between us just never happened. That's what I decided after breakfast, when I kept staring at my phone, hoping it would light up with a message or call. Which obviously didn’t happen because I blocked him. Nonetheless, hope occupied my thoughts. And I don’t want to hope anymore.
Also, both of them are coupled up with either my brother or brother in spirit. There are things I don’t ever want to learn about those two. Things that would one hundred percent become a topic during girl gossip.
“You know, just some standard impending doom,” I finally say with a shrug, making the two of them exchange confused glances. "You know, having to go back to real life and continuing my job search once we’re back home tomorrow."
"What was it you studied again?" Kayla wonders, shooting a glare at a guy who's eyeing the seat next to her. He freezes in his tracks, then turns around quickly and looks for another one, far away from us. Damn. She has to teach me how she does that.
"Computer science," I mumble and both of them look at me with big question marks written all over their faces.
"Tell me what that is in terms that we’d understand." She chuckles and Millie next to me sighs in relief.
"Thank God you asked."
I can't help but grin. "I learned a lot of stuff I’m not going to bore you with that qualifies me to work in cyber security, data analysis and management or anything that requires programming."
"Oh, so you're like one of those computer hackers in movies?" Millie giggles and I shake my head.
"Much less glamorous, I assure you." I grin when Kayla shakes her head.
"That sounds impressive," she says, and my cheeks flush with heat at her praise.
"Thank you.”
“No, seriously." She senses my hesitation. "You must be super smart."
"Average smart for my field of study, I'd say," I answer with a shrug. God, I’m not good with compliments, my eyes are darting anywhere but these two.
"That's still super smart. So how come the job search is such a drag?" Millie wonders and I shrug again.
"I wish I knew. But I suspect it's a combination of things," I admit with a sigh. "Lacking real-life work experience, being a woman in a male dominated field, you know the drill."
"Can't say we do," Kayla says sheepishly and chuckles.
"You're telling me you don't know about being up against a room of men and having to stand your ground?" I lift my eyebrow and the two of them exchange a knowing glance.
"Oh, that." Millie rolls her eyes and Kayla nods. "You got us there, that’s definitely something we have experience with, sadly.”
“I'm sure you'll be fine." Millie pats my arm. "I'm sure the right job will come."
"Well, if not, I'm going to be your problem." I wink at her, and she gives me a happy grin.
"That's okay. I always wanted a little sister. And all life gave me is an older one." She shrugs and nods towards Kayla.
I know the two of them aren't really related, but their dynamic is a bit similar to Luca and Asher. They've known each other forever at this point. I barely remember life before Luca and Asher were all but attached at the hip, and at this point, Asher might as well call just himself my brother, too.
It's a bit unconventional, but it works. And honestly, I adore having more siblings though I don’t think I could have a bond with them that’s just as close as Luca’s and mine.
"You know what? I always wanted an older sister, too." My face stretches into a wide smile, my eyes jumping from Millie to Kayla. "You know, whose clothes I can steal. Or makeup. Or shoes," I start enumerating, making the two of them burst into laughter.
"Our closets are open for you anytime," Kayla assures me.
The boat suddenly starts to move and all of us look outside.
"Wait. Am I hallucinating or are those houses hella crooked?" Kayla nods to our right. Millie and I turn around to look at them.
"What the hell?" I chuckle and pull out my phone to take a picture of them. And my eyes grow even wider when the light goes on in one of the windows.
"And they still live in there?" I ask incredulously, and when I glance at Kayla and Millie, they look just as shocked.
The guide explains that the leaning has to do with water weakening the foundation of some houses and the three of us listen in awe.
“That’s crazy,” Millie hisses. “I would be so scared to just wake up in the water one morning.”
Kayla and I nod in agreement, a chill running down my spine at the thought. I definitely prefer hard ground under my house.
The boat ride takes us in a circle around the city and the captain, who also functions as guide, explains a bit about places we’re driving by.
"Is it just me or is that guy weirdly obsessed with the mafia?" Kayla asks in a whisper when he starts another tirade, and both Millie and I start to nod eagerly.
"Right? First the flower market, then our hotel, and now the tourism shops? The mafia is busy here," I whisper back with a grin.
"Did you at least see some hot mafia daddies around?" Millie asks Kayla with a giggle, making her roll her eyes and shake her head at Millie.
"What?" I ask, confused, looking from one of them to the other. Is this some kind of inside joke I missed?
Kayla shoots Millie a glare.
"She saw one of the romance books I brought along. A mafia dark romance. And now she's teasing me with it."
She lifts her arm over her backrest to flick Millie against the forehead and I lean back to let the two bicker.
I wasn't kidding before. I'd always longed for sisters. Having a brother is great, but now that I'm hanging out with the two of them, it's such a different vibe.
They pick up on nuances. They don't bulldoze me with questions when they realize I'm uncomfortable. They can read the room, a talent that has wholly evaded my brother.
And even though by now I am about eighty percent sure that they picked up on something going on between Tanner and me, they know better than to ask.
And it's taking such a weight off my shoulders to just hang out with them and have a lovely last afternoon here in Amsterdam.
I would never admit this out loud, especially not in front of Luca, but I’m glad he made me come. And I really, really don’t want to go back yet.