Chapter 16
16
ROSS
Ross was only aware that Ivy had fallen asleep when he felt the weight of her head pressing against the edge of his arm. She’d been sitting beside him, staring into the flames, and he’d been waiting for her to share another story about Simon or Miriam, probably hoping she’d finally hit on something that would resonate. He’d been steeling himself not to react to her tales, or to ask for more, knowing given half a chance he’d eagerly gulp down any news about his family. But he didn’t want to open that particular wound again, so why was he finding it increasingly difficult not to ask about them?
Was it just the Ivy effect? Had he starved himself of company for so long that he’d risk anything to extend the conversation? Then again, the tales Ivy had shared so far had stirred something inside him, feelings he’d spent years trying to tamp down and ignore. If she stayed around much longer he might not be able to stop himself from promising to speak to his grandmother.
And would that really be such a terrible idea? Perhaps Ivy was right and she had changed; maybe she did want him back in her life?
Confused, Ross stared into the fire, trying not thing think until Ivy whispered something in her sleep and then stiffened when an owl hooted in the woodland behind them.
‘What was that?’ she gasped, sitting straighter, sounding half-asleep.
‘Nothing,’ Ross murmured. ‘Do you want to turn in? My tent’s empty. There’s a spare sleeping bag inside it which you’re welcome to use.’
She studied him, her eyes hooded, before turning to gaze at the fire. He’d been adding logs, keeping it ablaze until she’d dropped off. That had been almost half an hour ago and since he hadn’t wanted to move and wake her, it was just orange embers now.
Ivy had surprised him today. She’d been so determined to help him find Grizzle, and her kindness when the older man was obviously too tired to walk back to his house had proved she was the sort of person who put others first. She’d offered Grizzle her bed without a second thought – leaving herself with nowhere to sleep, despite the fact that she was exhausted. Her selflessness and ability to open her heart to a virtual stranger had drawn out yet more feelings Ross didn’t want to have. His life would have been very different if his family were more like her.
Ivy let out a loud yawn. ‘I’ll take the sleeping bag, but I’m not monopolising your tent. You go and get some sleep – you’ve got to get Grizzle to his home tomorrow, and you’ll be the one driving the sleigh I’ll be riding back to the resort. I’ll stay here.’ She looked around warily. ‘Could you leave Snowball with me please? I’m guessing if anything comes looking for a handy snack, he’s the one most likely to scare them off?’
Ross chuckled as she swayed sleepily on the log. ‘You’d be better off with Moose. Snowball might look scary but he’s a marshmallow – more likely to hum predators into submission than attack them.’ As if to prove it the wild boar began to purr. ‘How about we share the tent? The boys can sleep between us. They’ll keep us warm and preserve your reputation.’
‘I have a reputation?’ Ivy smiled shyly, and the wicked curve of her mouth did odd things to his insides.
Ross cleared his throat and rose, snapped his fingers and indicated to his pets that it was time to go to bed. He shovelled snow onto the glimmering embers again before helping Ivy to her feet and guiding her towards the tent.
‘Um, shall I wait outside while you change?’ he asked, feeling awkward suddenly.
‘It’s too cold. I won’t look if you don’t. Besides, I’m not going to take much off,’ she promised, disappearing underneath the flap when Ross unzipped it.
Moose and Snowball immediately joined her and Ross stood for a second, unsure. But the air was frigid and after a couple of beats he shuddered and climbed in too. Ivy was lying on her back. She’d already tugged off her hat, gloves and boots and was easing the snowsuit over her slim legs. Ross sat on the other side of the tent and began to take off his boots too, trying not to watch her progress, even though it was difficult because his eyes kept drifting to her. Ivy was beautiful and her kindness today had helped to turn what had once been fascination into an attraction that was surprisingly fierce.
‘Can you help?’ she asked suddenly. ‘These damn things are stuck on my ankles.’ She shoved at the bottom of the snowsuit but was obviously too weary to get it off. ‘Just pull, I don’t care.’ She lay on her back and watched through half-open eyes as Ross shuffled across the tent and grabbed the bottoms and yanked, almost falling backwards out of the tent. She giggled. ‘Smooth.’
Ross chuckled, relaxing a notch, trying not to watch as she unzipped the sleeping bag and wriggled inside.
‘You can undress, I promise not to peek,’ she said, sleepily shutting her eyes.
Ross tugged off his jumper, and as he did his T-shirt rose up, exposing the lower half of his stomach. Ivy hissed and then groaned as she turned over and ducked her head into the camping pillow she’d claimed.
‘You looked,’ Ross said, surprised.
He switched off the lantern and lay down too, felt his pets settle between them. Was Ivy attracted to him? And did he like the idea? He moved onto his back and stared at the ceiling, heard Ivy punch the pillow before turning over again. A few minutes later she turned back the other way.
‘Did you mean what you said to Grizzle about taking me to his cabin to hang up the Christmas decorations?’ she suddenly whispered.
Ross grunted. ‘It’s not like I have a lot of choice,’ he complained, immediately feeling bad because it was so obvious that he didn’t like the idea. ‘I wasn’t going to, but…yes I will if you still want to go.’
‘Of course,’ Ivy said.
‘He likes you and there aren’t many people I can say that about. I’m not even sure he likes me sometimes.’
Ross almost heard the crack of Ivy’s smile.
‘He likes you alright, he treats you like a son and I like him too,’ she said. ‘He says what he thinks, and that dog is adorable.’
‘Adorable.’ He snorted, shifting a little, trying to get comfortable. Usually he’d have gone out like a light as soon as his head hit the camping pillow. He loved sleeping outside, loved the freedom of knowing there was just a thin sliver of material between himself and the world. Life felt so simple that way, but he couldn’t settle tonight. ‘I think the word you’re actually looking for is abominable.’
Snowball whined in his sleep, which Ross took as affirmation. ‘I can’t believe the old man was lost in the woods.’ He felt dizzy as the implications suddenly hit him. ‘I’m afraid one day I might not be there if something happens.’ He swallowed. The risks of Grizzle living out in the wilderness were starting to feel very real. He’d never worried about him before, but with his diminishing eyesight, suddenly he wasn’t so sure he’d be safe.
‘That’s a lot of worry to have on your shoulders,’ Ivy said. ‘Doesn’t seem right.’
‘I don’t mind,’ Ross said. ‘But— I mean, even if I did go and see my grandmother, there’s no way I could consider…’ Now he was jumping ahead of himself, imagining how it might be to live back at Hawthorn Castle, away from his old friend.
‘Are you imagining leaving him?’ Ivy guessed. ‘It wouldn’t necessarily come to that. You wouldn’t be that far away and he seems really independent. Also, perhaps there are other people who could check on him…’ She fell silent.
‘He doesn’t let a lot of people into his world,’ Ross confessed.
‘Imagine that,’ Ivy said.
He knew she was teasing, probably trying to shift him out of his sudden melancholy. It worked, because Ross couldn’t stop the answering smile.
‘Which means, there’s no one else who can visit him,’ he finished, rolling his shoulders, which still felt stiff with stress.
If the hermit hadn’t accidently stumbled onto their camp, it could have taken hours before he was found. And if they hadn’t found Bowser, Ross might not have known Grizzle was missing until sometime tomorrow afternoon. His stomach knotted. They’d been dancing around the subject of Grizzle’s eyesight for months now, but it was a serious problem. What would he do if something happened to the old man? He hadn’t realised how important the hermit was to him before now. He’d said Moose and Bowser were his family, but over the years Grizzle had become just as important.
‘He might listen to me,’ Ivy said suddenly. ‘I mean, for some reason, he’s taken a liking to me. I’m not sure why, and perhaps it won’t last, but I’ll talk to him if you want?’
Ross considered the offer, hesitating. ‘I’m not sure.’ He’d expected Ivy to be back at the castle by now. Could he ask for her help?
‘I’m not going to ask you for anything in return, if that’s what you’re thinking,’ she added, sounding hurt. ‘I know how you feel about Miriam and Simon and I’ll keep trying to convince you to reconnect, but talking to your grandmother is your decision. I hope you do, but I’m not going to blackmail you into having a conversation.’
‘I wasn’t thinking that,’ he shot back, wondering what kind of person he’d become that the thought had crossed his mind. ‘I just…I don’t know much about you, that’s all.’ He shut his eyes, instantly regretting the comment. He was so out of practice with people. Opting out and spending time in a tent with just the trees and sky for company was so much easier. It was just him, the boys and the outdoors, he didn’t have to worry about anything else. Now he wondered if that was the coward’s way out.
‘Okay,’ Ivy said after a pause. ‘It’s fair of you to suspect my motives, I suppose. What do you want to know?’
Ross puffed out a breath, considering. He wanted to ask if she had a boyfriend, but since they were half-dressed and closeted in a tent together that seemed inappropriate.
‘How about I think of something?’ she asked after a pause. ‘I know I told you that I haven’t camped since I was fifteen.’ Her voice was raspy. ‘If I remember correctly, it wasn’t as cold as this. I’m guessing it must have been summertime because I could definitely feel my nose.’
‘Do you need another blanket?’ Ross asked, grabbing his own and tugging it off, then shifting so he was resting on his side facing her, trying to work out how to hand it over. He wished there was more light so that he could see Ivy’s face.
Moose made a snorting sound and Snowball wriggled between them, getting comfortable, and began to purr again. Ross took in a deep breath and smelled something floral, but couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He knew it definitely wasn’t coming from either of his pets or him, so it must have been Ivy.
‘No thank you. I’m warm enough. We’ve got our four-legged hot water bottles to make sure of that.’ She chuckled and he heard her shift. ‘Well, and to preserve a reputation I had no idea I had,’ she added, sounding drowsy. ‘I’ve just got a cold nose, but it’s okay because I can hardly feel it anymore. This is just…’ She swallowed. ‘It’s bringing back memories.’
‘Good ones?’ Ross held his breath while she considered the question, wondering if Ivy would tell him. He knew why she was at the resort, knew the only reason she’d insisted on joining him on the camp was so she could persuade him to speak to his grandmother. So he hadn’t expected her to share her stories. Still wasn’t sure if she would. Was it odd that he wanted her to, wanted to know more about this woman, to find out what was motivating her? Was she really as selfless as he thought?
She blew out a long breath. ‘My dad was really into the outdoors. He owned a garden centre in Surrey, if you can believe that.’
‘Really?’ Ross said, surprised, then he remembered. ‘Of course, you knew the Latin name for brambles…’ He leaned back, making himself more comfortable on the sleeping mat, enjoying their conversation. He wasn’t used to swopping confidences in the middle of the night. Found himself enjoying it.
‘Yep. Dad taught me all the botanical names for plants and flowers.’
She fell silent and Ross wondered if she was going to continue.
‘Is he the reason you’re called Ivy?’
‘Yes,’ she said, the word disappearing into the darkness because her voice was so low. ‘Dad originally wanted to call me Clover because it was his favourite flower, but Mum put her foot down at that.’
‘Tell me about him,’ Ross prodded, keen to know more. ‘How did your dad meet your mum?’
She sighed again. ‘He had to visit a doctor after almost slicing a finger off with a set of shears. Mum was training to be a GP and she treated him – they were attracted to each other but he didn’t make a move.’ She paused. ‘But then he dropped a spade onto his toe a couple of weeks later and almost lost a nail. I think he only did it so he’d have an excuse to see her again…’
‘That was brave,’ Ross said, wondering if he’d ever put himself out there like that.
‘Dad asked Mum out a few weeks after what he called “the big toe disaster” and after changing surgeries and getting a new doctor, he proposed.’
‘You were very close to him,’ Ross guessed. He hardly knew her, but could hear it in her voice.
‘He was…larger than life.’ Ivy’s tone was affectionate. ‘Disorganised, terrible with money, often late – they couldn’t have been less alike. But they loved each other and they were happy. When I came along Dad said he’d created a perfect garden filled with his favourite blooms.’ Ross heard her swallow in the dark. ‘When I was sixteen, he collapsed at work – his heart. And just like that, he was gone.’ Her voice wobbled and she stopped, perhaps collecting her thoughts.
‘Nothing was ever the same afterwards. It took me over a year before I could even look at a flower, let alone smell one. I think I deliberately forgot all the words he taught me. It’s only since I got here that I’ve been remembering them…Despite the fact that I worked in a garden centre from the age of nineteen until about a year ago.’
‘You did?’ Ross asked, surprised. ‘Is that because you wanted to follow in your dad’s footsteps?’ He remembered Ivy’s expression when they’d been walking in the woods and how lovingly she’d tended to Grizzle’s houseplants and herbs.
‘That was part of it.’ She paused. ‘Mostly, I really love being around plants and I’m good at taking care of them. It’s like it’s in my bloodline.’ She sighed again, a sad sound.
‘So why are you working for my grandmother?’ Ross asked, confused.
‘That’s a long story,’ she said.
Ross stared into the darkness, wishing he could see Ivy’s face. He could hear the in and out of her breath and knew she hadn’t fallen back to sleep. He searched his mind for the right thing to say, the perfect question to ask. He was out of practice but wanted to try.
‘I’ve got nowhere else to be,’ he said eventually, shocked at how much he wanted to know.
‘Okay.’ She drew in a breath. ‘Dad was a brilliant gardener but not so brilliant with the concept of keeping on top of mortgages, interest payments, or avoiding running up mountains of debt. It became obvious within a month of the funeral that we were going to lose the business and our home.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Ross said, wondering what that had to do with Ivy’s career. ‘What happened?’
He heard her sleeping bag rustle and Snowball wriggled again.
‘Mum was a part-time GP by then, but she retrained as a surgeon, then worked day and night, holidays and weekends. It was hard but she eventually bought us a new house, provided everything we needed. Picked up the reigns and, honestly, she’s never let go. Perhaps it was her way of dealing with what happened.’ She paused. ‘Since then, she’s been fixated on me having what she thinks of as a dependable career. Something in the city, something, I don’t know…important.’ She fell silent.
‘And she doesn’t think you working in a garden centre is good enough?’ Ross guessed. ‘There are loads of jobs you could do – horticulturalist, botanist, conservation manager, tree surgeon, landscaper.’ He paused.
‘I’ve had the same conversation,’ Ivy said flatly. ‘She thinks it all amounts to the same.’
‘That makes no sense.’
‘I know it doesn’t – but I think what happened with Dad means anything I do that’s even slightly similar brings back bad memories and she’s afraid.’ She paused. ‘Money’s never been important to me. Then again, I’ve never earned much so she’s probably right.’ That sigh again.
‘But is it really up to her?’ Ross asked, baffled.
‘That’s easy for you to say,’ Ivy said quietly. ‘You’ve gone your own way.’ She paused as Ross absorbed the hit of her words. ‘That’s not a criticism by the way,’ she added quickly as if she’d guessed. ‘It’s just, Mum’s all I’ve got.’
Ross let out an unsteady breath; it was hard not to draw comparisons and he didn’t like the way they made him feel. Had he abandoned his family? Is that what Ivy saw?
He cleared his throat. ‘You said you were working in a garden centre before. What made you change course?’
Ivy paused. ‘I always thought Mum was unstoppable, but earlier this year she had a heart attack.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Ross said softly, jarred by everything she was telling him, trying to take it all in.
‘It’s okay. She recovered, then returned to work a few months ago and she’s barely looked back,’ Ivy said lightly. ‘But…it changed everything. It’s why I’m working for your grandmother now.’
‘Because?’ Ross asked.
‘The job is a step on a ladder. Miriam knows Mum from uni and…’ She hesitated. ‘She promised to recommend me for a training programme in London. It’s a really good move.’
Was it?
‘You don’t sound very sure about that,’ Ross murmured.
‘It’s time I got on with launching my career.’ Ivy’s tone was determined, but Ross could hear something underneath. Misgivings, reluctance? Perhaps both. ‘I don’t want Mum to worry, and this role is a stepping stone to something greater, I hope. I’ve got plans; I just need to—’ She yawned. ‘Make them happen I suppose…’ She trailed off. ‘I don’t want to let Mum down. I…It’s really important I make her proud, that she stops worrying.’
‘Why?’ Ross asked. He could tell from her voice that this wasn’t just some random wish, that there was something important she hadn’t said.
Ivy remained silent for so long he wondered if she was going to tell him. ‘I had a huge fight about my career – or in her words lack of – with Mum just before she fell ill,’ she shared. ‘I wasn’t to blame for the heart attack, I know that, but?—’
Ross heard an ache in Ivy’s voice and wondered if she did. Thought about how easy it was to get tangled in guilt. To change the path of your life because of it. Then again, he’d walked away to save himself; Ivy was throwing herself into something it was clear she didn’t want. The comparison shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did.
‘It made me realise I could have lost her,’ Ivy continued. ‘That the last thing I’d remember about our time together would be all those angry words.’ She cleared her throat. ‘So now I don’t sleep on a fight, and I will never walk away without settling an argument.’
‘And it’s why you’ve come to Christmas Resort to try to get me to heal my relationship with my grandmother,’ Ross said as everything clicked into place. ‘Because you don’t want me to be left feeling guilty if something happens to her. Because if it did, I’d never be able to make things between us right?’ Which would be the same way he still felt about his parents. He mulled the thought, unsure of how he felt about it. It was a new perspective, one he found troubling.
‘I…yes, I suppose that’s part of it,’ Ivy said, her voice suddenly awkward. ‘Although, I think…’ She let out a long breath. ‘I suppose I’d like to think that a part of you would like to make up with them too. You deserve to be happy, Ross.’
‘Right.’ He nodded and fell silent, listening to the rise and fall of her breath.
He had no idea how long it was until her breathing softened, suggesting she’d dropped off, and he shifted until he was lying face up again. He stared into the darkness and grimaced, realising he was beginning to like Ivy Heart a whole lot more than he really should.
Ross woke a few hours later and felt a hard lump by his feet, indicating Moose and Snowball had both shifted at some point to the bottom of the tent. Probably because it had been too warm where they’d been sleeping. Something snuggled into his side, though, and it took him a moment to realise it was Ivy. He could smell her scent again and it reminded him of the sweet jasmine he’d helped to plant around the portcullis at Hawthorn Castle. There was a hint of neroli in there too and if he dug deeper, perhaps a trace of ginger? He stayed perfectly still as Ivy mumbled something then swung an arm over his hip, and he ignored his body as it begged him to shift closer.
She’s sleeping , he told himself darkly, and leaned his head away when he felt her breath on his cheek. He still couldn’t see much but guessed from the warmth that her face was mere inches from his.
‘Ivy,’ he whispered as she moved closer to him. ‘Are you awake?’ he asked, and then almost jumped out of his skin as she began to dab gentle kisses along his chin. Ross ignored the surge of goosebumps that followed the touch of her lips.
‘What?’ she asked sleepily as she continued to caress her way across his jaw.
‘Are you… awake?’ he asked again, his voice strangled, hoping with every fibre of his being that she was going to say yes. She stopped then and he felt her jerk away, knew when she snapped her arm from his hip that she’d been dreaming. Was surprised at how disappointed he felt.
Less than twenty-four hours ago he’d wanted Ivy to leave Christmas Resort forever, now he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He just knew everything about his life felt like it had begun to unravel.
‘Ross?’ Ivy whispered, her voice suddenly alert. ‘Was I just kissing you? I was dreaming. I’m so sorry.’ Her voice raced and Ross could almost feel the heat radiating from her cheeks.
He reached out and gently cupped one in his palm. Was a little surprised when Ivy leaned into it, but left it there.
‘I’m not – sorry that you kissed me, I mean.’ Ross paused, wondering why he’d just admitted that. When she didn’t run from the tent screaming, he decided it was safe to say more. ‘I was just hoping you were conscious. That you weren’t…’ He cleared his throat. ‘Having a nightmare or something.’
She laughed softly. ‘It wasn’t a nightmare, but I was dreaming. You were there.’ He heard her swallow in the darkness. ‘It was a really good dream.’
‘Was it?’ he said, his voice suddenly deeper as his pulse kicked up. ‘What was I doing?’
‘Putting up a tent I think.’ She puffed. ‘Or chopping down a tree. You were definitely avoiding me; I can’t remember all the details. Except, at the end of the dream, we were suddenly in a tent and…’
‘What?’ he asked, his voice suddenly raspy.
‘Well, there were these noises outside and I was scared, or you were, I can’t remember now,’ she whispered.
He thought he felt her shuffle closer.
‘I’m sure it was you,’ he teased, his voice rough. He wanted to kiss her, but couldn’t until he was sure she wanted him to. ‘ Soooo …’
‘You kissed me,’ she said. ‘To take my mind off it.’
Something howled outside and Ross felt Ivy flinch, then she swung an arm back over his hip and nuzzled closer. An owl hooted.
‘Well that’s terrifying,’ she said and her body shook as she began to giggle.
‘It is.’ Ross leaned closer. He couldn’t see but despite that knew their mouths were mere millimetres apart because he could feel the warmth of her breath. ‘Would you take my mind off it please?’ he asked.
Ivy chuckled and suddenly they were kissing. There had been no slow glide in, no chance to catch his breath, or to question why Ivy had suddenly decided this was a good idea. He hardly knew himself. Perhaps it was being in the dark and all the stories they’d shared over the past few days – stories he was sure hadn’t been revealed by either of them before now. Ross certainly hadn’t told anyone how his parents had died or about how he felt about it. And somehow, he felt closer to Ivy than he had to anyone in a long time.
The kiss deepened and Ross felt himself shudder. He settled an arm over Ivy’s hip so he could pull her closer. He was pleased the sleeping bags were between them because otherwise he suspected things might have moved faster. He had a sudden image of Ivy undressing him, of him doing the same to her and let out a low moan. He ran his palm down her cheek and across her shoulder, drinking her in. She hummed and nudged herself closer to him. It was Ross who eased back first when Moose groaned and Snowball stirred and nudged the bottom of his feet, bringing him back to earth. Ivy didn’t say anything, but they lay facing each other, and she reached up and wound a finger around one of the curls of hair at the nape of his neck.
‘That was perfect. Just like my dream,’ she said, moving again until her nose was pressed into his neck.
He heard her sigh, felt the tremble of her body as she lapsed back into sleep. Then he pressed his lips to her forehead and shut his eyes, realising for the first time in a long time that he was in danger of opening his heart…